First time TTC - thread 3

[Pyjamas81]

A place for all those trying for their first who didn't know their OPKs from their BBTs, their EWCM from their FRERs and everything in between before discovering Mumsnet!

If you're that glorious mix between excited about getting that elusive BFP and terrified - this is the place for you

Thanks mouse lol glad to hear I'm not being booted out yet!

Warwick I don't think it's right that ur Dr said u have to TTC for one year become a referral should actually be 12 months. I hope you don't need to wait that long and 4 cycles really isn't that long at all but should it not happen in another 8 I'd definitely press for a referral with ur GP.

Mouse how frustrating to wait for AF with no idea when she will rear her ugly head

Ladies can I get some help with my FW dtd strategy lol. Today is day 1 of FW according to a usually accurate app, with OVO due Tues and Sunday and Monday being the high fertile days (today is medium).

So what is the situation with DTD everyday? I read that it decreases sperm count and quality. So in these 6 days, assuming the ov week is as I described which days should I make sure I dtd?

Wow alot of autocorrect in my post, I hope you get the gist!

Doctors say dtd every other day is enough heatherbaby

heather I posted way back in this thread a link about it being a very minimal % increase between every other and every day, I'll try and find it again.. It's personal preference really, I would try for Saturday, Monday, Tuesday minimum if possible..

alice myself and plenty of others just on this thread have been trying for 4 months+ there's a reason you have to wait a year for a referral as plenty of people with no problems take that long to conceive. Could you consider taking a break? Putting this much pressure on yourself is the total opposite of optimum conception chances. I'm sorry you're finding it so hard, are you stressed/depressed in other areas?

Just done my first ever OPK, how sad is it that it was quite exciting?! It was negative as expected (CD6) but there was at least a faint line!

Moonlight haha I tried last night but my efforts failed. He had been up since 5 for a work trip to london so I will let him off. Gone for the posh undies approach today so hopefully that will work tonight.

Warwick it will happen when it is supposed to happen. I cant believe your drs have said 2 years of trying. I thought it was 12months only before they started to have a look at what is happening.

Heather i am aiming for every other day as a minimum during my fw (which is now haha, I think I should ovulate on sunday) so we dtd on Wednesday, hopefully tonight and then we shall see where the weekend takes us.

MrsG does a light line mean you are gearing up for your LH surge? Sorry I cant be more help I have no experience with OPKs

Warwick - is there anything that you could do to at least help you feel like you're taking some control back? Eating well? Exercise? Stopping smoking? I know that none of these things are guaranteed to instantly help you get pregnant but I do think that at the very least the distraction can be good.

Heather - I think if you can manage to DTD every day then it probably can't do any harm - we found that it was just a bit too much pressure on both of us - particularly when you factor in other stresses in life - EOD is achievable for us and studies would show that it should be enough.

As for me.... I'm concerned AF is trying to kill me - so bloody painful this month! Feeling generally positive though that soon enough she'll have done one and we can start trying again. I've also ordered a thermometer... see if I can get to grips with temping or if it makes me crazy.
Hope you all have a good weekend when it comes ladies!

Thank you for your messages everyone. I have a history of mental health problems but have been stable now for 5 years+. I was totally ok when I started ttc, and this is the trigger for everything I'm feeling, and it has completely destabilised me. I am trying to eat healthily, drink no alcohol, and I don't smoke, but I'm starting hearing the old 'you're fat' voice in my head that I've not heard for a long time. I'm feeling very out of control and I'm quite frightened. I feel like to take a break from ttc will just delay the inevitable: at some point I'm going to have to go through this shite or else I'm never going to have a baby. I've been to the doctor and have some counselling notes to read but I haven't called the counselling service yet. I guess I'm so desperate to conceive early because I am honestly so afraid of what it's doing to my mental health that I have worked so hard to regain. I'm afraid of myself when I feel this bad, and I just need need need to conceive so I can get over this and feel normal again.

Warick sounds like you are having a rough time. What has stopped you from calling the counselling service? It seems from what you have said that you want to continue TTC but need some mechanism to cope. Do you think the counselling service could help? What have you tried in the past that got you to a stable place?

Maybe taking control for you isn't about eating healthy etc but about taking control of your mental health instead. Treat it like eating healthy, use all the options available to you. I hope you find your way through all this.

Sorry Warwick - I didn't mean to make you feel like that and don't think I properly understand how a mental health issues and TTC operate.
I sincerely hope that counselling can help you through this time.

Warwick this might sound harsh but I think a break in TTC will help you to prioritise the importance of your mental health. Having a baby won't solve your problems as much as you think it will. It's extremely hard work and you have a real risk of PND if you are feeling like this now. I know you don't want to feel like this and probably won't want to hear this, but your mental health is the most important thing. If you are concerned with your weight, be honest with yourself and do something about it. It will be much more healthier for your TTC journey if you are mind, body and soul in a better place.

And I say this with experience. I have been on this journey for 6+ years. First making sure my DH was mentally ready, and this took quite a while with his anxiety. Next making sure we were settled and in a position at home to bring a life into it. Taking out as much stress as possible. And finally being physically ready. I've lost over 2 stones this year (and granted I probably need to lose another 2) to make my body ready for carrying a baby. This is not an easy fix. Be honest with yourself. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve this but you also deserve to give yourself the best possible chance to conceive, carry a healthy baby, and be healthy afterwards when the hard work actually starts. I really do wish you all the luck, because you sound like you would make a wonderful mum. X

Hi all - wow i had a lot to catch up on!!
mrsCW glad everything went ok at the scan, likewise moonlight and of course stay here
Welcome hellsbells, wantingbaby,ymmv, tinkerbell and heather(how is it going with the job agency?)
hopeful take EPO from cd1 until ov, it's supposed to improve EWCM
pie fx it's implantation bleed! When are you testing?
flora oh my god yeah about Janet Jackson!! And her bump is adorable, what a lovely story.
busy think that's really good advice about taking the time to wallow and then move on - I find it a lot easier to have positive thoughts on cd1 rather than say cd28.
mouse well done on losing 2 st! That's fab. I'm in the same boat as you wishing for something to happen this weekend, anything!!

warwick wow - you have a lot going on. I was going to say the say as mouse above. But if you do want to carry on TTC could you afford to maybe get private fertility tests done? And if everything comes back ok it would help to put your mind at ease and that everything will happen when it's ready. I found a couples fertility test for £250 for semen analysis for man and bloods and hormone tests for woman.

Has anyone else been actively trying to lose weight before ttc? I'm about 5lb into the "overweight" bmi category, which isn't a lot, but I'm finding these last few lb difficult to lose, having lost a stone over the past 3 months. Not sure if it's really bad to be ttc whilst "overweight"?

I joined the gym a couple of weeks ago having as I've put on weight since stopping the pill. My bmi is 26.3 and I'd like to get it down to 25 but I don't worry about a few extra lb whilst TTC.

I wouldn't worry about a few lbs Wanting it's mainly for BMI over 30, that's when the doctors may say someone needs to lose weight for treatment etc.

My BMI is 33 BUT I am in quite good health. My blood pressure is low, and I have no other health problems. Since losing the 2 stone my back has actually gotten worse and My hips are stiff. I'm tall (5'9) and a size 16 now but the BMI chart still says I need to lose another 8 stone. I would look like I had a disease if I was that small.

The realistic BMI scale says another 2 stone off would put me at the top of my ideal range for my large frame. (My fingers don't touch when wrapped around my wrist) I'd love for my BMI to be under 30 but it's going to take more work.

Hi can I join you?

Well I'm currently on cycle day 78 all hpts have been negative last period 30th july-3rd august. I had 2/3 lots of tiny amounts of spotting only lasting a day and barley there at all. I don't normally use opks but when I missed my first period I started to use them and have not ovulated since

I have been getting bad headaches, and very tired dont matter how much i sleep i still need more, last week I started getting very nauseous I was heaving to be sick but wasn't actually sick (I'm never sick or never normally feel sick either) my boobs feel achey and have noticed small thin purple veins on my breasts which i have never seen before.my big blue veins are normally noticeable anyway as I have big boobs but even they look bolder

I was pretty much convinced I weren't pregnant until I started feeling sick and now these random purple veins

Have a internal scan booked 26th October

I'm sooooo confused

Hello can I join?
I was debating starting a new thread entitled: When do you just give up altogether?

TTC #1
I'm 27, OH is 27.
2 mc's, no periods back yet

We've been together 10 years in March, getting married next August so thought we would give ourselves about a year of TTC before the wedding as we have never had any accidents in all this time so guessed it would take a while.
I came off the pill in April, was on Cerazette 9 years and had no proper period really or cycle I knew of.
Fell pregnant first cycle. Miscarried July. Desperate emptiness made me TTC again, fell pregnant first cycle again. Miscarried to the day at the same time this week.
I'm starting to feel like I can't bear the thought of miscarrying over and over again, but I'm so desperate to have a baby.
I worry because we've been together so long that I shouldn't have put it off, DP has wanted kids for years and I now feel like I am being punished for dragging my heels all these years. So scared to miscarry again.

Oh of course Mouse, you've done brilliantly to get to where you are, by no means did I mean that anyone should have to have a BMI of under 30 to TTC. I just know a few people who have been told they couldn't have treatment until their BMI was under 30 that's all.

I personally think BMI is rubbish, I lost over 3st years ago to get to BMI 25 but I'm petite (5'1) and putting on just a few lbs puts me into the overweight bracket when I'm in size 10 clothes, silly really.

Welcome holzy and haz

Sorry to hear you're both having trouble, I hope things work out soon

Thanks MrsG I actually lost a couple of stone in the last year (started eating healthily and exercising after a lifetime of eating junk and being a couch potato) but it knocked my BMI to under 18! Which is just silly, because I'd never been in better health but in my first pregnancy the midwife kind of told me off a bit about it! Now I have resumed my shameful sofa/chocolate ways as the two miscarriages back to back have knocked me back but I am determined to pick it back up in the next few weeks and sod the outdated BMI rules, you know if you're being healthy and looking after yourself don't you X

Fyi someone needs to make a new thread pronto!!! Someone won't be able to post soon!

mrsg it's fun poas isn't it lol. Glad you enjoyed it 😂

basset top marks for effort though! Good luck tonight!

eva where are you at in your cycle now?

Welcome holzy and haz! That's very odd about your long cycle and symptoms holzy but glad you're booking in for a scan. Is that through your gp? Is this your first cycle since stopping the pill or no?

haz so sorry for what you've been through. It's all so scary isn't it :(

I have started the fourth thread for us all. we are obviously a chatty lot. I am so sorry
Hazel for your losses.

Link to the new thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2756020-first-time-ttc-thread-four