#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

kwick how are you holding up?

pickle I know that mood! Good luck with the talk. I always think the saving grace with talks is that no one else knows what you were planing to say, so it doesn't matter if you go a bit off course!

lol yes my main problem is I may cry. We have a subject to talk about and 4 of us are on the panel to talk about the same topic for our own perspective but it's a really emotive topic and there is a group listening that then have time to chat about what we've said and understand more about the process.
I just ran through it to check I could complete within 5mins and couldn't get through it without crying but hopefully once I have my bath get ready and strap some balls on it'll be fine. We are allowed to cry but I don't really want to look like a tit!

I've spoken to the lab, they are going to contact the sperm bank to organise transfer and then send me an invoice when it's transferred. But they will let the nurses know so they can book me some dates in :)

pickle best of luck with your talk - I am sure you will ace it & yay for AF!

witch thanks for EPU advice. I am planning to go to UCLH for the afternoon session - just could not get out of bed this morning - not such a good night.
I suppose I could go to Whittington, it is certainly nearer, but CRGH refered me to UCLH and they have my history from last time.

I am not planning to go to work for at least next week however my laptop is in the office and I have a piece of work I need to send to one of my bosses before Monday. So may go to pick-up after EPU to pick it up.

I will probably see my mum and nephew this evening - have not seen anyone I know since before yesterday.

I am very cold... need to be constantly watching TV otherwise am crying...

late for transfer it is easy to go solo, for collection my clinic obliges you to be picked up by someone.

witch thanks so much for reminding me that IVI have a london branch - I have been worrying about working Spain logistics - but would still go so I can access magic potion of the right ethnic profile - but maybe can use London clinic for interim scans and so on. Too early to look into this... if last MC was anything to go by it will be about 3 months before I can start again.

I am so angry! Everything was right with timing - I have always wanted a summer pregnancy. Why the fuck does this have to happen again?

Thanks everyone for your support- it means so much.

Kwick - I've been thinking about you loads. Good to see you posting - keep talking to us

Good plan to spend some quality time with your mum and nephew. I find at these times that although its important to be alone for some of the time to grieve and be angry, that being in the company of others is so so important. I know we are all capable, independent women but it doesn't mean that we have to manage everything on our own. Your nephew is sure to cheer you up a bit too

Of course you're angry. Its not fair and its just utterly crap that you're having to go through this again and having to deal with another delay to your end goal. I feel angry for you and really sad for you. I've never before felt emotion like this on behalf of someone I haven't even met!

You have to go through these steps of the grieving process. There's no avoiding it, so wallow in it a bit, but then when you're ready we will all encourage and support you to pick yourself up and move on to making plans for your next step.

shoes so nice to have you and littleshoes on my side

Absolutely agree there's no avoiding it and that being furious is perfectly valid (and normal) response - it's so fucking unfair. (I was a volunteer bereavement counsellor for a while and both those things came up quite often.) Cry as much as you need to, at the very least it tends to mean you are feeling whatever there is to feel. If you can that is, I know my default reaction to try and manage unbearable feelings rather than just feel them, but it works out worse.

If I was in the U.K. I'd offer to come and sit in the EPU waiting room with a flask of tea!

Wrap up, get lots of rest because grief is exhausting, and see people without putting any pressure on yourself to be good company. Just get through a day at a time or if that sounds ambitious, a minute at a time.

pickle you won't look like a tit, nothing wrong with a few tears if it's emotional! I think you work in healthcare? They ought to be comfortable with tears!

Kwick I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
Of course you're angry. It's just so not fair. Spending time with your mum and nephew sounds like a great idea.
Allow yourself time to grieve, like Shoes said. You're going to go through so many different stages, and we're going to be here through each and every one. Just hold on.

Waiting for Dr to come back in EPU. Scan has confirmed the fuck off news. Am crying constantly unless am using TV as a distraction. Nearly punched a couple of people in the waiting room. Who the fuck brings a baby to an EPU????

😫proper sucks kwick I am so pissed off for u. Crying is normal, don't bottle anything in xx

Oh Kwick - that's awful. I don't know what possesses people. Lack of brain cells I think.

Channel your anger into making sure you get some investigations sorted.

So apparently Dr cannot diagnose a miscarriage as it does not meet definition criteria... have to go back for a scan on 20th. I cannot be referred for recurrent miscarriage investigation as I do not meet the criteria. Could have surgery and have them analyse but cannot be referrd for surgery as do not meet criteria for miscarriage. Did not want to have surgery this time. Exhausted.

kwick I'm exhausted just reading that. WTF?? Were they able to shed any light on what criteria you did meet? I'm sorry it's so shit.

What kinda bollocks criteria do u have to
Meet?!

How u getting on hoping, miri & pez?

kwick
How are you? Shoes managed to say so eloquently what I have been thinking without knowing how to say it. Sending you the biggest hugs 💞I can't understand how you must be feeling but I do feel so sad and that it's unfair on your behalf. Keep talking to us when you can - we care xx

I'm ok I guess pickle I guess I've realised the worry of testing early- I just keeping testing to see if there is still a line. There probably isn't a brand I've not tried and I don't know when I will get to a stage where I don't have the need to check. I've had cramping today which has definitely been real. I've also had slight nausea I think but I worry I just notice it because I'm looking for it?

How is everyone else going? Xx

kwick I'm so so sorry. None of this is fair. How do you not meet criteria for a miscarriage? This is all so dumb and so unfair. I want to strangle people for you. I'm thinking of you.

Morning all,

Kwick, I don't get the whole criteria stuff, how much more awful are they trying to make the situation like?? This is making me so angry and sad for you. I sincerely hope you get all the answers you need and can move forward again when the time comes. I'm thinking of you xx

Karen, have you had your IUI done yet?

Pickle, I'm ok, thanks for asking. I've found these last days a bit hard, I went out for drinks last night and was ok until my pregnant friend turned up and started talking about her pregnancy (she's the one whose birthday dinner I left early after my first failed IUI). So I left shortly after feeling a bit meh . I don't want to tell her about my plans as I know she will be constantly asking about it and it will drive me insane.

I have been symptom spotting like crazy these last few days, even more than during the first cycle. I'm feeling weird and emotional, I so want this to work (I actually cried reading yesterday's messages, you lot seem to be the best people I can talk to at the moment). I have had sore nipples these past 2 days but I'm probably self inflicting that imaginary pain onto myself. I can't help thinking that with 3 large follicles if it doesn't work this month it never will... I know this is silly reasoning and I need to regain my PMA!!

I'm so glad you'll be able to book your first cycle soon Pickle, I'm genuinely excited for you!

Hoping, when is your beta HCG??

Hi pez. Still waiting for my surge. Went in yesterday for a scan and follicles still there but not doing much. Not sure what is going on. I've been fighting a flu so maybe that has delayed things. Bit frustrating. My same cycle a year ago I surged on day 15 which is timorrkw so maybe I'm on the same schedule. I hate this part

kwick thinking of you.

It's so hard isn't it pez trying to act normal on inside whilst on inside wanting to scream out that your brain is going to explode with all the stuff your trying to balance life and all this.
Donor has arrived at my clinic and money will come out in about a week for the storage.
Got a letter saying that I had to confirm the characteristics of the donor-very slight differences one being on bfa forms it says donor is cmv + & on forms I got today said cmv - & that was a PhD student rather than PhD in quantum physics but everything was right with colouring,eye colour etc,height,blood group and checked through all other donors on the list there is no one else it can be other than Harry. So filled that in,said to send back in pre-paid envelope but they failed to include that so I'll wait until hear from nurses next week to see who I'm actually meant to send it back too or if going to the clinic soon I'll just take it or email it over.
Freaking out about logistics but trying to dampen it down as that's not going to help anything.
Glad AF has got a bit heavier as yesterday was negligible and I was then getting worried about whether I actually have been ovulating & that's why it was light, even with the LH surge it doesn't mean u ovulate so yeh getting all a bit anxious about it.

I sometimes do wonder how we manage to cope with normal life and doing this. It hopefully will all be worth it in the end.

Love u all xx

Oh Kwick. That's total bollocks. You shouldn't have to meet any criteria. A miscarriage is a miscarriage, end of story!
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. You're one of the nicest people I've come across, and yet you've been dealt the shittiest hand. I'm so angry for you.
Curl up and take good care of yourself. I don't know what else to say.

Hoping, are you still getting lines? I hope you are.

Pez, nothing wrong with a bit of symptom spotting, but don't drive yourself crazy!

Pickle everything sounds like it's going in the right direction. When's your first round going to be? March or May? I can't remember which. You must be so excited and I'm getting excited for you! My Nan and Grandad (who I'm going to Australia with) know about my my solo plans and told me they wouldn't let me come with them if I was pregnant, so gave me an ultimatum. Pregnancy or Australia. So I'm stuck. I so want them both!

I've got my fingers crossed for you pez sorry you are finding this cycle harder. Pma - three good follicles is three chances xx

I don't know what my beta hcg I think my fc is a more stand back approach? As long as I still have a line on Monday I'll assume af should have arrived if it was going to come ( I'm 14dpiui today and af due 9/10th ) and will phone clinic. I still haven't looked up what happens next but I think I will get a 6 week scan...?

caution just spotted your message. I'm still getting lines and on different brands but Frer are not getting darker. I'm trying not to google

Kwick - let us know how you are doing today, even if its utterly crap. You don't have to put on airs and graces for us!

I just stumbled upon the following thread and thought I'd post a link for anyone who is still mulling over using a sperm donor without going via the official channels...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2843552-Sperm-donors-mother-wants-to-be-involved

Just got my surge. Waiting for clinic to ring back but will likely be having iui tomorrow. Crap timing. I'm on call and no one will switch. Oh well. If there are emergencies they will have to wait a bit I guess. This is too important.

caution Australia will always be there. But that's a hard choice. Looking back I would chose my fertility over anything else, but financially I really haven't been able to try on my own until recently. I loved living in Australia.

Karen - great news that you've got your surge, and quite right that you have to put yourself first here. Good luck for tomorrow

Thanks shoes! Not sure my boss agrees but oh well!

hoping not sure how much of a distinct colour change you can expect day by day. The best way to know is a blood test, 48 hours apart. I have my fingers crossed for you.