Ttc after miscarriage thread #8

[Miami81]

Hey. Just starting new thread. Hope the rest of you find it.

Me too anne i will stick around. I want to see you lovely ladies bet your happy endings. Without you all i don't know where I'd be now. Wish i knew you all so i could cuddle you all and give you cake. Thank you for being kind.
Not sure if it's a sticky one all i can do is hope.
On a tmi note my wind is awful. So uncomfortable.

anne have you refrained from testing?

Hi can I join? Yesterday I had surgical management for my second miscarriage.
I'm 27 years old and I came off the pill about a year ago when my husband and I decided we were ready to try for a baby but that we wouldn't overly try just be open to it happening.
We got our first positive in July and then found out that our booking appointment (about 9weeks) that our little baby was only measuring 6weeks 4 days. So a mmc. Tried medical management but didn't work ended up with surgical management for it also.
Then think I maybe had a chemical pregnancy in December as something wasn't quite right and eventually I tested and got a positive then a week later a negative. I was bleeding heavily at the time of tests so knew it wasn't really a positive that was sticking about.
Bleeding continued for a bit and I seemed to have af 3 times in a month so I'd booked a docs appointment to talk about it. Didn't tell her about pregnancy tests at first as I'm terrified of docs and freeze so she said to come back for a smear the following week. I was more terrified of that so the following week I told her about the previous tests and she said prob a chemical pregnancy and she wanted to do a test to be sure it was negative.
I did their test was told negative and as I'm walking out of the room got called back to be told it was a very faint positive so I was referred for scan at epu later that week. Turns out their tests are really sensitive as I must have only just conceived so couldn't see much. Went back two weeks later it was definitely a pregnancy and. Growing. Appointment booked for 2 more weeks time. I had some bleeding on the Sunday after scan and phoned epu so got a new scan appointment on Friday of that week and it show a tiny baby at 6weeks 0days with a strong heartbeat. It was so amazing to see. I had a small about of bleeding again 2 days later but it was gone in half an hour and went back for previously planned scan that Friday when we should have been 7 weeks. It showed that the baby had grown 6weeks 6days so only a day out but the heartbeat had slowed down. went back on Monday this week and they confirmed no growth from Friday and no longer a heartbeat and booked me in for erpc yesterday.
We seem to get to the 6week mark no problem but then it all goes wrong. I'm going to the gp this Tuesday. I'm just wondering is there anything I should ask for or I dunno...
Believe it or not the gp appointment was booked when I got the viable pregnancy letter from epu 2 weeks ago as I was told to bring it to my gp. I have 3 epu letters to bring to gp plus now one from hospital yesterday as it has taken from the 14th February to actually get an appointment. 3 times I got told "nope sorry no appointments left phone back in a few days"
I know they don't like to do anything before 3 miscarriages but I just feel like it's happened about the same point both times is there something wrong with me that's causing it. Surely they could do something to check rather that having to go through it all again. We want to start ttc again but we know we need to wait until bleeding stops after erpc and supposed to wait until first af but it seems so far away...my mum thinks we should wait a couple of months to let my body heal and get back to normal both physically and emotionally and I understand where she's coming from but I really don't want to wait that long. I certainly don't want to go back on pill or otherwise. Our first baby would have been due on the first April. This one we have just lost due date would have been my birthday in October. I've already instructed a friend that we are going out that day!
Sorry this has turned out to be a way longer post than I meant and I've rambled on a bit :-/

I haven't fluff.... Got bfn this morning. Was going to wait till Friday but couldn't have felt more pregnant yesterday and I was convinced!

Nearly threw up in the car on the way home, off everything apart from crackers and peppermint tea, too tired to do anything and I was asleep by half 8. Crazy painful boobs and so bloated.

But nothing! No af, and it's late now, and no bfp. I shall gratefully accept cake and a cuddle

Sorry about the BFN Anne.

Welcome smurf. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses.

I've got myself in a bit of a mope this afternoon. DH said last night that he's been thinking more about adoption recently and as that's such a long process maybe we should start looking into it more. I'm not ready to give up on having our own child yet and I know he isn't either but how the hell do you ever decide when to stop? He's really down about things at the moment and I just don't know what to do to help.

Smurf fingers crossed your gp will have some answers for you and be able to help. anne don't rule anything out yet i was a week late when I got bfp with my dd i had all the symptoms but kept getting bfn i went to the walk in as i was experiencing a lot of stabbing pains really bad they told me it was ibs good job i didn't listen as she gave me meds and i refused to take them good job as could of caused major problems with dd so ended up in a and e and she said i was pregnant but levels were low but like you i had every symptom going she is now healthy so fx.
keep could you start the process but keep trying? I was talking to a lady the other day she adopted 2 boys because they thought they couldn't have children she now has a healthy 10m old. Also a woman at work had two attempts of ivf fail they decided to have a break from it all and concentrate on their wedding she got caught naturally very soon after. She put so much pressure on herself during ivf

Thanks fluff x

I'm not sure fluff. From the reading I've done so far it seems a lot of the agencies want you to be at least 6 months on from your last miscarriage and expect you to stop actively trying and use contraception. I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for them to ask, I just don't think I'm at that stage yet. I think we should keep trying until November, at which point we will have been trying for 3 years, and then re-evaluate. I guess we could maybe go to an information evening in the mean time.

Really keep i didn't realise that it was so strict. So are they saying that you could never have your own children if you adopt?

No I don't think so. I think what they understandably need to avoid is people pulling out far down the process because they've fallen pregnant. I imagine once you've adopted you can do what you like.

No, it's to do with you being able to concentrate on the adopted child, because they are undergoing a huge upheaval and need so much support to help them through it.

They also want to make sure you're serious about adopting and aren't just going into it as a snap reaction to the pain of miscarriage/infertility. They want to know you're sure about adoption as a thing in its own right, rather than seeing it as a "back up option" if that makes sense.

That said, SIL found out she was pregnant towards the later stages of the adoption process and they were so invested in it at that point, they didn't want to give up so they had to hide it from the social workers! Luckily for them it all worked out really well, they have three children all together, all lovely kids.

You could definitely go to an information evening though.

Oh yes, that makes sense too.

Ah ok. Put like that it all makes sense. I'd love to foster but my dp would never even consider it at all. bertie that's good that your sil was able to hide it

Doctor's was a complete waste of time she looked at me gone out when I said I had a positive test at the weekend and now negative but only spotting.
Referred me back to the hospital for a scan to check pcos?!! What!

Completely fed up tonight! Still no AF and BFN argh. I'm in a why has this happened to me mood

Keepon
I know we are all on very different timelines and experiences here, but I would go to the information thingy, it is a very intense process as I understand it and best to start getting heads around it. It may help with deciding your timelines if that makes sense.
But also if it helps at all, in my head my timeline is as follows;
Start trying this cycle, whenever I fall will be my third pregnancy, going to take junior aspirin as no matter what they have said to me at rmc I am still not convinced that there isn't something clotty happening. Cross fingers, hope for best. If it happens again, then throw the kitchen sink at it, may have to sell a kidney but I will be getting all the tests,
Probably private, I can't face the waiting and uncertainty with my local rmc so will just stump up cash to go to specialist fertility clinic. So scratch in miscarriage, scans, more blood tests, chromosomes, the whole nine yards. I reckon the most I will have left in me is one or two more goes at that stage. Then I think I am out. That is all assuming that DH agrees to this. He could say no if we have a 3rd, but i don't think I will be able to until we have pursued all avenues, if that makes sense. Once I am clear in my mind that we have tried it all, then I think I will be done. But that point will probably change, I don't know where my head will be in another year.
It is all just so uncertain, there is a part of me that wishes someone would just say - right, this isn't for you, you can't physically do this, you were never meant to, however we have these wonderful children just over here who need some wonderful parents to love them and raise them.
Just take them - and then it would be done, and I could go back to being me. And stop worrying all the time. Anyway sorry that was a bit of a ramble, I have had some wine.

Ahh user that might be a good thing though as the hospital can do a lot more tests than the gp. So hopefully find a little bubba in there. Miami that sounds like a good plan you have to do what's right for you at the time. It would be great if someone could say exactly what was what though and if and when things would happen. I'm in to spiritualism after my late dp and got told a lot of things that were true they also said I'd have a boy and a girl so i am praying that it true too.

Ramble away Miami. It is the uncertainty that is so difficult. No one can tell us if or when we'll have our babies. In my mind I've always said I won't put us through more than 4 MCs but I can see that changing if I do have a 4th. And then there's getting pregnant for a 4th time in the first place. I'm not someone who falls pregnant easily and sadly the increased fertility after a MC theory doesn't seem to apply to me. It took 10 months last time.

Keepon
My DH said something about getting pg again which kind of made sense to me. I was rambling on about it having taken 6mths last time and he said "but each month is a fresh chance, isn't it" and he's right, it's not like you have to build up a tolerance or something. Chances are the same each time, is what I think he was trying to say. It helped me to think of it that way, but also knowing it took six months last time has taken the desperate pressure out of it for me, which is no bad thing. I was very manic about it last time, but more philosophical now.

Hi all, can I join you please? So sorry to hear about all of your losses. I miscarried for the first time (first pregnancy) two weeks ago, got my BFN yesterday so back on the horse now. I was incredibly lucky and got pregnant first time trying so I'm hoping it'll happen quickly again and all will be well this time, but as others have said, the not knowing and worrying is so hard! I miscarried at nearly 11 weeks this time (paid for a private scan as I was so convinced something was wrong and EPU just told me that the spotting I'd been having was fairly common, which I'm sure it is, found out the baby had died nearly 2 weeks before, and then started properly bleeding that night before I could even phone the hospital, so at least I avoided any surgery!) so I know if I do get pregnant again I'm going to be stressed the entire 12 weeks. Sending lots of happy baby vibes to you all and hoping for lots of BFPs soon.

So sorry for your loss halloumisandwich, but I love your name!

Self indulgent rant warning

I'm pretty fucking miserable this morning. Another BFP, 2 days late, no af in sight, symptoms up to the eyeballs but clearly not pregnant and I generally feel a bit defective. I know you're not out till you're out and all that and I might have got my dates wrong, it's the first cycle post mc, all that. But the prospect of a healthy pregnancy and a baby at the end of it feels a million bastard miles away and I'm so so bloody tired and fed up of it all

We had a chat this morning and if af does eventually show we're going to ditch the app (which I do find priceless but is making me very crazy), spend some money on the house, book a decent holiday, I need to tackle the driving and get my license and we'll not try but not stop it either. I Might change my mind in a month but the way I'm feeling now I need off the crazy train I'm on.

Most of the time I'm fine and the rest of life is good. But it never goes away does it? I was due my precious baby in 2 months, it's gone so incredibly quickly. And all I feel like I've done in the time I should have been happy and healthy and chubby and pregnant is bleed and cry and worry. Which isn't really true, but that's what it feels like in the shit moments.

On the one hand I'm wedded to healthy eating, clean living vitamins, sleep, trying to be as good as I can. But maybe what I need is a holiday, a bucket full of cocktails, a few packets of fags, some late nights and a bit more sodding spontaneity.

All done xxx

Anne
I am so sorry. You poor thing. I am assuming it was a BFN this morning for you? It is all very wearying isn't it. You have been so positive and wonderful for everyone else on here, please don't lose your optimism. I am so hoping that it happens for you soon. Due dates coming up are awful, like truly mind bendingly grim. So just take it easy on yourself for a while. Ditch the apps. One of my friends who has been trying for a long time has recently dumbed down her smartphone. She came off everything and to be honest I think it has made a huge difference to her.
This is going to sound counterintuitive but we took three months off after last miscarriage and actually has really helped me mentally handle it. I feel more neutral about where we are now, I was totally panicking about it but being us again for 3 months with no stresses or apps or dates or fw or whatever was really nice.
Mind yourself. Everyone has bad days. Big hugs.

Thanks anne and sorry you're still in limbo - I think the waiting is the worst part - waiting for the mc to be over, then waiting to ovulate, then waiting to test... and then a big wait until you can be reasonably sure everything is going to be ok! It sounds like you do need a holiday, and it might even happen then while you're not driving yourself crazy thinking about it. Since my mc, DH and I have booked two weekends away over the next couple of months and ordered new carpets for our bedroom and stairs - we'd been saving like crazy for the baby and just thought f**k it, we'll have time to save again and we may as well give ourselves some things to look forward to now, rather than just waiting around to see if/when I get pregnant again. You deserve to enjoy yourself. Although saying that, fingers crossed af stays away and you do get your BFP soon....

Anne please rant away. I'm sorry you're having a rubbish day. It is all so shitty, and some days it seems much bleaker and shitter than others. I say book the holiday and have the booze and the fags. We need to do whatever we need to do to get through and we need to continue living our lives and finding enjoyment in other areas. I hope you have some clarity on what is going on at the moment soon, even if it is the dreaded witch making a visit.

Thank you all xxx

Had a lovely sit in the sun which is gorgeous here today, feeling slightly more mellow. Also had news that a friend had her bfp today from a round of ivf abroad. She's been through so much and it's lovely to hear happy news.

I usually keep a fairly positive head on me but I have a real wtf feeling about the whole thing. I see how worried DH is and I wish something could just pissing go to plan for us.

As you say keepon, if af is going to show up I wish it would just bloody do so now.