Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

Duchesse, Impatience and Little Star - thank you so much for your sympathy and kind words.

Impatience - how are you coping? Hang on in there it will happen for you, it really will. God I'd give anything for some alcohol to numb the pain right now but I'm not even allowed to drink with the injection they gave me as its toxic. The only thing I could find to eat last night to make myself feel better, was sloppy goats cheese and blue stilton which I'd deprived myself of over christmas. I then had the most haunting dreams last night, which has put me off forever!!!

I'll let you off this time, PinkElephant, given that you're having such a tough time at the moment, but just don't tell me that I will get pregnant - I really might not! This cycle's been a real killer, with ewcm starting earlier than expected, and going on for ages, with loads of it. This happened once before and my temps suggested I hadn't ov'd, so that's what I think happened this month. Haven't been able to check with temps because sleep has been so disturbed for all sorts of reasons, and when I have been able to take them they have varied massively! So I think I haven't ov'd, but of course the fact that I feel very tired, a bit nauseous and bloated is being attributed to the faint possibility that I am pg rather than I just ate and drank more than usual for a good couple of weeks... The teasing hopes are the killer.

Poor you for not even being able to drown your sorrows. Not than I'm encouraging a substance-use approach to coping with ttc, you all understand... If only there was some substance that made you feel good AND made you more fertile!

Hi all,,,,

I think I might of got confused on this ovulation thing:

Background:

Had baby: 8.11.06
First period: 21.12.06
Cycle: 28-31 days.

I have used the ovulation sticks since day 10. It has produced a faint line, except for on day 11 when I had a pro-dominate line, but it was still fainter than the control line. Do you think I had my surge then? Today the line is hardly there.

I don't think I have ovulated yet, as not had any signs (I've been told to look for mucus, side pain and higher temp)...

Are you meant to have sex prior to ovulation?

What technique is the best, to predict the best time for sex?

I had problems conceiving prior to Bertie, but went through CRM..They did all the tests etc.. and just told me to have sex every other day. It took us a year and a half that way...

Have I got it all wrong? Should I have produced my surge yet and be ovulating? on day 14 now..

Should I just be having sex every day or every other day?

Thanks in advance...

hi rah rah

i have tried the ovualtion sticks (are they ones off ebay?) and you sound similar to me the line i got was never very bold.

i was confused about whether i was ovulating or not...

another mnetter mention an ovatel saliva ovulation microscope it was £10 and u can re-use it time after time...best £10 i ever spent you just need to look out for ferning which for me is as clear as anything on my ovulation days.

with regards to sex its recommended 2-3 times a week. and people say sperm can live for up to 5 days so 5 days before ov and 2 days after i would say are crucial times to have sex.

hope that helps a tiny bit xxx

Thanks decorativeD2Bmum, I got the ovulation sticks from boots £20!!

Where did you get the ovatel saliva ovulation microscope from?

What is ferning?

Thanks x

i got it from ebay, and i also got my ovulation sticks from ebay 10 for £3 but now i have the microscope i dont bother.

basically the microscope what u do is put a tony bit of spit of the lense first thing in the morning b4 cleaning your teeth and eating and drinking, leave it for 5 minutes until its dried.

put the microscope in its container and look through the whole holding it up to the light.

on non fertile days there isnt much to see

on transitional period (coming up to ovualtion) it becomes speccly

on ovulation days your spit becomes crystalized or known as ferning

you do get a booklet with it explaining what to do and also diagrams so you know what to look for

Sounds cool.... better make sure my husband keeps his hands of it...others wise he will be spitting on it just to see what it does!! Thanks for the info, I'll have a look on ebay.

yeah i have already been down that road with my dp...had to let him test out the "new toy" to see if he was fertile lol

Hehehe....I bet with us it will show that my DH is....That would be our luck!!

Hi Rahrah,

Thank you for your compliments on the other thread .

The problem with opk's is that they work on two misleading principles; namely that a rise in LH is immediately followed by ovulation and that women only have one rise in LH every month. Both of these are not true!. It is certainly possible to have more than one rise in LH every month and such a rise is not immediately followed by ovulation. OPK's are certainly not of any use if for instance polycystic ovaries have been diagnosed.

The surest way of knowing whether you are ovulating or not is to have blood tests done on a regular basis.

It is quite possible to have periods without ovulating. Ovulation can occur earlier, later or not at all in any given cycle - its not always the 14th day.

Even a normally fertile woman would have the occasional anovulatory cycle.

Do you feel that both of you have been adequetely investigated to date?. I ask this as some tests can be missed.

BD two or three times a week throughout the cycle is okay - it certainly does not have to be every day. Also timing of intercourse is often a mistake because it can stress you out. I would also say make love when you both feel like it regardless of whether you think its ovulation time or not.

Who by the way is CRM?.

HTH a bit

Attila

Thanks AttilaTheMeerkat...

CRM is the clinic of reproductive medicine. I went there for 6 months prior to conceiving Bertie. I had a scan on my ovaries (told was fine, but boarder line PCO - but not to worry as it was an advantage at this stage for CRM, as more things were produced, but not too many to be a problem.

• Had several monthly blood tests to confirm ovulation and other things... all fine

• DH had Sperm tests, has lazy sperm at a higher % than other men, but has a normal sperm count. But they said this is not a problem as he is still producing 5% good quality sperm, and they release loads in one go..

• I had my tubes tested and all were fine with them...

Then I conceived. So have had quite a few tests... it just seemed to take forever and I will do anything for it to happen a lot quicker this time.

what is anovulatory cycle?

So we should always try and have sex around the 13/14 and 15th day of cycle, to try and have the best chance of conceiving?

Sorry for all the questions... I get convinced something is going to work, as someone has said...I kind of thought if I used these ovulation sticks then I would defo get pregnant this month.. Was not anticipate in my equations that they did not work for everyone..

I think I need to understand things more to be more realistic...

Thanks again x

duchesse in regards to your competition, I have a few entries:

After we lost Bertie:

• My Step mother in law told me she was upset and told her mother about my son and she said, so what she can have another one! Worst of all she told me what was said!

• My mother said at New Years... we can start a fresh this year and put 2006 behind us...excuse me I think I just had a baby..who lived and breathed and could of survived, but because its a new year we can just forget it ever happened!

• My brother is coming home, and my mum asked my best friend for a crip (the one she was going to give me for my baby) to use when his new baby is staying with them...HELLO!!

• A doctor told me I was mis-carrying at 23 weeks, and told me to cross my legs and hope for the best... Great medical advances!!

• Best of all has to be the comments, he was just obviously not meant to be...I think he was meant to be otherwise he would never of existed!! I have had a few peoples heads off about that one.

• When conceiving, enjoy the child free life..you wish you did not have them when you finally get them...ummm such comforting words!

• My dad said the other day, when I was upset, that we did not try that hard when conceiving last time as we went out and drank...so you are just meant to give up your lives for years...drug addicts conceive and 15 year olds on the pop...but I have to live like a nun!

• One of my friends says she has the devil child and can't cope, Im surprised she has not told me I could borrow him,,,Just the right thing to tell someone who is so desperate for a child to love and would value every minute with their child.

Maybe these are all natural comments and I'm completely over sensitive at the moment..But it does not make this time any easier!!

Come on get this competition going...There must be some classic's out there that make my family look better!!

My only offerings on the poor comments (after 2 m/c) were-
the normal "Oh well you can always have another (my first m/c baby took 1 year to conceive)
and 2 people have told me (on hearing about my m/cs) about their terminations due to not being ready to have a baby/not feeling able to cope. They then said things along the lines of so they know how I feel. How could they, I wanted my babies and didn't choose to terminate my pregnancies?
Also I find myself apoogising for being upset about the babies I've lost as people seem to think that it's not as bad as I've already got DS x 2. They were still babies I wanted!
Sorry having a bitter and twisted moment

Hey, Jossie, we are the bitter and twisted sisters. You're in the right place!

I'm loving the Hut today, ladies! It's the perfect antidote to reading Toni Weschler and weeing on sticks. My bathroom looks like a school chemistry lab and I feel like I'm swotting for an exam rather than trying to get pregnant. It's sooooo boring. Time for another glass of vino (and a toke on that virtual spliff, please) before watching 'This Life' !

I'll quickly roll another. Hold on.

I'm here in limbo. Dh is away tonight and I've been dying to watch This Life again ever since the last series ended. I've promised dh I'll wait til he's back tomorrow. I'm a teeny bit tempted to watch it and pretend I haven't. Just can't though. In our house that's worse than having an affair. This Life is sacred.

I just can't believe it's been ten years since the last series. I was young(ish) when it was last on.

Also, since I've never tried that stuff, I'm going to have a virtual try in the Hut. Pass it here, willya?

And Eclipse- It's not like it's a matter of Life or death, is it? Just one sneaky peak? As long as you don't do a running commentary full of spoilers when you watch it with him, will he mind?

Actually, I know what you mean, and he probably would if he's anything like mine, and be quietly hurt in a dignified way.

and disgusted that you could do that to someone you love and respect.

SORRY WRONG THREAD!!!

But possibly appropriate?{hmm}

lol

decorativeD2Bmum,
I'd just switched from reading thread about 'Secretly stopped taking pill 2 weeks ago' and then saw your post and thought 'I can't believe I'm getting the same reaction to secretly watching This Life as someone else secretly stopping contraception'. But then I thought, well, hey, This Life is pretty important too. Anyway, I resisted the urge so I can hold my head up high. Or at least I would, if I hadn't spent all day drinking and smoking in the Hut.

Oh another comment for the competition, from my mother is:

We went to a christdingle service at the church before Xmas, me and DH took the orange with the candle in to our sons grave. We went to get in the car to go home and my mum says'

"Did you take that to the grave?"

I said "yes, thought it would be nice"

She said "we decided not to put ours on the grave as it will attract the vermin"

I was so upset I cried for 2 hours straight! She is not a nasty person, she just does not think before opening her gob!

lol eclipse welldone for resisting the urge your dh will be glad to know you can both watch it together..

as for drinking and smoking in the hut make the most of it cos once your bfp arrives you will have to stop