TTC after miscarriage- March 2007

[duchesse]

Sorry, guys, can't leave a redirect at the old one- it's not accepting new messages. I hope nobody's already set a new one up...

good morning all!

hope everyone is feeling as though things are on theup today, mrsmc, hope your having a better day after a long bath and god nights sleep sunshine, almost the weekend now.

Furrymummy, I too keep picturing you as half woman and half cat, with furry ears and whiskers, big furry belly, but a human face.......hope its not real

Hello Popsy, I hope the rest of your fish have made it through the night! no, my dh is called Kieran not Ken, Ken was my dads name, hence Kensgirl, but as some on here know I lost him in September, just 4 weeks after we were married . On one of the other threads, I was confessing my imaginings of what we all look like, and said I may do a profile and put some pics on, there is one of me and my dad at my wedding so I might put that one on!

Hello everyone else. Wheelybug, long time no see!!

Morning everyone..I can't stop eating today..help..I've already eaten an enormous bowl of alpen ( no milk) and two slices of wholemeal taost with pate (!!) and now I am stuffing thorntons plain choc easter egg down my throat cos my dd's are complaining that I haven't eaten their gft to me...

Morning kensgirl I lost my dad last year too - just 5 months before my wedding. He was really ill for 2 years and on and off and a bit ill for 15 years before that - maybe that it why it was such a shock - we had just got used to him being ill but surviving. The bottom just falls out of your world doesn't it - i felt like I had to work out who i was all over again - and am now terrified of losing other members of my family ughhh. The nice thing is that my nickname here is the name he used to call me -I hated it when I was younger as it was linked to me "popping" food into my mouth when I was a baby - but I let my DH call me it now - is lovely!

Actually I had a dream last night that my stepmum was PG by my dads best friend (not a big leap of imagination) and my mum was PG too (she is 62!).I remember shouting at my sister "I can't speak to either of them - is too much for me to handle...I woke up crying but shows you that am thinking about my PG friends even when asleep

Treats you say wheely...I'm your girl... Why not put aside some money for candle or perfume from Jo Malone - the cassis and fig one is gorgeous - or buy some fab underwear to celebrate getting your figure back?

I am off for a pedicure - feels so decadent this week and v. naughty considering our money worries but I decided this is my week and i am going to enjoy every bloody minute of it!

More for our list...
Went for a walk with DH along river last night - took 1.5hrs and didn't get back til 9pm to have our tea - I would have been asleep on sofa by 7pm when PG

I can go to the hen party I am arranging and actually enjoy it! (dirty dancing!!)

I can open the fridge without gagging

Sorry to hear that Popsy, it all goes beyond words really, doesn't it? My dad had also been seriously ill with cancer, for 2 years, and he was beating the odds really, by still fighting after partiallly successful chemo, and we were all in denial about how ill he was, and expecting him to rally again. Looking back, I know the only thing that kept him going was his dream of walking me down the aisle, which he managed, and he also danced with me at the Reception, which is one of my most treasured memories. I guess that will make us kensgirl and Popsy forever now?

I'm also having weird pregnancy related dreams,and was planning a full body massage(!}this week, but can't justify it to my bank balance at the mo.

Good things about being not pregnant? i agree with them all up to now, and include long haul hols, and being able to find nice outfits for weddings that are looming, without resorting to pop- up tents!

Ladies, feeling much better today after a good night?s sleep ? thank you! Definitely more energy!

Hey there alittlebitshy! glad you enjoyed the mini-break, PMSL at the Bridget Jones comment, totally agree!! I would have been 15 weeks today tippexed it out but can still see it in my diary. Things sound like they are getting back to normal for you

Popsy ? re your MIL ? really?! Sounds like an attention disorder to me!!

Wheely ? is there anything truly better in life than wine, sex and holidays! Enjoy Jo Malone ? love the Tuber Rose stuff. Couldn?t use it when pg but have been making the most of it since! I loved your list, all sound good to me but like you everything I think of would be given up in the bat of an eyelid given a chance!! Yes, we can do it!!

Peanutbutter ? Hope you get to use that test soon. I?ve got bad skin at the mo too.

Hey FurryMummy ? I get them on the neck too since starting this TTC malarkey, I had perfect skin on the pill I have a lovely MIL too, very lucky!

Thanks Kensgirl 9 rellies for dinner tonight but then it is nearly the weekend, I can cope! This AF has been particularly exhausting it has to be said (and sorry if TMI but really heavy too, with clots, almost as heavy as my MC but then again, I guess this was a long cycle)

Sorry about your Dads Kensgirl and Popsy, I just cannot imagine how awful that must be

Afternoon, just back from pedi - very relaxing! Although picked up my cream pashmina a friend borrowed from dry cleaners and she spilt red wine all over it and has not come out . She has offered to replace it but is a mega expensive one and I don't think she can afford it (she has recently gone back to uni)-bloody conscience!

Watching cat in garden - she has been sitting next to pond all day staring at fish - she pounced yesterday but only got a wet paw phew!

MrsMc so glad you are feeling better - amazing what a good nights sleep does isn't it? I am feeling guilty snoozing all morning while DH gets ready for work

littlebitshy sounds like you had a fab time! Also forgot to say - sounds like you have some great makeup - why not slap it on every morning to cheer yourself up - is amazing what a lift it can give you! Just need a bit of mascara, blusher and lip gloss and ta da!!! (actually hair straightners have same effect!)

kensgirl Love that you had your dad there - mine would have been too ill to have walked me up the ailse anyway so maybe it was a blessing in disguise?

MIL always gives me loads of super market and recipe mags so am off to the pond to watch fish and make myself hungry...

Hello all, hope you all okay?! Am feeling distinctly sluggish today, had work last night so late night anyway and then in the early hours my kittens (9 months old) knocked the DSs hamster cage off the chest of drawers in their room! So there I was at 4 in the morning rescuing the poor creature (thankfully the crash scared the cats off as the cage came apart) and cleaning up the mess. How the DSs (and DH) slept through the crash and then me hoovering up the sawdust in their room I'll never know!
Popsy/Kensgirl - is lovely that your names come from your Dads! Mine is what my Mum used to call me when I was small. I lost her last June to cancer, it was quite quick. I got married 18 months before she died and it is lovely to look back on the pics of us together - it was such a happy day!
Popsy - sorry to hear about your DH's company, I hope things pick up for him. Perhaps you could come to a compromise where maybe you are not 'careful' but no pressure, just see what happens? I know my DH gets very stressed out about it all, mainly because he is very impatient, so I try not to go on about it and he then doesn't stress so much IYSWIM?
MrsMcJnr - Glad you feeling better today! A good night's sleep does do you the world of good - especially when you have had a busy few days! My first AF after both m/c were very heavy and full of yuk and clots, I think it is just your body's way of cleaning out and getting back to normal. Sometimes your cycles can take a while to settle down after m/c although after my first m/c I was on a regular 28 day cycle after the first AF (which is the only time I have ever been regular!). I think each person is different and your body knows better than you when you are ready to conceive again. Although I would love to be very pg again by now, looking back I just don't think I would have coped with it well. Now I feel much calmer within myself after last year my body seems to be sorting itself out. (Woke up to bloating today which is usally 10 days before AF so still hopeful this will be a shortish cycle). Isn't it strange how a few of us are suffering with spots? I have had terrible skin since m/c, much worse for 2 weeks before each AF too.
BTW, I think your list on the freezer is great! I usually have a good idea of what is in there but ocassionally I forget I have used something up!
Alittlebitshy - am glad your test was negative - I know that for me the neg test was the point where I felt I could start moving forward.
GillyDaffodil - I don't think you are a coward or softie for thinking about counselling, I seriously considered it last year when I hit my lowest point. It has now been 8 months for me since I knew I was m/c and TBH I still feel very empty. The feelings have dulled a little but I am guessing they will not go until I am pg again and past the danger points (for me 7 and 13 weeks). I know that's how I was after my first m/c, having DS1 filled that gap for me although I will always have a place in my heart for my lost LOs.
KatyH - of course you belong with us! What a hard thing for you to go through, my SIL had a baby with anecephaly too and had to terminate. IKWYM about sex seeming different, a means to an end sometimes isn't it?
Furrymummy - Hows it going? Has AF turned up yet??? She's due soon isn't she?(and I seem to remember you had some rather promising signs...)
Mumto3girls - glad your bleeding has stopped, it went on for a while didn't it?! Mine did after 1st m/c but 2nd much shorter.
Hello to Hotchoc, Wheelybug, Mistlethrush and anyone else have missed!

Hello All. Sigh. Had a lovely day out with a friend today and our dd's (3rd pg friend I've seen in 3 days and have 4 more to see by saturday - sob). Must pull myself together as at the mo I'm not looking forward to my friends coming and its the last time we will all be able to get together for the weekend as currently there are 4 couples with 3 children, by October there will be 4 couples with 7 children (1 couple are having twins) so don't think we'll all be able to fit into anyones' house !!

Sorry to hear about the loss of parents. We lost FIL very suddenly 3 years ago so I have some idea of what it must be like although obviously for me wasn't so hard.

Glad you're feeling better MrsMc.

Wanted to ask people some advice too - on Monday I have a scan to check things out, DH is supposed to be coming with me but he is REALLY REALLY manic at work at the mo, coming home at 1am or later and leaving again by 7am. He still says he is going to come back for the scan at 5.20 and then go back to office but we live an hours journey away from office. So.... would you guys go on your own to save DH ? I know he'll do it but don't know if I'm being selfish expecting him to come ???

Thansk - sorry to go on !

Hi Wheelybug, poor you and all your pg friends, all my pg friends now are friends with newborns which strangely is a bit easier. It'll be our turn soon enough I am sure of it .
I think it is hard to lose an in-law too, you have your own grief and that of your DH/DP to deal with too. When DH lost his parents I felt like I couldn't grieve as his pain was far more important than mine.
With your scan I would ask your DH to be with you if you feel you need him there. I drag mine to my appts even though he doesn't say anything - the support of having him there and also having someone to talk to about it on the way home is invaluable to me.

Can I join please? I just had a mc at 5 weeks and feeling really weepy and would like some company. Sorry to but in.

Welcome patkica of course you can join but sorry that you have to. Try to take it easy and come and weep on us.

Thanks Beck - you have had a hard time losing in laws and your mother.. and of course 'all this'. Life's hard sometimes.... but thankfully not all the time.

Thanks for your thoughts on my appointment. I DO want dh there but also don't want to add to his stress - he's half dead as it is at the mo . Will have a discuss with him at the w/e. I have blood tests tomorrow too - yikes - the anticipation is always much worse than reality though I think (more concerned with how to keep dd entertained whilst they stick a needle in me 'Wozzat mummy ? oooh red... my turn'.

Hi Patkica - of course you can join, am not surprised you feeling weepy - you're in good company here.

Wheely - has been a hard few years, everytime I thought nothing worse could happen, something did. Last year was the worst for me but I feel I am coming through it now and hopefully things will start getting better (touch wood)! I am not too bothered about blood tests TBH, have had so many! Always have to take the DSs with me but they are very good, I just tell them I have to have some blood taken so the Doctors can make sure I am healthy! DS2 had to have some blood taken last year and he was fine, partly cos he had seen me have it taken and partly cos I told him they were testing his muscles with the band they put round your arm! You could try giving DD a treat to munch on, open it when you get into the blood test room and she will be so busy concentrating on her treat she won't notice what you're doing!

Morning all, is a very grey day here - which is making me feel really bleughhhh or maybe I just feel that way anyway - last day off before back to work proper ughhhh. Will all be so permanent then.
Had some period-like pains last night seems a bit soon - maybe my body still sorting itself out? Problem is it reminds me of being Pg as I had period-like pains for the first 8 weeks or so (think this may have been due to not being "right").
Am also down cos our sex life is great but we are still using protection (feels like a missed opportunity). DH seems really chirpy (of course he does with all this action ) - I would need to spell out to him just how crap using birth control makes me feel but then I almost don't want to spoil his/our fun as he has had a really tough time too and still is with his work arghhhhh
Oh well hopefully AF will come soon as we said we would start again then if we felt up to it (as if I wouldn't )becklespeckle Thanks for the advice - you are right pressure just turns men right off - will apply my usual approach which is slowly slowly catchee monkey - basically have to make it so that he htinks that whatever I want is his idea...
Wheely IKWYM about taking DH with you. I was just day dreaming yesterday about being PG again and thought maybe would be easier not to take DH to scan cos if is another missed MC then I could cope with it but he would hate to see me go thru it again...is stupid cos of course he would want to be there but is such a big build up and then let down (publically)
gillydafs Hi honey are you still there - am worried about you - we haven't heard from you for ages (well probably only a few days but I am on here every minute these days . Let us know you are okay?

Morning all, is a very grey day here - which is making me feel really bleughhhh or maybe I just feel that way anyway - last day off before back to work proper ughhhh. Will all be so permanent then.
Had some period-like pains last night seems a bit soon - maybe my body still sorting itself out? Problem is it reminds me of being Pg as I had period-like pains for the first 8 weeks or so (think this may have been due to not being "right").
Am also down cos our sex life is great but we are still using protection (feels like a missed opportunity). DH seems really chirpy (of course he does with all this action ) - I would need to spell out to him just how crap using birth control makes me feel but then I almost don't want to spoil his/our fun as he has had a really tough time too and still is with his work arghhhhh
Oh well hopefully AF will come soon as we said we would start again then if we felt up to it (as if I wouldn't )becklespeckle Thanks for the advice - you are right pressure just turns men right off - will apply my usual approach which is slowly slowly catchee monkey - basically have to make it so that he htinks that whatever I want is his idea...
Wheely IKWYM about taking DH with you. I was just day dreaming yesterday about being PG again and thought maybe would be easier not to take DH to scan cos if is another missed MC then I could cope with it but he would hate to see me go thru it again...is stupid cos of course he would want to be there but is such a big build up and then let down (publically)
gillydafs Hi honey are you still there - am worried about you - we haven't heard from you for ages (well probably only a few days but I am on here every minute these days . Let us know you are okay?

Hello again. Thanks Beckle, and sorry to hear you have had a tough year, everything always comes at once. I hope this year brings all of us much better luck and lots of happiness in the shape of big bumps!
Wheely- what a dilemna! If it was me I know I would really need my dh there, but i would feel guilty about it too, so I'm not much help. I hope it goes well though
Nice blue skies here, so i think i might go and get stuck in to the garden [smiile] and cleaning windows

Morning Popsy!

Sorry it's grey where you are and you're feeling crap, make the most of your last day though. I've only been back at work for 2 weeks and I constantly crave being at home. In fact I'm meant to be working from home today but have decided I'm going to do the garden instead as it's actually very sunny here in Scotland (for a change). Feeling a bit guilty but then I remember that when I was pg i ran myself ragged for them so I guess it all evens out. I have to say I'm very jealous of your sex-life - no weird milking ritual for you then! Just think of it as building the foundations for TTC

wheely I know exactly how you feel about pg friends. Had a really bad day yesterday with a battering of constant announcements of births and pregnancies (well...3 to be precise!). Had to go to the toilets in work for a cry. If I'm being honest I do feel quite jealous/begrudging of their good fortune, or rather the ease with which other people seem to be able to have healthy pregnancies and the fact that they don't seem to appreciate what a precious thing it is. Of course this is a bit of an exaggeration (I'm sure they do appreciate it) and I was exactly the same before I lost the baby, still, I think we're entitled to be a little irrational and uncharitable - it's our hormones you know! Have you made a decision yet about your DH going to the appointment? Personally I think work stress should come second to what you need right now, but then my outlook on work/life balance has altered somewhat in the last month

Welcome Patkica, I hope you at least get some comfort from knowing that you're not alone.

Morning KatyH, ooh you are so cheery and you Kensgirl. I have just had a good cry on my sister over the phone - what a blessed relief! Is still grey here so am going to spend the day writing everything down. I fancy publishing a story about it so that is not such a secret - we all admit it to each other when we have had one but seems as common as having had Measels!

I am currently hating (oh god such a strong word but you know what I mean?) all three of my PG friends and is not in anyway their fault. Actually one is being induced now and don't hate her as much as she never quite felt part of my (short) PG. Keep having guilt pangs that I should ring them and ask to see scans etc but they are now 9, 6 and 5 months gone and I just picture smug ladies with big tummies when i think of them (god I am such a bitter old cow).

p.s. someone mentionned spots? I never suffered from spots until the I got PG (was about to say month before I was PG but think I had an MC that month too so is probably why spots started November not Dec. They were MASSIVE and all round my brows and chin ughhh. Oh well will be a good warning sign next time (along with the nausea, tiredness etc ha ha).

p.p.s.Do you ever say "when I was pregnant..." and then stop as it sounds really weird when you don't have a baby? I was thinking today I would be 17 weeks today boo hoo but also feels unreal so maybe I have moved on after all

p.p.p.s. I keep thinking of tht comedy sketch where the woman is at a dinner party and screams "I WANT A FUCKING BABY!!!!" in the midle of a conversation...not so funny now somehow as I am her

Sunshine in Scotland...whatever next??
Jealous Hertfordshire

Oh Popsy. Sorry to see you are havin such a crappy day, they do keep rearing their head in our house too . Your not bitter or horrible for feeling the way you do over your pregnant friends. I think everyone heer is able to admit that we feel that way at some points, I know I do! I'm currently dreading going in work on Monday as there is one pg colleague, 1 just back fm mat leave, and a handful of us that are ttc or planning too. One of those kepeps waylaying me, and beamigly asking me how its going, while offering to share website and charting info with me. I know shes just trying to be nice, but I find myself gritting my teeth and wanting to kick her in the shins while yelling that she has no idea what it feels like to have had a mc and have it hanging over you every day, constantly thinking "I should be 29 weeks now". Then I go home and cry and feel selfish and horrid. Still, as mrs mc said, its the thought that the next one -(fingers crossed) will be fine that keeps us on the rollercoaster, giving us strengh to keep trying..big hugs all round. Chocolate and me-time helps too!!

Yes I know what you mean about the spots too, only since I was pg (there I go again...sigh). In fact I nearly bought the whopper on my chin its own easter egg.

I know what you mean Popsy about people only admitting to it when they hear of your story. I was feeling very uncharitable about my neighbour who is pg. I was dreading seeing her and having to tell her our news. However as it turns out she has had 2 MCs and was telling me what an awful time she had had. I now feel terrible for begrudging her this pregnancy so I have placed her in the category of people who I approve of being pregnant.

I also say "when I was pregnant"...quite a lot actually. But I'm adamant that people will acknowledge that I had a child that was a part of my family and will not be forgotten. It is hard though and you end up reminding yourself of what you don't have. Our time WILL come though, we've done it before and can do it again! If it can be sunny in Scotland then we can get pregnant

Also I'm not really very cheery..if I didn't laugh I would probably cry!

I know how you feel kensgirl. I made the mistake of coordinating my ttc with a girl in my work. i got pg first then had to support her through ttc and then her constant neurosis about miscarrying when she was successful. She was about 6 weeks behind me (is now about 17 weeks) and can now only be described as blooming (on my more uncharitable days I would say smug!). I just can't bear to see her and although she has been lovely to me I think I would be happier if I just didn't see her till she had the baby. To begin with I got annoyed because she didn't discuss things with me, now I get annoyed because she does! Now she's expressing a great interest in 'how things are going' and I can't help feeling patronised. I really don't want to be a bitter old cow

LOL at the Easter egg for your spot! I've eaten so many easter eggs that my bum has become an entity all of its own too (in fact there are rumours it could be classified as a new planet)

You are all so brave and such a comfort to each other. My story is less dramatic than most, but it hurts to lose a much-wanted baby no matter what your circumstances. I have a ds of 3.5, gorgeous boy. Conceived him first time round. I had hyperemsis when pregnant with him so put off trying again until this year due to fear of being so sick again (in an out of hospital, sick up to 25 times a day, lost 2 stone etc...). Finally worked up the nerve this year, got pregnant in the second cycle and mc at 5 weeks. Sort of felt there was something not quite right from the start, but still devastated and very up and down since last Tuesday. I knew mc was common, but it is incredible just how many women I know have had them. Horrible to have to write 'pads' on my shopping list. GP was helpful, though the advice on the miscarriage association has been the best. Want to start TTC right away as I am 39, but don't know how to check for ovulation, unless it is in the usual ways. Lovely to have you all there.

Popsy ? sorry you are feeling a bit low today, sounds like you?ve got a lot on your mind, get it all out with us! There?s a great pashmina site called pashminas I think ? you could get one on there at a good price, or rather, she could! I need a pedicure, my feet are a state Love watching my pussy cats play! I?m too lazy to straighten my hair, I do literally wash and go! I do know what you mean about saying ?when I was pg..? I do that, I refer to it as my very short pregnancy!

Hey Becklespeckle ? nice to see you what a commotion in the night! My baby cats (have an old one of 9 too) are 2 now and still adorable but so gorgeous when they were tiny! Really sorry to hear about your Mum it must be hard. I hope you get that BFP soon, it does sound like you are in a really good place and ready

Hi Wheely totally understand how you are feeling about your pg friends. I am very worried about 2 of mine, one was due on Monday and not heard anything yet, it?s been a really difficult one for her hence the worry and other friend is 35 weeks and has developed pre-eclampsia. I wouldn?t want to go to the scan alone because of all the feelings it might stir up, that said, it will not be anything like the news you?ve had before either. I maybe would take a friend instead just for moral support? Hope that and the blood tests go well. PMSL at your DD ? so cute!

Patkica ? I am so very sorry please come and join us and we?ll try to support you through this lonely and sad time.

Hey Kensgirl ? enjoy your outdoor day! My DH leaves for a stag in Milan in 15 mins I know it?ll do him good but I?ll miss him ? pathetic I know. He?ll be back Monday night.

Morning KatyH ? where are you in Scotland? I?m there too! I want to be at home too, I have to say. I feel very much like you do, I won?t have my baby forgotten!

Thanks KatyH. I use the sticks and have found them to be effective. I just wasn't sure if after a mc all the signs are there as normal: i.e. do you get changes in cm before and after ovulation or is there no way of knowing until after a proper period? Trying to think logically is keeping me sane.