We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread ten!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I hope I did ok with the title (thanks for the inspiration Emwithme). I felt a bit lost without a thread to post on so I thought I'd have a bash at it.

Wow miami that's great!

Miami that's fantastic news! Great to hear that everything seems ok! Fingers crossed they find a reason and that it stops soon. I remember only too well how frightening seeing those brown bits was so really glad you've got some reassurance!

Also, a question for you ladies who've been where I am right now- is it normal to be ever more apprehensive the closer to ovulation you get? I don't know when I'm going to ovulate, but I'm slightly starting to panic that we might actually conceive again and then I'll start with the what ifs. Since this is the first cycle we are actively not avoiding getting pregnant I'm very a little scared

This is normal right? For it to be all you want in the world, yet it's also absolutely terrifying?

Miami, that's brilliant news. Really hope it continues to stick and settle in there! And that the scary bleeding stops pronto!!

Pattern. Yes. I'm terrified of not getting a bfp because I know it will be crushing that it's another month later, I would have been another month further on etc. But I'm petrified of a positive because I know I will fall apart from anxiety. Already feel anxious thinking about it. Don't know how to stop it!

Pattern I hope it's normal, it's definitely how I feel! I'm just taking one step at a time though, just worry about getting the bfp. I can worry about the pregnancy if/when I get there!

Couldn't have put it better Dancing!! I'm terrified I might never get pregnant again and I'm terrified that I will only to spend the next however long convincing myself it's going to happen again.
I wish I had a magic off switch!

To top it off pattern I'm then anxious about the fact that anxiety isn't good for pregnancy!!! Talk about a crazy situation.

Vicious circle isn't it? It would genuinely quicker to list the things I'm not scared witless about! God I wish I could go back to when it was all exciting and happy planning for "when baby comes". Anyone else remember when the only thing we had to worry about was if it was twins?!

Yep! I remember it well. That's one of the things I'm saddest about, as I won't get the same enjoyment from pregnancy as I did before this happened. Not that I enjoyed it physically, but... well, you know what I mean.

@Miami...amazing news.

I need some advice, I keep getting faint 2nd lines on the IC OPKS...so this is been going on for a couple of weeks now, i haven't had definitive dark line but last Sunday it was darker than any others have been. Anyway do you think this is enough evidence for me to prove to the Drs I am not ovulating? I have been referred for blood tests since my MMC and one Dr said PCOS and my normal Dr didn't...i feel like my normal Dr really doesn't give a shit and its driving me mad. After my MMC she just played it down the fact my period didn't return for 10 weeks and completely brushed past the fact that we have been trying for 3 years!!! Arghhhh sorry for the rant, I can't talk to OH as he just says 'oh it will happen' and my best friend is 12 weeks pregnant and just doesn't get what i am going through. I am deffo having a 'Why me' evening

I know what you mean. I don't think I'll relax at all if I manage to get pregnant again. I'll spend the first weeks terrified of another miscarriage, and then abnormal test results, and then probably the last weeks terrified of stillbirth or some sort of horror birth/labour. I don't think I'll calm down until I actually manage to give birth. If I do!

Which now makes me worried that I'm too anxious to get pregnant or that I would harm the baby by being anxious. Argh!!

Hi all, now seems as good as any to ask if I can join please? It sucks that we're all here but this thread has also been a lifesaver for me over the past couple of months.

I've been following the thread(s) since I had surgery for a mmc of twins back at the beginning of March but haven't actually got around to posting anything - it's just been nice knowing that I'm not the only one tripping over emotions these past couple of months.

I got my second af since surgery yesterday and was floored by disappointment, which was unexpected. It was the first month we were actively ttc and although I tried to tell myself it might not happen I was clearly placing a lot of hope on it! So much so that when I realised what was happening mid morning in the toilets at work I burst into tears and had to compose myself to go back to my class of 30 odd kids and act like I was just as cheerful as when I left the room. Slightly sucky. Still, CD2 and I'm feeling much more positive - a 30 day cycle first cycle post mc and now a 28 day one which is almost unheard of for me so I'm clinging to the little positives.

I hate what mc has done to me. I went into ttc beforehand so chilled and excited - I totally get the annoyance that we will never get back the blissfully ignorant feeling of pregnancy before mc. And I'm equally irritated that I've also become a complete conception-obsessed weirdo who thinks of nothing but bloody babies. The joys. Anyway, hello all, sorry for the massive post and a little wave to all the familiar names that I'm gutted to have seen appearing on here from the October pregnancy thread. Let's hope there are some more bfp's on the cards for May

Oh Amy that sounds crap! With you on the "why me" night. I wish I knew why I just randomly get like that but so far there's no pattern!

With regard to tests etc I would say it's a good thing you've been referred for blood tests as they will give you an answer as to whether you are ovulating. I had this when I had some weird short cycles and my doctor basically said give it a couple of cycles and then if no change we will do bloods and further scans (as my ones previous had all seemed clear).

Fingers crossed you will get some answers and if things don't seem clear I wouldn't hesitate to go back for another appointment. They should definitely be taking you seriously after three years!!

Hi emvy. Yep, too many of us all on here. Hopefully we will somehow manage to find that sense of joy and excitement through the anxiety next time around.

I also hate what MC has done to me. We got lucky when I got pregnant (we only had sex once that month) and we were SO happy (once we got over the shock)
But we only had 2 weeks of happy before the spotting started, and it was so minimal, then found out for certain when I should have been 8 weeks.
I'm struggling this week. I should be over 6 months pregnant. One of my colleagues announced when I came back to work after ERPC, and she now has what should be MY bump (in our line of work you pretty much have to say as soon as you know due to hazards, so everyone knew, but it's now like it never happened, everyone laughing and joking and betting who will be pregnant next, but they never guess it will be me again )

I'm just finishing up my period (5th cycle since MC-more fertile my ass!) , but I'm feeling very sad, and although I'm hoping we manage to get pregnant again, I'm also aware of my age, and that chances are diminishing. And even if we do manage it, then am I just going to miscarry again? I'll spend the whole time on edge.

Oh cookie. It's so cruel that everyone jokes about it at work but excluding you from it, as if they don't want to say you in case it upsets you, without realising that it upsets you either way.

The pregnant lady in my office is getting bigger and bigger. I hate myself for how jealous it makes me, and how much I resent her for moaning about pregnancy symptoms. I'm sure I'd have been just as bad. Now I will endeavour to only moan to my poor husband (and undoubtedly on mn!).

I agree and feel them same things girls. I won't enjoy it I think and the excitement has been taken away. An people tell me you will enjoy it, and be so excited for it an I think you haven't got a clue.

But to be honest my friend had a mmc and found out at her 12/13 week scan. She took 9 months to conceive again so went through turmoil to get back there. An she said to me it's the shittest lowest time ever. You think you will never be pregnant again. Maybe you don't deserve to be a mum. And it's some shitty form of karma an all that bollocks.

But she said it will happen. An yes you will worry an he more anxious than you were before. But she said it does get better. An in that instant your pregnant again. There is relief as well in that you've conceived conceived again an it's a new possibility, a new beginning. An once she passed the stage she got to ie 12 weeks. It was all new and a part of pregnancy she hadnt experienced. So considering she's been through it an come out the otherside I do have hope that maybe it seems darkest whilst your at the bottom of the well if you know what I mean..

I am so desperate for my baby. I'm not sure I've ever wanted something this much. An having no control over when it arrives is awful isn't it.

I had my wonderful life plan an all that's gone down the pan. And now it feels like if we get a baby. Not when!

I thought I recognised lots of names from the due in October thread :-( so sad to find ourselves here :-(

I feel so angry that the joy and excitement from any future early pregnancies seems
To be stolen! I know I certainly won't let myself feel 'when the baby arrives ' until a long way into a pregnancy - I feel sick with dread at the idea of scans and constantly looking for spotting and blood and waiting for something to go wrong :-( but at the same time know that a huge party of moving on for me
Is being pregnant again.
I think after the genetic testing results yesterday I do feel a teensy bit more confident as I hope I won't be second guessing every behaviour to question whether it might cause a miscarriage - but only a teensy bit!
This just totally and utterly sucks :-)

It's a complete nightmare isn't it. I feel so exhausted by it all - by feeling so up and down, and desperately wanting to be pregnant yet at the same time knowing that for a good 20+ weeks it will be one hell of a slog (if it even gets that far!). It is such a bizarre feeling as well, logging in to mumsnet and feeling relieved that your crazy woman/super emotional/angry at the world feelings are entirely normal, and at the same time feeling heartbroken that the comfort is only there because so many of us have to battle through this.

Oh emvy that's so, so true. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this, but at the same time I desperately wish I was. I hate, hate, hate that other people have to experience this shit!

And yes, it really is exhausting. Every day I have to concentrate on 'being ok' and by the time I get home I'm a wreck. Some days are getting easier though. I don't have to focus as hard on it.

Must try to be more positive tomorrow. I hate Fridays most of all as they were my 'week days'.

My miscarriage only really started last Friday so I get that I'll still be bleeding but I just want it to stop now
And I ordered a load of cheapie opks and pregnancy tests from Amazon in the week but they're, still showing as preparing for dispatch so the very earliest I'll get them will be Tuesday. I normally ovulate about day 11 and start Opk'ing day 9 so I'll have to go and get some not very cheapies from Boots today. Already getting impatient and it's only been a week!

The posts last night pretty much sum up my feelings too.

Especially that the mc obliterated any chance of a happy pregnancy.

I've been having strange period-style cramps for a couple of weeks now, just like last time. But no sore boobs & that was a major symptom in my last tww.
I'm going to give myself another week to test (as long as af doesn't come) and try. Scared of it being positive but terrified of a negative.
What a mind fuck, eh?!

to all.

My first pregnancy was stressful from day one, but for other reasons - I had to convince gps that my thyroxine needed to go up and then we were constantly chasing it as the bloody batch turned out to be faulty. And then there were other issues during the pregnancy to worry about. But I never had spotting etc, it was all external iykwim.

This last pregnancy I'd hoped to be more chilled as I knew the score (and I was) but I suppose I'll have the extra worry now if growth, abnormalities (we're 40) etc. However I am trying to be as compartmentalise as possible if that makes sense. That was that pregnancy, then next is a separate thing.

I must say I didn't expect it to be easy . What I found hardest was the waiting. I'm glad I had told people that I was pregnant too actually. It made talking about the miscarriage easier, so it didn't own me anymore.

I think I've had an af; it's relatively light. I even still had the faintest line today. Is that likely? Or potentially another one to come?!

I had better send if for cheapies. We are going to leave it another month though. At the moment I feel it gives me a breather to put more space between the previous ttc and mc before starting all over again!

I drove myself mad symptom spotting this month even though I knew all the symptoms were so different to when I was pregnant before. I had nausea and backache for a week before af appeared and was planning on testing this weekend if no af. And now af is here I've never felt so sick during a period before, it bloody sucks! It's like being pregnant last time is still mocking me! I hope you get a bfp yellow and we will be here to calm your nerves as much as we can if it is!

This whole conception malarkey is driving me mad. I used to be a happy person but now I feel so miserable and stressed. I've put on loads of weight and am obsessed with what I'm putting on and into my body incase it affects a future pregnancy. I used to enjoy nights out but now they are on hold and I've cut out the alcohol. Such a miserable existence for me and my dh. However, on the flip side I keep telling myself that this will not help the conception process and so as of today I vow to be more positive. I'm off out to the gym to shift some of this weight and then I'm off to buy a load of kiwis as I someone on hollyoaks last night said they aid fertility!!! Gonna treat myself to a few cocktails later too as at least the arrival of my AF means I'm most definitely not pregnant right now! Hope everyone else has a lovely, positive day. Xxx