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Conception

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Original poster

Just about to start IVF - excited,scared,emotional ..........

151 replies

Nelli30 · 05/01/2007 11:29

Hi there everyone. I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I was am finding myself in need of support from people who understand what it like and my experiences from this site in the past have been so helpful I thought I'd ask for your help once again.

Brief Summary: I've been married for 2 1/2 years, I have one stepdaughter who is 8yr, an ex wife to contend with who is bonkers. we've been ttc for 3 yrs, I've had all the tests including laparoscopy and our diagnosis is 'unexplained infertility' I've tried hypnotherapy, reflexology, acupuncture, herbal remedies but all to no avail. I fell pregnant once , a year ago next week actually, but lost the baby after 5 weeks.
Without boring you all ... I have found the whole experience so very stressful and emotional, I'm feel so angry all the time, with loads of questions and thought running round in my head. Above all why us?! I'm finding the whole thing quite hard to cope with. We have our first appt at the clinic on the 19th Jan which I am excited, aprehensive, about, we are having to pay for it because I am only 31 and in our area the women has to be 35 to get it on the NHS, so this is also an added pressure and its costing £4000. We can only afford one shot and I am terrified incase it doesn't work although I am very positive about the outcome you have to be realistic. I'm scared how I would cope if it didn't work, I'm scared that my husband and I are not strong enough to cope with it if it does not work. But on the other hand I'm excited and feel overwhlemed at the thought that it might just work and we could be starting our own little family. How lovely it would be for all of us including my stepdaughter as I could then feel at last part of a normal family and feel sucessful instead of a failure at something so natural.

Basically... if anyone is still awake after reading all that, I'm just hoping that someone out there has been through this and can tell me that my fears and hopes are normal cause I am really struggling with it all.

Thanks very much for being there

xxx

OP posts:
Soreheart · 03/04/2007 12:31

Ooh Nelli30 - sorry to hear that are feeling the stress. Deep breaths, stay grounded and think positive thoughts. You are NOT a loony. Crying is a positive release of pent up emotions. Pity those that can't / won't, they have to hold it all in and that's really exhausting! AND, you are doing what you can to make your life go forward and be happy. That's such a positive thing. All this is good.
Wow, I think that writing that has actually helped me, I feel much more +ve.
VVVG luck for test day.
LNO, thanks to your DP for buying and to you for reading that article! I saw it but didn't purchase. Glad to hear that there's a break point for us oldies but still feel that the current low odds and massive stress make it a very bad way to go for those under 40. The whole topic of TTC breaks people and IVF etc is not a particularly reliable process (yet) so all those things combined make me howl when the scientific community want to deliberately act in a way that will REDUCE a persons chances. (HHHOOOOOWWWWWWLLLLLL!)

Chocolatedays · 03/04/2007 13:25

Hi Nelli
All the very best for the test tomorrow. Sending lots of positive vibes your way. Are you testing yourself or going in for a blood test?

GOOD LUCK!

(was Sunshinedays... but think I might keep this seasonal new name!)

triplets · 03/04/2007 20:43

Well this thread has brought back lots of memories, mainly stressful ones! I had two failed attempts, no follicles at all! Then found myself a donor, and ended up with triplets at age 46! Just couldnt believe it, there were 7 fertilized eggs, four good, but they said 3 were really excellent, because of my age they recommended all three to be transferred! So I now have Thomas, Rebecca and James, they were 9 in Jan, amazing! I have also got a niece, she is 33, been trying for 5 years, unexplained infertility. Shes had 3 iui, and this is her 3rd ivf and she is pregnant, goes for her scan to confirm tomorrow! Just by coincidence she is under the same fantastic team at the Hammersmith that I was under. So my love to you all, its a hard road but never give up, xxxxx

pindy · 04/04/2007 09:00

Good luck Nelli, fingers crossed for you.

X

Chocolatedays · 04/04/2007 14:32

Praying no news is good news Nelli.
Thinking of you - take good care of yourself either way.

ssd · 04/04/2007 14:46

have been following this thread

good luck Nelli!

fingers x'd for you!

ssd x x x

Soreheart · 04/04/2007 17:23

Hmmm where is Nelli30? . And thanks for your story, Triplets. Did you feel as 'freaky' as I do before you had your children? I wonder if I can go through with IVF/ICSI? And what if I just m/c again? Argh.

LatenightOwl · 04/04/2007 18:37

Hi Nelli we are all keeping fingers crossed for you and hoping your late posting is cos you are so busy celebrating

What a story re. triplets! I would love to hear more of your road to success. Its amazing how just one posting can lift your spirits no end! I was going to post a thread on - anyone over 45 and TTC?? just to see what came out of the woodwork but was too scared incase everyone else thought god - thank god Im not her! guess I would then give all those youngsters under 40 some hope though . So would appreciate any info that you have. ta
x

ssd · 04/04/2007 19:10

nelli bumping for you!

triplets · 04/04/2007 22:19

Hi all,
Well fantastic news today, my niece had her scan and its twins!! Two healthy heartbeats picked up, I am soooooooooo happy for her. Just spoke to her tonight and she was quite calm, scared now of leaving the unit behind and getting on with it, I remember that feeling so well. So all is well for her tonight, after 5 years of heart break. Latenightowl, you never know what life is going to throw at you, mine is quite a story as I have often been told, lots of heartbreak before the ivf, lots of stress with the ivf, and lots of stress now having 3x9yr olds at my age! If only I could have it all, my old life back and this one, but thats not possible, so onward and upward!

triplets · 04/04/2007 22:20

Forgot to say hello to Nellie, hope we hear soon, all fingers crossed xxxx

triplets · 04/04/2007 22:22

Latenightowl, my head is like a sieve tonight I am soooooooo tired thru lack of sleep due to tinnitus, what is TTC?

triplets · 04/04/2007 22:25

Me again latenightowl, when was your birthday if you don`t mind me asking?

LatenightOwl · 04/04/2007 22:46

Hi Triplets I was 45 at the start of this month. I am so pleased about your niece - fab news! TTC is Trying To Conceive . Our clinic were happy to try IVF with my own eggs last time cos I responded well to the drugs 2 yrs ago. This time, I had 4 eggs out of 6 follicles but only one fertilised and went onto be a 5 cell grade 1 before they put it back 2 days later but it didnt implant and DP and I are still in grieving mode from that upset last month. We are considering another go with my own eggs in June and need to speak with the clinic but the doc did say last time that he felt I had a much better chance with donor eggs but from SPAIN - cos apparently in the UK they are quite scarce. He gave us a predicted 50% chance with Spain compared with 1% chance with mine but that was before we managed to get one fertilised - so he may have changed his mind by now and uped the % - what do you think???

triplets · 04/04/2007 23:24

Hi and nice to talk to you. Hmmmmmm, as I had no choice it was easier for me. I was very lucky to find my own donor within two weeks of being told by the hospital that they could not offer me donated eggs. They went to younger women. I was very lucky, the donor and I have never met, but we intend to. We keep in touch about three times a year, send each other photos etc. I did at times have feelings of "what if I feel they arent really mine"? That was during the pregnancy, it all flew out of the window the minute they were born, they are MINE, though I have to admit there are times when things get bad and Harry is screaming, and saying"I dont know where they get it from", and I can say, not me!I know the success rate is so much higher with donated eggs, I have a friend in Scotland who now had 4 month old twin girls, she went to a clinic in Russia and was given eggs, she just couldn`t afford anymore ivf here!

evansg01 · 05/04/2007 00:00

Hi Latenight and Triplets

I've been reading this thread and I've been hoping that Nelli would post her news.

Latenight - I was sorry to hear that your IVF did not succeed. I turned 44 in January and after a lot of research decided that i would not do IVF with my own eggs. I've seen 5 fertility doctors in the UK and all said I had a 1% of succeeding and should use donor eggs. Only one clinic of the clinics had got a woman over 44 pregnant with her own eggs, she was able to produce 10 embryos and they were genetically screened, only one was normal and she had a baby. The upper age is 46 as no clinic in the world can get women of that age pregnant.
I'm resigned to having donor egg treatment, with a 33% chance of having a baby I think I'd be wasting money using my own eggs. DH and I have found the counselling very helpful. We plan to get treatment in the UK and are on the waiting list at CARE Northampton. All the CARE clinics have relatively short waiting lists 3-6 months. The Lister does the most donor egg treatments and they give you advice on how to advertise for a donor.
Triplets - you had treatment before they limited the number of eggs. They now know the age of the donor is the most important and won't put back more than 2 in a woman over 40. Your story is inspiration to me as I'm trying to have my first child at 44.

I hope Nelli has some good news.

Artoo · 05/04/2007 06:39

Where's Nelli?! I'm on tenterhooks here!

Hugs,
Artoo.

Original poster
Nelli30 · 05/04/2007 11:44

Hi ladies - Sorry to have given you cause to worry by not posting. I'm afraid we have bad news. I did two tests yesterday both negative. Just don't know what to do with myself. I think DH and I are in shock. We really thought things would work out but no they never do for us. Sorry but am wallowing in self pity at the moment inbetween the tears.

OP posts:
Chocolatedays · 05/04/2007 12:59

Oh honey. So sorry. I suspected it might be the case when we didn't hear from you yesterday.

I start the IVF process next cycle... and it is sobering to understand it is not a ticket to BFPs.

I know it is early days - but is tehre a follow up appointment on the horizon?

Don't feel you have to wallow in self pity on your own... The Hut thread is full of miserable sods like me... and we welcome all who wish to speak their minds.

I'll try to do a link in mo.

Chocolatedays · 05/04/2007 13:02

Here's the link:

The Hut is full of really great women who tell it like it is

Original poster
Nelli30 · 05/04/2007 15:01

Thanks chocolatedays - I'll pop in and see if I'm miserable enough to stay!!

xxx

OP posts:
triplets · 05/04/2007 15:04

So sorry Nelli, really feel for you, lots of hugs xxx

Smudgerr · 05/04/2007 22:23

Oh Nelli, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I test next Thursday and am feeling pretty negative myself, I guess I'm trying to prepare for the worst but still can't help hoping for the best. It's thoroughly miserable isn't it? I hope with each day you start to feel better and know that lots of people are thinking about you and willing you on to success the next time.

Make sure you have lots of treats and hugs.....x

Artoo · 06/04/2007 07:15

Nelli, I'm sorry to hear the news

IVF is not a guaranteed pregnancy. I think it has something like a 20-30% pregnancy success rate, and a 20-25% live birth rate. It's like all TTC - you're playing the odds.

Take some time for yourself, and let DH comfort you a bit.

Hugs,
Artoo.

Soreheart · 06/04/2007 11:50

Sorry Nelli30, so sorry. Hut of Doom is a good place! Go there, say exactly what you want. And I do mean, 'exactly'. . .