#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

pickle are you feeling better?

Am I wrong or is someone having a scan today? If so, best of luck and let us know how it goes!

That's me Stork - my appointment is at 1pm. I'll report back later. I'm feeling quite relaxed about it. Baby has been moving lots in the past couple of days

Pickle - I hope you're feeling better today and that you're taking care of yourself

Kwick - when is your next scan booked for?

On the subject of adoption, because the vast majority of children who need adopting in the UK will have additional needs, I don't see adoption as the answer for providing a child for those of us who can't conceive. One would need to want more specifically to adopt and be committed to taking on the challenge and providing the extra care and patience that an adopted child will need. It's a very very tough journey in the vast majority of cases and one that as a single parent I don't think I'm in the best position to handle. The people I know of (three different families) who have adopted children have had to deal with some absolutely awful circumstances and in all honesty I think if they had their time again they wouldn't choose the same path.

If I couldn't have my own child my next step would be to look into adopting a baby abroad where there are more children born to perfectly healthy mothers who are forced to give them up for social reasons. This comes with a whole minefield of ethical considerations though and to do properly ensuring that it is all above board and is legal and official costs around £12k.

Hope the scan confirms all is well today shoes, it must be so nice that feeling of having him/her moving around

I can't believe I'm only on 7DPIUI, this has got to be the longest week ever!! I'm really counting the days (crossing them out on the calendar)... does it get any easier with time???
I have no symptoms whatsoever, apart from on and off cramping which I normally get due to IBS.

pickle, I must have missed the bit where you said you were poorly. Hope you feel better soon

snork, I've signed up to receive the updates on your blog. I love the way you write and can relate to sooooo much of it

Good luck shoes.
I spent most of last year going through the adoption process but it isn't about getting you a child, it's about giving a home to a vulnerable child. The process could take anywhere from a year to never as not many children are being put up for adoption and those that are have additional needs that social workers worry about placing with single parents especially if they plan to go back to work.

I suddenly realised that I could spend years going through the process and lose the option of having a child naturally. I also realised that the baby stage was important to me.

Strangely, people were more supportive of me when trying to adopt than now that I'm going through fertility treatment.

Thanks Pez

Kwick has often referred to the tww as the TWOT (two weeks of torture). Quite right - it really is torturous. Keeping yourself busy and distracted helps a huge amount in my experience. I made a point of lining up nice social things for my twws and using the tww as an excuse to order in some of my favourite but ludicrously expensive chocolate (I'm allergic to soya which rules out pretty much all shop-bought chocolate.)

I won't tell you that in the event you get a BFP that then the wait for the first scan is pretty much equally as torturous

Ok this is going to be long as so many bits to catch up on....
I looked at the co-parenting site long before I knew things like iui with donor sperm existed but must be very confusing with legal implications and also you don't know whether people have sti's or known Genetic problems that they just want to spread!
Least our way donor has no rights to the little sprog:)

My sister asked me about adoption if this didn't work-I wouldn't rule it out but like some of you also said I want to experience the whole pregnancy thing-good and bad and know they really are mine and see things in them and think oooh that's from me, or I can see my sister in them like we can see me in my nephew etc!

miri & pez half way through,can't wait to hear your news next week!

hoping woah that must have been awful for people to see on Facebook! Good old social media!!!

tygr yeh book on both, info should be pretty similar but you'll get a feel of which clinic you prefer, some are quite corporal and seem just out for money and others seem more like friendly family focussed clinic.

snork will take a look at blog :) thanks for sharing with us
I've had depression and anxiety and OCD since I was 11. Been ok for about 3yrs now,still have the OCD with things (not washing hands kind but with situations and how I think things should be done etc) the thinking about tcc has helped so much as where previously I may have allowed myself to fall down the rabbit hole I've fought to keep swimming so well enough to go through this, very much believe I am a little warrior that is super stronger than "normal" people who haven't had many struggles as I've been through the darkest of dark clouds but got out. I do still very much like to be in control though so this bit with the clinic has been quite stressful but still standing. It'll be worth all the effort in the end!!!

Had a moment last night where I felt I was being really silly doing all of this and would I be able to afford this, etc etc but I know it was just a freak out which think we've all had. Like you kwick I'm more worried it won't happen!!

shoes and kwick thank you lovelies, I feel like a sneezy snot bag! I am not getting out my pjs today, it's just me the blanket and the tv! Just snuggling down to last episode of delicious (I'm going to miss it when finishes-if you haven't watched it, download on sky it's fab!!!)

Good luck with scan today shoes hope all is well! Glad mini shoes has been wriggling lots to reassure you

Xx

Thanks pez

Snork I'm glad you've been stable too. Lack of sleep will be difficult, but there's so much help available nowadays that you can always fall back on that if needed.

Pickle sorry you're poorly. Hope you feel better soon

Good luck with your scan shoes! I'm sure everything will be hunky dory; it must be very reassuring to feel him/her move around & kick loads. Let us know! I'll be obsessively checking MN

If I'm being brutally honest, I haven't thought about adoption much at all. I've contemplated it, sure, but I didn't think they'd allow me to adopt because I'm young...
I still haven't lost more than 5lb! That's three days now! I know it's not exactly healthy to weigh myself every day, but in the beginning I always lose around 1lb a day; I seem to have stopped and I'm stressing because my appointment is only 12 days away and I still have to lose another 3lb, or 9lb if I want to make sure I've definitely lost enough. It's driving me doolally

Thanks caution
Try not to stress too much about the weight though, just eat healthily, drink a lot of water. DONT weigh yourself daily as this will fluctuate-just eat to plan and the weight will come off but stressing is more likely to make u put on weight.

snork your blog is amazing! I love the way you write. Can def see some similarities in me-especially spreadsheets, I know what goes in and out on what day,how much I can spend,how much I can save etc etc!
Going to have a look to see if I can find the "choosing single motherhood" book as that looks fab & look on the donor conception website,can't remember if looked on their on the early days.

Oh man, thank you all so much for the nice words about my blog! It means so much to me to share this journey with other people!!

I'm super emotional today, but in a happy way! I just saw the doctor to talk about my medication and clinic referral... I had psyched myself up for a 'fight' (having to defend my choices etc) but he was AMAZING. Better than I could ever have expected. He's writing to a mental health specialist for advice about my meds, and was so happy to do my referral, and to do the preliminary blood tests for me on the NHS. He was so supportive and encouraging, I shed a tear after I left! I've seen some awful doctors in my time so it was a huge relief.

I'm in a cafe with a low phone battery (my heating broke last night so I'm avoiding my house!!) so will catch up properly later. shoes - hope the scan goes well!

Awe snork so pleased your dr was so amazing!! I wish I was still at my old surgery, my dr would have help me out too I'm sure. Can barely get an appointment with new surgery and they haven't once follow up about the depression etc so don't want to talk to them about it. But so so so happy for you-first steps x

snork what an amazing GP, mine just said good luck with that and said I'd have to pay privately for all bloody tests!

Re adoption.... well, I looked into it first, I went to several open evenings. I was told that a) there are 17 adoptive families waiting for a child for every child waiting to be adopted. b) I would have to take at least a year off c) because I was single I would not get a child as they would select two parents first and as there are so many families waiting to adopt the local authorities can pick and choose.., but I would probably get a young teenager, with educational or behavioural issues.

WtF? At that point, I said sod this, let's get me to an FC!

If this doesn't work, then overseas baby adoption is totally an option I'm open to.

shoes good luck!

kwick, all ok?

pickle thanks for your words of wisdom! I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day, but I like to see it coming off (if it does, that is!). And the first week was fine, it came off no problems - these last three days have been a ballache! I don't think I'll weigh myself until next Wednesday now - a week and a day before my appointment - to see where I'm at.
I am eating super healthily & trying to hit 10,000 steps a day... And most days I'm achieving it! Walking an average of 3.5 miles. Just hope he's pleased

snork I'm so glad you had a successful appointment!! Your doctor sounds so lovely... Mine just scoffed at me! it makes all the difference if you get a nice, supportive GP - and good going with getting some blood tests on the NHS.
I agree with pickle - your blog is wicked!

shoes; I'm thinking about you & littleshoes!!!

shoes hope scan with littleshoes goes ok

How's kwicklet kwick ?

Pez thinking of you in TWOT. Xx

caution well done on weight loss so far. I find it hard to lose weight so o think you are doing really well. I drink between 2.5 and 3.5 litres of water a day now and it does help fill me up and distract me from eating as I concentrate on trying to drink all my water lol

Oh and snork really glad your doctor was helpful! My doctor suggested I go out and meet a man but the nurse in my surgery is lovely and did all blood tests for me and is really supportive

Hope you feel better soon pickle

Thanks hoping.
It's hard work, this losing weight malarkey! Especially because I'm on some medications that put weight on me in the first place... I've been drinking a lot more water too so I'm not sure if it's water weight I've been retaining; either way it's not going!
That's really good that you drink that much water. Do you feel better for it?

Thanks pickle - only 6 more days!
We've sort of got used to the 2ww I think (this is the 5th time we've done it), but also we had to have a 3 month wait after our ectopic pregnancy (between cycles 3 and 4) before we could try again, and that felt like a lifetime.
Re: adoption, I get really cross when it's suggested (happens to me and DP a fair amount). No one would ever suggest adoption to us if we were heterosexual, and I've also noticed that it's only ever people with biological DC who do it. Friends of ours who have adopted are always very cautionary when they talk about it.
DP and I have thought about it in the past, but we really want a young child (not many up for adoption, and tend to go to heterosexual couples -"perfect nuclear families"- first), and overseas adoption not really possible for gay couples (adoptions from overseas need to satisfy the law in country of origin as well as UK, and the majority of countries in the world do not permit gay couples to adopt. The ones that do, like most of Europe, don't have babies to adopt out overseas). All of that aside, my history of cancer makes it unlikely that we would be accepted - I was given a very poor prognosis (which I have now outlived ) but my future remains uncertain. So, we've put all thoughts of adoption aside and decided to go for what we really want, which is a brand new baby of our own.

Hope all went ok shoes

Evening everyone

Thank you for all your good wishes. All is well with LittleShoes. I was scanned by a specialist fetal medicine consultant today who was very reassuring. The amniotic fluid is still measuring slightly low but it's so near 'normal' she isn't at all concerned. She also checked some of the possible causes of low fluid levels like the blood flow to uterus, issues with baby's kidneys etc. and everything looks fine.

So I can relax again

Pickle - glad that you're having a lazy day. There are some disgusting cold viruses around at the moment!

Great news shoes

So glad to hear all is well with littleshoes, now you can enjoy a relaxing weekend

Yayyyyyy so pleased littleshoes is all ok
I'm on my second hot lemon,honey and ginger drink trying to kill those naughty bugs

Excellent news shoes!!!!