TTC after miscarriage- March 2007

[duchesse]

Sorry, guys, can't leave a redirect at the old one- it's not accepting new messages. I hope nobody's already set a new one up...

Caught up now on what I missed

Hello Gillydaffodil ? glad to hear you are feeling better physically and emotionally hon. I think you should make that call, arm yourself with the tools you need before that birth announcement and your EDD arrive. My BF is definitely avoiding me she?s 37 weeks. I was also looking forward to a hen night in a few weeks with no pregnant ladies but found out yesterday that one girl, who I don?t particularly like (she never makes an effort to speak to me or anyone else and sits in a huff not talking to anyone when we all go out as a group ? she?s a mate of DH?s wife) is 14 weeks and sorry for being so so mean but she is so fat and smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish and I just feel its not fair that she gets to have a baby when I don?t as you know, I don?t normally feel this way about people but I just can?t help it on this occasion You plans for a holiday around EDD sound lovely, if you go for a walk on the beach or in the forest why not let off a balloon or blow bubbles for your baby, just as a sort of ceremony for you to let your feelings out? Might help I like you choice of seasonal flower names, can?t think of a flower but you could be GillyConker for Autumn?!

Basilbrush, hello how are you? Sorry to hear the way it happened for you. I hate the phrase ?blighted ovum? too (as do many med profs from the books I have read, they think it is an insensitive expression) let?s call it ?little lost bean? from now on I hope you get back on track quickly too, from what I have read, it seems early MCs do seem to let you recover quicker, fingers crossed. My view on the booze is that a few drinks would probably do you no end of good emotionally and whilst booze can contribute to infertility (especially just before Ov when your body is most sensitive to toxins) and it?s better to cut down or abstain during the 2ww , a couple of drinks really won?t do you and your baby any harm. I think I read it is 5 weeks before there is any shared blood supply anyway and the impact is more on your body and what the alcohol does to you than the baby. I am sure people disagree and if anyone wants to tell me I am wrong, please do Like Torres says, I couldn?t drink booze after I found out I was pg (at 12dpo) I don?t know if it was just psychological but it all tasted bad, I hasten to add that I didn?t drink as such but had the odd sip from time to time to throw people off the scent. Accessdiagnostics.com is a great site for TTC goodies by the way! Tests are cheap on there and are good.

Hello Torres I?m so glad we?ve helped you as I said to my GP this morning, this site and particularly this thread have helped me stay sane over the worst weeks of my life (thank you all! ) and I still need the support so much. I think the outside world think you should be all better and all should be forgotten 6 weeks on but that?s just not how it is with me. Sorry I think I missed a post somewhere, are you leaving work or going on holiday? Or was it just that it was Friday?

Becklespeckle ? I like the phrase ?my category of people I approve of being pg!? I know what you mean, naughty aren?t we! I am shocked but sadly not surprised that people are asking you about being pregnant again, I suspect we?ll all get that. If I get asked, they?ll wish they hadn?t as I?ll be graphic about it, if they ask, they deserve it I feel, why let them add to our stress! Feeling a bit peed off today, does it show? I wish I spent less nights away from DH but work takes me away quite a lot Our cats sleep on our bed we put them on the end when they were kittens and now they sleep in a ball together behind my knees or on my feet. Yours sound cute! On the job front, personally, I think life is too short to hold out for something if you are not enjoying the interim, I?d give up the supermarket on cd1 (if it happens) and I bet you won?t look back

Hello Kensgirl ? how are you?

Hey Popsy ? you sound so positive! Good on you for the swimming, I must do something! Hope your first day back was ok. So glad the evening at the pub made you feel much better. You sounded so like me when you said ?I over think everything and also plan far too much so am always completely snowed under? that?s exactly what I?m like!

Dearest HotChoc I finally get to properly read bout you and your wonderful news I feel a real affinity with you as we have been through so much together with this and the limbo threads. As I said, I really am delighted for you and wish you so much good luck for this little bean How are you feeling now?

Hello Patkica you have every right to recognize and love your baby hon, a feeling hit me just after I MC, it was that although I?d only known about the baby for 6 weeks when I lost it, I had fallen in love with her and the idea of her and therefore when I lost her, my heart was broken, you feel the same I am sure, be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve.

Furrymummy ? I am just so pleased for you and your DH and for your DSS, he?ll be over the moon too. I really hope things do get sorted at work, you must be really selfish and look after yourself and the baby first. Get that laptop off you lap hon, not good for mini bean hope the counseling helps, you?ll need that stress relief more than ever now. How are you feeling? The ladies of ?Pg after a MC? are really lovely and will look after you

Hello winkygirl and KatyH

Wheely ? glad the weekend went well and you were able to chat about it, I really think it helps, so many people go through such hard times, they just don?t share them. I feel so much better when I am honest with people about how I am feeling, it?s a weight off my mind I?ve read Lesley Regan?s book. It is good, it is very technical though and talks about all types of MC and why they happen at all stages. In some ways, that?s not good as you imagine all sorts but when you dip in and out, it is useful. Personally, I found another book about trying again better for my recovery and state of mind. I will get the details for you. There is a lovely poem in it that I have been meaning to post for a while, I?ll do that anything specific I can look up for you in Lesley Regan?s book? I?ve read Zita West?s book too but think that as you know you can get pregnant, much of it might not be worthwhile at this time. She talks about alternative therapies like acupuncture and reflexology a lot. Sorry to hear that the scan appointment caused you so much angst glad that it?s not PCOS and hope the blood tests come back ok.

Welcome MissNatalie I am so sorry that you have been through so much I really admire you for getting right back to TTC again. I hope we can help and support you .

Jules hon, I?ve been thinking about you and wondering how you are. What happened when you went back to the consultant? How are you feeling now?

Hey peanutbutter, how are you doing?

Think I have caught up now! Phew! no better see what you?ve said today! (work system down by the way, not skiving!)

Hi MrsMc- not leaving work or going on holiday unfortunately, just had a major wobbly on friday afternoon after a client thought I'd been on maternirty leave (for 6 weeks only! that's some men for you)and headed off early to the pub. A mixture of maltesers, Rose, swimming and sunshine has perked me up a bit now though

Hi Popsy, thank you for sharing that, you are probably right. Noone is indispensable at work are they whereas at home it?s a different matter. I?m fed up that the work system is down, I wanted to get done what I needed to and then go for a walk with DH (who is lounging on the sofa) and forget about work for a while. My boss hasn?t called me back yet either so I feel in an incommunicado limbo

Patkica ? thank you I started to MC at a work function and was meant to go away that weekend on a management weekend but couldn?t go, I did go in on the Monday but felt like a zombie, the following week when the MC was confirmed, I took 2 days off, not enough I don?t think but I was desperate to get back to normal then. Glad to hear you are feeling better, it is still so raw so make sure you are kind to yourself. Your body may well have treated it as a period, I guess, the process of shedding the lining of the womb is the same. The rose idea is a lovely one not suggesting it is anything like the same but I planted my much loved pussycat?s ashes in with some red roses and when they bloom, I think of her and whilst I miss her, I?m glad to have something like that to remember her by

Thanks to you too Wheely it is quite stressful what I do, I?m a banking lawyer, I advise banks on retail products mainly for individuals and businesses and on minimizing their risk. I normally love it but at the moment its quite heavy going what does your Dh do?

Becklespeckle ? that?s good the cramps have died down. Glad DS2 liked his new nursery! I planned to walk to GP and back but decided against it as had dry cleaning and post office things to do too and couldn?t afford the time or carry the stuff. Just as well, its poured with rain all morning. Birthday plans sound fun only 30 and 2 DSs and a lovely DH, I think I must have been wasting lots of time!

Thanks Torres ? great to hear about your boss being so sympathetic, as you probably know, that?s not the norm in a law firm but mine have been great too, I have to say I?m impressed by the swimming too!

thanks all for your kind words - it helps. Will just ahve to relax until I see the GP I think. I have booked my next blood test, whcih isn't for 2 weeks but feels at least I'm getting somewhere.

MrsMc - you have been busy catching up. Well done . Banking is pretty full on - DH is a corporate finance partner, hence why I am a law widow. I used to work in Corporate restructuring as an accountant before I retired () so have understand the stresses.

Right am supposed to be tidying and cleaning (DH has been urging me to get a cleaner during his last bout of working almost 24/7 so I must sort that out) - MIL is turning up later as she is looking after dd tomorrow whilst I go to Jo Malone and she is a real clean and tidy freak. Sigh.

Thought I'd take a trip over here from the miscarriage forum.

I went back to work a week after my mc in March (my fourth in under two years) after a certain amount of passive/aggressive suggestion from my boss, and have been a zombie. Can't remember anything... can hardly keep my eyes open... totally uncreative... but I was just driving myself mad by being at home, looking up sadness on the internet.

Now I'm in a funny limbo. As I've had so many miscarriages, and the last one was a genetic problem, I'm waiting to get the test results back from the lab on the 'products of conception' for this one. If it's another genetic prob, I may well do IVF where they test the embryos and implant those that aren't 'faulty'. But I've got to wait AGES for the results from the hospital.

And to add to the confusion, over the past week I've got huge and sore boobs and feel sick. This could well be old hormones flying around, or PMT, but I can't help but wonder...

Well cramps are back on and off (sure you all feel better for knowing that!).
Glad you liked the phrase MrsMcJnr but I can't take the credit - KatyH wrote it about one of her friends earlier in the thread and I thought it was perfect to describe my friend! I wish my DH would let the kitties sleep on the bed - they are a pair of mishcievious ginger boys who love to be cuddled. We also have MIL's cat, she was a rescue cat when MIL got her and I think she was quite poorly treated. She doesn't often come in because she is a bit wary of people so DH made her a little kennel type house to sleep in! Sounds like your job is quite a stressfull one, even more reason to take it easy! Before I had my DSs I did mostly admin/secretarial work, I really enjoyed it and it will be nice to do that sort of thing again. I know it sounds terrible but have always felt a bit embarrassed working at the supermarket as some people assume it is all I do (or have ever done). I know some people love working there but to me it has always been just because it fits in with DH and DSs.
Torres - I am not surprised you had a wobbly on Friday! I think any one of us would have found that very hard to deal with to you x

hi Herbaceous - sounds like you've had a terrible time hun

beckle- thanks for the hugs (and update on your cramps )

MrsMc- please don't be too impreseed by the swimming- less graceful gliding, more red faced spluttering and getting wound up by people flouting the swim clockwise rule!!

herbaceous- so sorry to hear your story, what a knock for you. I hope the test brings back the 'best' result possible (if you know what I mean). With the last mc, did they say if the genetic problem was a chance event? don't worry about replying if too upsetting. Big hugs to you as well.

Thanks Torres. The baby before this (September's miscarriage) got to 11 weeks (I discovered it had died at the nuchal fold scan), and was discovered to have Edwards Syndrome, which is a bit like Downs but more unusual and more fatal. It was random, and there's no reason for it to happen again. DH and I have had our genes karyotyped to make sure we don't clash.

I'm glad the genetic problem was deemed to be random though that doesnt lessen your loss. When will you get the karotyping results? will it be the same time you get a diagnosis regarding your last baby? what an awful time waiting for you both.

Becklespeckle - I had cramps and weird dry mouth all night when was PG - could drink masses but made no difference (I have a funny feeling about you!!). I still have cramps too and my belly is swollen. Just went to a meeting off site and a colleague asked if she could ask me an un PC question whilst looking at my belly. I said "um no I'm sorry please don't or I'll cry" (and was crying already) and then ran out of the building .
Maybe a miracle has happened (you hear about people getting PG when using the withdrawal method don't you- usually 13 year old girls ?)...oh I know is million to one but hey at least will keep me smiling til AF comes.

MrsMc you are chatty (this only happens when I am away from computer bugger!). I also went of booze when PG - very strange sensation as have been hard at it for years!

Hey Torres maybe we can be excercise buddies. I was thinking I need to get rid of this tum if not gonna have more difficult convos like today. We should try to do one thing each day that involves getting off arse? I may even sneak in a little walk before tea as is such a nice evening and I'll be one up on the belly! . I have a new speedo suit (the last M & S one perished and was a while before i noticed see-thru bum ). It is a 2 piece with shorts but the shorts rub in bad places when I do breast stroke (and not in a good way either ). I have had to do crawl the entire time so as not to irritate myself if you know what I mean - bloody hell - is so much harder - kept getting lapped by obese grannies

popsy poor you,, what an awful time with your colleague, you poor thing. Some people really open their mouths before engaging their brains. Are you ok now?
would love to be your exercise buddy, you've motivated me so far. had just planned to walk home in a bid to get moving but DH has just this minute called to say he is in the bar of the hotel where we got married and to join him for a drink so that's scuppered! and I just signed up for a yoga course on thursday in an attempt to become zen like and an old friend texted me to announce he'll be in town Thursday only and we should meet for drinks....

Noel Edmonds' book says that I should be strong and stick to my goals... but do I really want to be Noel Edmonds??? well, I'd love his unfeasibly slim waiist and hips!

popsy- forgot to say, I share you embarrassment with swimsuit failure syndrome!! mine is a two piece and the bottoms keep inflating, so when I emerge from the pool I look like a ladyboy!

Thank you all for all your help with my dilemma. I spoke to my boss and we?ve agreed that I?ll take the next 2 days off and chill as much as possible but be available for urgent calls. Still have to finish my article as other stuff cropped up this pm so it?s not a total break but a really good one all the same.

Wheely ? as you say, with the tests etc, at least you are being proactive I would love to retire, but then so would DH think we?d bother better carry on for now! I have a cleaner, she does 2 hours a week and at least that means I know that the bathrooms, kitchen and other essential areas are clean even if I don?t get time to re-visit them. It is so worth every penny as before, I spent all my spare time at the weekend cleaning. Have a lovely time at Jo Malone finished my tuber rose bath oil last night but still have lashings of the body cream to be used up before my BFP arrives

Hello Herbaceous ? I think we have met before I?m sorry to hear you have suffered so much it sounds like you are feeling similar to the way I do about coping with work, when I?m at home, I?m fine it?s just coping with the demands of the world that is hard. Also sorry to hear your boss was less than sympathetic. It must be stressful waiting to get those results and wondering what is going on. I really feel for you and to add to that the possibility that you could be pg again, when will you test to find out? It seems that if your MCs have been unrelated, you have had far more bad luck than anyone should have, it must be your turn for something to go right. Fingers crossed. Talk to us any time, we?ll try and keep you sane .

Becklespeckle ? really odd about the cramps, I?m getting a bit excited, you must be too! sounds like you?ve made up your mind about the supermarket job. I had a part time job in Superdrug for a while, for a little while, I loved it, reading about all the products, stacking shelves (neat freak! ) but I hated the uniform with a passion!

Torres ? PMSL at the vision of you in the pool getting cross, that?s got to burn calories too!

Popsy ? always chatty when trying to put off doing something I don?t want to do I know what you mean about the dry mouth and extreme thirst, I had that too. How awful that someone asked you that? I?m so sorry

Oh, friend?s arrived for dinner. More from me tomorrow

hi everyone.
sorry for being awol. I've missed you all - just been busy with dd for the last few days of her hols and on sat I went shopping (!!!!) for outfits for a wedding an hen party. fun!!!!

I will try and catch up tomorrow, as I am tired now and dh is away so I need to make sure i sleep well in case dd is awake in the night (unlikely but dh usually does getting out of bed lol)- plus it is her first day back at school tomorrow so it is up earlier and into military routine to get out of the house before 8.

I think af is coming... which is good. It is only day 25 counting from when the m/c started but am i to guess that this cycle is likely to be a bit odd??? I think i ovulated, but it wasn't v long ago (am going on cm only, and I am not v v good at knowing that, but it's what i have always taken to be the right stuff iyswim). As we're not ttc this month it's okay though.... i only wanted to know if i ov'd so as to know that things were heading in the right direction....

argh - rambling.

catch up tomorrow.

and mrsmcjnr take care!!!

Oh so much has been going on since I've been away...where to start?! Popsy I feel so angry that someone said that to you, I would've screamed "why don't you have a good think as to why it's feckin un-pc before asking...@rse??!!!" I hope you're okay though hun, you had been sounding so cheery too

Welcome to Herbaceous though sorry you have to be here. What a terrible time you've had. I can sympathise to some extent because my baby had anencephaly. To me it now feels as though on top of the worry of TTC you then have the added worry that there will be something wrong with the baby. Also, when something so statistically unlikely happens to you I think it tends to skew your perception of risk so that you expect things that are statistically more likely to happen to actually happen (does that make sense?). I really hope things go your way from now on - you've definitely had more than your fair share of grief

Wheely, glad the scan went well, a hormone imbalance sounds very treatable at least you must feel like you are getting somewhere! Btw we're also thinking about getting a cleaner but I would have to keep it a secret from my family who would probably think it too bourgeois (they've already disowned me for moving to Edinburgh...bloody working class heroes!)

MrsMcJnr I really hope you enjoy your days off, you definitely deserve them. Also, I hope you don't mind me saying this but you come across as a very thoughtful and kind person. You obviously take a lot of time to read the posts and mention everyone and I just hope you get as much comfort as you give. I'm trying to follow your lead as I know I miss lots of people out but I'm on my second glass of Chablis and keep getting a bit distracted..apologies to anyone I miss!

Becklespeckle also getting excited on your behalf, I really really hope it's good news, keep us posted! Also your ds sounds very cute indeed

Oh I'm really angry now I'm watching that Marbella Belles programme and that stupid woman has just announced she's pg!! She can't even look after the one she has..oh and she's annoyed because she has to have less than 5 fags and 1 bottle of wine a DAY!! She must be having a laugh...sigh

Sorry, I realise I'm havering now. Lovely DH bought me a bottle of Chablis tonight because AF arrived today . Bit worried I now have a luteal phase defect. Was barely 10 DPO but before I lost the baby my luteal phase was 12 days (v occasionaly 11 days). Is this just a blip while things get back to normal do you think?

Anyway, I hope everyone else is doing well I'm not as good at mentioning everyone as MrsMc

Oh I am such an awful person...that 'stupid woman' on Marbella Belles lost her baby. Note to self: stop being so bloody uncharitable

katy H- don't feel too bad, I have just been ranting about the same woman (infact ranted last week too when they showed the trailer) and now feel guilty and really sorry for her.

Glad to hear you can rest up a bit MrsMc- I hope nothing urgent does crop up.

I hope AF does come alittlebitshy, I'm on CD28 following the ERPC and getting exceedingly impatient.

Morning girls, just catching a few guilty minutes of mumsnet before getting down to work. Torres think meeting DH in romantic bar much better for you than sweating it all the way home and yoga is just stretching for posh people . Actually I have tried and just can do it - not at all stretchy and can't shut my brain off .
MrsMc Glad you are staying at home - hope you found the hotel choc website YUM!
KatyH Thanks for the mesage of support - I was amazed at how much it threw me - she'll be gutted I am sure as is a lovley person (a bit of an old school abrupt consultant who works with amputees so she is probably thinking "well at least you haven't had your legs chopped off" knowing her ha ha
welcome back littlebitshy fingers crossed for your Af (and mine). I didn't sleep again last night - think is the worry of when it is coming etc etc. Was determined to stop worrying after the worst did actually happen last time but am already totally insane about waiting for AF that am sure to be a complete freak next time too hey ho
Hi to everyone else - it is sunny again in hertfordshire today - made the mistake of listening to the weather and waring skirt and long boots yesterday ughhhh - is birkenstocks all the way today phew!

Hi popsy- meeting Dh in the hotel bar was much better than walking home. He got there first and told the girl who organised our wedding about our woes and by the time I arrived, she produced a huge bouquet of flowers and told us to drop by soon for a freebie slapup meal and drinks and she'd also get us a good deal on a room for the night . DH very excited by the prospect of BDing!

I agree about the yoga- vodka is more likely to quieten my mind than the ability to touch my toes.

sorry you are still waiting for AF- me too. I'm sure the waiting is keeping her away!

Hi girls - just me to whinge...

Am so fed up at not knowing where things are!! No idea when AF due. For the past week I've had loads of hot/ sore "flashes" through boobs, really bad nausea / dry wretching in mornings nad on-off stomach cramps. But CM is not consistent - was creamy, now clear - maybe all of this means I'm having a particularly hormonal ovulation??

Am I PG...probably not...am I a crazy woman who spends half her life staring at what comes out her hoo-ha...yup

Hello and hugs to everyone

Hello ladies pottered about all morning and still haven?t written my report for work, just don?t feel able to, it?s hanging over my head like a dark cloud though

Torres sounds like someone up there would rather you have fun than exercise this week How lovely that the hotel are doing that for you book in soon and pamper yourselves! Personally love yoga but have been doing it (on and off and badly) since I was 6.

Hello alittlebitshy that?s good that AF seems to be arriving after only 25 days means you will know where you are (lets hope!)

Hey KatyH can you tell me what anencephaly is? If it?s too hurtful, don?t answer me. Thank you for what you said, that was really sweet It is a real relief to be away from the office I have to say, I?ve managed to get quite a lot done in the house this morning, nothing energetic just filing, phone calls etc so I feel more ordered so tempted to have a glass of wine but that would be very bad in the middle of the day wouldn?t it?! I was brought up near Marbella and last week when my grandparents were staying, they insisted we watch that programme. The woman smoking away when pg was making me very upset and I have to say. How awful that she lost her baby though I wouldn?t wish that on anyone. Sorry to hear about AF but if you are anything like me; it was a bit of a relief too as at least I now know where I am. My LP goes between 10 and 12. I think if the LP is less than 10, it can be an issue but 10 is ok, maybe you?ll get your 12 back this cycle, first odd after MC is often a strange one.

Popsy ? I have a confession to make Hotel Choc deliver me a lovely box every 4 weeks I?ve had to tell them to stop because I had a back log!! We have people out for dinner quite a lot and I like to bring them out (the chocolates that is !) with the coffee and make my guests fill in the score card ? my idea of fun, oh dear, I sound so lame! Not a nice day here today, even the pussy cats are cold, huddled in a ball together!

Hello Basil ? whinge away! sorry you are fed up, I can honestly say that I didn?t have a clue what was going on with me for the 6 weeks before AF arrived. My CM was the most confusing aspect to be honest. Progestrone is the hormone responsible for making your boobs sore and for giving you cramps (centrally, as opposed to the sharp OV pains in one side) I think so maybe you have already OVd? Creamy then clear is the progression towards OV, the clear being the best stuff for TTC.

My dinner with my friend was a bit stilted really. She wanted to make sure I was ok but didn?t really want to know anything and I understand why, she has just got married and is starting TTC and doesn?t want to worry or stress about it if at all possible. This really is a lonely time isn?t it? I am so glad I have you ladies to talk too

I?ve been meaning to share this poem with you for a while. It was written by a lady called Patricia Waldron for her daughter after her first little angel was lost.

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There?s a special glow around you,
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father?s eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There?s a trace of tears,
One day
You?ll understand
You?ll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment.
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
Any may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother?s tears
Another father?s silent grief
The you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
?I know how you feel.
I?m only here
Because my mother tried again.?

It makes me well up each time I read it but it also fills me with hope for my different child

This was in the book called ?Trying Again? by Ann Douglas & John Sussman that I?ve already told some of you about, well worth a read.

Bloody hell, Mrs McJnr - you've made me cry!!
BB xx

I'm sorry hon, I just wanted to make you all feel brave and hopeful enough to try for another baby