35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

Hello, and welcome to the many new people on here!

@justmeonly apparently the ovulation dates predicted by the apps are not at all accurate. Ovulation dates can vary within the month for a single person, so using a measure devised for an entire population might not help you. (I only stopped using this method last month, though. I, too, am not pregnant.)

I'd recommend having a listen to some Fertility Friday podcasts. Specifically, the first episode (in three parts), and episodes five and twenty. These explain about fertility tracking and how to understand when you are fertile. I've found them incredibly helpful.

@SoozC I understand that 36 is actually not all that old in fertility terms. It sounds like your plan is an excellent one. Losing just six months to a committed plan to get pregnant is probably a very sound investment. Having a follow-up plan for afterwards is also excellent.

@Janefx40 glad you had a good Yom Kippur. I'm with you on how easy it is to be negative. I seem to be doing it most of the time right now. I think this is because I need to make changes in my life. I'd better overhaul my attitude when I do, though! (December - not long now!)

My cycle seems to be improving. AF was properly within the normal range this time, and my CM (maybe 5 days before ovulation?) is better than I managed at all last month. I am eating a lot of vegetables, as is DH. Hopefully it's doing his fertility some good. It could take 90 days for both of us to show any results, so this cycle's improvements could well just be hopeful indications, but I'll take that!

Thanks guys, both for the welcome and the recommendations. I've read a lot of threads over the last couple of weeks but never seen a reference to those podcasts!

@SoozC I’m also 36 with DH 10 years older. I like the idea of 6 months dedicated trying.
@JanetFX also loving the positive thinking, and spending time reflecting on yourself and where you are sounds great. I’ve got a week off work this week so I may try this myself. I feel like I’ve had a really stressful year (work, moved house) so I think just time to not stress is much needed.
Hope all you ladies are ok x

@spargle and @79andnotout- you're so right about the tracking apps- I think I've been trusting them too much. This will be my first month with opks- so hopeful it will help.
@Janefx40- G'mar Fatima Tova- I hope that is correct! I'm all for reflecting and positivity - I just have to remind myself of that when I feel sorry for myself!
Hello everyone else x

Thanks @Cinnamonstoothbrush

Well AF arrived today following a week of unbelievably sore boobs along with some bad insomnia which are both very unusual for me. Started to get my hopes up even though I knew it was unlikely to happen this month but eventually cracked and tested. But CB first response was negative and now AF.

I'm consoling myself with the thought of a nice cold glass of wine tonight (just finished weekend of night shifts) and focusing on starting with the opks this cycle. The good news is that AF being on time means that my fertile window should fall during a week where neither of us are on nights and we haven't got DS's son with us so plenty of opportunity to dtd

Hope everyone else has a good week.

@Darkstar4855 sorry to hear about AF arriving. It's so easy to get your hopes up, isn't it? I manage to do so every month, and it all gets a bit depressing.

Glad to hear that your fertile window is probably falling at a useful time. Mine has maybe started over the weekend (going by CM as an indication to start trying, and sustained temperature rise over three days as an indication to stop), which is always good. (DH seems extra-enthusiastic this month, which is lovely.) I hope that you have a lovely week, and that it is a productive one! (Best wishes in advance, and all that.)

I think that I should probably mention that sometimes bodies can take more than one go to ovulate, according to these podcasts I keep banging on about. What that means is that you'll get the positive OPK result, but you won't ovulate, then you would subsequently get another positive result before you actually ovulated. I don't think that it happens to many people, but apparently it happens to some people. A sign that this might be happening would be fertile CM after you thought the ovulation had already happened - a second batch, as it were. (Another sign is that your basal temperature wouldn't rise, but you'd have to chart that to know about it!)

A good rule of thumb is apparently to DTD every time you see fertile CM (according to whatever frequency is the correct one - I don't know how often is best). But if you want to listen to the podcast where I got this information, look up the Fertility Friday Podcast episode 149.

I hope that this information isn't useful to anyone, but nobody's going to get pregnant if they just stop DTD way before a sneaky late ovulation happens, and for some women this actually happens, meaning they think they have problems when they don't.

So feeling a bit down today..the weekend has been pretty challenging. I had been getting what I thought were implantation cramps when I started to feel a sharp stabbing pain on my lower left abdomen area - kept me up from 4 am on Friday night so went to A&E on Saturday morning as pain killers didn't help. Was fearful of ectopic pregnancy as the pain pretty bad (no bleeding though) but upper shoulder pain as well.

The hospital was great and referred me to early pregnancy unit that day where I had an internal scan (v.painful) and they could not see a sac but could see 2 large fibroids on each side of womb which may have blocked path of egg implantation. Also my bloods came back as lowish HCG at 54 but the said I must come back today for another blood test which I have done. Now just a waiting game - the doc said if my HCG hasn't doubled by today then could be sign of ectopic or miscarriage. The other possibility could be that the fibroids are causing pain because pregnancy is starving them of blood.

I have had pain move around my womb area as well over the weekend but not sure what to think. I have been bit upset and weepy/feeling in limbo tbh. I haven't announced my pregnancy to anyone yet and didn't want to until 12 weeks tbh just in case. I have had some brown and pink mucous discharge since this morning as well which is adding to my worry. At work trying to to fall into pieces and wait for the doctor's call re HCG.

The positive thing is doc said my womb lining looks like it is thickening the way it should be and she wouldn't expect to see a sac this early anyway (1 to 2 week preg according to clearblue), 4 weeks according to doctors. Please send positive vibes...I will keep this thread updated on how it goes. Want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Oh Christ BougieQueen that sounds horrible. I'm so sorry you're going through this and fingers crossed that everything turns out ok.

Thanks @Si1ver - have just gone to the loo and the mucus is now a brighter red. I think I will call the EPU to try and get the results as beside myself worried. I'd rather know what to expect tbh...I want to go home but as usual putting my game face on. I feel sick.

Oof lovely. Go home. Work will be there tomorrow, but you're going to be no good to anyone with all that stress going on in your head.

So sorry to hear that this is happening to you. It could still be nothing, but it definitely sounds like you should be at home right now. Have a rest and try to distract yourself with something, if you can, perhaps with a nice cup of tea? Be gentle with yourself!

Thanks all - no pain right now but if the bleeding does get worse and painful I will go home. I am due to attend a seminar tomorrow for work but may cancel. I'm usually good at holding things together and husband very supportive...I'm just not very good at being in limbo. Have to try distracting myself until the hospital call back with blood test news.

@BougieQueen - poor you. That sounds horrible . I really hope things work out OK fingers crossed . I agree with Si1lver, don't stay at work when you don't feel well & are worried.

Got 1st appointment for scan with local hospital & it was for mid November (15 weeks!), which didn't sound right. Rang up & it appears to have been a mistake as they rescheduled for late October (12 weeks). Will have Harmony blood test plus scan a week on Friday, so if that is OK, then I think I can finally relax & even start being a little excited & planning stuff (haven't dared do so yet). Am still nervous that something will go wrong (my age, my age....), but no indication of that yet.

Really sorry to hear this @BougieQueen. Fingers crossed it is all ok.

Have everything crossed for you bougie. Xx

V envious blueberry (and don't mean that in a horrid way), I was just over a week off harmony. Just want to be in your boat again!! xx

Thanks everyone. Fingers crossed for your scan @Blueberry1.

So I decided to stay at work as going home just means waiting tbh. I feel a little better after trying to take my mind of things...I called the hospital again and they said the nurses don't call back re blood test results until after 4:00 pm anyway after their clinic shuts. If I'd known that initially I wouldn't have been calling them earlier than that but oh well hey ho.

I'm beginning to accept that what will be will be...if I do lose the baby there is nothing I can do but pick myself up and try again. Still hoping for the best but preparing for the worst at the same time which makes me feel a bit helpless. I've had more blood and tiny bright red clots now so kind of not sure what to think.

People at work have closed a huge deal and everyone is celebrating so I've just left them to it and gone back to my desk to work quietly.

Really appreciate the support given on this board as I am not keen to share this stuff with anyone at work or my boss (people talk and small office) so at least you guys are an outlet. Very hard to think that it might be all over as I spent last week visualising my newborn baby in my arms. Keeping fingers crossed.

Hi everyone, I am currently feeling like the world's worst friend as one of my best friends has just posted her 20 week scan photo to announce it is a girl and I want to be so happy for her but am fighting back tears instead! I would have been due 2 months after her and on maternity leave at the same time.

In more positive news, AF is now over and we are ready to start trying again tonight!

@BougieQueen I am so sorry to hear you are having such a frightening time, I am keeping everything crossed for you that everything will be ok.

So they called me to say blood tests are not back yet from lab so I wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile still bleeding pink/red mucous. This is so shit.

Oh @BougieQueen, so sorry to hear this . I found it hard enough just getting AF this month, can't imagine how horrible this must feel after getting a BFP. Keeping my fingers crossed for your blood test result, hopefully it's just too early for the scan to show anything.

I always though the bit where you finally got to start trying for a baby after all the years of waiting would be the easy/fun part. I had no idea it would turn out to be this hard.

@PhoebeMouse Congrats to your friend and I am so sorry for how you're feeling. I can imagine trying to happy for your friend yet heartbroken at the same time. Fingers crossed that your attempts this month go well my dear.

Thanks @Darkstar4855 - yeah it is such a difficult thing to go through. I will just go home and have a lush bath bomb tbh and try not to stress as nothing else I can physically do. It's just the not knowing that is torture.

@BougieQueen- I really hope everything works out for you and sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.

@PhoebeMouse- all the best for this month

@BougieQueen - many women have some bleeding/spotting in early pregnancy and go on to have healthy pregnancies. Hopefully that's the case for you.

@PhoebeMouse - I know how you feel. Earlier on this year, I burst into tears when I found out a recently married friend was pregnant. I did pull myself together to phone her and congratulate her. When I later saw her I admitted we'd been trying (didn't mention IVF), but it hadn't worked yet, and she was incredibly understanding .

@bougiequeen - that sounds horrible, really hope you can get some rest tonight and get answers tomorrow, and that things are OK.

@phoebemouse - I can empathise as well, when my brother and sister in law had a baby I was happy for them but at the same time just filled with overwhelming sadness and the question "when is it my turn?"

As far as I'm concerned, AF has arrived today. Trying to look on the positive side in that I can now start understanding my cycle better, and won't be as in the dark about fertile periods this month coming.