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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

380 replies

duchesse · 28/12/2006 19:33

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

OP posts:
rahrah1 · 30/12/2006 14:52

Sorry Ammy12 - not got a clue...

pussycatmomma - your right, I do need to let go, but I just cant at the moment.. I am so focused on being a mother, I cant see anything outside of that. But in time I will have to let go a bit, otherwise there will be no point in living....

When I was going through CRM last time, they were talking about a procedure to inseminate me, as it was unexplained fertility, I know you have PCO, but you have periods, do you ovulate regularly? Is your unexplained fertility or are they putting it down to PCO? They said I was boarder line PCO but it was not a problem as I was ovulating and having periods. I am having another scan on 8th/01 to look at my ovaries etc... to double check, as my last scan was a year ago.

XX

honeyapple · 30/12/2006 14:57

Its perfectly right to feel ped off with this whole TTC B**ks. I thought I'd get PG straight away as have two DC already both conceived as "mistakes". Anyway, into 5th month of it and I'm getting really confused and irritated!
My DP is equally surprised by my lack of BFP- it's starting to become a bit of a joke with friends and family! Which to be honest is quite nice, makes it a bit more light hearted and not so serious.
When you spend so many years avoiding pregnancy, or getting pregnant when you didnt want to be (whoops...) It just seems to be a bit of a slap in the face when it doesnt happen when you want it. Perhaps we are too used to getting what we want these days. I'm not completely without hope though, but agree that sometimes the overly positive TTC threads can be a bit too much sometimes.

Ammy12 · 30/12/2006 18:23

I can very much imagine that happening to me- Just when I really want it, it won't happen!! How annoying!

twoisenoughmum · 30/12/2006 18:54

I stumbled on this thread by mistake and not sure whether I should post or not because not TTC BUT then I just thought I would share my story very quickly just in case it gives anyone hope. We were TTC our first child when I was 36-37 and after about 9 months of trying I went to my GP. Had the usual checks, I was ovulating fine, my husband had slightly low sperm count. However, she was kind and referred us to Infertility clinic at local hospital. Meanwhile, we carried on trying for several more months and then I decided to look into unexplained infertility myself and wrote letters to about six of the usual organisations asking for advice/help. That was on 14th April 2000. I distinctly remember feeling a bit more positive because I'd done something pro-active about our situation. Anyway, that very night ... we conceived!!! Infact, the next day we visited my BIL and SIL and their 9 day old baby and I held him and cuddled him a lot and sometimes I feel like that being around a tiny baby somehow helped with the conception too (superstitious old twaddle perhaps, but I've heard it put forward as a theory). We received a letter inviting us in to an appointment at the infertility clinic in May 2001, a few days after I found out I was pg.

Baby no. 2 was conceived when I was 40 after 5 months of trying. Once again I got to that stage when I thought it was never going to happen ... thank goodness it did.

However, when I was TTC I tried v. hard not to be jealous or bitter about other people who were falling pg willy-nilly all around me. I tried to look at it all as a positive sign that wonderful things can and do happen all the time and that there was no reason why it couldn't happen to me.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit jolly hockeysticks. I truly know how miserable the trying and failing can be. Good luck to you all. Really really feeling for you (and slightly envious at same time, even though intellectually I know I don't want another baby).

derbymom · 30/12/2006 20:30

Hi all. I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling p*ed off with all of this TTC malarky. I've never posted on any of the TTC threads as all of the positivity is very offputting.

I have a lovely DD aged 2.5 and had a miscarriage in July (2 days before DD second birthday so great timing). Been TTC ever since. Caught straight away with other 2 pregnancies so not used to all of this waiting and hoping. Every month when AF arrives I feel so disappointed and it just brings back all of the feelings from my miscarraige.

DH came home last week and told me that one of his friends wives was pregnant with number 2 and I instantly felt really jealous and sad. Resulted in me arguing with DH and then crying in bed. I was shocked by my reaction and I don't even know the couple .

Look forward to feeling glum with all of you.

Impatience · 30/12/2006 20:50

This thread is so necessary. I have found great comfort in the usual ttc threads and am at times upbeat and jokey about the whole thing, but lately I just can't face it. Even when I'm feeling positive I just want to slap someone who says with great confidence that it'll happen. My head screams HOW DO YOU KNOW?! What about the distinct possibility that it won't?

This, my 19th month, is sticking it's finger up at me by being very confusing - probably annovulatory. I too am starting to think of giving up. I'm gay, inseminating via a donor, so if I decide to stop trying I?ll never just get pg by accident. I wish the well-meaning advice of 'just let it happen' could be applied to me. What a happy story that always makes. So I feel sorry for myself for that.

The flip-side is that we already have a ds from my partner, who was conceived within our relationship so he's as much my child as could be without me actually having been pregnant with him. He's wonderful, and I love him so much. It wouldn't be the end of the world if we never had any more, and we are starting to think we should get my partner to have all our children, and I think I would be fine with this. So in many ways it would just be easier if I knew for sure I couldn't conceive so that I could just stop trying and we could make our family via my dp. It's this awful endless futility of failing to conceive that's zapping the life from me.

I'd apologise for my long moaning message, but that's what this thread's for, huh?

Ready · 30/12/2006 21:00

Impatience. Good to see you. Although, I feel that I must apologise to you, as I am sure that I have said "with great confidence that it'll happen" in the past... in fact I know I have. I won't do it again

Impatience · 30/12/2006 21:03

Don't beat yourself up over it, Ready hon. I'm sorry to see you here: You usually seem to keep your chin up x

beansprout · 30/12/2006 22:01

Thanks to everyone who has posted on this thread. I'm on CD 27 of cycle 7 with a variable cycle so I don't know when to expect AF. Perfectly irrationally I keep getting upset as I'm convinced AF is about to turn up, any moment, and I can't face it but then again, just want it over with as I can't bear the waiting.

That's just how I feel. Boo.

greedyformincepies · 30/12/2006 23:48

oh no perve! i hope i wasn't one of the upbeat and jokey people you were referring to. i will try much harder to be miserable in future.....although i think i have done my fair share of that on MN too! and this thread now seems the perfect place to do it! i will no doubt be back on here in a couple of weeks when af arrives.

one of my friends asked today why i wasn't pregnant again yet! what a fu**ing stupid question!...she knows we are trying too....some people are so insensitive aren't they. she even suggested that i take my temperature so i know when i ovulate! AS IF I DON'T ALREADY DO THAT EVERY MORNING! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

pussycatmomma · 31/12/2006 00:12

Lovely to come on and see other folks feeling similar to me
I dont particularly feel in the pit of doom either about things, just a bit weathered by the whole process I think.
Rahrah - my lack of pregnancy has been a result of not ovulating, and that has been put down to the pcos. The ovarian drilling is to supposedly help kickstart ovulation. It is the first treatment i have had but if i am still "un-pregnant" by April when next gyny appt is, i will hopefully be started on drugs of some kind.
I wasnt being flippant in my previous post, I hope you didnt take it to be that I am not focused on becoming a parent. I, like yourself, want this more than anything, want the chance to begin the next phase of my life, to begin to build a family around myself and my dh, to become a mother. Maybe my tactics arent necessarily helpful, i dont know! but im a little less crazy this way, and for the time being it is helping. Give me a few months and ask me again.
I quite like being back on mn though, even if im writing a whole load of rabble about pretending not to be obsessed!!!!!
xxxxxxxxx hugs to all who may stumble upon the hut of gloom

rahrah1 · 31/12/2006 00:26

pussycatmomma - Totally understand that you have found a way of dealing with it as best as you can, I think that is the best way. I don't think you are being flippant. I need to relax more and will need to loosen up, but at the moment I just can't. (Think everything is just too raw). It is hard as no ones experience is exactly the same, but can all relate.

Sorry if asked too many questions before. x

pussycatmomma · 31/12/2006 00:33

rahrah, not at all, more questions the better Honestly if i had a pound for every time ive asked and asked and asked, id be a rich lady. This is the only way we can learn and grow, and live with whatever life deals us up. So sorry you are having a bad time and lost your ds. Reading other peoples stories, such as your own, makes me feel so incredibly grateful and also Thankful that we dont know what is round the corner.

Ready · 31/12/2006 10:37

Impatience - To be honest, I was being nosy when I saw the thread, and shamefully came in to give out hugs to everyone (to try and cheer people up a teensy weensy bit ) and once I have been on a thread, I always look to see how people are doing... then I saw you and felt very guilty, as I know that I must have been infuriatingly chipper and optimistic when you were down

eclipse · 31/12/2006 13:26

Any room left in the 'Hut of Gloom'? I'd like to shuffle in with my moon-cup of misery. Been ttc for six months or so now, which feels like ages. Feels worse because have had four months of positive tests followed closely by af, which I can only assume is embryo failing to implant properly. Today was the fourth occasion and I wanted to wait to stop crying before posting, didn't want to add short-circuiting the computer to my list of reasons to be self-pitying.

I'm very grateful to have ds (19 months)and will not have any investigations even if this keeps happening but, probably like everyone else, I'd like to know if I will be able to conceive at all (before ds I was wrongly told I probably wouldn't conceive naturally but did). If I knew it would never happen then I'd be able to get on with things better. Sometimes I think I'd be happier getting sterilised and leaving the 'maybe this time' rollercoaster behind.

It's nice to be able to just sound off and not worry about bringing a whole thread down. When I read the title I thought it was another good news story which, while they can be heartening, I just couldn't face. Thanks for this one.

indigNativity · 31/12/2006 13:52

Is there room for another ?
I have been with dh for nearly 18 years - Have been trying to get pregnant for over 9 of them.
I have a wonderful ds who is 4
A dh with a low sperm count (or at least it was 5 1/2 years ago)
I m/c'ed in July - so the next couple of weeks when the baby would have been due are going to be particularly hard
I have resisted medical intervention to date as I was convinced that things would just happen naturally if I was patient. Unfortunately time is running out - I will be 37 soon and don't really have another 4 years just to let things happen.
Please let me join

sideways · 31/12/2006 14:38

Can I join? Have been ttc for one year now and am thoroughly pissed off with the whole effing thing.

Plus dh has gone on strike this ov week in protest at my demands when oving. Tw*t, I could fkin strangle the bastard.

Sorry - is swearing allowed in the Hut of Gloom?

rahrah1 · 31/12/2006 14:53

OH my god... I thought it was just my husband!!He is so annoying when he clocks onto the fact that we need sex to conceive! It's fine the rest of the time, when he wants it, but feels the 'pressure' when its ovulation time! IT IS SO ANNOYING!!... When we were having tests with CRM, he had to have his sperm tested a couple of times...what a drama! It's ok for me though I had blood tests, internals, scans and an operation...but must be hard for them - Bless!!

gothicsanta · 31/12/2006 15:09

natty1806 ask your GP about Matformin Itook it for about 9 months and conceived ds shorlty after (PCOS but did not take clomid) have faith and hope ladies it can happen usually when you least expect it

littlestar · 01/01/2007 09:35

Is it appropriate to wish the dwellers of the Hut of Glum a Happy New Year?

I would love to join this thread as I am feeling thoroughly disheartened with ttc and am fed up with trying to keep up a positive front.

Our story isn't particularly bad so I feel a bit guilty moaning. I'm nearly 37 and we've been ttc for about 8 months (DS1 is 21 months and we got lucky first time with him). I'm on CD30 now and dying to do a test but I know there's no point as I'll get a bfn and get all depressed about it again.

Day 21 test indicated I might not be ov, and we're waiting for the results of DH's sperm test before my GP will do anything else. I love DS to bits and we are so lucky to have him - but I'm secretly obsessed with having another one and can't think about much else! I've tried ov sticks and persona for the first time this month on my GP's advice, but I think they are very misleading.

Thanks for this thread, it's a great idea

DimpledThighs · 01/01/2007 10:04

I suppose people naturally want to be positive but it does get wearing at times. I think sometimes you do want a place where you can say "Ffs sake am I allowed to voice that it might just not ever happen?"

I have been through ups and downs similiar to a lot of people on here - I was going to post my story to give people hope. From the times where I thought it would never happen I arrived in a place where it did. But no the place for the full story.

I just wanted to say that sometimesthe need to be positive is overwhelemed by the need to say what you feel deep down.

littlestar · 01/01/2007 17:59

Well, of course I gave in to temptation and did a test and of course I'm not pregnant, again. I'm glad I did it though as it has been preying on my mind and spoiling an otherwise lovely day. I don't even feel sad or disappointed any more...just empty, old and tired

beansprout · 01/01/2007 18:15

Littlestar - am in the same boat as you! DS is 2.2, conceived at the first attempt, but not so lucky this time. Have been trying since June. Now on CD 29, did a test, it was negative, and yep, feel empty, old and tired. Again.

PinkElephant · 01/01/2007 18:30

Oh ladies I know where you're all coming from really I do. Hello to a few familar names: Greedy, Impatience and Ready (I have changed my name yet again for the New Year - aka BoJingles and 1n2s). I found out I was pregnant before christmas and we were so shocked and sooo excited . I was then rushed into hospital with an ectopic pregnancy and have now lost both my baby and hope with everything I was so naive to think that once we were pregnant, all the heartache was over and that we could start planning and in 9mths time we'd have a bouncing baby. We even sat there discussing names and what to do with rooms in the house. Now we have to wait till the early summer before we can start to TTC again as I've been given toxic drugs. The thought of actually having a baby now seems such a distant dream It also fills me with absolute fear that if I actually manage to conceive again I may go through the pain of another ectopic . Why is life so complicated

Original poster
duchesse · 01/01/2007 18:40

Just got back from four days away, during which I managed to convince myself in turn that
a) I was pregnant depsite massive period barely ten days ago (based on what happened in my last pregnancy)
b) I was pregnant but but it was an ectopic, and I was going to die from a ruptured something in there,
c) something else was seriously wrong, and I was going to die, leaving my children motherless.
Obviously not of these is true. I think I may be a little mad at the moment.

Anyway, to everyone who has posted over the last few days, welcome!

Welcome to all who have poked their head around the door of the Hut of Glum/gloom (which?) in the last few days. Everything is allowed in the here, ladies. Think of it as the back of the virtual bike shed. Anybody got any ciggies? ;)

I'm so glad you're finding a useful space. Drink, anyone? hands round tray of cocktails

OP posts: