Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

Sorry to crash your little Hut Of Gloom but wanted to wave to some familiar faces and share a little bit of my story.

I too had trouble conceiving, had a miscarriage and struggled to join each new thread after seeing so many others conceive so quickly. It's a bit like climibing an increasingly steep hill and every now and then somebody will run past you and make the summit with consumate ease. All the time the summit becomes more clouded and you don't really know half of the people trudging along next to you. What really helped me in the end was having a thread where all of the old-timers could hide, take refuge, take stock and then try climbing again with a good friend by your side. Don't mistake me, it's nice to greet new people and everybody has the same goal, but a thread like this can be so helpful.

Anyway, my GP told me that this country is obsessed with 'if it takes more than a year something's wrong'. He said where he comes from it is generally accepted that it can easily take two years to conceive if you're a normal, healthy, young couple and to relax and see what happens. His advice really helped, I took a break from ttc and whaddya know? I am currently 21wks pregnant. I don't know if that helps, but sometimes it just takes time. I will never forget the trials and hardships faced by so many of the others on the same threads as me and I think of all of them often- coggy, natty, pinkranger, wannabe, pussycatmomma, trace, angsthase (juicyluicy now) etc etc.

So a big hello to wannabe, PCM and natty on this thread- I still think of you often and wish you every success with getting up the duff.

Sorry to ramble and sorry for the weird hill-climbing analogy. It's hard to explain it!

Large white wine please

I really appreciate the various posters who are popping in to tell us that it turned out ok for them, but please could we just have some space to have a moan?!!

Sorry just wanted to say hello to some old friends. Believe me I was where you are now and wouldn't want to offend.

I won't intrude again.

It's ok Show, I appreciate that. I know I'm not special and unique, just having a bad day and finding the general gloom on this thread very helpful!

ahhhh, showofhands!! cant believe its 21 weeks last time i think we were speaking you had your halloween name, gosh how time bloody flies doesnt it. So glad to hear you are keeping well and bump is doing ok. Good luck and lots of love to you.
Not sure if the "hut" will become a regular space for me, (not sure i have that much to input) but am loving the posts so far, and echo what many others have said about not needing to have the fake cheeriness for fear of bringing someone down.
Just wanted to say to the lady who suffered an ectopic (pinkelephant) - my sister had an ectopic and lost her babe after her first cycle of ivf. She had already had her tubes removed so ivf is her only way forward. She has had 3 more cycles since losing the baby but sadly none have been bfp. She just started "stabbing" for her new round of ivf yesterday. She has been through heartache not disimilar to yourself i am sure, and there are many times she wants to give up all together. But there is something inside her, as in all of us i am sure, that keeps us onwards, even though it is so fking unfair and hard.
(((((((hugs to all in the hut)))))))xxx

ahh showofhands, you werent intruding im sure, Twas lovely to hear from you, and lovely to know i was in your list of "thinking abouts"
Maybe my post was aiming to cheer too? I shall have to watch myself!

Hugs and cocktails...it's getting far too cosy in the Hut! But if you insist, I'll have a Cosmopolitan. Oh OK then, I'll have a hug as well

Pussycatmomma - thank you for your kind words. My ectopic was early so they managed to save my tubes but IVF was discussed as a possibility in the future. Good luck to your sister

Actually I have to disagree about the exclusive club model of internet support. That's what real-life friends are for. I personally think that everyone who wants to be in a thread, can be, and that is how this thread shall be. Hopelessness is quite a lonely place already, so compounding it by having cliques I do not feel is helpful.

It is sweet of you to pop in tell us of your experiences, ShowofHands, and I'm sure you mean it well. However, we are here because we want to unload without being chivvied up or jollied along.

It's just for those times when Optimism fails and Hope gallops away over the horizon waving its feathered hat. So step in, one and all, and let us commiserate (from the latin com, with and miserari, to lament--> to lament with).

Sorry, PinkElephant, to hear about your ectopic- I accidentally cross-posted with you about my imagined ectopic. I am glad they managed to save your tube.

*

We need some appropriate drinks. Bloody Mary for anyone with an unwelcome period?

Littlestar- empty, old and tired -exactly how I feel in the first half of every cycle. Second half, I feel great (thank you, progesterone)- until the pms and inevitable period, anyway.

Oh PinkElephant, so sorry to hear about your ectopic. I was so pleased for your bfp before christmas, and I'm just so sorry to hear that not only did it not stick but that you had what sounds like a horrible time and now have to wait 6months to continue punishing yourself ttc. Poor you.

Drinks all round. Actually, we're about to pop a bottle left over from last night. Last evening of the hols and all. Mind you, I need little excuse these days. Trust me, I did the 3month cleansing thing, then was very pure for months, but really have just given up on all that. Am trying very hard not to put my life on hold anymore, despite the purist finger wag that I'll be reducing my chances.

Oh balls to the new year and new chances. Pah.

Hi PinkElephant, just wanted to add my sympathies for your ectopic.

I'm going to have a nice big glass of wine now, having just had a ridiculous row with DH (about travelcards!) and bursting into tears. The thought of giving up alcohol and living like monks in the hope of boosting our chances is just too depressing to contemplate.

Back to work tomorrow... New Year sucks!!!

SOH - really nice to know you think of me every now and then.

I do not mind the people popping on to give positive stories, sometimes it can give you hope.

xx

I think a positive tale is not a bad thing to hear- and lets face it, it does work out for some people. Lets not punish them for being where we want to be. Good luck woth pregnancy SOH xxxxxx

As long as the positive people don't begrudge us having a moan when there really doesn't seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel!

I think I will join you in that drink (infact had a few already)... I've been using ovulation sticks and looks like I have not ovulated this month... I have a new appointment with a consultant with CRM at the end of this month... can't believe we are back there again!! Yep, who ever said it is right... New Year Sucks already!!!!!

If you have standard 28 day cycles, Rahrah, I don't think you'd be expecting to ovulate just yet, surely? As far as I remember (I think your period started at roughly the same time as mine), your period started around Christmas, no? Which would make you due to ovulate around the 5th of January or so, aroud day 14 or so.

The ov predictor kits might show an ovulation window of only a few hours, so you need to test every two days at least from around day 8 (can't remember all the details, sorry, and I'm new to ovulation predictor kits myself).

Of course, many women have non-standard cycles, or ovulate at non-standard times of the month, but the OV prediction tests might help you to pinpoint a more accurate window.

This is as clear as mud. Sorry. I hope you manage to make some sense of it...

Looking back through the other thread, Rahrah, it looks like your period came on Christmas Eve- at least that's when you reported it. In which case, assuming a "standard" 28 day cycle, you should ovulate around 7-8th January. So not there yet.

Oh, and let's start a competition:
What's the shittiest thing anybody's ever said to you on this journey?

Mine both come from my sister, who has all the sensitivity of an armoured ox:

Example 1: "It's only fair you should find it hard to have a baby now- you found it so easy the first three times, whereas I had a hard time getting my two" (nb- she hardly eats (in order to keep fitting her size 8 stuff), has only about three cycles a year, and unsurprisingly has trouble pinpointing the three-four times in a year her body can spare the energy to ovulate (no, she's not anorexic, just vain) I hasn't stopped her having children when she wants them though)

Example 2: (when I was having trouble (heavy bleeding) in the last pregnancy) "Weren't you drinking alcohol and coffee the last time I saw you?" (nb- that was two days, around the time I conceived, ie pre-implantation, and it was half an effing glass of wine)

I have completely wussed out of letting anyone say shitty things to me by denying that we're ttc. Just can't face people's sympathy in RL or even well-meaning questions and really hate the thought of my situation being discussed amongst my friends. Then when we don't conceive I think maybe it's because I publicly say don't want to when getting repeatedly questionned about when ds will be getting a sibling, as if it's a punishment for being dishonest.
Very happy to have stumbled into the Hut though. It is heartening to read of other people's unexpected successes against all the odds but until I get my own BFP, it can feel very isolating too.
So I'm going to settle into a nice gloomy corner, smoke myself a virtual joint, crack open the Jack Daniels and make the most of not being pregnant. I may be here some time so bring a glass. One good things about the Hut is the bar is always open.

Hmmm, eclipse, I would love a good smoke. (shuffles over with bottle of ale)

Cheers, Impatience. Pass it round.

i have just found this thread, i have had a quick read and i think this is the thread for me.

I'm 37 dh is 35 a quick background took 18mth to fall with dd she will be 3 on the 27th jan, we have now been trying for number 2 since she was 10mths. I got pg but miscarried last june would have been due on dd birthday.

The trouble is now my cycle has gone haywire before miscarried we 28 days now are between 35 and 40 days, and i don't think i can be bothered to even try at the moment, as i just don't beleive it will every happen again.