35+ TTC #1

[elisev]

Hi all,

Just wanted to start a thread for all of us over 35 just starting out.

I am: 36 (37 in Nov)
Cycle #1 CD 22

I've been 'prepping' my body for this for a year, lost weight, increased my fitness levels and been taking vitamins etc so I feel like I've been mentally preparing for this for AGES, as a result I'm finding the waiting game torturous! I've been tracking my cycles, 27 days average, and using OPK's - just started that this month. We dtd the day before getting a smiley face and then twice on the day we got one.

Are there others who feel impatient/worried like me because you feel time is not on our sides? So bloody stressful!

Welcome @Darkstar4855. Good luck with everything! For me, temperature and mucus monitoring has been great, because it shows that I have ovulated, and when that happened, so I know when I've done enough, as it were. Also, my temperature drops before my period starts, so i know that it's not just implantation bleeding and can nuke myself with painkillers with gay abandon (this might not be so imperative for other people). For me, I feel less uptight about the whole thing while monitoring everything.

If you decide to give that a go, I'd recommend listening to a few episodes of the Fertility Friday podcast (I am starting to sound like a broken record, I know, but it has helped me a lot with feeling in control): all of the first episode (3 parts), and episodes 5 and 20 were particularly helpful to me.

Having said that, this month my luteal phase was only 11 days, which is not long enough, and I didn't have enough mucus. Obviously, AF is here. I've now started to eat mostly vegetables after 3pm, trying to get to bed on time (work in progress: increasingly successful), and will be starting acupuncture soon.

@Blueberry1 sorry to hear about your nausea. Research suggests that it is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, so hopefully it feels better in retrospect? Good luck with the scan today!

"Fun" to hear that a lot of us are struggling with CM production. I hope that preseed stuff, or whatever it's called, works.

Sorry to hear that AF is imminent for another two of us. Glad your cycle seemed normal though, @79andnotout. Not envious at all...

Welcome @Darkstar4855. At only 37, I wouldn't worry too much yet. Yes fertility is lower over 35, but something like 80% of 38 & 39 year olds can get pregnant within 6 months. I would advise using OPKs as it isn't always easy to work out when you're fertile especially if your cycle is still adapting back after Mirena. I used the clearblue dual indicator ones, which are a bit pricy, but they identify up to 6 fertile days per month and I think a wider window is less stressful!

As for me, 7 week scan this morning was perfect . Sac & yolk as should be, baby (looks like a coffee bean..), is appropriate size & there was a little heartbeat! Now consultant says I'm ok to (gently) start running & cycling again . DP very pleased & has taken photo of the bean home with him!

Congraulations Blueberry! Glad that all went well. Enjoy the light running. It's supposed to help with the nausea, I think?

Welcome Darkstar! I'm another one for throwing all the science at myself in TTC (although I am a biochemist by training so not a surprise). The more knowledge I have the less stressed I feel, although it's certainly the converse for some people, so just do whatever feels right for you. I asked my partner if he wanted to know and he doesn't, so I keep the info to myself.

Oh and Spargle, when I said normal I meant "more" normal as at 27 days I seem to be moving away from the run of 21 day cycles I was having. Ovulation is quite late at cd16, so I also had a short luteal cycle. I'll see what it's like next month. I want a good three or four months of data before I think about that.

Ah, so glad it's Friday.

@Spargle my luteal phase has always been 11-12 days (I have a year or so of cycle tracking) and fertility clinic said it wasn't a problem in relation to conception. I think problems arise when it's less than 10 days.

@79andnotout - If running will stop nausea as well as help me get I fit again & stop getting fatter (1kg gained already...), that's a bonus .

Thanks everyone for all the reassurance! I am feeling better already just having someone to talk to about this stuff

@janefx40 good point about the statistics, I have probably been torturing myself unnecessarily by reading so much! It's hard when the general books are so negative but the book Spargle recommended helped fo address the balance a bit!

@Spargle: thank you so much for your book recommendations earlier in the thread. I have been reading the first few chapters of "Expect Better" and I found it really helpful. I can definitely identify with the idea that having all the facts makes you feel more in control rather than less.

On that basis and reading what you guys have said I've decided I'm going to give OPK a go. I work a mixture of days, lates and night shifts so don't think temperature monitoring would really work for me. DP also works shifts though and we have his DS some of the time so it can be hard to dtd at the right times. Having a more specific window would help as I won't feel so bad about hassling him after a long day when it's only for 5-6 days or so a month (to be fair to him he's generally pretty good about obliging, it's just me worrying that if I put too much pressure on him (and me too) it'll end up making us both unhappy).

I have ordered the CB digital ones - thanks @Blueberry1 for the advice and massive congratulations on your BFP, fingers crossed the nausea is not too bad and it's all good news from here on.

@79andnotout yes my DP is much the same, he's more than happy to TTC but doesn't want to know all the ins and outs (no pun intended!). I won't keep the fact that I'm using OPK from him if he asks but I won't advertise the fact, if that makes sense.

I have also ordered some of the Conceive Plus as I never seem to get much CM and a few people on here have mentioned that it may be helpful. So all set for next month, just waiting for AF now.

@Spargle I just listened to no 5 in that fertility podcast series, and realised I've been looking at my mucus all wrong, so thanks for that. Lets see if it makes any sense this coming month.

I had the second lot of therapy, and it was individual this time as he wants to speak to us separately. Basically covering family, relationship, and sexual history, and what we want from the sessions. I'm looking forward to the next couples one as I'm interested to see how different our answers were and what the therapists analysis is.

@79andnotout so glad the therapy was positive again. Will be so interesting to hear what your OH said about it all too.

I agree with you all about having the right amount of info. The thing is to know yourself and do whatever you need to feel as relaxed as possible.

For me, at 40, I needed to have enough info to decide how soon to go for intervention and how long to try naturally. So I chased down all the various tests which has helped us make the decision (we are currently planning to start the assisted process - IUI or IVF as needed in December). Having the info and making that decision has helped to relax me a little. However I personally steer well clear of general stats especially relating to age.

Having said that I've been in a major state since I got my menstrual migraine on Thursday and haven't stopped crying/arguing with DP. AF due Monday and is en route.

I'm currently sitting in the waiting room for my scan - the final piece of the puzzle.

Wishing you all good weekends x

How was your scan @janefx40? Totally understandable and normal to feel like that at the beginning of another cycle. So much pressure and so disappointing. I think the rows and the tears are an important outlet. Don't hold back. How is your OH coping?

It's good having made the decision for assistance in December. It's great to have options.

I hope you're feeling better today anyway.

@janefx40 I've been where you are and I had lots of stupid arguments with my DP as well. The moment he agreed to do IVF, they pretty much stopped. It wasn't just about having a child, but him not coming on board felt like rejection even though he didn't mean it like that. Trying to conceive and not managing is stressful for any relationship! Hope the scan went well. If you end up going down the IVF route, message me with any questions; am happy to share my experience.

@79andnotout glad to hear the therapy is progressing. Things can only get better .

I am feeling pretty much the same; tired, constant low level nausea and sore boobs. I had to get a new sports bra this weekend as could hardly breathe in existing ones & bits of boob were escaping ! Not only does pregnancy make your boobs bigger, but ribcage expands too, so I've gone up two back sizes! Bra fitter says I can get away with current bras (I have same generously cut model in several colours) for a bit longer.

@Blueberry1 it's good to hear from you. Good old sore boobs and nausea - it's exciting to think it's all going on inside you.

My scan was fine. A couple of tiny fibroids but not in a position to interrupt conception. I quite enjoyed it in a way.

People keep congratulating me because the scan was good, the tests were good but it all seems a bit meaningless to me - yes it's good to rule out causes of infertility but I'm still not pregnant. Nothing is good news to me except a pregnancy. There is just bad news or less bad news.

Hello ladies, do you mind if I join you? I'm 36 (last weekend) and ttc 1. I've been on a couple of the buses but sometimes it feels like they're full of young super fertile people! I am full of anxieties about it being harder as you get older and feeling a bit lonely with it all to be honest. All of my friends either have their families or have decided they don't want kids.
Congratulations @Blueberry1 its great it's all going well

Sorry - I realise that was a very negative post. Hoping good things for the rest of you.

Welcome @Meggimoo I think I've seen you on some other threads. 36 sounds positively youthful to me - practically a teenage mother it's all relative!

@79andnotout glad the podcast was helpful. It's explained a lot of things to me which I didn't realise I didn't understand. Glad your therapy appointment was another good one. It all sounds very hopeful!

@janefx40 glad your scan wasn't bad news. Often, it is just a numbers game, so I hear. Have you had your OH checked out? I think that you have, but my memory is a bit crap.

@Blueberry1 great to hear that things seem to be continuing in the right direction.

@Meggimoo welcome. You are in a pretty similar situation to me (I turned 36 in June), except that I don't look at the other boards!

I haven't yet booked in for any acupuncture because it looks as though the person I want to see could cost more than the mortgage. It's a cheap mortgage, but a sobering comparison nonetheless. If it was guaranteed to work, it would be worth it... Feeling a bit stuck now. I'm never good at making decisions, and this has higher stakes than most other things I've dealt with!

@Spargle my acupuncture costs £60 per session and that is central London so I reckon that's probably as expensive as it gets. My friend in Derbyshire goes for £40 (but not for fertility).

It is a fairly common use of acupuncture so if the person you have in mind is too pricey maybe you can find someone else? I'm sure some mumsnetters could recommend. Obviously you want someone good but I think there are a lot of people out there who know what they are doing.

Let us know how you get on. X

Hello again. Can I re-join?

Not sure if you remember but I conceived then sadly miscarried at almost 10 weeks (well, was a missed miscarriage around 6 weeks). Had medical management on 2 sept, turned 39 on 21 sept, currently in Sicily on hols and trying again now we've had all clear from follow up scan

No idea if ovulating or not. Went zero to static smiley last week. We DTD but OH didn't finish. Then negative the next day. This week am on day 3 of flashing smileys and we DTD on first day but not since (tonight may be the night!). So god knows if any chance of pregnancy but we may get lucky I guess!

Welcome @meggimoo. At 36 you still have a 70% chance of conceiving within 12 months. My sister-in-law conceived 1st child at nearly 37 in less than 6 months & 2nd one now due in February and she's 40 in December. A close friend is pregnant with 1st child at 39 without any problems. Just make sure you target your TTC activities a bit & don't do things you shouldn't (I was marathon training for first 4 months of TTC; totally inadvisable!).

Welcome back @coastalchick. Glad you got all clear from doctors and you can start TTC again. Fertility consultant told me clearblue sticks are very reliable, so just follow them, especially as your cycle may still be going back to normal right now.

Nothing new to report from my side. Am going to attempt to go to running club tonight with new larger sports bra, but am so unfit, I may have to bail out part way through! NB in case anyone is worried, consultant said I was fine to run, just to listen to my body & not overdo it.

Thanks for the lovely welcome all
@Janetfx40 and @spargle been looking into acupuncture too, just haven't actually reached out and made any appointments. DH thinks it's rubbish but I'm open minded...
Thanks for the stats @Blueberry1! There's no risk of me doing a marathon 😂 I've actually just been doing th couch to 5k in a bid to improve my cardio.

Oh well ladies I have been watching this thread for ages now as per my first post and ttc for a few months now. This is the first month I have used the Clearblue OTK (digital one|) and I got about 5 days of high futility but no peak fertility static smiley. I got fed up of that and by coincidence had a recent health check where the doc said just have sex every 3 to 4 days in a month and don't stress out.

Have had sore boobs for a few weeks now and felt a bit sick on a flight but just thought it was pre-period symptoms.

Decided to take a First response test today a day before my period and got a surprise BFP! No faint lines either just very strong pink lines...husband is cautiously optimistic as I turned 39 this year so will head to the doc soon to confirm. Praying that the next 12 weeks will be fine and will be able to carry healthy baby to term. Fingers crossed and good look to everyone else trying.

Hi @meggimoo, and welcome back @coastalchick, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you

@Janefx40 glad your scan didn't show anything bad even if it didn't really give you answers.

My clear blue OPKs and conceive plus arrived today so all set to start trying properly next month.

@Blueberry1 I've just seen your message - thanks for the welcome and words of encouragement. I was slightly worried about getting pregnant as I have had friends over 38 that found things difficult at first but got there in the end. I did have a miscarriage around 21 years ago when I was 17 so doc said due to that it is clear that I could get pregnant and not to worry. His mum conceived her first child at age of 43 after 6 years of trying and then went on to have 4 children with last at 47. He said that was before all the technology and aides that we have today so try not to worry about it. I'm very happy but cautious right now. Now have to try and keep quiet about it for the next 3 months.

Congrats @BougieQueen lovely to get a BFP on this thread. Let us know how you get on xxx

Thanks @Janefx40 - I did another test today just to be sure and same result. Will book the doc for next week if possible (NHS). Lol.

Hi everyone! Just checking in - yesterday AF started, my first one after having a miscarriage so it feels like everything is ready to start over again now, which is a bit depressing but I'm also trying to see it as a new start and to be hopeful. We did start trying before AF so I was a tiny bit disappointed that it didn't happen again immediately but that was probably a bit over-hopeful! and probably best to wait to have a proper cycle to go on! It was a confusing month though as I kept having sore boobs which got worse - but apparently that can be a hormonal thing in the last 2 weeks of your cycle anyway, I just never had it before until the month I was pregnant so hoped it meant the same thing, but probably my hormones will have been all over the place!

Anyway, huge congratulations to you @BoogieQueen and I'm thrilled to hear that things are going so well for you @Blueberry1 there is lots to be positive about and I'm just hoping my body is all ready to conceive again now and won't keep me stressing!

Of course pregnancies are being announced and babies being born all around me at the moment which doesn't make things easy, sigh!

Hi Everyone,

Lots of posts to catch up on.

Congratulations @BoogieQueen - good to hear it's all going relatively swimmingly for you so far and hope the rest of the pregnancy does too.

Hi @PhoebeMouse - definitely new beginnings and new cycle, and fresh start etc. Good to be hopeful and optimistic and crack on again.

Am I the only one on here who has agonisingly sore boobs from ovulation until AF then? That's the main reason I've taken the pill for years. I guess we all have our crosses to bear but now I'm starting to realise this isn't that common I'm feeling hard done by!

@Janefx40 - be as negative as you like, that's what we're here for! My sister has been trying as long as you, with no health issues for her and her partner who are early thirties. It seems an undue amount of patience is required for TTC sometimes. One of the best things about all these good test results is that you've got a damn good chance of IVF working if you don't get there the old fashioned way first.

How was running club @Blueberry? I'm going to do the run every day October challenge (some Ron Hill offshoot thing), or try to anyway. I've been neglecting my running for a while so hoping it will get me back into it.

Today is first day of Clear Blue OPK high readings. I've had a cold for a couple of weeks and my temps have been looking a bit high from that, and I'm monitoring my mucus. I'm finding all this stuff really interesting just for the sake of it. Can't believe I've spent so many years in complete ignorance of how I'm feeling and what's going on at different parts of my cycle. Enjoy figuring it all out, @Darkstar!

Welcome, @Meggimoo! At 38 most of my friends also either have their families or decided they don't want kids, but then there's been a last minute change of heart for a few of us in the latter category...

Welcome back @CoastalChick, and glad you have the all clear to crack on. Have you got the sticks that remember different info about your cycles? I'm on month two of my OPK testing with clear blue and it's definitely adjusted test days etc for me this time round, so maybe next month (if there is one!) will make more sense if this one is unsuccessful.

Great news on your BFP @BougieQueen . You see, it can happen even when you think it won't. Doesn't help though does it that AF-is-coming & BFP signs are very similar grrrr

@phoebemouse glad your body is getting back to normal rhythms after miscarriage. Am sure you'll get another BFP & it will go swimmingly.

Only news from me is that we've decided to do the Harmony trisomy screening at 10 weeks. It costs £400 (ouch!), but is much more accurate than NHS screening (99% versus 80%) and non-invasive.

Am trying to get a bit fitter and managed a slow 5 mile run at running club on Tuesday evening, so was quite pleased with that. Am a bit paranoid about tummy, which sticks out a bit already (hormone related bloating not little bean!). Luckily (ha!), I have been a tad podgier in recent months (1-2kg), so hopefully no-one notices .