Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

guinea pig

You have to laugh at that... the guinea pig gets pregnant without bonking!! lol

But bless the poor guinea pig she gets a place in the 'HUT' as one of her poor babies died... Life sucks!! (even for guinea pig's!!)

Poor guinea pigs! Welcome to the Hut, there's plenty of room for creatures of all shapes and sizes inside. As long as you watch out for the spilled pina coladas and don't mind the heady haze of marijuana smoke...domestic standards are slipping in here somewhat.

I bought some pregnancy tests in Boots today (I know I'm not pregnant but I like wasting money on them anyway) and the young sales man gave me a sympathetic look and said "good luck, I hope you get the result you wish for". Which was slightly above and beyond the call of duty but almost reduced me to a blubbing wreck nonetheless.

Wow, LittleStar. That's a very well thought out thing to say. D'you think they get training to say things like that? Failing that, he must be a father himself. Or a psychology, or possibly a medical, student.

Bless that man in Boots. Now can he nip round and give lessons in tact and diplomacy to some of the relatives mentioned on here?

F**k me, it's the 3rd of the month and I'm already off the January thread. I've started a February thread but it's going to be a tragic, lonely place for a while. This ttc business really is a shower of poo.

Hi folks, what a great thread. Just been reading your comments and you have all managed to make me feel normal for the first time in months Ive been ttc for 8 yrs and now 44 but only became aware of temperature charting etc since reading sites like these in the last 6 months. What with crap GPs who could not see my worry or need of urgency (cos i believe they knew they would save money if they waited til I was over40)as NHS new rules do not allow for any treatment for me so have to pay for it all myself. Once I started to pay the consultancy got better but still have unexplained fertility and consultants recommending to BD around day 14/15. Well now my bathroom too resembles a scifi lab and guess what I always seem to ov at day 10 to 12 so we were always leaving it too late explains some of the wasted effort. The Tony W. book was enlightening and since reading this have managed to extend my luteal phase by 2 days to 13 days to give me a better chance (Non of this advice from Docs!). Want to belt my younger sis ( when she keeps saying we left it too late - she has 3 kiddies (as if I left it late on purpose!)and its our own fault, and then says we will just have to try harder - and DH looks as if he could murder a month of R&R...so much for the man that wants it all the time - we laugh at that! We are just fed up of doing it now...and some months we just argue cos thats easier than BDing and then nothing happens - ahhhh. I have a mate who drinks like a fish, is seriously overweight and had a one night stand and got a BFP at 42 - I watch what I eat, dont drink, terrified to take headache tablets after ov or do any strenuous exercise after ov - just in case and seem to be walking on egg shells - WHY oh WHY do we do this to ourselves! AF is due next Wed so trying to keep stress levels down and saying positive thoughts to DH when really I just feel crap! So your everyday thoughts have made me feel slightly normal again (without putting too much positive vibes into the "hut of Doom") so thanks folks and keep up the banter

Hi LateNightOwl, and welcome- (virtual) Drink? hands round the tray of cocktails

I think LatenightOwl needs a good 'Sex on the beach' cocktail if you are offering duchesse...

It's horrible that BD is turned into BD only rather than sex... I don't find I can relax when doing it...maybe half out problems?

Then to top it all off when we got pregnant we did not have sex for 24weeks + 5 weeks recovery as kept bleeding.

Then (my friends have told me) when you have a baby, you are too knackered for it!

A person I know is massive, does not exercise, always in a flap, does not have a partner and is pregnant...How does that happen! Drug addicts and teenage girls that don't have any check up's, keep up with their normal day living and deliver their own babies...manage it.. (think I have been watching too much casualty!) Damn right annoying anyway!!

In regards to luteal phase, what is that and how did you increase it by 2 days to 13 days? - Thanks

Thanks

You have become an expert [Wink]

One Bloody Mary coming up!!

I think the sensible think for me is to find the best way of determining if I am having my surge, then ovulating and then how long my luteal time is. Then Once I know this I will know if everything is working correctly and its just down to time and lots of BD at the right moments.

I have a scan booked in next week to look at my Ovaries, as was boarderline PCO over a year ago. But have had a pregnancy in between that, so something must be working. However it took us a year and half to conceive last time and we then lost that pregnancy at 24 weeks. So obviously have a problem getting pregnant and then issues keeping the pregnancy...Had all the gynie tests now completed and everything has come back normal.. so they don't know what the problem is...when i do get pregnant next time..I'm glueing myself to the house!!

Rahrah, I agree with LL (although I haven't read your other threads). It sounds horrible. I have always thought I'd rather never get pregnant than have a mc or lose a baby. I'm really sorry for you.

It has been very disheartening all the way through... first it was un-explain fertility, then it was bleeding (again did not know why, thought it was placenta..but placenta looked healthy on the scans) , then my membranes went (they assumed it was because of the bleeding)..but also had the onset of infection. Now they are coming back saying that the baby was healthy and of a good size..just too immature in his lung development (which they say was very unlucky with a 24 week baby) and they have no clue why any of it happened....just that maybe I should of miscarried at 10 weeks when I had the first big bleed and somehow my body just carried the pregnancy on, whilst still rejecting it. You lose a lot of faith in the medical profession when this kind of thing happens. I just don't think they know why somethings happen. I hate things that don't have answers and although I'm desperate to be a mother I am really worried about my next pregnancy... I pray that I will not M/C...it will break my heart to lose another pregnancy and in addition add to the list of issues that seem to be compiling., Hopefully it is just the 'one' off 'freak' pregnancy that they think it is. However it is the second pregnancy I have had, first one lasted 9weeks. Also had bleeding in that pregnancy too. So I just don't know.... I hate this feeling of having to remain optimistic and positive that yes I will get pregnant again and no it won't take forever this time and yes the baby will be fine... that is just the perfect scenario....But perfect scenario's don't seem to happened to us....

Thanks both of you.....XX I would not change anything... as would rather of had him than not... he was so close to surviving...it was always worth it... we had him for 6hrs and although it will never be enough...it's better than nothing....(hope that makes sense)...But on the other hand not sure if I could go through all of it again...it has been a truly heartbreaking experience.

It does make sense Rahrah. It's so incredibly sad. You poor thing x

Thanks Impatience.xx

rahrah, your 11.43 post just made me cry.

I can understand why you are nervous about another pregnancy but also why you so desperately want one.

I'm just what you all need in the 'Hut' - more gloom....

Must admit had a little (massive) cry myself today...feeling very sorry for myself...

Any one got anything stronger than a bit of puff? I think I might be in need of some serious sedatives..

Poor rahrah,I just read your post at work and had to go to the loo to compose myself as it made me cry too. I've had a rummage in my medicine cabinet and come up with some virtual valium - would you like one? Not sure if you're supposed to mix them with cocktails, but what the hell...

Ooh, virtual valium with lots of virtual smoke, and a big long vodka. That should do it!

You made me cry too: I told dp what your mother had said about the vermin and the christingle oranges. Couldn't even finish telling her.

Rahra1 - Just read your story too. How absolutley devastating for both you and your DH. I have tears streaming down my face hearing your story. You must be going through so many different stages of grief on a constant basis. It must be so, so difficult right now knowing your friends are at the 36wk stage. Did you get any counselling at all? Does it help a little bit?

Impatience - thanks for the glass of wine, downed in one! You poor thing, I hadn't realised you'd been trying that long, no wonder you're so fed up.

Thanks littlestar - the Valium will do nicely...

Impatience - my mum believe it or not tries to help and is very caring...just comes out wrong!! It is one of those classic bloomers...Actually reading your post made me laugh - always a good thing..

PinkElephant - I have not tried counselling, but have seen both the consultants (they do a kind of counselling/wrap up meeting with you) and then have been sent a bereavement midwife from the hospital. She actually only left about 20 minutes ago.. She comes every couple of weeks. I think I might go to see a counsellor when I have finished all my appointments with the hospital.

I think you get a lot more support if you have a baby after 22-24 weeks. It must be very hard having a M/C and then not getting any support or very little, which is what I read on a lot of threads.

Oh well... least we have Mnet and the HUT...

Another round of cocktails is needed I think....

rushes back in with a tray

Ladies, how about some rejected cocktails to go with our \lin{http://www.drinksmixer.com/cat/139\real virtual ones}?

Oops! I must have slipped in something. Have another tray .