Thread 27. TTC #1 - we're stressed, we're fed up, we're bitter but I promise this will all be worth it when we're holding our precious babies

[AlexiaB]

Calling all OPK-ers, Temp-ers, Clomid-ers, Femara-ers, IUI-ers, IVF-ers and anyone else on the TTC #1 Bus.

We've been going a while now so the novelty has worn off and we're slightly battle scarred and bruised in the cervix area. We don't get a lot of baby dust in these here parts, we just keep it legs spread and fingers crossed (LSFX). We love a baby bomb from a prior bus-mate but if we get told to 'just relax and enjoy it' ONE MORE TIME you will get a punch in the face!

Here's our Grad's Thread. May 2017 lead us all to upduffed heaven and the Grad's thread, amen.

Hop on board, post your stats and prepare to be dazzled by the wealth of TTC knowledge we long-timeys have to share...

Key:
HS - have/had sex
GOS - good old shag
ELH - enthusiastic lavatory happenings
LSFX - legs spread, fingers crossed

Name: Sk1p
Age: 29
Cycle: 20
CD: 3

Have unexplained infertility. Have had all the tests (poking and prodding) and just waiting for my follow up appointment at the hospital end of April. Believe the next step for me is IVF.

Just wanted to catch up with a few people...

Macs - Really great to hear that your brother is doing much better now. Is he still in the hospital or is he resting up at home now?

Binky - I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. If it makes you feel any better, although there is no cure (yet) it is quite easy to treat for infertility and I've known a lot of people both on MN and IRL who have managed to get pregnant with the right support. I think they will offer you drugs first but even if that fails, I think they will offer you a laparoscopy which should sort it out. All I would say is - all is not lost. So hang in there okay?

Kerry - Sorry about your BFN, and now exactly what you mean regarding the ever present "hope". I think its a good thing, it means people like you and I aren't ready to give up just yet and we still believe it can happen - which of course, it can! Good luck for your scan on Wednesday, hopefully this time you can have the IUI. That will be so exciting!

Hopeful - Glad your op was cancelled and you've got time to get in the zone. Also, you wont be the only one left here...I guarantee I will still be mulling about giving running commentaries on AF - have no fear! ;)

Pyjamas - What is wrong with your DH? Why did he write his letter with no emotional attachment? I really think he needs to seek medical help, he is clearly struggling with this and he's taking it all out on you. It's not fair. /hugs

Oh pyjamas I'm so sorry to that about ur DH , men can be idiots at times and don't understand at times.

Yes I will get testing now but not holding out hope. Just thankful for ladies like you all to talk to and find the funny side of things xxx

Completely out of place here (just. Long time lurker) but i wanted to say to Pyjamas that i'm so sorry your DH is being like that!

My DH has a tendancy that when he knows he's gone too far or has done something wrong to act like the biggest Penis in the world... he has obviously written the letter like that to cause you more hurt in the hope that you will back down and just say sorry I know its all my fault (which it totally isnt)!

I don't have any advice as you can only handle his behaviour as you see fit but i just wanted to say us wives are superheros for what we put up with and don't ever feel like thats all your worth or that you deserve his behaviour!

Hi everyone

Thanks Alexia for the new thread, I hope you're doing ok

miranda
29 (30 next month 😳)
Cycle 7
CD 25

AF due in the next couple of days I think, no symptoms at all and at the bloated stage of the cycle where I feel like I look like I'm pregnant!

Welcome hanna and angel

I can't believe your DH pyjamas, you do definitely do not have a drinking problem, he is being beyond unreasonable!!

Oh jam is this a close friend?

Sorry that's meant to say 'definitely do not'!!

pyjamas I can't believe he's written to you in that manner. What the hell? Where's the desire to make up, the loving words? You're not a monster! I wish I had better advice to give but DH and I never let arguments drag on for more than an hour or so at the very most, we hate not being 'friends'. It's just not worth the stress when it's usually over something silly (like yours is). My DH would never have left for the party today without reading my letter and making up with me first. It's honestly not fair that you have to sit at home on your own, worried and feeling like shit when you've done nothing wrong. You went out drinking for one bloody night? Big deal! He's being very immature and melodramatic. I honestly think he's the one that has personality issues. I also don't like the fact he took off his wedding ring and has gone out without it on too! That's not nice and not a good look. As a parent he would not be able communicate this poorly with you, something to think about. Big hugs to you

Welcome Angel, I'm very sorry to hear about your recurrent miscarriages. Have you started taking supplements for egg quality like ubiquinol/coq10? Hopefully it's just been bad luck so far but testing for natural killer cells and whether you're a carrier of the 'bad' genes like MTHFR might be worthwhile.

Jam oh dear, sounds like she's pregnant? Not what you need Hope you can still have a lovely evening though

I'm sorry about the BFN Kathrino and Kerry. Being in limbo is the worst

Welcome hanna

Glad the picture got a few laughs

@AlexiaB yes I started coq10 when I fell pregnant (first I had heard about it) so I have been taking that and will continue to do so. I will ask about that gene and hopefully get tested. I had been taking baby aspirin as soon as I found out I was pregnant this time but it unfortunately didn't make this baby stick. @Pyjamas81 if it makes you feel any better, I love a drink until I get a bfp! There's so many people that get pregnant and drink all the way through and baby's fine! So drinking as little as you do does not make you in any way what so ever have a drinking prob!! Xx

Welcome angel and confused you are very welcome here

Fx Miranda hope AF stays away

Oh I need to get that coq10 stuff don't I.

The friend coming over is 8 weeks pregnant. I'm actually not at all surprised. I made a cup of tea and sat in the garden and sobbed for a bit but I've got that out now. It's not sadness that she's pregnant - it's sadness that it just happens for other people.

She's someone I work with. I really like her a lot and will confide in her this evening what we are going through xx

Jam - I know how tough it is Jam, it's horrible and then you feel guilty for feeling that way about someone you care about, right? We went out for a meal with OH's brother and SIL the other day, they already have two kids but they were definitely hinting at having a third imminently. I probably wouldn't of picked up on it if I wasn't TTC but it was obvious in their body language and choice of words. My stomach SANK. It's silly because I know they might decide otherwise, or maybe I was reading it wrong, or maybe they will struggle - but half of me is hoping they don't conceive before me. It will just make me feel even more inadequate. So selfish...but I can't help it.

@Londonjam I used to go to counselling for my mc and I used to say aw I'm so jealous so and so is pregnant and I'm not but the counsellor made me realise the difference between jealousy and envy. I didn't not want her to be pregnant , I just wanted it for myself too. There's nothing more heartbreaking than finding out someone is expecting but somehow our fabulous brains and bodies eventually come to terms with it. It might take time but we get there. The most important thing is to not feel guilty because you're upset ❤❤ thinking about you xxx

Thank you both, it's completely natural isn't it. Going to have to get used to her growing bump across the desk now! Bless her.

Pyjamas thinking of you have you heard anymore from him?

It's a real mix of emotions isn't it Jam? So bittersweet. I often have to remind myself that there's not a finite number of babies in the world and someone else's pregnancy has no bearing on whether I'll be able to get pregnant. It's so hard though to see other people seemingly getting pregnant so easily when we're stuck here month after month with nothing to show for it.

Hope you've found something fun to do for yourself this afternoon pyjamas. Thinking of you

That's good Angel. I take baby aspirin all cycle long if that helps.

Jam seeing someone close to you get what you want so badly will never, ever be easy. These are natural emotions so don't feel bad for crying Every time someone announces a pregnancy I cry, that's the main reason I deactivated Facebook. Hope you have a good heart to heart tonight xx

Sorry I meant to say - I really hope AF stays away Miranda! Sometimes no symptoms is a good thing. LSFX

Am on the move so can't say hi individually to everyone but wanted to placemark
Geeup
Age 34
Ttc #1
Cycle 23? Lost count now I'm doing IVF. Tried literally everything but never a sniff of a bfp.
OH has low morphology and sperm don't seem to survive long enough to fertilise the egg
Currently doing first round of IVF with ICSI

Going to continue taking aspirin thanks ladies xxxx

Pyjamas - I have totally got your back, you've done nothing wrong, your OH should never had made you feel like he has, you're doing amazingly at coping in a very shit period (as I've said before I think cycle 8-14 ish are the worst).
However, I thought it may be useful to flip this just to get his perspective. If you were feeling very desperate with the ttc nightmare and had given up drinking and were trying everything you could to make it happen, and then your OH had gone out on a bender and thrown up, and you'd told us on this thread, you know we'd all be saying supportive things about "he's not realising how hard you're finding this", "he should be doing everything you are to make it work", "you're in this together" etc etc. He's behaving horribly but I wonder if you two are just struggling to communicate the ways you're individually coping with this TTC journey. You went out to try and blow off steam, he is internalising all his fears and then exploding when you do something he thinks will threaten your chances. Alexia - I hope I'm not being unfair bringing this up but you obviously recently had a big blow up where you behaved in a way you obviously regretted and made it up with your OH - we've all had breakdowns and blow ups along the way as we come to terms with things. What you're going through pyjamas isn't unique or unusual for any couple facing infertility.
What I'm saying is keep trying to communicate - keep writing letters, keep asking questions (even if he doesn't answer you or ignores you), keep talking and if he does say anything, make sure you don't get defensive and make sure you're actively listening. Nod a lot. Ask more questions.
Certainly don't let this break your marriage - if he is really that angry, get a counsellor trained in infertility. IVF clinics should be able to advise on one.
You'll make it through. Keep the faith. Thinking of you

Hi everyone 👋🏼

Macs
Age: 31
Cycle 8
CD 15
Continuing with trying to relax and not let TTC take over my every thought. So far it's working.

jam That feeling is the worst. It's not that you're not happy for them but the feeling of 'why not me' is so strong that it's hard to ignore. I love kathrino's comment about there not being a finite number of babies. Also great that you can confide in your mate though. One of my best mates is 6 months pregnant with her second and I've told her about my TTC. It's such a relief.
As for the post run pain. I know it might not be what you want to hear but keep moving...walking or gentle jogging is a good way to ease it off. Yesterday is probably the worst it'll be. 🤞🏼

angel so sorry about what you've been through. You'll find good support here.

pyjamas that is so cold. I really hope he understands how cold when he reads your letter. You really need to have a good talk about it tomorrow so he can explain the emotions behind it all. There is clearly something more going on in his head than that letter. Please look after yourself this evening.

gee you really do give the best advice. I hope the IVF process is going ok and not too physically demanding.

sk1pper thanks. He's still in hospital. Likely to be there for a while. His recovery is a long and complicated process but he's definitely getting there. I hope you're beginning to feel a bit better after your pain.

binky I'm so sorry about your results. As others have said, I also know a few people in RL who have conceived with PCOS. It's good to know what's going on so that you can deal with it head on. Have they said what the next step is?

I've just spent all day gardening! Having moved to this house from a tiny 3rd floor london flat, having a garden is such a novelty.

I think they're completely different situations Geeup. We're talking about someone going out for some drinks to let off some steam after another failed cycle. Fertility specialists have said pjs can drink and we know people all over the world fall pregnant whilst binge drinking and taking drugs. One night out isn't going to affect anything, the stress of the argument is likely to do more damage. I personally can't see where her DH is coming from and why it's dragged on for so long. I think it's unfair and a huge overreaction. But it's good you've shared another point of view and I sincerely hope they get stronger from this.

I know I must sound like a massive hypocrite to you. I seriously regret opening up about my argument with DH because it's the only argument we've had in 23 cycles TTC. Yes I went way over the top and acted like a petulant little girl but my DH understood exactly why and he was just as frustrated with himself. He honestly thanked me right after for my persistence! It was just one awful, long stressful night and I should have hidden some of the details on here clearly. We were laughing and happy once we'd finally HS. We have a ridiculously strong/close relationship I feel the need to stand up for it.

pyjamas hope you're doing OK, it must have been hard reading a letter written like that. I hope you can hold on to the thought that you don't have a problem if you have a few during AF - seems controlled to me.

Also really hoping this is just a first step in opening communication and bottoming things out. It does sound like he has the issues to work through, rather than you, but totally agree with what geeup says, this may be a result of his way of processing TTC issues, and trying to keep talking/writing will be so important.

I was also wondering whether he always has that sort of 'logical'/clinical approach? If that's the way he approaches problems, is there a way to meet him in the middle (e.g. break his response down to the issues and show your point of view)? Not sure if that would be something he'd respond to.

Are there any sympathetic mutual friends that could help or try to talk to him while you work out communication? Otherwise, maybe suggest the external help idea us a good one, but you should speak to someone together? Third parties can be really helpful in times like this.

Otherwise, everything geeup says - it might feel like you're the one doing the hard work, but worth it in the end; all the best xx

Sorry Alexia posted without refreshing - must've looked like I was ignoring/dismissing you; think you totally explained your situation, recognised it & worked it through together - showed a really healthy way to deal with a blowup (plus was a bit envious of how sweet your partner was )

Carley
Age: 25
Cycle: 3
CD 2

Well AF arrived bang on time - on the plus side it's been lighter than usual and cramps milder than usual. Feeling surprisingly positive given it's CD 2!

Pyjamas I hope you're ok, you've been given so much great advice but just to echo everyone else - you have done nothing wrong! Your DH is being extremely unfair and frankly horrible. I hope you get things sorted with him soon, TTC is so hard on both parties but taking his frustrations out on you unfairly is only going to make things harder.

Angel so sorry to hear about your MC's, hope you get your sticky bean soon. I really liked the point you mentioned from your counselling about the difference between jealousy and envy - really puts into words how I feel sometimes!

Ah Jam definitely a natural reaction to have, TTC is a tough time. Really good you feel able to confide in her though!

Alexia please don't feel bad for sharing on this thread, the whole point of this thread is to support each other on this journey. From previous posts it's clear you have a strong, loving relationship with your DH, and as quiet says you recognised the issue and resolved it together.

Lol thanks Quiet He does have the patience of a Saint! I'm lucky he's so caring and can handle my female hormones!

Carley I'm sorry AF got you too but I like that we're cycle buddies again! Glad you're feeling upbeat, no reason this can't be your BFP cycle x

Tina
Age 27
Cycle 8
AF - today :(

Came on here because I am feeling so low and I don't think my husband or family really get how I feel.

Welcome Tina. Sorry you're feeling down and don't have much RL support. You've come to the right place though as there are some amazingly, supportive ladies here