40+ ttc: the one where we all get knocked up!

[ababsurdum]

Shiny new thread. Here's the link to the previous one.

Sorry to hear that, here's to next cycle

Hello. Bloop here but name changed and forget my password to change it back so might just keep this.

Hi greenglass

Boooo to AF ababs - I'm in crippling pain and forgot to order my mefanemic acid so stuck with hot water bottles and strobgest cocodamol not working. Yet again a pittance of a bleed. It confuses me as I thought they were meant to get heavier nearer periM.

I've been a bit hit by the news this morning. Lots of people talking about Nicola Sturgeon miscarriage at 40 with one paper calling it a "tantalising secret", regardless what anyone thinks of her politics, it's awfully sad on a variety of levels, not least because of the persistent speculation about her being childless and the years the media have called her calling us and cold for being without a child.

It obviously didn't happen for her in the intervening years and it makes me worry that I've missed my chance too, albeit ttc #2. Stupid I know. I'd have been due next week which is also making me ridiculously upset not helped by bloody Wilson Phillips Hold On playing on the radio... Sorry for the ranty novel.

Hello!I'm in my first month of TTC and would like to join if I may?

I'm 43 with three dc and have dithered over trying for another because one of my dc has a neurological disability which can be hard work at times and we needed to work out how we'd feel if we had another child with the same and what impact it would have on our family.

Anyway, we worked through all that and here I am about 6dpo, concentrating obsessively on every non existant twing!

I think we have a greatly reduced chance of conceiving this time because I've got one blocked tube and can feel less during ovulation time but I'm up for trying anyway.

Sorry to hear some of your journey's have been so tough-I come bearing wishes of good luck and bfps!

Hi Mrs
I'm 41 and ttc #4 too. #1 with new partner. Cycle #2, cd4 so early days yet.

Hi lousy

Have you found you have gone straight into being obsessed during the 2ww or are you managing to stay pretty relaxed? I had promised myself that I would be all cool and let's wait and see...bah!

Waves at everyone .

Today I packed away another big bag full of too small clothes that my daughter has outgrown. The loft is full of carefully packed baby, toddler and small child things, loads of clothes, toys, books, cot, highchair, pram etc. Things I planned to use again, next time. I feel like it's not going to happen. I don't talk about this in real life, nobody knows we've been trying. Nobody knows that all of this stuff hasbern squirreled away into the loft.

Ha, ha Mrs. Mmm yes I don't remember thinking about it at all with my first 3. However this time I am obsessed already. Not sure why really. Except I am older and am aware I have a timeframe. Also I am desperate to give my soulmate his first child.

Green glass - I have all the baby and toddler stuff still in bags that I cannot bring myself to throw away. I did give away her pram/pushchair in the hope that I would tempt fate. The person I gave it to needed it far more than I did but I really hoped it would mean I'd fall pregnant and need another one. It's just not happening. I keep hearing of people being pregnant or having babies and not all youngsters either.

I'm hating my body right now. Its all pain and no pleasure.

I feel so lucky that we have our daughter. A second baby would be lovely but I think I can accept that this may well not happen. To not have any would be acomoletely different matter

Completely different matter

Talking of hearing news of older women's pregnancies, Jules Oliver...... Her partner must rarely be at home due to his work schedule surely? Yet she becomes pregnant
(don't suppose what she went through to get there though)

Don't suppose we know what she went through

Sorry, not fully awake yet, should preview

Very sad reading about Nicola Sturgeon, I hadn't seen that in the news. I really had no idea whether she had children or not, I'd never thought about it. So bloody awful that the papers write such speculating garbage about female leaders. The implication being that either being childless (through choice according to them) means you're a tougher, stronger leader and that if you have children you wouldn't be up to it. Maggie Thatcher being the exception presumably? I didn't read the article so I could be wrong but the constant speculation really annoys me because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, nor should they.

While I was pg I read Jools Oliver's book 'minus nine to one' where she talks of the problems she had ttc her first, she actually had treatment using clomid to conceive. She then conceived number 2 completely unexpectedly so it perhaps helped trigger something for her. Obviously the book doesn't cover her final three pregnancies so who knows. They can afford the best help if they needed it.

Welcome MrsBobDylan, best of luck to you.

Incywincy your period pain sounds awful, can nothing be done to help? I used to suffer from awful pain accompanied by vomiting and diarrhoea when I was a teenager but it's eased a lot over the years thank god. It's manageable with ibuprofen and doesn't last long. Yours sounds much worse

I'm very jealous of those who managed to store baby stuff away in the loft. Ours is all piled up in the spare bedroom. Tonnes of it... It will be very sad if I have to sort through it all to get rid of it rather than using it for a new baby.

Best of luck to those in fertile week or the tww.

Hi - Amanda here, with a new name in honour of my son (his favourite cuddly toy - a green alien!)

I totally agree that we should never judge, as we cannot possibly know what someone has been through. When my boy died a woman I used to work with was utterly devastated. She was in her 50s, no children, always immaculately dressed & made up, spent a fortune on clothes & holidays. Whenever anyone brought a new baby into work, she'd complain about it being disruptive and would walk off. I put her in a big fat pigeonhole. A while after my boy's funeral we met up, and she told me that she lost a daughter over 20 years ago at 20w gestation. Her violent then-husband didn't want the baby and punched her so hard in the stomach that she was still born later that day. She could never trust men enough to try again. When we are together, she weeps and wails for her daughter like it was yesterday, but she's very private so I'm one of only a few who know.

The people I thought would show an outpouring of empathy were the mothers I'd become friends with who had toddlers the same age as mine, as I thought they would truly understand the enormity of my loss. I thought they'd get how hard it must be to go from having a hectic toddler to suddenly being childless again. Bar one, they are the ones who cross the street to avoid me, and can't bear to talk to me. I guess I'm a walking reminder that healthy children can die, and they'd rather I just disappeared.

So yes, I've learned the hard way that you shouldn't judge, you don't know, and you shouldn't assume. My heart goes out to Nicola Sturgeon.

On a (not much) lighter note, I'm off to the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic this afternoon. Hoping for things like sticky blood to be ruled out before we start shelling out for private fertility treatment. Should be interesting.

Hope it all goes well at the Clinic MrFuzzy (great name btw!)

ababs- it's a relatively recent thing that they've become crippling. I always had painful cramps but paracetamol did the trick. Last year they started to get so painful I went to the GP who gave me mefanemic acid. It works a treat but as the pain is worst upon waking it can take a while for it to kick in. I also need strongest cocodamol too.

I always associated heavy cramps with heavy period. I'm wondering if my lining is too crap for implantation now. Only time I had an ultrasound I was told I had a "nice thin lining" and when I voiced my concern as it was just before my period, I didn't get an answer. Can linings be thickened? What could I take to thicken it? Why does it go thin?

MrFuzzyGreen, how awful that (ex) friends and acquaintances would deliberately avoid you. I hope I would never become that person. This tragedy has affected so many facets of your life, I'm so sorry that you have had to go through it. Best of luck at the clinic, hopefully they will have some answers for you.

Incywincyspinster I'm sorry, I don't know the answers to your questions. Did you ever hear back from the guy you emailed? I think that was you. I'm sure Dr. Google will have much contradictory advice but it's probably worth a look.

Cd2 here, nothing much to report.

Incywincyspinster, just off the top of my head, I'd have thought that progesterone supplements or cream would help the thickening of your womb lining. I might be talking complete rubbish though.

ababs, yes, sadly the address book of most bereaved parents changes completely. Several of my closest friends have just disappeared. One of them was told to go after insisting on giving lots of unwanted 'psychic readings' and messages from my son, who is apparently with her now as her guardian angel Some friends stepped forward from the periphery and have become my dearest friends now. We all get used to being treated like lepers by certain people - comes with the territory. Yes, I'd like to think I wouldn't have been so crap if things had been different, but in truth I don't know for sure.

Well, the miscarriage clinic was ¥#€$ing useless!!!!! They took bloods to test thyroid (already done by my GP & came back normal) and the antibody/lupus tests (which my GP had already offered to do as well). No scan, no additional tests, no genetics, nothing. Apparently they used to do all of those things but they've cut back due to budgets. Just a wasted journey, and as it was at the hospital where my son was pronounced dead, I could have done without it. She insisted on me doing a urine preg test while I was there, even though I kept telling her I'm only on cd21, 7-8dpo, and then she told me I'm definitely not pregnant this month. Do they have uber-sensitive tests that can pick up what a FRER or other HPTs can't? Unless they do, I don't think I'll completely give up just yet. And it's going to take 6 weeks for the results, by which time we will have had our appt at the IVF clinic! If I get pregnant in the meantime, they will prescribe 5mg of folic acid, but they won't give me any anticoagulants or other drugs until the bloods are back, which will be too late anyway, and they won't expedite the results if I get preg, so it'll be tough crap if I do have sticky blood & miscarry again. She said we shouldn't have been trying while waiting for our appt. They didn't tell us that in the appt letter, but TBH I'm now 42 and this was our last month before the fertility clinic, so I would have ignored that anyway. So, that's that! If I weren't in the tww, I'd be pouring myself a bloody drink!

Hi, can I please join? I've been posting in Conception but feel as I have just turned 40 I think this is a better place for me. DH and I have been TTC for 10 months. We both have 2 kids each from previous marriages - his are 13 and 10, mine are 8 and 6. We have been together 5 years and we stupidly put off TTC until last November as we assumed we would get pregnant straight away as we had both conceived our other children pretty much immediately. 10 months in and nothing has happened. Very worried and now thinking it isn't going to happen at all. We have gone private and had all the checks and everything seems fine. DH has a ridiculously high sperm count, my tubes are clear, AMH ok for my age, regular periods, smiley face ovulation kits every month but still nothing. We did an unmedicated IUI last month which also didn't work although I am convinced the dr got the timing wrong and we did it too late. We will try 1-2 more but are very reluctant to take any fertility drugs to the the risk of multiples and, so I am reading, of cancer. Would love to hear from others in the same boat.

Green fuzzy, I haven't read the whole thread but am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. xx

Hi Thomasina. I am 41, ttc #4, #1 with new partner. My kids are 12,10,8. Had coil removed 6 weeks ago. Just had a 37 day cycle. Now on cd5, cycle #2. Dp 39 with no kids. He doesn't actually know if he can have kids as he's never tried. He has already volunteered to go to the docs without me saying anything. However we need to try a few more cycles yet I think. The coil has probably messed my cycle up. I am v lucky he is already thinking like this though as I know a few men who won't go to the docs for anything.

Welcome Thomasina76, and all the best. I hope you have some good news soon.

IncyWincy, oh, just ignore me. I've just read that it's estrogen that's the main player in womb lining. I'm now confused, as I thought that's what progesterone was all about....? Maybe I should pay a bit more attention. Lots of sites seem to blather on about acupuncture to increase all-important blood flow, but I'm not sold on anything that doesn't have a good solid clinical research base. That said, some IVF clinics offer it, although the one we've picked doesn't but follows the 'can't hurt to try if you like' line.

Hi LousyLear and GreenFuzzy.

Thanks Greenfuzzy, you too.

Lousy, good luck to you! Early days and I hope you are more successful than me. Never in my life did I think we would struggle to conceive. My DH is 46 but his SA is excellent so have concluded it must be me with poor off quality due to age! Even then, I keep thinking that we have to strike lucky at some point. Say that half my eggs are no good, then surely at some point we will get a good one. Guess it's not straightforward. Would you consider fertility treatment? We have discussed at length and are really worried about the risk of multiples and the cancer risk. Would this put you off too? I just worry that the longer we try, the less our chances.

"egg" quality, not "off" quality! Also, I am on CD18. Did ovulation tests and made sure we DTD every day between day 10 and day 16. I got my smiley face on day 13. Also used pre-conceive (similar to pre-seed) for first time this month, plus we were on holiday so marginally more relaxed. We will see but am ready to bet I will get a big fat BFN on or before AF is due. HATE the 2WW. How ever much I try not to, I convince myself I have symptoms and a tiny part of me thinks I might be pregnant but I never am. Once you have had quite a few BFNs, it's impossible to imagine getting a different result. To think as well, that DS2 was not planned and when I did the test and got a faint BFP I was horrified. If only I could get that result now.

Thomasina76 it's staggering what a difference a few years can make. We caught 1st try when I was 39, but it was ectopic & I lost the tube. Very next month, pregnant again with our boy. Started trying again at 41, and we've had a run of miscarriages. We still seem to catch fairly quickly, but that's not much use if the little eggies are no good.

Our circumstances are obviously more extreme than most, in that we were parents for 13 months and then suddenly he was gone. We will do ANYTHING to be parents again, so for us fertility treatment is a no-brainer. Without wishing to sound melodramatic, the hopelessness of never being a mother again will kill me faster than cancer, so we will stop at nothing to make it happen. I know our situation is very different though - you have to do what feels right for you.

Oh MrFuzzy, I am so sorry for your loss. May I ask what happened? I cannot imagine your pain. I wish I could say/do something to help but of course I can't. I pray you get your BFP very soon and that the joy of a new little one may ease the pain over time. I think it's very positive that you can at least get pregnant; that surely has to be a good sign although devastating to lose them. None of this is easy. Seems what you say is very true - a few years makes all the difference. It must be that none of my eggs in the last 10 months have been good. We thought for a while that it could be DH's lack of volume (analysis excellent but he has trouble producing a large sample, unsurprisingly) or my lack of CM but the IUI should have addressed both of those.