Hut of Gl/Doom, part IV - FTC, because that's what we do....

[duchesse]

Et voila.

This Hut is more of a Bedouin or desert tent than anything too gloomy. We shall supply our our own gloom.

What's up eclipse?

Evenin'all

Impy - OMG - you are still in limbo. What a mare.

Re: all these pg women around at the mo - I've taken to counting the number of people who pass me that are not pg vs those that are!!! Obessive complusive disorder anyone!
MOST of the time it calms me down when I realise only about 1 in 20 seem to be up the duff (though I do make the assumption some women are just fat rather than pg!)

I'm mixing up a big jug of Pimms if anyone fancies some (after all it does count towards 5-a-day)

Oh, just the usual, beansprout. Thanks for asking. Coming up for a year of ftc and will know by the end of the week that it hasn't worked again. I never even get phantom symptoms to spot. Dh said yesterday that he thinks I am pregnant this time and I find it harder to deal with his disappointment than mine (not strictly true but I thought that would make me sound like a nicer person). Haven't told a soul in RL that I'm ttc cos I don't do sympathy well, so the hut suits me well. And I feel old and fat. Aaah, wallowing in self-pity now. Vodka always does that to me.

Thanks for the offer of Pimms, Chocolatedays, but rather overdid that during the weekend, if it is possible to overdo Pimms.

Looks like it could be a lively night in the hut after all.

Evening all, I come baring gifts of jugs of cocktails....Stair-Surfer on the Beach, Sex on the Stairs, etc, etc.
Had a really depressing conversation with my acupuncturist today about how fertility declines in women as we age, yet men can keep on going for ages; how most men are reluctant to take responsibility for their fertility but how their sperm seriously effect the quality of the embryo; how men see fertility issues as a statement of their unmanliness, etc, etc, etc.
This time last year I SERIOUSLY thought I would have had a baby by now as I was THAT SURE of my ability to conceive straight away. I even held off starting to ttc as my db and sil were about to start trying and I didn't want to rub their noses in it by conceiving straight away!! How gutted do I feel now!! My birthday is looming and time is passing me by...

Oh Dear FMN - Ikwym - I too had a bday last week and now I feel ancient and think I ought to just give up - but then what would I do???This TTC milarky is taking up all of my spare time I wouldnt know what to do if I stopped. (also at least I am guaranteed a shag at least once a month while we are TTC cos I think if I stopped DP would stop too ....

Impatience - high temps are good so will keep fingers crossed. Its no good looking at the old temp cos apparently as soon as you are awake your body starts to go into automatic get up mode and this affects your temps hence why we have to do it first thing even before we have a thought .

Nelli can totally sympathise with where you are today - so rant away and get it all out! as they say better out than in! have you started to think what you are going to do next? we are totally confused and havent got a clue so we are meeting our consultant in May to discuss further....

Well tonight is BD night - if I manage to tear DP away from the footy match... and just found out I have no preseed. Reading Toni Weschlers book she recommends as an alternative (TMI alert here....) real egg white. I daren't even mention this to DP cos I think he will truely think I have lost the plot...but has anyone else tried this?? But apparently the proteins in it are far superior and safer for sperm than lubricants! Gives a whole new meaning I guess to Easter Eggs...
Think I better sup up some of the cocktails with Eclipse for some dutch courage and listen to what you have to say before I proceed

feedme - I feel exactly the same - we also "held off" proper TTC for a few months at the beginning of last year as we had a big trip planned and I did not want to do it pg - foolishly I thought it would happen straight away. Now here we are 13 months later and it feels like we have watched everyone else around us getting their BFPs - we even have one set of friends who started same month as us and now their TTC effort is 2 months old I absolutely believed we would have a baby by now too and it is so depressing I just feel like we don't work IYKWIM?? We are due to get DH's semen analysis this week am dreading it - all tests just seem to bring bad news

LNO - We are the same - if we stopped DH and I would prob never have a shag!! Its kind of lost its romance now hasn't it? and it doesn't seem to work either

eclipse - I never get any phantom symptoms either - grrr - I would love to just have one little symptom one month - even if it was still BFN at the end.

Impatience - still no AF another day gone. There has been a flurry of BFPs on the April thread (I only lurk) and while I am pleased for them I really think someone from one of the more jaded -oops I mean established threads needs one to join Ambi

I have had a crap day - DH just accepted a job that will mean he will be away during crucial week next month - so I will be on another 6ww no poss of BFP till June Also I had a blood test at GP's and when I went in the doc was with a sweet looking but young girl - he said "meet xx she is a med student - would you mind if she does the blood test - she has never done one on a live human before?" I laughed thinking he was joking - but he wasnt - so of course i said "OK" !!!??? WTF So just call me the human pin cushion!
Pass the Pimms

here you go seaside - have a large one!

Well Ive been off googling the real egg white issue - its amazing - thank god for the internet eh! - its apparently true, real egg white is used in the lab to help sperm mobility. So cracked open the egg to get it warm only to read on another post that you have to warm the egg! then open it and use straight away - I cant believe how mad and sad I am becoming but hey if it works then what the hell (mind you havent thought of how to use it yet.... iykwim! Im sitting here now with egg between legs to warm it with cat looking on anxiously... DP is still locked to the TV (thank god otherwise I think he would be calling in the men in white coats....)

LOL LNO - hope it works!!

Hi ladies

Ill let you know tomorrow!...better go and prise him from the tv..

shh- here's a mug of Pimms Ready

Ta

Nelli - as a stepmum, I sympathise. It is none of her fing business if you are pg or not. I got annoyed with my dss's dm coz she kept going on about the fact "well i won't need to worry about my ds not having a db/s, because furrymummy will provide us with one" like I'm some kind of fing breeding machine grrr.
Still I'm lucky as I get on well with dh's exp. But I think a lot of it was to do with the fact that dh & and his ex split up before my dss was born and also she knew me anyway (we'd met when they were going out - we had mutual friends).
Just try to keep cool with your dsd, don't jump to conclusions about what her mum has been saying about her behaviour until you see her. We've had it when dss's dm has rung up and said dss has been doing this and that and won't do this and when he's been with us has been good as gold!

So, LNO, how did the egg-white go? Is it too much to ask how you used it? Head stand legs akimbo while dh tips the egg shell to shell? What did you do with the yolk?!

Um, still no answer here, although I'm too scared to go to the toilet because I really feel that my period will start. Felt distinctly periody yesterday, but not much. Temps did a wierd thing again this morning. Opposite of yesterday: Very disturbed sleep from about 4 to 6. Temp at 6am 36.6. I sank into depressed sleep because that's my period temp. Then woke after good couple of hours at 8: 36.9, which is my nice high post-ov-could-be-pregnant temp. (Clutching at straws much? ) LNO, according to your advise yesterday (which I liked because it suggested I go with the higher temp ) I should go with the lower one today. I'm desperately arguing for the higher one because I hadn't really slept much before the early (lower) one etc etc, and I just really really want my temp to still be up.

But I really feel periody. I do feel the target of a really nasty practical joke. Paranoid, me? Well, I mean it feels like that sneaking suspicion that I'm being set up for something, and I have complete sense of humour failure over practical jokes. It feels like that.

Torment continues.

Oh Impy - I'm so sorry you are still going through this. Am still keeping everything crossed for you.

Feedme and seaside - I was the same. Got preg with ds at the first time of asking so assumed I was super fertile, but it's just not the case. I'll be 38 this year and dh is 48 so it's not looking good on the age front. Am not even sure if it will be worth going for tests when I get to the year mark (in June), although I probably will. When I think about how I had this year planned and how I would be managing a summer baby etc etc Ha ha. They say that if you want to give God a good laugh, tell him your plans. I'm not a believer but it still rings true

Still, am off work today but need to do something else other than obsess about my 2ww and try to work out just how Life on Mars finished last night.

When is Duchesse back anyway? Perhaps she has had a bfp and emigrated (you go girl if you have, btw)

OK it's all over. My period is well and truly here. At least I can put my hopes on dp now, but it feels really cruel to have had that increasing hope for me this month. I really thought I might have been pregnant, and it felt good to think that. Oh well. Thanks for all your good wishes my way.

Oh Impatience, really sorry chick! Fingers crossed for DP

Impatience,keep your chin up though!

impatience, so sorry babe. its really shite isnt it.

am back in the hut with a vengance now.

Impy - I'm so, so sorry.

Lissie - hey, what are you doing here? What's happened lovely one?

yet another beanie didnt want to stay in my useless womb. i know i was only 4w, but i felt so positive about it. and this time it was really, really painful. am thoroughly sick of it now, ive lost 5 babies in 18m, thats not normal! maybe i should get wasted and f**k a total stranger, that should work.

went for bloods yesterday and they took so much that my arm went numb and my chest hurt, not that it'll work. the rest of my bodys willing, my womb isnt.

Oh Lissie, I'm so very sorry to hear that. Are you ok? Or is that just a stupid question?

tbh, im really not. im so angry at my crappy useless body. i know that lots of ladies on here would love to get pg but im terrified of ttc again, and i so badly want another baby, but my body keeps killing them. i just dont understand why im finding this so fecking hard!

Impatience and lissie - I am angry and so sorry for you both - in fact I am angry for all of us - WTF's going on - are we on the dark side or something!!!

dont know but the nurse that i spoke to at my bloods asked if i was sure it was a mc. i lost my rag and shouted that id had 4mc in 18m (confirmed) and i should know by now what it feels like.

fecking hell, 13yo's get knocked up! drug addicts get knocked up! thieves, violent abusers, murderers all conceive and carry a child! wheres the justice in that? i used to believe in a divine force that would look after me, i dont any more.