35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

@79andnotout it is awful that you have to experience this every cycle! Have you found anything that helps it at all?

I was thinking of trying a clearblue OPK this month to see if it is helpful - have people been finding them useful? I am quite intrigued to see what they show (and nervous as well!) but scared by the price tag!

I am interested to hear about the Harmony screening @Blueberry1 keep us informed about how it goes and if you would recommend it.

Well, I've got a long weekend as soon as today is over and as AF is here, I am going to buy myself a bottle of wine, have a bubble bath, and try to relax for a few days!

@PhoebeMouse - it's not as painful since I stopped drinking a few months ago. But yeah, just occasional painkillers, sleeping on my side instead of my front, gingerly removing my bra at night, and holding my chest when exercising. It disappears completely when I go back on the pill so that's what I usually do.

@Blueberry1 - I'm definitely also doing that test if I get to that stage. Had a few friends who have used it and thoroughly recommend. So good to have some positive reassurance early on and be in a position to make an early choice if need be (and to know the sex, I'm not one for mysteries).

Hi all, perfect thread- please can I join you? I'm 35 and ttc for the past 3 months. Initially started posting on another thread then felt a bit disheartened and gave up but it's nice to have other people in the same boat to chat with. Haven't read all the previous posts but congratulations to those of you who have got your bfp

@PhoebeMouse that sounds lovely. I may join you for wine!

I have found CB digital OPKs really good. I don't bother with the dual hormones although I did try them. As I'm regular (within particular patterns) i didn't feel it was necessary. CB work for me because you can use first morning's urine which is easier I think and they are clear - no need for testing several times a day or interpreting the darkness of lines. But I do get clear positives. Everyone is different and there are some people who may have shorter surges that once a day testing misses so I suppose it depends who you are.

@Blueberry1 well done for doing the run. I'm sure you don't want a tum but quite nice in a way that you have something to show for it! Good idea re testing. Fingers crossed x

@PhoebeMouse thanks so much. Hope it goes well for you and at least you can start again.

@ 79andnotout thanks - all the best of luck with your ttc.

I was secretly gearing myself up for at least 6 months to a year before getting a BFP and warned my DH that it may be a long wait as family had already started asking when we would have a baby etc as soon as we moved into our new home/got engaged about 10 months ago now. Also in our cultural ethnicity a woman my age (39) would have been expected to have at least 2 kids by now so there has been a lot of pressure to "get on with it" by parents. I have had to gently ask my mum to put a sock in it on more than one occasion as I didn't want so much pressure on us.

To add to this my older sibling has had fertility issues in the past so I think she was also nervous for me and kept saying I must try immediately after engagement but I really wanted to be married first. Just relieved that it has happened so fast but still cautiously optimistic and won't tell people until 12 week mark. Will be my mum's first grandchild so she will be over the moon so prefer to tell when we are past the risk of miscarriage stage. Praying...

@Blueberry1 thank you. Honestly your story has inspired me a lot and encouraged me to want to share this thread with my older sibling who has had a lot of fertility issues in the past. I want to encourage her not to give up as she would love to be a mother but in reality she has been though so much that I am being very sensitive and don't want to remind her of a sad time. Also very nervous to tell her I am expecting so will have to do it in a sensitive way. If any of you lovely ladies have any pointers on how I can do it in a nice way without being too show-offy please suggest.

Very selfish post here, sorry in advance... Feeling so low today. Bad day anyway and then my cousin posted a photo on FB of her carrying her 10-week-old by the sea with some caption like "This is what maternity leave is for! xxx" and I'm happy for her but inside I'm screaming out that I wish I knew and after so long I feel it's never going to happen.

Just wanted to post this pic of my lovely little cat (had him 10 years so he's like my baby) who was clearly very bored of me reading the pregnancy book in the days before my MC. Hoping this might bring some smiles to those feeling down today x

@SoozC I'm sorry. It is so hard feeling like we don't get to have our turn. It's awful but every time I have give up my seat to a pregnant woman on the train I feel like that. I don't care about the seat but I feel like "I'm not special because I'm not pregnant so I have to stand up for someone else because she is". It's so silly because in reality she is tired but it just feels like a spotlight on what I don't have.

@coastalchick lovely kitty

X

Hi @SoozC, oh that's so hard . I don't think that's selfish at all. Just after I got AF after our first month of trying DP came home and said "Good news, guess what?" and then proceeded to tell me that a couple we work with are expecting a baby. Honestly I was/am really happy for them and wasn't really expecting to get a BFP first time but my initial reaction was to think "IT'S NOT FAIIIR!!!" followed by fighting back tears. I felt bad because DP is such a lovely person it would never occur to him to be envious! I soon felt better about it, though I did get another little twinge when the official announcement was on facebook.

I think it's normal to feel like this, although I can imagine it would be harder if we had been trying for longer or if it was family/close friend expecting. I just keep telling myself that if we are lucky enough to have one of our own then I will try to always be grateful and as sensitive as possible to those around me who might be trying without success. hugs

@coastalchick Aww, your cat is gorgeous!

@BougieQueen Congrats on your BFP, that's fab news. I don't really have any advice for you about telling your sister other than if it was me I'd want to hear it from you before everyone else found out or I heard from someone else. It sounds like you are already really sensitive towards her feelings which is lovely.

@Blueberry1 I'm interested in the Harmony screening too. I like the idea of getting accurate information without the invasiveness and risk of amniocentesis. I would be interested to hear how it goes.

@79andnotout I sympathise as I also get breast tenderness every month although mine is not as bad and I usually only notice it when I take my bra off. I used to get it even when I had my mirena in and didn't have periods which was always a bit strange!

Hello to all the new faces, nice to see this thread getting lively. I have only been on here for about a week but have already found it really helpful both in terms of practical advice and in feeling like I'm not alone and there is hope!

Coastal, he's definitely bringing a smile this morning, thank you!

Thank you Dark and Jane.

Welcome newbies, we're all supportive here so you've found a good place!

Blueberry, glad you're enjoying the running again, I hope you find a bra that works for you! I keep imagining how excited you must be, I bet you can't wait for the scan!!!

I could do with his smile right now! Bloody AF arrived this am which means I did ovulate back on 19th (which was day I had the all clear scan) so no way can get PH now until bloody mid-October!!!!!

@SoozC Definitely a tough one when you keep getting pregnancy announcement. Hopefully you're getting all the support you need to cope at this time. Your can't help your feelings as you are human.

@Darkstar4855 - Thanks so much. I'm sensitive towards my sister because I know that I would be absolutely devastated it it were me in the same position. I'm always praying that she will find a way somehow...

@costalchick - what a beautiful kitty!

Hello, can I join you all? I'm 39, met my DH rather later in life than many people do, and came off the pill pretty much exactly a month ago. As a result I've no idea what length my cycle is now, whether I'm ovulating (and if so when), so it's all a bit up in the air. If I've reverted to a clear 28 day cycle then AF should be due in the next few days, but who knows?

@coastalchick, your cat looks just like mine, and he pulls that face sometimes when I'm not paying him enough attention!

Welcome@Flev I met my DP late too - it's lovely being in a new(ish) relationship tho I do wish we had more time before getting into the baby stuff x

Good morning all. After convincing myself that the 3 days of spotting I had at the start of the week could have been implantation bleeding I woke up to AF . Trying to be optimistic, but so disappointed. I keep telling myself the chances are good but with pcos and thyroid disease I worry it might never happen. Sorry to moan on a Saturday - just trying to avoid doing it in real life!

Hi @Cinnamonstoothbrush I'm sorry. It's such a bitch isn't it. There's no easy way to deal with the disappointment but we all know how it feels :(

If you are managing to restrict your moaning to Mumsnet you are doing better than me! I need to learn to do the same and not make DPs life a misery!

Xxx

Hi @Janefx40 - thank you, it's nice to have people to chat to who didn't just accidentally become pregnant with triplets on the one day of the year they had sex!
I'm trying not to moan too much to DH but he's so laid back it frustrates me more! Xxx

Hey Cinnamon, sorry you're feeling low. Don't worry about moaning on here, we're all used to needing a moan and, as far as I'm concerned, happy to hear others' troubles. I think it definitely helps.

DH and I had a chat on Thursday (argument). The upshot was, we agreed to try a full-on, committed approach for six months. Until now I've tried to keep him relaxed as previously he's found it stressful if I tell him it's the fertile window, but now he wants to know. It'll be interesting to see if it works but I'm going to keep my research into IVF going as I hate to lose six months when I'm already 36 and he's nearly 50.

Hi @SoozC, I ate a pizza and cuddled a cat- now ready to focus on being positive this month- in both senses of the word!
Your six months of the full-on approach sounds like a good plan- it's less lonely when you both share the stressy bits and I imagine more exciting when you finally get the bfp

@SoozC that sounds like a really positive step forward! You have a plan - I'm really pleased. And as @Cinnamonstoothbrush said you are now in it together which has to be a good thing.

@Cinnamonstoothbrush Glad you are feeling better.

We just had Yom Kippur which is the Jewish day of atonement. You fast for a day and go to synagogue and have a day of reflection about yourself. Then at the end you get forgiven for all you've done wrong.

It sounds weird if you're not used to the idea but it is actually really positive. It was good to have a day to think about how I've been and I came out feeling more positive and ready to make some changes. I especially need to "buck up my ideas" and stop being so negative and moany all the time (about my commute, our house etc)

After this last week of me being endlessly stressed and emotional it'll take me time before DH starts feeling happy again but I will try. (Just to help me out with my new PMA, the universe has had me wake up with a cold! I will not let it switch me back to negative Nancy!!)

A positive attitude makes such a difference. I was in perpetual negative mode and made a New Years resolution to force myself to see the bright side of every situation. It actually worked a treat! I managed to turn around so many things I was unhappy with that year and the general positivity has prevailed (although I think I've let it slip a bit over the last year but seem to have pulled it back recently). It helps that I have the most negative brother and it drives me up the wall and reminds me to keep not wanting to be like him as he's miserable half the time.

Hi everyone,
I've come to join in - 35 and ttc since the beginning of the year. I've been trying to stay relaxed about it and not get stressed, but it's starting to get me down. I'm not doing any ovulation testing, just taking my vitamins and trying to dtd on days which the two tracking apps I have suggest are good. Beginning to think I should step it up a notch but worried I'll get more stressed about it...

Hi @Justmeonly! Welcome to the thread.

I've found the tracking apps to be way off - usually a week different from my actual ovulation (according to temping and ovulation sticks). Might be worth considering if you are not having regular sex the weeks surrounding when the app indicates all things are go.

Thanks. I guess I'll buy some sticks off Amazon and give it a go...