Just about to start IVF - excited,scared,emotional ..........

[Nelli30]

Hi there everyone. I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I was am finding myself in need of support from people who understand what it like and my experiences from this site in the past have been so helpful I thought I'd ask for your help once again.

Brief Summary: I've been married for 2 1/2 years, I have one stepdaughter who is 8yr, an ex wife to contend with who is bonkers. we've been ttc for 3 yrs, I've had all the tests including laparoscopy and our diagnosis is 'unexplained infertility' I've tried hypnotherapy, reflexology, acupuncture, herbal remedies but all to no avail. I fell pregnant once , a year ago next week actually, but lost the baby after 5 weeks.
Without boring you all ... I have found the whole experience so very stressful and emotional, I'm feel so angry all the time, with loads of questions and thought running round in my head. Above all why us?! I'm finding the whole thing quite hard to cope with. We have our first appt at the clinic on the 19th Jan which I am excited, aprehensive, about, we are having to pay for it because I am only 31 and in our area the women has to be 35 to get it on the NHS, so this is also an added pressure and its costing £4000. We can only afford one shot and I am terrified incase it doesn't work although I am very positive about the outcome you have to be realistic. I'm scared how I would cope if it didn't work, I'm scared that my husband and I are not strong enough to cope with it if it does not work. But on the other hand I'm excited and feel overwhlemed at the thought that it might just work and we could be starting our own little family. How lovely it would be for all of us including my stepdaughter as I could then feel at last part of a normal family and feel sucessful instead of a failure at something so natural.

Basically... if anyone is still awake after reading all that, I'm just hoping that someone out there has been through this and can tell me that my fears and hopes are normal cause I am really struggling with it all.

Thanks very much for being there

xxx

Hi Nelli

I have no experience of IVF, but just wanted to wish you all the luck in teh world.

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no advice to offer sorry just wanted to tell you a df of mine went for ivf worked 1st time she is due in jan.
the v v v v v v v v v best of luck to you xx

good luck, no personal exp fo this but have doula'd for a woman who had ivf and my friends ds1 was ivf.........ds2 was concieved 3 months later on luck alone!

cx

Hi Nelli
Im a little older than you (44) and had one failed IUI session in April 05 and now going for first IVF appointment on Jan 17th - so if you want - if the first appointment goes well for both of us we could be IVF buddies! We are having to pay too - cos our area will not pay if you are over 39 - costs sound similar but will not know properly til they say what drugs I need. I think with the IUI I found the first 2 weeks really exciting and then the 2 WW period horrendous - everyday with every slight twinge I was sure something special was happening so it was pretty difficult to concentrate on work or keep sane for that matter! Wishing you all the best of luck!

Thanks for all your replies, I'm not sure how we are going to cope. I've heard the hormone they give you send you loopy and my husband says I'm loopy enough as it is! (and he's serious)!!!

Latenightowl - that would be great. I think it might just might keep me sane, chatting to someone else going through the same thing at the same time. Thank you so much I would love to be 'ivf' buddies!!
How are you feeling at the moment with your appt due?

Can I suggest you take a look at this site www.carefertilityweb.co.uk/phpBB2/index.php - I think you will find many many women going through the same thing.

Sandy

Hi Nelli
would be great if we can team up as IVF buddies and would welcome anyone else going through this for the first time with first appointment due w/c 15th January.
I was calm until last week and now I m terrified. I have put on weight and heard rumours that some clinics dont like it if you are overweight so what with my age and weight, I'm worried that they will say no. My DH has his own worries too cos he has to give "yet another" sample on the day too - does yours?
We asked our GP to do all our blood tests again - which saved us £200 and hopefully some time, so just chasing the consultant now to check that he has sent my file to the clinic for the appointment. This clinic is quite far from home too, compared with our first go at IUI when that was only 15 miles away. But dont want to worry about logistics regarding daily scans til Ive got the appointment overwith.
Also just seen an advert for Panarama next Monday 8.30 about IVF Clinics fleecing clients so I shall be taking note of that - more to worry about!
How about you?
BTW, I usually go on line late at night due to work etc (hence the name so sorry if it looks like Im slow in responding!

Hi Sandydut
just checked out that link and it's really informative so many thanks for that! More reading I shall disappear into cyberspace for a few evenings to check out the site in more detail! thanks again

Nelli, my heart as just gone out to you! I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy after 1 IVF attempt - It can and does work! What you are feeling is so natural, it's an absolutely terrifying brutal thing to have to go though. You have to try and remember that it is a means to an end. The drugs will make you feel lousy, your moods will go up and down but it's only a month or so long process (physically). I posted alot over on fertiliyfriends.co.uk and they have a great IVF and 2 week wait forum which really really helped me.

I understand what you mean about feeling angry, I was f*ing furious!! furious that everyone around me was pregnant, about all the questions 'sooo no baby? when are you going to 'start' trying' etc etc. I was beside myself. I don't know what clinic you are going to but they should have a councellor to talk to. I only had 1 session with DH and it REALLY helped put things in perspective and help me feel not so alone. Also, from the clinic means they are very specialised.

Hope this helps you a teeny bit, have faith, be strong, surround yourself with positive people and good luck!

Hi Nelli - I have no personal experience but wanted to wish you all the luck in the world with your IVF. I have 2 friends who have used IVF - 1 had twins on her first attempt, and the other found out she had conceived naturally the day she was due to go in for her 2nd attempt! Lots of Luck x

Hi Nelli and latenight

I have not been through what you are going through personally but I have looked after quite a few women who have been through it,and from what they have said it is a real emotional rollercoaster ride.

I just want to wish you both loads and loads of luck

best wishes
Helen

Just wanted to wish you both lots of luck. I have twin boys from IVF - it can work
Another great website for support is www.fertilityfriends.co.uk

Fingers crossed for you both.

xx

Hi Nelli and latenight,

I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted to let you btoh know I am currently going through my first IVF (ICSI) cycle. I started down-regging before Christmas, and stimming last week. First scan today showed follies developing nicely, and I'm hoping for egg collection next Tuesday.

SO far it's been easier than I expected - the injections are painless, and not really had any side effects. Have been a little emotional, and felt a bit achey the last couple of days, but really nothing too bad at all.

I wish you both the best with your cycles.

Hugs,
Artoo.

Hi Latenight - Sorry about the delay in replying - things a bit hectic here. I am also feeling terrified. I'm been through the whole 'why do we have to go through this' thing, and the ' lets just not bother at all ' (which only lasted about 10 mins) Now part of me is excited but another part of me is scared, about what we are going to have to put ourselves through. I'm mostly worried about the hormone injections as I have heard that they can send you loopy. I work in a GP surgery so am worried incase I lose it at work! Imagine! My husband is worried too as is yours, about giving yet another sample. I don't even really know what to expect from the first appt. We have had all our tests done on the NHS in preparation for our first appt at the clinic. Our consultant has been really helpful. The clinic we are going to is 50 miles away and its not the easiest trip to make but I think we are going to leave early so we can stop and get a coffee etc before hand.

I have heard that they do like you to be a certain weight but I imagine that you are pretty much ok unless you are hugely hugely overweight. Our consultant hasn't mentioned anything about it although in the leaflets from the clinic they recommend a 10% weight loss where possible?!

How are you feeling now? only 3 days to go. I will be thinking of you latenight and have everything crossed for you. XXX

Thanks to everyone for their replies. And huge good luck wishes to you ARTOO, thanks for your input, its great to hear from someone who is going through the process just ahead of us as really I have no idea what to expect!

ARTOO - on your first appt with the clinic were you able to get the necessary drugs during that first appt and then start on your next cycle or did you have to go back again?!

Fingers crossed that 2007 is our year ladies!! xxx

Hi Nelli,
you should read my post on the other thread (the one on Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism) to get a gist of how its going. Anyway, when I had injections for the IUI I was nice and slim BMI was perfect - now Im 2 stone overweight (guess could blame the injections but Ive heard the clinic we are using doesnt mind the "larger lady"...I will let you know on Wednesday night . DH hated watching me do injections and kept well clear, I used to pinpoint where it should go and then do the deed without looking cos was a bit squimish. Don't think I went loopy but saying that don't think I would have noticed . I feel a lot quieter now, less stressed so I might see a difference this time . Was worried about recent reports on clinics but checked the official report today (now on the HFEA site) and ours is -1 which is great so feeling a little more relaxed - no doubt by Tuesday I will be terrified. Will post again on Wed after appointment to let you know what happened -good or bad!

Hi girls, just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I had my dd after our first attempt with ICSI and I tell myself everyday how lucky we are. She is so perfect and healthy and has just turned one. We are going to try again next year, we have to start all over again because there was nothing to freeze but I suppose I know what I'm in for. It really is an emotional journey and I have everything crossed for you that it will work. x

Nelli30, just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I've had one IVF cycle which resulted in our DS. Had one frozen cycle in november which was unsucessful and planning to begin second frozen cycle at the end of this month. The only advice I can offer is try to relax and be kind to yourself

Whenever I see messages like this it brings back many memories. I went through quite a few ICSI and FET's and looking back it now seems like a different person that experienced it all. I think you are going into it with the right frame of mind, its no walk in the park, and the drugs did pay a big part in my emotional state of mind, so please remember if you get really down its probably the drugs and you wont always feel like this.

I too was worried about the strength of our relationship but in the long term it has made us much more stronger and united, just because we shared so much with each other.

The outcome was fantastic for me and I now have a 4 year old and a 2 year old.

Its a long emotional slog but you could have a fantastic outcome. I really do wish you the best.

Hi Nelli
heres my report back on my first appointment! Well, the extra weight didnt bother them so I managed to breathe out during the 2 hour consultation. DH thought that the meeting could have been wrapped up in 20mins so felt cross about paying for the 2 hrs... and DH had to give a sample - even though environment was much better than the NHS - and magazines provided with even an offer that I could join him if I wished....(sorry TMI) I declined that one as poor DH was going redder and redder...and just wanted to rush off and do the deed. Anyway they explained that the stats for my age are pretty crap and that they would recommend donor eggs instead and spent 10mins selling me this particular offering. We declined at this stage saying we wanted to try first with my own. It was agreed and happy to start as soon as we wanted. Typically DH has to go to the states next month so looks like it will be March if FSH levels are okay. Compared with other meetings I felt a bit strange coming out. Both DH and I discussed on journey back and both thought that they were probably not bothered cos they knew we just wanted to try and a fool and his money is easily parted....We did debate the donor egg issue as well and I will set up a thread on this to see what others say.

So all the best with your first appointment - will be thinking of you and keep fingers crossed - will look forward to your posting on how it went!

Hi Latenight - It sounds a bit of a mixed appt! I think the whole egg donor issue is such a difficult one but I think you are right in what you said about trying with your own at least once as if you didn't you may always be wondering what if.

I really hoping my dh won't need to do another sample as he has already done one a month ago for them so fingeres crossed on that score.

I sat down last night and wrote down a load of questions ready to bombard them with. I'm feeling excited now but also aprehensive, Still, will just have to wait and see - will let you know how it goes.

Keep smiling latenight - we will get there in the end!
xxx

Just to wish you the best of luck Hope everything goes well x

fingers crossedxxx

Hi Nelli just wondering how you got on today - fingers crossed for you.