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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!

999 replies

kwick · 19/01/2017 10:05

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided – all welcome!
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Thread gallery
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kwick · 09/02/2017 11:15

taydex she is lovely Smile

I am afraid I have bad news. I have lost the baby again. Devastated.

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Latenightreader · 09/02/2017 11:20

Eek, I am away for a couple of days and so much is happening!

I had my drug appointment yesterday and AF appeared the day before so it will definitely be next month. I also had the bill for the drugs and I'll pay that once I stop wincing... So many needles! It is all a bit daunting, but I am sure I'll manage. The scariest (for me) are the ones you have to mix yourself. I think I'll put on an episode of ER and pretend I'm in that... Nearer the time I'll be asking for tips!

My mum has offered to come up and 'look after me' after I've had the extraction and transfer, but I've told her no. Was this sensible or do you think I'd wish she was here? I'm really close to my mum but I don't want to be dealing with her hopes and expectations alongside my own.

Latenightreader · 09/02/2017 11:21

Oh kwick. That is awful, awful news. Thinking of you so much.

Pez82 · 09/02/2017 11:42

Oh nooo kwick, I'm so so sorry. I so wish we could do anything to help Flowers

Karendvm · 09/02/2017 11:45

Oh kwick. I am so very very sorry. My heart is breaking for you. X

taydex · 09/02/2017 12:04

Oh no Kwick. I am so very sorry to hear your news. This whole process is geart breaking. Sending you love and hugs Flowers Please let me know if there's anything I can do 😢 xxx

taydex · 09/02/2017 12:05

(Heart)

INeedNewShoes · 09/02/2017 12:49

Oh Kwick Sad I am so so sorry. It's just not fair. I feel awful for you.

Today, curl up and look after yourself.

Tomorrow, start fighting for some investigations. Will the NHS be managing your MC? I'm sorry that this is so awful to think about right now but I don't want to leave it too late to mention it in case you have medical management booked - if you want a thorough investigation as to possible cause you may need to request for the products of the MC to be stored so that they can be tested.

We're all here for you. If when you're up to it you want a chat you can sob/rant/feel sorry for yourself to me down the phone and I will listen and offer any support I can and then talk through possible next steps.

Please look after yourself as best you can xx

witchmountain · 09/02/2017 13:29

Oh Kwick, I'm so, so sorry. What devastating news. I'm gutted for you. Sending hugs, just wish that would make things better :( FlowersFlowers

CautionHormone · 09/02/2017 13:35

Oh Kwick. My heart goes out to you, and is breaking for you. I'm devastated for you.
I agree with Shoes - as soon as you can, start fighting for MC management. Something needs to be done.
Thinking of you lovely lady. Take good care of yourself. Flowers xoxo

pickle162 · 09/02/2017 13:51

Oh my darling kwick I am so so sorry! Absolutely devastated for you.
Please let us know if anything we can do xxxxxxxx

HopingForALittleOne · 09/02/2017 15:10

kwick I am so so sorry to hear that. My heart is so sad for you

Karendvm · 09/02/2017 16:00

kwick I've been thinking about you a lot. I know how hard this is. {{hugs}}

kwick · 09/02/2017 16:38

Thanks everyone. 💜

When finally got home have just slouched on sofa watching TV. Watching TV dramas and appreciating that I am much luckier than many.

I have tried to not think about things - I just cry if I do. I do not think I will have surgery again but what you said shoes made me think I should go to the EPU so can talk about the why. The Dr was very kind to me today and did talk about why she thought it had happened - age. The nurse encouraged me to continue fighting and when I said I may go to Spain for treatment, she whispered IVI - which is the clinic I was considering before my BFP.
Too soon to make any decisions... cannot even make decision to run a bath.

What a fucker. Want to punch someone. Instead have eaten lots of shit.

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INeedNewShoes · 09/02/2017 17:21

Kwick - I do think you should see your EPU because in some trusts you will be referred to the recurrent MC clinic after 2 MC.

Its encouraging to hear that your nurse today obviously holds the Spanish clinic in good regard.

Comfort eating is definitely a better course of action than punching someone so go ahead!

You're bound to feel apathetic about everything for a while. Don't fight it just yet; you do need to go through the motions of the grieving process Flowers

Sorry its just so utterly utterly crap. I feel so upset for you and I know there is nothing comforting to be said at this time that won't sound pointless.

MiriAmmerman · 09/02/2017 17:30

I'm so sorry kwick Flowers
There's nothing I can say but we're all here.
For what it's worth, our ectopic in cycle 3 was managed by the local EPU (not surgically) and they were fantastic - very supportive, and gave us lots of choices, as well as encouragement to keep going. Obviously it will vary from hospital to hospital, but based on our experience I would say definitely seek help from an EPU.

kwick · 09/02/2017 18:19

Thanks shoes amd miri.
I went to the EPU last trime, it is a manky yucky area of UCLH. They scanned me for hours. No encouragement.
But well I had better go again.

Catching up on Silent Witness - please tell me Nicky does not die!

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kwick · 09/02/2017 18:58

Spoiler alert: Well thank fuck she did not die!

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taydex · 09/02/2017 19:35

My friend has been to the Spanish clinic in Barcelona... she now has 1 3 year old and a 7 month bump...

MiriAmmerman · 09/02/2017 20:52

Kwick I love Silent Witness Smile
In these times, you just need whatever gets you through.

tygr · 09/02/2017 20:54

Kwick I'm so sorry Flowers

witchmountain · 09/02/2017 23:31

Been thinking of you kwick. Take some time off to give yourself a chance to grieve when you need to. It catches up with you if you don't.

Your EPU experience sounds grim but yes, the 'why' might help future attempts. Would you try another one instead? I think you weren't keen on the Whittington but you can just walk in there, or self refer. For the Royal Free (which I'm guessing is further over for you) you would need a referral, but it can be from your clinic.

Re IVI, they have a London clinic now too, not sure how it compares to Spain.

Hope you get some sleep and your night isn't too awful xx

witchmountain · 09/02/2017 23:56

Late, re your mum looking after you, I'd go with your instinct. I didn't need looking after post extraction and I think the transfer is more straightforward. I did have to have someone collect me from the clinic post extraction because of the sedation (I was fine, but the clinic required it). But both times I then went home by myself, once we'd established I wasn't going to keel over. Both times I would have been happiest just chilling out and napping, but the first time around I went out for dinner later because it was arranged and the second time I had to do some work from home later that day. I didn't feel great but it was manageable. First time I had quite bad cramps (equivalent to moderate period pain but more constant) and the second time I had less cramps but felt more nauseous.

Personally I find having to deal with other people's emotions more difficult than dealing with my own, so I would also want the space to be by myself, or maybe have a friend who has less emotional investment than my mum!

I did feel quite vulnerable and nervous going for the first extraction and I did sort of wish I wasn't by myself. But the staff were all lovely and reassuring - I told them I was nervous and the anaesthetist said he would deal with that! I'm not sure having someone there would have helped because ultimately they couldn't have the extraction for me. I did find myself thinking that it was probably good preparation for having to deal with some difficult stuff solo after the baby is born.

I'm not sure what I'll do for the eventual transfer but I don't think I'll want to make a major deal of it because here's still so much that can go wrong.

Everhopeful76 · 10/02/2017 00:00

Kwik I'm so so incredibly sorry. Have actually shed some tears for you tonight and hence delayed reaction.... baby loss is just so awful no matter what the gestation, neo natal, or SIDS!!
You remain an inspiration to me for your persistence, perseverance and great courage in going after a dream. I am sure you will get there and you will regain strength in time
Have heard good things about IVI in spain also, as well as Serum in Greece for using own egg IVF cycles. Its been suggested to me to use donor egg or embryo adoption at a choice of clinics in Spain and Greece also but not the same ones... but only you know what's right for you in time.
Am with you, thinking of you lots and hoping that you are ok and manage to get some sleep. Lots of love hun xx

pickle162 · 10/02/2017 09:42

How you feeling this morning kwick I hope your not at work and taking some you time.
I like silent witness too, I wondered whether they were going to leave that as s cliffhanger that you didn't know if she was alive
Well AF has arrived about 3am, never ever thought I'd be so relieved. I've emailed to alter my May leave to work around normal cycle or extended cycle as still don't want to be at work for my first attempt
Need to ring the clinic really to say donor has been ordered and when will I be charged to pay for the storage and stuff etc but again don't want to bug people.
I've got to do a 5 minute talk today, know roughly what I'm talking about just haven't quite finished it. In the mood where got too much to do but just won't do any of it. Don't have to leave for another 2hours so have time.....ish