40+ ttc: the one where we all get knocked up!

[ababsurdum]

Shiny new thread. Here's the link to the previous one.

How are you getting on Tober?

Hi - Hope you don't mind if I join you? I've lost half a day reading through your stories; goodness some of you have had some tough times. I wish you all luck on your journeys. I would love to pick your collective brains on my situation. I'm 41 (still, just about) and have a beautiful 4 year old DD for whom DH and I are extremely grateful. Late in the day we have decided to try for another. Fell pregnant first time TTC in October but miscarried at 5 weeks - exactly a week after AF due. Same thing happened in November so decided to take a break over Christmas. Tried again at the start of January and am currently miscarrying again at exactly the same time - 1 week after BFP/AF due. Went to see GP this morning who is very sympathetic and organising some blood tests for next week. It seems odd to me that I am miscarrying at the same point each time. Has anyone else experienced similar or any thoughts on why this is happening? I know I'm very lucky that I am falling pregnant easily and I am thankful for that; but I am already finding this roller coaster draining and, like all of us I guess, am looking for some answers! If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear from you.

Hi Pips,

Sorry to hear about your MCs. How strange they all happened at the same time. I can't think of any reason for that. I've heard that 8 weeks is common but not 5.

Hope whatever it is rights itself and you have a successful pg asap!

Hi Alibaba2 Yea, witch got me! Meant to update but so fed up with it hadn't been on. This month was the most disappointed I had been so far, was convinced. Still have no idea what all that spotting and discharge was, never had anything like it before. I'm submitting urine sample to the doc tom as he wants to check I don't have a urine infection, also going to test bloods on CD 21 for ovulation or approaching menopause. It's something positive I suppose, other than that fingers crossed for this month.

Oh poo, that's a shame.

I find the first 5 days of my cycle the worst. Hope you are now over the worst and feeling positive about this month.

So sorry to hear that toby. Hope the next one is successful. It could be a uti - they're odd things, I didn't really know I had one till I had blood.

pip im so sorry to hear about your mcs. I don't know a great deal about mcs but I do know an underactive thyroid can cause it. I hope gp is checking this. Tsh must be under 2 (I think, or 2.5) to conceive, preferably 1 really.

Thank you ladies for getting back to me; I appreciate it. Violet I will make sure they are checking Thyroid - good idea. Good luck to you all.

Hi, please could I join? Looking for some hope or inspiration as currently going through my 4th miscarriage at 42, very nearly 43. Mc seem to happen around 5-6 weeks and investigations I've had at the recurrent mc clinic didn't show any issues so the consultant told me it was age related and I should go away and give up. I am lucky to have a son who is nearly 3. Age gap has been because of the miscarriages and then I was diagnosed and surgically treated for cervical cancer last summer but have been assured this isn't a factor. Heartbreaking though it's all been, I just don't feel ready to give up. Are you eggs just hard boiled at this age?!

Hi Devon and welcome. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm currently in a ttc break while I await the results of a skin cancer biopsy. Unbelievably stressful isn't it? I had a son but lost him to sepsis. I can't imagine how much scarier it would be to go through this if he were still alive.

I'm the same age - 42 - 43 in August. Sadly it seems for me that my egg quality has pretty much dropped off a cliff. I had my boy at 40, conceived first month of trying, and he was perfect. I've since had 3 mcs, 2 at 5 weeks and one missed mc at 9 weeks (D&C).

I thought IVF would be the answer, but in 2 rounds I've had 21 eggs collected, and not one of them has been any good.

Sorry if this is all very negative. I'm sure based on my hormone levels etc I've still got some good eggs left - I'm not even close to menopause yet. It's just that we don't seem to be able to find any!

We've made the decision to wait for whatever treatment the biopsy necessitates, and then go abroad for IVF with donor eggs. We could keep trying and risk more mcs or not catching at all, but given our pretty dire circumstances, our yearning for another healthy child is taking priority over the need for it to be my own eggs.

Best of luck to you x

Thanks for your response Fuzzy and so sorry to hear about your cancer tests and your son. I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom for the wait for results but other than being kind to yourself I'm not sure what to suggest. I hope you get positive news.

Would you mind me asking how you found out about your egg reserves? I asked my dr if there was any testing along those lines and got told it wasn't possible! I think Ive effectively had any nhs doors slammed in my face because of my age.

Also how do you even begin to look for a decent clinic overseas? It's not an option I'd considered but getting to the point where I'll look at anything.

Ask anything you like, Devon. I've had more good advice & information from other forum members than anyone else! Yes, the waiting is horrible. I'd like to say I'm keeping myself busy, but I haven't been able to return to my old job since my son died (I worked in psychological therapy) so I've got too much time to panic think.

So, you probably just had blood tests for thyroid & lupus antibodies at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. I couldn't believe how useless they were. My GP tested for pre- & post- ovulation hormone levels, which were all looking good. That was more to assess if I was ovulating, which I knew anyway as I kept getting pregnant but miscarrying. After the 3rd mc I'd had enough & we self-refered for IVF. I had my AMH level & antral follicle count done at the initial assessment plus a scan of my bits. Those results showed that I'm ok for my age in terms of hormone levels & ovarian activity, so it's fair to assume that menopause isn't around the corner. Unfortunately there isn't a test for egg quality which is the problem for me. At my last IVF they retrieved 15 eggs, which is excellent for 42, but they were all duff.

The clinics abroad were recommended by other forum users on another thread. One lady is using Serum in Athens and has been very impressed. I looked them up online, and they have a very informative website for UK people looking to use them. We've decided to go with them. We were also recommended a good ultrasound clinic fairly close to home for the scans we'll need before we fly out for treatment. They already work in partnership with Serum.

Starting IVF is very daunting, and I don't regret that we shelled out and did our first cycles close to home. I'm not sure I'd have coped with trying to get my head around the whole process AND the logistics of using a foreign clinic. But now I'm an old sweat at it, it's definitely a better option. Basically we can borrow enough money to cover just one cycle of donor eggs if we stay in the UK, but enough for at least 2 if we go to Athens (even including flights & hotels). They also do embryo adoption which is an option for us if donor eggs don't work, and it's a lot cheaper again.

It's worth looking into. You're right to suspect that the NHS will just close the door on you after 40. Even in our circumstances, having lost our only child, the midwife at the recurrent miscarriage clinic suggested that we consider giving up and learning to live without a living child. I was horrified - she may as well have told me to give up on life and stop breathing. Our local trust wouldn't fund even one round of IVF even though our GP made a case for our exceptional circumstances to be considered. Basically, if you want to make it happen, there are lots of options, but you have to find them, be prepared to fund them, and travel. I'm happy to share as much info as I can to help you explore options. PM me if you'd prefer x

Another newbie here.
I'm 41 and attempting donor conception. I've already had one unsuccessful IUI with Clomid. Now I'm halfway through 2 weeks of Norethisterone to reduce a cyst before starting my second cycle. Has anyone else had experience of Clomid or IUI? I'm yet to hear of anyone who's actually conceived with IUI, let alone over the age of 40!

Thank you again for all that info, a huge help and certainly a lot of food for thought. I really hope your determination pays off, after good news on the tests.

I'd done some reading about a new ivf treatment where they test the eggs for quality but being a total newbie to the process I'm not sure if that's just standard now.

If I can figure out how to pm you on here I will as a heap of other questions already crashing into my mind.

xx

Devon if you go onto one of my posts & press the 3 little dots in the bottom right hand corner, the option to send a PM should appear below.

The test you probably mean is PGS - Preimplantation Genetic Screening. It's done on 5 day blastocysts (embryos) and then they are frozen while you await the results. A good one will then be transferred in a subsequent cycle. We liked the idea of that and paid for it as part of our 2 IVFs but unfortunately none of our embryos were good enough. They have to be good quality at 5 days to survive being frozen & tested. In our first cycle they all arrested before 5 days. In this cycle we had one ropey little one at 5 days that wasn't good enough for testing/freezing. We had it transferred on day 5 just to give it a chance - it was either that or let it go in the bin - but it didn't take. So, PGS is a great option if you have plenty of embryos to choose from, and you want to pick a good one to avoid another mc. If, like me, your eggs are rubbish, you could find yourself with none to test. We did get a full refund though, which will help towards the cost of donor eggs.

Anyway, pm away! I'll answer as many questions as I can!

Welcome Lou. Sorry, I've not had the treatments you're having, but good luck.

I haven't been online for a while after the last IUI failed and we sat the next cycle out. I've had a second cycle of IUI and went in for a blood test today.
Result? 'The test is positive, but the levels are still very weak, we'd like you to come in for another test in two days.'

Now I'm driving myself mad with doubt. This is good, right? I'm taking this as a good sign. Positive is positive, isn't it? They would have said if it was inconclusive, or if I shouldn't get my hopes up, would they? IUI was February 26, so this would be 11/12 DPO and low values shouldn't be surprising. How am I supposed to cope with waiting until Wednesday ...!

Hi Cthul!

That's exciting news!

I guess it's like when you get a faint line on a test. 11/12 dpo is still early and some people don't get a positive hpt then. They are just being cautious and want to check the HGC is rising.

Fingers crossed for you!

Pooger - if you're still out there, how are you getting on?

I think I've now caught up with the thread.
Welcome to all the newcomers!
I'm crossing all crossables for you, MrFuzzyGreen, and great news, Pooger!

I'm trying to pass the time till the second test tomorrow. I'm having some spotting, but it's dark, old blood, with no accompanying cramps, so I'm assuming (hoping, praying) that it's implantation bleeding. DP has noticed that my breasts are bigger than usual, but that may come from the progesterone tablets. So all in all still a bit inconclusive other than the 'it's positive but very low' yesterday. I'm really not good with that patience thing ...

Loads of luck for tomorrow Cthul! x

Wishing you the best of luck for rising numbers today Cthul.

Hi everyone, welcome to all the new people. I've not posted for ages as I'm so bored of the whole ttc business. We are probably only going to try another couple of months before giving up for good as I turn 45 in March.

I'm on cd1 today. I knew it was coming but part of you always hopes doesn't it? Grrrr.

Fuzzy I'm sorry to hear about your biopsy, and the fact that your second ivf didn't work. I know you had resigned yourself but I really hoped you'd get lucky. You really deserve a break soon.

For two days we felt hopeful, and I felt special and different ... and now we're back to reality. Hormone levels went down rather than up, and AF has arrived.

Partner and I are absolutely gutted. I'm currently eating my feelings (icecream, here I come), and this evening I plan on getting drunk. And then we'll need to decide whether to try a third round of IUI or start trying the Big Guns, i.e. IVF.

I'm so sorry Cthulhoo, it's so awful when you get your hopes up and then they are dashed . Take some time to grieve (and eat and drink!) and then make a plan for your next steps.

Fwiw, the consultant I saw when I was 40 and ttc #1 said we should skip IUI and move straight to ivf because of my age and IUI being less successful. My ivf didn't work but I did conceive my ds the following cycle.

Ababsurdum I'm on my second chocolate cookie and my second coffee so some sort of temporary equilibrium has been restored. This evening my partner and I will be grieving and lamenting the general unfairness of it all, and I guess then we'll pick ourselves up and start planning again.

When we started, we'd asked the consultant whether we should go straight to IVF or whether my values were good enough to allow some delay. His view was that I was healthy enough and overall values good enough that we could afford a few rounds of IUI. We looked at the success chances and costs and it seemed that the biggest difference was between unassisted and IUI, with IVF then adding around 5-8 percent point of increased chances, for an added €2000 or so.

I think we'll ask for an appointment or a consultation to see what he thinks now. I also can't figure out whether the raised hormone levels were (temporary) success (and therefore mean another round of IUI might be successful), or whether they were simply a statistical fluke, or residual hormones from the trigger shot (and therefore it's time to move on to other treatments).

If they were measuring HCG and it was there but low then it's indicative of a chemical pregnancy/early mc so you might get lucky again. Remind me how old you are?

Of course that was only the view of one consultant I saw and, you're right, there's a massive price difference to weigh up when deciding on what path you take. Definitely worth seeing the consultant again. Will you get a review meeting with them anyway for the IUI?

Adabsurdum I'm 40 (41 in April) and DP just turned 40 in January.
I'm weirdly hoping it was a chemical pregnancy or early MC because it would mean that at least something worked. It's been so frustrating for the last year and a half that there's no measure of progress or experience or training - there's nothing we could point to and say, right, this worked better this time, now to work on that, we've been 70% there this time, now let's work on the remaining 30%... do you know what I mean? It's always either yes/no but you never know whether it was a close shave or whether it was a total failure from the beginning.