Thread 30, TTC #1 | Hilda hopefuls are still riding the shag wagon

[Jamon]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.


We've been going a while now so the novelty has well and truly worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!


Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...


Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Jam glad you were able to be open and honest with your friend and that your mum was there to listen, sometimes that's all you need. I must say I think your friend is talking sh*t, I know she's probably just trying to give advice but she has a clear case of fertility privilege; upduffed within 3 cycles and made it to 12 weeks successfully. That's the dream right there. They were still in the fun just shagging stage! Sex all cycle long is wonderful (if you can be bothered!) but we all know the egg is only there for a limited amount of time. We know our O signs, we know our bodies basically inside out by now. We've been doing this far longer than she could ever imagine. Please don't feel any guilt about not shagging all cycle (if you do). Hope dh is looking after you tonight xx

Thanks Skip and Hep ❤️ and Hep I truly hope your friends make it out the other side.

Jam & Otters nope unfortunately being married means absolutely nothing. These strict visa requirements are in place to stop sham marriages and people abusing the system but of course genuine people have to suffer. There are thousands of families ripped apart by these rules. See this article for example. The new rules were implemented in 2012 and dh and I were hit hard by them. I was an unemployed student, I couldn't "sponsor" him. The whole thing set us back quite a few years. I look back now and don't know how we made it but he was worth it. Literally our whole relationship we've been fighting to stay together and now we're fighting infertility too. Fuck off world!

Don't mind at all otters - it's the Lister Clinic and we're self-funded. Really recommend them so far - very quick and efficient!

Alexia I wholeheartedly agree that she has no idea what it's like to try this long 😔 she is an obstetrician however so she does come from a professional standpoint. I'm going to keep going with the sex as much as DH will put up with it - but I don't hold much hope it'll make any difference.

Bless you and your DH against the world. It seems to have made you stronger. In my more positive moments I hope that going through infertility will make our marriage stronger and me more resilient.

Bleh I'm getting that fucking nausea that I was last cycle. But I'm not taking Clomid - WTF! Please tell me this isn't a new thing for me to contend with 🤢

Skipper I've read it can take a couple of cycles for the effects of clomid to wear off

Another massive row with DH this morning. I woke up with ovulation pains and said do you fancy a 10 minute shag? You'd have thought I'd asked him if he wanted his balls slamming in a door. Started on at me about the pressure and he's not even sure if he really wants it etc etc. We did HS but then he started again saying he can't take this pressure and can't do this anymore etc etc.

Cue me yelling do you want this or not, to get pregnant you have to have sex, what's so bad about having sex anyway??? And culminating in me screaming that if he says one more time he's not sure he wants this I am making the decision for him, walking out the door and never coming back so he can have no wife no marriage and definitely no baby.

In perfect timing he has his first therapy session this morning so no doubt he can go and tell him what a psycho bitch he's married to.

God girls I feel like this is all unravelling.

Jam I'm so sorry that you had to contend with all of that this morning. I'm sad for you that he seems to be bandying around whether he still wants a baby or not. To me, that's a really shitty thing to say even under stress, as it makes it seem like you've been pushing him into something the whole time. Forgive me if I've misremembered, but he also started doing this when it got to the reality of buying your house right? Sounds like his immediate reaction to any stress is just "right, let's not do it."

Oh jam - so sorry to hear about difficulties with DH, all of this really can bring out the worst in relationships and it must be so frustrating for you.

I may get shot down here, but to play devil's advocate and put myself in his shoes, I can kind of see where he's coming from. I've felt that pressure as well and have also thought, do you know what, I don't even know if I want this anymore, I was much happier before. And if I felt DH was pressuring me to HS, that would be the fastest way to me not doing it. I know the only way to get what we want is to HS, but we have to want to and not feel like it's compulsory. I hate FW for this reason - I swear if everything depended on me having an orgasm, I would never ever get pregnant. I generally let DH know what the situation is in FW, then say we can if the mood takes us, but it's not obligatory, it usually then happens!

Sorry if that's not helpful and I'm prepared to get shouted down.

Really hope his therapy session goes well for him too - sounds like he'd benefit from talking it through with someone impartial.

💐 to you

Sorry to hear your having a tough time jam. Ive had arguments with my partner at times similar to yours. It's such a shitty position to be in. Sending hugs.

I've tested with an ic and feel like I have line eyes and that I'm imagining a line there lol. Argh!

Post a pic Love!

pyjamas such good points and really helped me to see this from his POV. Thank you for being so honest. It makes sense that he's saying "I just want to wash my hands of all of this". For me - bringing this to an end means doing anything we possibly can to get pregnant. He doesn't see it that way.

flash its exactly how he was buying the house. This is partly why he's gone to see this therapist this morning - he's upset about being paralysed by fear and indecision. I should be grateful really that I'm married to someone with the insight and guts to do something about it.

rainbow! that's exciting - do you have a pic?

It is a great sign that he's prepared to address it with a therapist Jam. I hope he can make the connection between his response to TTC and his response when you were buying the house.

Have the two of you discussed honestly how you both feel about how long to try for naturally and what to do next if you reach that cut off? Or are you not ready to look that far ahead?

What you think ladies? I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

This one without me doodling over lol. Sent it to my friend and she couldn't see anything. Ahh to be hopeful!

I can see something, but couldn't say whether it's a line or an evap. I'm super hopeful for you though as I've only ever had snowy white ICs.

I'm not feeling very hopeful. The line should be darker as I was due my period on Monday. Gonna give it another couple of days and retest.

Have you got a FRER?

No. Going to get one later tonight.

Everything crossed for you. If you're late, you don't need to wait for FMU, although might want to not drink much for a couple of hours before taking it.

Regarding the pill Jam my understanding is that it it's viewed sortof like a reset button. Sortof get everything under some kind of false control, then undo it and see if your body kindof falls in line.

However, my mum spoke to her GP about me, who said it could be psychological, a genuine stress response, particularly as I was off the pill for 5 months before my ectopic and had normal cycles, and had two normal cycle after my ectopic before things went wacky.

I think my decision is that I'm going to keep trying. I really want a baby. I don't believe going on the pill for 3 months is going to get me there any quicker. I think DH and I need to do what we did the last couple of cycles which is start having sex as soon as my period finishes, as it seems I did ovulate on CD10/11 last cycle. And keep going EOD or ED once I see EWCM and see if that works for us.

jam sorry to hear about your troubles with DH. As you say at least he has insight and is seeking help. TTC is incredibly stressful and will really test your relationship! Hope things improve for you and DH

flash glad you are going to continue trying and your plan sounds like a good one

love I have terrible line eyes. Fingers crossed for you!

alexia sorry you're having to go through the visa process and TTC as well

I can see something rainbow - fx for you it gets stronger. My best mate said hers started like that and she's 12 weeks now

flash hmm reset button. They must know what they are talking about. I don't blame you wanting to keep trying. are there things you can do to reduce your stress levels?

I feel slightly ridiculous saying that after the car crash my life has been in the last week, but I'm going to make a BIG effort to get my stress levels and emotions back under control.

Thanks for your input ladies. I was going to test later tonight but think I'll hang off until the morning. Trying not to get my hopes up but only time will tell.

I'm not sure they always do know what they're talking about to be honest Jam. Most drs talk about the pill as if it's some great big magic solution to all the problems of being a woman, but we all know that isn't true.

Well I don't feel particularly stressed most of the time, but I think I really do need to find ways to distract myself during the 2WW, as I do get really worked up, and I know how panicked I felt when I OVd early last month. Maybe yoga twice a week instead of once. The running is good. I'd like to concentrate on my writing too, which I think would feel productive as well as distracting.

No need to retest, af just showed up 😢!