Just about to start IVF - excited,scared,emotional ..........

[Nelli30]

Hi there everyone. I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I was am finding myself in need of support from people who understand what it like and my experiences from this site in the past have been so helpful I thought I'd ask for your help once again.

Brief Summary: I've been married for 2 1/2 years, I have one stepdaughter who is 8yr, an ex wife to contend with who is bonkers. we've been ttc for 3 yrs, I've had all the tests including laparoscopy and our diagnosis is 'unexplained infertility' I've tried hypnotherapy, reflexology, acupuncture, herbal remedies but all to no avail. I fell pregnant once , a year ago next week actually, but lost the baby after 5 weeks.
Without boring you all ... I have found the whole experience so very stressful and emotional, I'm feel so angry all the time, with loads of questions and thought running round in my head. Above all why us?! I'm finding the whole thing quite hard to cope with. We have our first appt at the clinic on the 19th Jan which I am excited, aprehensive, about, we are having to pay for it because I am only 31 and in our area the women has to be 35 to get it on the NHS, so this is also an added pressure and its costing £4000. We can only afford one shot and I am terrified incase it doesn't work although I am very positive about the outcome you have to be realistic. I'm scared how I would cope if it didn't work, I'm scared that my husband and I are not strong enough to cope with it if it does not work. But on the other hand I'm excited and feel overwhlemed at the thought that it might just work and we could be starting our own little family. How lovely it would be for all of us including my stepdaughter as I could then feel at last part of a normal family and feel sucessful instead of a failure at something so natural.

Basically... if anyone is still awake after reading all that, I'm just hoping that someone out there has been through this and can tell me that my fears and hopes are normal cause I am really struggling with it all.

Thanks very much for being there

xxx

Great News Artoo - delighted for you .

Wow, that must be an amazing sight. Congratulations!

Hi Nelli, just wondering how it is going? I started my injections on Friday - I just scrapped in on my blood test - FSH 9.6 (cut off was 10) and the other test (name escapes me) was 112 out of 200 limit so that was fine. Also had my first scan and no probs there although could only see 2 mini follicles...phew! not bad for an old timer I guess. Next scan Wednesday

Will look forward to hearing your news -
all the best!

Hi there Latenight!

I am fine thanks. Glad to hear all is well with you. I start my injections on wednesday and our first scan is the following wednesday (14th) so fingers crossed for us both. I will let you know how it goes and you do the same. I am a bit nervous about the scan - keep thinking they won't find anything! Silly I know I'm it will all be fine in the end?!!

Hi Nelli - I was getting worried for a minute and thought you had disappeared! Good to have you back on line. Scan is interesting - doc kept pointing out bits and pieces and I was nodding and saying yes but didnt have a clue and couldnt recognise a thing! All looked like white noise on a tv to me . I am sure you will be fine. Anyway, jabs are giving me stomach upsets and today felt ache in right side for first time so looks like the ovaries are doing some overtime . Im also worried cos I havent had a supressant yet - so will ask loads more questions on Wed. Last week I was too scared - I just wanted to hear that we could start our treatment. Will drop you a line on Wed and you can tell me how your injections went

Good luck both of you!

Hugs,
Artoo.

Thanks Artoo - hope all is going well for you too .
Today doc spotted one folicle on left and 3 on right all at about 12mm (? - is that the right measurements can't imagine them being 12 cm! ) so got to go back on Friday. Ive got some more injections (2 a day now) one to stim and the other to stop me ov. Looks like Tues or Wed will be ER day....

Nelli - all appears quiet on your side - how are the injections going?? Nurse asked me today if DP was doing them...no way - I get the kit out the fridge and he disappears into the garden for a ciggy I do however have a very curious cat that surveys everthing that I do and am sure would do it for me given the chance...

Hi there everyone

Hi Latenight - sorry haven't been online for a while , things been a bit hectic this end

Did my injection last night, actually my DH did it, I really don't know what on earth I worried about as I didn't feel a thing. Roll on the 14th!

I'm in a bit of a weird place at the moment. I know that I have been grumpy, (well more then grumpy really) over the last 2/3 wks because of the nasal spray and the aprehension etc but last night after the injection my DH and I had an almighty row. I don't even know what it was about really. Our relationship has always been fiery as we both have a bit of a temper at times, but my DH said last night that he feels really low and that he is going through the treatment aswell and its not just about me. I'm gutted, I will talk to him later but I was so upset . I went out for a long walk for an hour to calm down a bit then went home. He said that this is the lowest he has ever felt! and he's been through a divorce, lost his house to ex wife etc and had to leave his 3yr old(at the time)with her mother! I know he doesn't mean it litterally but if I'm honest I know I have neglected his needs and been a bit consumed by the treatment. Has anyone elses DH felt this way? Or struggled with the whole thing?
Thanks
Nelli xx

Hi Nelli
poor you and dH this is truely the most stressful time for all!
I guess looking at it objectively - we are actively trying to sort it by injecting/ scans etc whereas all they can do is watch - possibly think the worse (my dp is terrified that he will not be able to "donate" on the allocated date and thinks I will be after him with a needle to extract - as if )
The other week dp and I had a flaming row where I threatened to seek another donor and he called me barren mud slinging or what! But what else can we do? It is not natural to fill us up with hormones and then expect us to act normal. My DP tonight confessed he had not even told his mates or family what we are going through. So although I have d friends, and web forums to surf he can only talk to me and when he does like tonight about which day he has to take off next week - all I can say is well maybe this or maybe that depending on this or that - not the way to a man's heart!
I think both your outbursts are normal - and healthy - what he is seeing is something different to his divorce (where he was probably in control of that and the other issues). Remember he has no control over this - so what can he do? You are lucky that he does your jabs - my DP was straight out into the garden today when I had to do 2 ( the jab to prevent ovulation was bigger than the pen! and I felt it cos I was tense...luckily I have a decent size tummy so spacing them out is not an issue . Let me know when you go for a scan - I have another one tomorrow so will update you! take care

Hi there latenight.

You will be glad to know that DH and I are back on track. We had a chat and both accepted that we could be handling things better, and agreed to try a bit harder, so that was good. Feel much much better.

We're on day 4 of the injections but I am a little worried I suppose its only natural, but I keep reading on different posts that people can 'feel a ache, pain etc on one side' suggesting ovulation is kicking off, but although I can possibly feel an ache it could just be my imagination. I can't help but wonder if anything is happening in there at all?! Any advice from anyone out there? Any reassurance would be gratefully received.
Our scan is booked for the 14th March which will tell us more. I have heard that the first scan can sometimes be disappointing but by the second scan folicles can spring up almost from nowhere?! I am a bit nervous, relaxed but a little anxious. Only natural I would assume.
Best wishes to everyone xxxx

Hi Nelli good to hear you and DH are better.

For my first scan (day 2) I only had 2 follicles but by the second scan (day 8 - and day 6 of injections) I had 5 (low but high for someone in mid 40's). I was really worried at the second scan (and told the cons) cos my right side was aching and my whole body felt like it was ready to ovulate albeit early. He said this was normal and Im now on cetrotide to prevent Ovulation as well as the stims. Ive noticed that by lunch time onwards I have a dull ache in right side (where most the follies are) and today walking - I was limping at one stage! So I think you will find that where the ache is - is probably where the most follicles are. Mine are now 17mm and I have another scan on Monday with ER either Wed or Thurs of next week.

Does your DH accompany you to all the scans? Mine hasn't and the consultant asked me where he was.. at work! but then I felt pretty peeved driving home cos although we agreed it, I have felt pretty lonely in the waiting room with all the other couples and thought that maybe he wasn't bothered - are these the hormones kicking in? or should I be more demanding? I would really value your opinion...

Hi there latenight!

Great news - felt some twinges last night! also have you been having trouble sleeping? I seem to waking very early and then not being able to get back to sleep! I'm knackered. Feel very up and down.

As for the whole scan thing, My DH wasn't planning to come to our scan on wednesday as it cheltenham and he normally goes to it each year! I wasn't worried as I didn't think it was any big deal really , but I am starting to change my mind. I think he will probably come now and then go on the cheltenham after. I don't think there is anything wrong with going on your own or going with a friend instead, its how you feel really, if you feel less supported by the fact that he's not there then you should explain that to him and ask him to be there.

Going to have to go now as we're off to view our new house - fingers crossed!!
take care and I will check in on this later.
xxx

be.

Hi Nelli,
yes sleeping has been rough! but thought it was just excitement/nerves/scared - who knows - but maybe it is the drugs! I have noticed since taking the drug to stop me ovulate that it causes redness and is itchy all day... apparently this is not unusual as I have just read on an IVF site that others have had this too.
Hope the new house is coming along! Not trying to give yourself enough stress then what with IVF and new house!
Spoke with DP today and said I feel a bit unsupported and he reckons he will be their at Egg Transfer (if we get that far) as well which would be nice - I did say otherwise it looks like it would be an immaculate conception! trying desperately to humour him. Thank God we dont live near Cheltenham as I don't think I would have won that arguement you must have special powers! Will look in tomorrow night after my final scan. Happy jabbing.....

Hi Nelli, well Im good to go...as they say and will be doing my final jab at midnight tonight ready for Egg retrieval on Wed. I allowed myself to have 3 mins of optimism before I calmed down and thought - still a long way to go. Anyway I now have 5 follies from around 20 - 24mm so no wonder my right side is aching...
Hope all is well with you? Any news on your follies?

Artoo - are you around?? Hope all is well? Just wondering if you went back to work after your egg transfer or did you lay low? The Doc reckons I should be laid down for one hour afterwards and then okay after that - Happy to take anyone's views on this!

Great news latenight! Well done. You must feel a bit of a relief. One step closer!!!

We have our first scan on wednesday morning.It feel quite strange, one minute I am positive the next I'm convinced nothing is happening in there!
Still will have to wait and see. Will let you know!
Good luck for wednesday as well.

xxx

Latenight - congratulations on the follies, and I hope everything goes well for you this week.

My Transfer was on a Thursday, so I had the Friday off work, then the weekend, and I returned to work on the Monday. I rested a lot during these days, either laid on the sofa or sat in front of my PC. I would see how you feel after the transfer - if you're still feeling sore after EC you may want more rest. Definitely don't do anything too active for the weekend!

Nelli - good luck for your scan tomorrow! I'm sure there is something happening in there!

Hugs,
Artoo
(10 weeks pregnant today!)

As you know We are due for our first scan tomorrow which is day 7 of stimming. Not really sure what to expect. I know it depends on how I have responded, but should I then expect things to move on? Do I then get given a date for a second scan? Is EC likely to be shortly after or have I just got to be patient and wait till tomorrow!!! Can't sleep, am very excited but trying to be realistic. Can anyone help?!

Hi Nelli
all the best for your scan tomorrow - fingers crossed for you

My consultant left me for 5 days before scan no. 2 then after that was scanned every 2 days but I think it just depends on how you are reacting to the drugs. Dont forget to ask about womb linning too as apparently that is important as well. I got mine to point out the follies and the womb cos he was talking about it and I couldnt distinguish anything!

all the best and let me know how you get on.

Hi Artoo, thanks for that and great about your BFP - sounds like all is progressing well .

I need to drive somewhere after egg transfer, hardly any walking and then a nice easy sit down meeting before a 2 hour drive home again - what do you reckon? Ive planned to take Thurs off if EC is still making me sore and then I guess it will be ET on Friday or Sat. Im planning on having a legs up weekend!

Thanks again for your words of wisdom.

Hi Latenight
We have just got back now, I'm ok but it looks like I have overstimulated. In total I have 26 follies! I had to have a blood test which I have to ring for the result in about 15 minutes to see if it is high. The follies are approx 13mm in size. I then (depending on the result) may have to go back tomorrow and friday/sat and sun for a blood test and hope that the hormone level comes down.

If I am honest I can't help feel gutted. When we left the clinic, (my dh and my mum came with me) I just burst in to tears. I know its not over yet but it feels like it could be. Has anyone else out there had experience of this?! I could do with some success stories. Our nurse who is really nice , just couldn't commit to being negative or positive because obviously its all out of our control. I do feel a bit better now, you never know we might make it to EC.
everyone keeps talking about it being better for follies to develop slowly than quickly, and that quality is better then quantity. Help!

When this happened to me (in most of my IVF attempts) I was "coasted" - so had blood tests until my E2 levels were back at a more normal range. But I think I still took the stims until the follicles had grown to 18mm or thereabouts.

Have 2 dcs from cycles where I overstimmed, so it is definitely not the end yet!

Hi Nelli,
wow 26 - your sides must have been aching! Ive seen a number of posts on another site where people have over stimulated. Apparently if they slow you down on the drugs - some of the smaller ones may possibly fall away (or even disappear) leaving you with the biggest and best! natural selection I guess. In any case you will know more at the next scan and they can give you better predictions. Its amazing what 2 or 3 days make. If they are all good they may go for EC and then freeze some - so at least you won't have to go through it all again!

Ive returned from EC - they got 4 eggs out of the 6 follies which is great - I was so relieved cos I thought that maybe I had ovulated and lost them (daft I know) or that they would all be empty. Now we are waiting to see if they are any good....tomorrow morning's call will be a biggy - deep breath and all that. Each step of the way is so precarious - I truely look at kids now as miracles when before I just took all this for granted. Puts things into perspective doesnt it.

BTW - EC was not too bad - have sore sides but I think it was worse before I went in . Also they couldnt get the catheta (intravenous needle) in so had to gas me first - I think I might have nightmares tonight!

Anyway - great - we are both moving along fine! Can't wait to hear your next installment and thinking of you..

Hi Nelli,
well of the 4 that they retrieved only one has fertilised...I should be happy but in fact quite sad
The clinic will ring early tomorrow to let us know if it has divided well overnight... Can't bear the wait ..

will let you know tomorrow. In the meantime keeping my fingers crossed for you

Hi Nelli
what a difference a day can make! This is one emotional rollercoaster! Got the call this morning to say the egg had divided and was now classed as a Grade 1 - 3 cell. Wow . So we rushed off to the clinic for the transfer and by the time we got there it was already 5 cells. They didnt want to leave it to go to byoclast as it was the only one. I dont care. its now back with me and we are officially on the 2 week wait phew. It was incredible they let us look at it under the microscope, bless, a speck of dust but it looked pretty robust to us and it is the first time DP was actually smiling (i dont think I realised how much this was affecting him too). So now a restful week end...
I wont abandon MN for the next 2 weeks will wait anxiously to hear your news and have my fingers crossed and ...toes.

Hi there Latenight!

Thats brilliant! Well done - This is the most up and down ride ever isn't it?!! Well done to getting to the 2ww - I'am sure your little emby is settling in very well to its new home, I will keep everything crossed for you.

We've just got back now as we had to hang around in Bristol to wait for the blood result to see if we needed to buy any more injections or not!

Well - the scan was ok, I have now produced 40 follies! I have enough good sized ones to go for EC on monday. The result of the bloods today came back slightly higher which was expected, they have advised me not to have my injection tonight , so I guess I am officially now 'coasting' I have to go back tomorrow morning for another blood test but as long as that result is the same or slightly higher we should be good to go on monday!

WELL DONE AGAIN LATENIGHT
All the best xxxxxx