#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

Here us pez's amazeballs parking thread!!

Neighbour drove across my garden!!!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/etiquette/2861281-neighbour-drove-across-my-garden

I'm on the app and can't seem to find how to share the link but I've seen you've found it kwick, and you too shoes!

I had no idea there was a whole world around parking on MN! 88 messages in the course of 2h!!! How do you manage to keep up!!??

I might spend more time on those threads though, it's good distraction to the TTC forums!

Cherry, hope day#1 of the TWW is going well

Karen, just a few more days for you, are you feeling ok?

Ah ah thanks kwick!

Your MN street-cred has soared Pez - not only a really good parking thread but a diagram superimposed onto a photo

Today was hard. I took the day off work as am still headachey and crampy. I am also feeling tearful about nothing. How do people cope with two weeks of this again and again?
I think it will be better once I am back at work tomorrow and can try and 'forget'(!) about it until the 6th when my period is due.
BTW pineapple core tastes disgusting!

Pez, your parking thread is hilarious!

Hi pez, I, doing ok. Had a huge morning of surgery and am now exhausted. I'm on day 10. Trying I not symptom spot. I've had cramps, particularly bad yesterday, and that would be pretty early for anything associated with af but there's no way to tell. I'll probably text tomorrow morning before my appt with the new re. I'm hopeful that it worked, but realistic that it may not have. Such a roller coaster.

cherry I hope you feel better. It is a hard thing to cope with. There are a lot of emotions involved.

Ello,

Hope everyone has had an OK day and survived storm Doris - hope it didn't hit your allotment kwick!

I have another stupid novice question to ask! I've sent my clinic forms back today, woop! Next step will be my initial consultation. My question is about work, have any of you told work what you're doing? I'm a bit worried about taking time off for appointments, not this one because I'll have plenty of notice, but with the IUI, presumably it's much more last minute as it depends on your ovulation? How do you approach this?

Thanks as ever for all your help, I'd be lost without this thread!

Off to pilates now :)

Omg pez about your garden!

cherry hope you're doing OK. This stuff is so emotionally charged, I feel like I'm constantly up and down and I've not even started treatment yet! Be very kind to yourself, I wish I had some helpful tips bit I know I'll find it hard too xx

My consultant rang me - I am to have a series of blood tests - which may give some insight into the two miscarriages. She started talking donor embryos due to my poor ORT and age... feeling very low.

Oh kwick :( suppose worth getting the info and working out what are your priorities are and go with what you think is right for you x
Why am I a properganda pro kwick

snork I've told work but partly cos my manager is a good friend but because my job is super hard to work around so need to create as less stress as I can so I found it helpful discussing with them.

Sorry you are still seeing uncomfy cherry hope that eases up soon

Hola everyone xx

Snork, is your clinic far from work? I've actually become a good liar since this process started
I took the excuse of finding out about my hypothyroidism to say I needed blood tests done every other week or so (not true)
I also book my scans around lunchtime so leave the office and say nothing.
Same with my last IUI which was at 4pm I just said I'm going for an appointment, will be back in an hour or so, nobody questioned it. The 'it's woman related' excuse seems to shut up any man if they ask for details!
I'm quite lucky as my work is flexible and clinic very close to work.

Kwick, when I went to that seminar back in October, the lady who did the talk had tried to conceive alone for 7 years and ended up adopting an embryo. I can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be honest but she was very positive about it. Take the time to process everything, hopefully the blood tests will give you more information

Oh kwick lovely, I know you don't know me but I wish I could give you a hug. It must be so tough. Agree with pickle that it is good that you might get some more insight.

Thanks Pickle and Pez, unfortunately my clinic is bloody miles away from work, and I don't drive, so will be relying on the good old public transport system! Unless I can recruit someone to give me a lift, which is possible. I think appointments will take quite a good chunk out of the day, I was thinking I'd book annual leave but stupidly hadn't thought that I wouldn't know exactly when they'll be.

There's pros and cons of telling my line manager... Pros: there's a fertility treatment policy which would mean I get the time off without having to take leave or make it up; and I'm a hopeless liar so it would be less stressful to be honest.... Cons: I've not been in the job that long so don't really want to tell them my plans yet until I'm a bit more established (hoping by the time I'd have to tell them it'll be fine), and I'd rather avoid all the inevitable questions while I'm still in the uncertain stage. I'm not even sure I'll tell my mum/best friend each time I have an IUI as managing my own expectations will be hard enough, so telling my line manager would be very weird!

I think I'll play it by ear as it all depends on how many cycles it takes anyway. They know I get migraines so I can always call in sick! I really hate lying though. This feels like the biggest secret I've ever kept! My colleague is 20 week so pregnant so there's tons of baby/pregnancy talk, I just sit there feeling like I'm going to explode

I think the secrecy is one of the most difficult things of this process. I only told my gran, my SIL and one of my best friends about IUI #2 as you're right snork, it's a lot of pressure to have people asking about it the whole time. It reminds me of when I was buying my house and that's all people would ask about every time they saw me. It took 7months between offer and completion so that was really stressful and I didn't need to be reminded constantly!

Just quickly popping in while I wait for bus home.

kwick lovely to see you back on thread I've been thinking of you. Agree with get info but then decide what best for you.

I also have you to thank for pointing out the weirder wider world of threads on MN - aibu, wwyd, crime, 30 days, dadsnet and so on.

pez sorry to hear what happened to your front lawn and now going to dash off to read your thread!

cherry my first cycle was last month and it totally occupied my mind constantly. Fx for you on your first cycle but just so you know it's slightly less distracting this time round ( I'm so much more relaxed waiting for ovulation - last time I cried to my mum as it was 'late' in my eyes ) try reading other threads on MN they are a great distraction.

Re 🍍 I couldn't get used to the taste of the core ( though warm
Pitta bread with cheese and pineapple cut in chunks helped?!) but following advice from ladies I might not do it this cycle and see what happens x

All offers of hugs gratefully received 💕

Huge hugs kwick , here to support you all the way poppet x

🦍gorilla hug for you 'kwick' (I can't find a bear!)

kwick of course you're feeling low after news like that. Have you ever considered it before?
As I looked at adoption first it's not such a stretch for me. My sister in law has offered her eggs, and my brother actually offered his swimmers if I wanted to go with an egg donor (not my sister in law) but still have a child that was related by blood. And I guess as I'm already doing ivf, the thought of using an embryo from other people isn't that much of a stretch.... I guess get the info and think about it.

The clinic I'm looking at in Cyprus if this round doesn't work has an 80% success rate as they use a lot of donor eggs and put in 3-4 embryos....

I guess what has got to me is that everyone up until now has said it was bad luck to have 2 MCs in a row but that I could go on to have a successful pregnancy. Now my consultant is like a doubting Thomas - this has shaken my PMA.
I really really really want to have my own baby.

I get it kwick if you want to try again for your own then go for it, only you know what's right & whether you have the funds to try both if that's what you want to do.
The blood test may help give you some supporting info as to whether to try again.
The lady I met on my course is 47 and told only chance she has is egg donor so is going for that as so desperately wants a baby like we all do. I don't know how I'd feel in that situation as like you want my baby to be MY baby but ultimately I want to be a mummy so it's definitely not an easy decision.
Could you ask for a second opinion at a different clinic just for that part?
Thinking of you sweetie 🍩X

When I voiced my shock she said that she was just going through the different options - and agreed to talk more once the blood tests were back - will take 2-3 weeks.
I too want to be a mummy - and if I carry it it would gave my blood and nuture. But I want to exhaust all possibilities to use my own eggs first.

Kwick - a hug from me too.

It's completely understandable that you are upset but I see it as a good thing that these investigations are taking place. It could be something straightforward and easily solvable so I'd focus on that until you get your blood results.

My MC/chemical pregnancies weren't coincidences and having tests gave me useful info to go forward with.

Even if there is a problem it's better to have all the info so that sound decisions can be made on next steps.

Whatever your next step you'll go into it with a bit more info than before.

You're allowed to feel disheartened but over here I'm feeling positive for you that tests are being done

Totally agree kwick
Try and focus on short term goals, can't have another try for a while cos of MC for a little while so try and break it down, if 2-3 weeks for blood tests results then that'll be nearly a month closer by then to when u can try again. ...... could you get an appointment with the donor counsellors to discuss in more detail your feelings about this?
my countdown app is getting me through the next 3 months so they are mini goals in between 🙈

Oh Kwick, another hug too from me, it's awful when someone injects doubt into a situation that's hard enough already.

Long wait for results too but once they are back it will hopefully be less hypothetical and you might know more of what you're dealing with. Do you know what they will be looking for yet?

Two miscarriages could be bad luck, or could be an indication of an embryo problem but even it it is it won't necessarily happen every time. I suppose that's why I wondered about IVF and embryo screening. I don't know much about it but I think they can screen for some chromosomal stuff, with a small risk of damage to the embryo in the process.

Did you find IVF very tough compared to IUI?

I think my cat is trying to offer hugs too, he's got as close to my face as possible, purring, and is hindering access to my phone.

Snork I personally wouldn't want to tell a relatively new employer until I felt well established but nor would I want to keep disappearing "sick" either. How long will the journey take by public transport (and by taxi in case that is an option in extremis)?

You may be able book to book some scans for early/late in the day - I found that helped make some of them invisible and for early ones it means you can potentially blame "transport problems" if you're late in. Other than that I think your best bet is something vague about "medical investigations". You can always hint that they are gynaecological in nature and because of hormonal changes they are time critical. Or you can claim they are trying out a treatment on you and have to test the effect at specific points in time to see the right dose and adjust it. People are remarkably reticent about asking for further details You can also pass at least a couple off as dentist appointments. And maybe have the odd migraine if necessary!

What I did was pick up my notebook and phone and walk away from my desk as though headed to a meeting, except I then walked out of the office. This did mean going without a coat or bag but I was mainly on the tube anyway. That pretty much always worked, even when gone for the best part of two hours, but I work in a meetings heavy environment and deal with a lot of different people, and all my immediate colleagues are too preoccupied with their own schedules to really notice.

For the egg collections when I needed the whole day off I simply said I needed to have a minor surgical procedure done, which wasn't serious so no one needed to worry, but it did have to be done at a specific point as they would be monitoring my response to medication beforehand, and I wouldn't know until a couple of days before which day I would need off. The second time around I just said they had to repeat it because it hadn't been completely successful the first time. No one asked any questions, apart from to check I was ok.