TTC after miscarriage- March 2007

[duchesse]

Sorry, guys, can't leave a redirect at the old one- it's not accepting new messages. I hope nobody's already set a new one up...

Morning all! Not so sunny today - I had a lovely day yesterday watching the new fish in our pond. First time we have stocked it so v. exciting! Even saw 3 newts and a frog so felt like David Bellamy! Have just been out to check up on them this morning and 2 have died . However, my favourite - a teeny bright orange one (flame) is still swimming away healthily (phew ).
DH came home and we sat for an hour watching the wildlife - was blissful - as he said, first time we have just sat and enjoyed something without it involving work or MC stress...bring on more of that! It made me think back over the last month (19th March was my scan date when our world turned upseide down) and realise that it might not be the end of the world if we wait a bit longer before TTC - Can imagine that getting PG again will just be another cause for massive stress ?

mrsMc LOVE the sound of your pout stuff! My sister just left her bourjois white and black mascara in my bag so am gonna try that out today!

katyh welcome - you sound like you belong with us - lots of lovley ladies here for you when you need us!

furrymummy - keep thinking of a big furry PG belly ha ha - you need something a bit more spring like ummmmmm sunnymummy?

Have a good day ladies

Good morning all!

That sounds a lovely morning Popsy! I'm enjoying time off work too, and am currently watchig Jeremy Kyle(!) with a coffee, and watching a wren and a robin who are nesting in the hedge and ivy on the back of our house. Very back to nature!

Hello KatyH- hope things look up for you soon!

Not having a good day today. I suspect it?s because I am tired. I love having my grandparents to stay but it is tiring. DHs parents took them out yesterday and didn?t get them back until 8.30 so it was 9.30 before we?d finished dinner and I got to bed late for me with a full tummy, not good.

Hi mumto3girls what a nice thing to say I?m feeling really miserable today as I?ve put on even more weight that?s ½ stone since I got my BFP and 5 pounds since I MC, I?m furious with myself! I understand what you mean about the stage in your cycle, it?s tricky isn?t it? A friend has warned me that even though AF has now arrived, I should be prepared for a few more odd cycles, it?s just the price of a MC I guess we?ll have to aim for 2/3 times a week and hope for the best!!

Hello Wheelybug glad you see the practicality of my list. We?re pretty skint at the mo and the lists help me concoct creative dinners! PMSL at your wondering at FurryMummy?s name!

Hi FurryMummy ? excellent signs! Fingers crossed! I think you?ll be a YummyMummy

KatyH ? I am so so sorry you have had a horrible time, of course you are welcome here (and should be here with us ). I don?t know what anencephaly is but it must have been awful for you and we all really understand the sense of loss. I was only 10 weeks but I?d already mapped out a life for my baby as I am sure you had too I really hope you get another BFP very soon The first couple of times after the MC were strange but things are back to normal now. I?m really trying hard not to pressurise DH but he is much more aware now than he was before. He says his biggest regret is not putting more effort into TTC last time round (it took us 8 cycles to conceive the baby we lost). I hope you find lots of comfort here, we talk about anything and everything and I find it really helps me

Hi Popsy ? sounds like you have been doing some really therapeutic things On Monday we sat in a little pub by the sea and inhaled the sea air and watched the waves roll, it?s so mindless and sometimes so necessary! Sun?s coming out now I think it is scary contemplating the rollercoaster of being pg again but I really feel a need to get back there. I?m just so scared it will never happen. Did you take long to conceive? I?m not a fan of the Bourjois stuff, found it too gunky!

Mrsmc- Sorry to see you are having a bad day, things seems always seem to bite that bit harder when you are tired too, hope you are kind to yourself today.

Sometimes I also feel that its never going to happen for me again too, or that if it does its all going to go wrong again. I'm beginning to think that it is natural, as the pain is still fresh. It will happen though, for all of us, and hopefully very soon

Maybe your time alone while dh is away will be a good breather for you? My husband went away for a few days last month on a stag weekend(to Edinburgh, do you remember?) and on the whole I think it did me good to be selfish for once and not consider anyone else. Hope your OK.

Hi mrsMcneedsahug I am sending you a big one right...NOW... You have been so good supporting us all that maybe you forget that you need support too? I have gone from a tight 10 to a tight 12 and am living in trackies at the mo as jeans look like have dough ball spilling over top of them. My body changed more that I ever imagined - was thinking maybe don't be too hard on ourselves as if get PG again are only going to pile it on. Other thoughts are: see this as your medical reason to eat healthily - eat lots just make it brown carbs (pasta/rice) and steer clear of bread (oat cakes instead) - it works promise!! If you can reduce your wheat intake and white surgary stuff (don't worry about fat doesn't seem to be the culprit) you'll drop a stone in 12 weeks and have an healthy eating habit rather than diet for the rest of your life yipeee.

It seems we are all experiencing similar feelings about ttc. I wrote an email to my PG friend this morning explaining why I find it hard to talk to her and the other 2 - made me feel better at least. I think I have got it straight in my head that I wanted to be PG again asap to stop the emptiness, sadness and lack of direction. And I wanted to be part of their gang again. I have to now accept that I may not be PG by the time they give birth or even by my due date and that that is okay (I think my rush ttc was more about stopping those feelings than wanting a "new" baby) Is funny cos when my dad died I couldn't do anything practical to make it better - so now I feel i can it makes it hard not to act immediately. Is really hard to be so grown up all the time when sometimes you just want to bang your fists on the floor and scream ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instead I am going to be very positive and enjoy every nonPG moment as I seem to remember feeling very sick, tired, emotional and not being me at all (wish me luck ha ha)

On a lighter note I have just been for my first wax ever. The poor woman has seen more of me than a midwife ever would - at least I'll be nicely presentable should the occasion arise in the future (and DH might be so carried away we'll get back on the ttc again...oh so crafty )

p.s. kengirl like the sound of TV and cuppa may have to indulge - made banana bread yesterday yum (is your dh called ken?)

Thanks Kensgirl you are right about sleep and the effect of the lack of it, I am always a bit emotional when I?m tired. I agree with you, we are still all in the grieving stage and it?ll just take time before we have faith again. I?m not really alone when DH is away as Grandparents are here until Sunday night, then I have work on Monday and DH gets back Monday night. I?ll have a lovely hot, long bath on Sunday night and go to bed early I think Did your DH enjoy his stag up here?

Popsy like my name for the day! And thanks for the hug. I?ve always been one for highs and lows I do appreciate the support I get from you all and I know I really need it I was surprised at how my body changed in that short time too, maybe that?s why I feel at odds with myself in addition to the weight gain. You are right about the brown carbs, I?m just no good with white flour, pasta and bread, I bloat really easily. I do try to cut those out. You explained all the feelings so well. I feel exactly the same and I do think I was ready to move on to motherhood and find it frustrating not being able to think about it in the practical sense at the mo, many of the other things in my life have lost their appeal a bit and I feel a bit lost. PMSL at your waxing experience. I started doing it before my wedding and loved how smooth it was but then the damned ingrowing hairs started and scarred and so I?m back to shaving again! Love banana bread ? can you share your recipe with us?

Hi MrsMc oh god don't tell me I am going to have scarring bloddy hell just my luck

Banana bread recipe could not be easier ... mash three large ripe bananas, add 225g SR flour, 2 eggs, 175g caster sugar, 100g soft butter, 2 tbsp golden syrup and pinch of salt and beat for a minute, pour into greased bread tin and bake for about an hour/1.15mins at 160 (i do 150 or less as have a fan oven). ENJOY! oh yes and sprinkle top with pecans before you bake. Is deffernt every time amazingly (did brown sugar this time as no caster).

Also forgot to say in last message we got PG first time both times maybe why DH not keen to let nature take its course as we seem to be good at making but not keeping

Best mascara i ever had was prescriptives that made lashes curl MAGIC though dried up a bit quickly and had to replace

p.s. maybe just cut out bread altogether and reduce others - may be trying to do too much?

That was a lovely post Poppy...

Hi All

MrsMC sorry to hear you're having a bad day. Try not to worry about the weight gain yet. My m/c happened at 7 weeks and I had definitely started to change shape (2nd pg) and it took quite a few cycles for my waist to reappear and it did almost overnight after a period. It was quite bizarre - DH even noticed it (without prompting !).

popsy - sorry to hear about your fish not making the night .

Right - its REALLY not a good day here. I was almost convinced I was pg. I was 17 days post-positive OPK but ... you guessed it.. AF turned up this morning. I am really really gutted - this month more than most for some reason. I had in my mind by christmas we'd have another dc and now there will definitely be 3+ years between dd and another. Silly things really I guess. I am having blood tests/ scan this month to check hormones out and everyone had been saying 'oh it'll happen now you've got the tests booked' so I guess part of me thought it might.

Right off to wallow in self pity for a while before pulling myslef together to see a pg friend this afternoon, another one tomorrow and then I have THREE coming to stay this weekend.

I really wish we could give up this ttc but I know we can't (i.e. don't want to really).

AND they bought the wrong carpet for dd's room this morning...

Sorry for moaning everyone. Off to raid dd's easter egg supply.

Afternoon ladies, wheelybug poor you - do you know I think am PG each time I have a twinge down there even though I know I physically can't be. I have just been to the pub for lunch with a work friend - the same 5 heavily PG ladies turned up (think they are stalking me and Jeremy beadle is about to jump out of the bushes!)
Put some jeans and a green top on and thought..hell I'm not too bad really ha ha (may have helped that was sat next to a 25 stone man at pub but these are desperate times - shame on me).
I am typing this while stuffing belgian choc sea shells into mouth - problem is i almost fel asif I've had one then will be so guilty may as well just troff the lot now instead of battling with my self control for the next few days...men have it SO EASY!!!!!!!
Off to check the pond - tadpoles hatching oh the wonders of nature - feels like an episode of the good life here

Hi Gillydaffs no you are not being stupid at all - I have had same experience every time i go out. Maybe they were always there but we just didn't notice them? I think counselling is a brilliant thing. I had it twice last year after my dad died and the second lot was brilliant (first was Cognitive behavioural which was okay but I wanted someone to tell me how to fix it). Counselling plus life coach is great as that is what they do - help you work out what the problem is and then work on ways of sorting it out yourself. I mean they can't bring the person/baby back but they can help sort your head out so you can deal with it without falling apart. I think we have to deal with so many pressures these days that sometimes it is all too much and then we get sucked into negative thinking and feeling hopeless. The emotional toolkit is also a very good book.
enough rambling - hope you are okay - sending HUGE hugs xxxx

thanks popsy and gilly - hugs right back atcha !

The pregnant people thing is so hard isn't it. Just realised I am seeing different ones today tomorrow AND FRIDAY, and then the lot to stay at the weekend. Some of them have had trouble too so I shouldn't be bitter but it is hard - its nice to know we all understand what each other is going through at least.

Gilly - sorry you felt you had to have a break from MN but I do understand why. Its so hard when its been so long (and when it hasn't too). 9 months here since m/c. sigh. BTW - changing the subject to something totally different but am thinking oyu haven't had time/energy to read through all you missed but I posted down further that I too have a heritage management masters. what a coincidence !

Am feeling a little better - had a good sob down the phone to DH who is the middle of a really stressful and hard deal at the mo so probly didn't need emotional hormonal wife on the phone but he was lovely. DD stroked my head as I was crying saying 'it salright mummy'. Bless her - I know I should just be grateful for what I have right now and enjoy her. We then sat on the sofa and scoffed lots of choc so I now feel a bit sick.

Right, am going to try and think of some positives about having another month unpregnant. Will post them in a bit.

oops gilly - I also meant to say, before I went off on a tangent, that the counselling can't hurt can it ?? I would say try it and see if helps. It will probably help talking to someone who isn't emotionally involved.

good skin, wine (as much as you need), energy, relationship less focussed on your PG symptoms, sunshine, ability to enjoy sunshine, more time earning (if applies), ummmmm oh bugger ummmm sleep through night without needing a wee, sex boobs not sore boobs, sex no longer restricted to spoons, (sorry for the sex emphasis), ability to eat 3 times a day and be full, no nausea (unless self inflicted ), no worries about who to tell and when or about letting work people down..., no wories about MC as has already happened...
there - the start of our PMA list!
xxxxxx
p.s. forgot runny eggs (hard eggs are just wrong!), soft cheese, sea food
p.p.s. oops in frenzy of typing have just noticed 2 half finished chocs next to laptop - must not get carried away and must finish one before start next (2 left oh god am so weak willed!)
p.p.s. if not posted in a while is cos am power walking for 10 miles to atone for choc scoffing sins (do have new ipod though so can listen to SAD songs that DH hates but I like a good walk and a cry - that coldplay one about losing something you just can't replace is my current fav)

Popsy ? sorry! Maybe it was just me with the scarring. I think it depends on your skin and on the way the waxing is done. My sis has it done with a different kind of wax which they don?t lie material over, they just pull the wax, it?s meant to be much better but I can?t find anyone who does it that way up here. Thanks for the recipe, yummy! Wow, pg first time! I want to know your secret! Never tried the Prescriptives mascara that? a good idea about the bread. PMSL at the chocs, those ones are SO moreish! Love you PMA list I?ll add to it in the morning! Off home to look after the olds!

Oh Wheely I?m sorry, so disappointing. I?ll be your cycle buddy though! as I?m cd2. One of the wise TTC Graduates pointed out to me that though I might not have a baby by Christmas to hold in my arms, I could well be holding one inside at Christmas, I?m clinging to that thought at the mo. Thanks for your words of wisdom, I maybe am being a bit unfair on myself, it?s been less than 6 weeks since the MC I guess. How sweet your DD sounds ? stroking you head! Ahhhh!

Gilly ? huge hugs for you too. I can see where you are coming from, I really can and I too see bumps and babies everywhere there is a counselling service available through my work too but I haven?t felt that I?ve needed to use it with the support I get from all of you

hey everyone.
I've missed you all. We had mil (grr grr) over Easter weekend, then monday til rtoday dh, dd and i had a really lovely trip up to shropsgire to visit dh's godson and godson's siblings. It was sucha nice mini-break ( I always think of Bridget JOnes whenever i hear that phrase!), even though dd went to bed too late and didn't compensate in the mornings so was a nightmare come the afternoon. I'm at work this eve, so Dh will have fun !!! Actually I was frequently at the end of my tether.... I always end up moaning at her, and hissing threats at her and feel so so so so guilty afterwards. Waaaah.

I would have been 8 weeks tomorrow
I did the obligatory pg test yesterday though (imagine if the lady at the bed and breakfast came across it in the bin ) and thankfully it was negative. and I I'm in the process of ovulating, so af should be along in a couple of weeks or less fingers crossed.

STill fiding it hard about my (lovely) friend up in Newcastle who told me last week. I have been really naughty and not replied to subsequent, even non baby related, texts until today when I just told her what we'd been up to....

welcome to mrsmcjnr's af lol.

gilly - hugs

popsy hopr you and dh resolve the discrepancy in needs

katy hi - i remember your thread, i think.

prob missed off loads but it's hard after ageeeeees.
xxxxx

we can be MIL hating evil people together - mine had PND apparently due to my MC - poor thing (not!)

now that IS bizarre.

Thanks for the kind words everyone and for starting off the list Popsy. I love it, especially how it revolves around wine and sex.

Some of my positives (all a bit personal to me - sorry) -

Am going out for the day with a friend next week to Jo Malone for her birthday (without our daughters - a rare occurrence for me to have a dd free day) and we are going to have lunch so we can have wine. Hurrah.

DD starts pre-school 3 mornings a week in september. So far I will have a whole term with those 3 mornings to myself (seems exceedingly decadent but not enough time to get a job) - hurrah !

More time to sort house out (moved in oct and it needs a lot of tlc)

I feel sorry enough for dd having a January birthday so a December birthday would have been rubbish (she says convincing herself)

I have finally, after a very long time, got back to almost a 10 (ie in some shops I'm a 10 .. others a 12) which I haven't been since before dd was born. more time to enjoy that and maybe get down further (note to self: lay off easter eggs)

DD is of an age where I can use a handbag, not a hold all when going out and the car doesn't need to be stuffed full if going away for the weekend.

Anyway... obvioulsy I'd happily give up all of the above but MUST THINK POSITIVE.

Am gonig to treat myself to big glass of wine tonight (since the new year I have been VERY good about laying off the wine Monday to thursday). I love wine.. sigh...

Hope the power walk went well Popsy and come on cycle buddy MrsMc... we can do it !

ooh thought of another

I am feeling sorry for myself which gives me a good excuse to go and treat myself to something nice tomorrow. Hmmm.. what though...

hello everyone and thanks for your get well wishes. I'm right as rain now but still shudder to think of the onslaught I had on Saturday!

Sorry to see you've been low MrsMc - probably over-tiredness again like you say. Gillydaff - you're definitely not being a softy. As for seeking help such as counselling, what's the worst that could happen? If you don't feel comfortable you wouldn't have to go back, and you may find you get a lot out of talking to a trained professional. I've had hypnotherapy twice over the past 10 or so years (for completely unrelated things). I'm not recommending that for helping someone come to terms with a mc, just sort of sharing the fact that i've gone for outside help and it's been a very beneficial and positive experience.

Wheely - sorry to hear about af. I'm in the same position of seeing an ever-widening gap between ds and our next baby and it's not what I wanted and hoped for at all. It's hard isn't it

Beckle - good news about the ov symptoms!
furrymummy that's sounding very promising

KatyH - so very sorry to hear what you have been through; how terrible. Welcome to our thread, you'll find it safe and supportive.

Well I had a mass breakout of spots which are just starting to fade. It was so embarrassing, I felt like a teenager and worried that everyone must be looking at them because a couple were stonkers. Can only put it down to hormones. I bought a pregnancy test the other day, just to have in the drawer (you know how it is...). I feel convinced though that I won't be using it for months to come .

I'm off to make a cup of tea and watch Ch4 news, will call in again later x

don't know why some names are bold and others arent . Wheely - great list. I'm going to come back with a glass of wine later and read it again

Peanutbutter - Know all about spots, have a lovely crop on the side of my neck .
To put names in bold, type an asterisk either sied of the name.
Wheelybug - you deserve a treat! You go girl!
Alittlebitshy - I'm lucky in taht I have a nice mil, but not everyone is that lucky... at least it's over! OOh and my name refers to Barty Cat - my furry baby!
Mrsmcjr - if anyone deserves lots of hugs it's you!
Kensgirl - I'm jealous - wish I was off work!
Popsy - i think when you ttc, you turn into a pg lady magnet - that explains why we them every where we go

furry - i did, at least, i think i did...