Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

Duchesse, your plan sounds good: return his karma.

MrsMc, sorry to hear you had a rubbish birthday/af. Why not tell the doc you've been trying for longer than 8months - say you waited till now because this is the 12month mark, and that's when they say go to docs.

STILL no af here! Day 47 today (I think, I might be losing track of weeks! I expected af two weeks yesterday...) Thought it was on its way on Friday, had been having weak cramping all week, and on Fri started getting a bit of spotting. But, that's all it stayed, and now there's been nothing since. It is driving us both mad. Dp had stuck to her pessimistic guns, saying that I didn't ov, reminding me how weird the month had seemed. But now she is wavering into suspecting I'm pg, and I'm suspecting early menopause! OF COURSE I've done loads of tests. But I've also scoured the internet and found loads of stories of people for whom the tests just don't work.

If I do get my af and ever get to try again, the 2 ww will seem like nothing!

Impatience, poor you!! How long are you goin to leave it before you go to your GP for a "stronger" test? It must be really hard, I feel for you hon.

I know what you mean about what to tell my GP, thing is, it's the wife of the GP I like to see and though I am not suggesting for a minute that they talk about patients at home (too boring) she may see his notes from last May urging me strongly not to come off the pill before my Thai honeymoon (he treated me when I was very ill with immune problems 2 yars ago) and prescribing me with another pack of pills! We'll see how it goes, he's lovely so hopefully she will be too. I do have 2 sisters with PCOS and if this cycle is not a winner, I'll also have 7 cycled of charting to show her so let's hope I get somewhere.

Does anyone know what I should ask for first? what can they do to check all is working with us both?

Ah MrsMc, I'm a scaredicat if I think a white lie might get spotted! Because it's just so embarrassing!

You could instead blast them with the truth: that you've not been trying for an extremely long time, but you have been charting and trying very hard at the right times. Also say that because your sisters have PCOS you'd like to get that rules out/checked. And, from what I've seen on these threads, the help you get from GPs seems to be such a lottery anyway that time trying hardly seems to matter!

I have no plan! Felt extremely crampy this afternoon, more spotting (very little, only so that an obsessive FTCer would notice...) so assumed af was imminent. Since then, nothing. Shall blunder on. Funny to be looking out for pg, af and ov signs at the same time!

Howdy all,

MrsMcJnr - You have been trying for 8 months, what age are you?.. it all makes a difference. It is good to get in with the doctor first and get it on record you have been trying for over 6 months. They do not tend to refer anyone to the fertility clinic until 12 months, unless you are past a certain age. Once you get to the fertility clinic they will complete certain standard tests like scans, blood tests, sperm tests. Dependant on what they find determine their next steps. If they don't know from the first tests you then have more tests to eliminate the cause of the infertility.

Therefore I would do the following:

• See doctor
• Advise on family history as PCO is hereditary.
• See if there are any tests the doctor will complete. Like LH surge or 21 day ovulation test etc...as they are common factors in PCO.
• Ask for a referral to your local fertility clinic , so you have an appointment for when you are 12 months trying. (Otherwise you get referred after 12months and then have to wait out the waiting list aswell - normally 3 months plus)

Do you have any symptoms of PCOS -

Irregular Periods, weight issues, acne - are just a few.

I am reading book on fertility at the moment, to help with my fertility, so can look anything up for you.

HI Impatience - what a nightmare, that is a long time to go without a period. Do you have any conditions? Has this happened before?

If no, I would defo go to the doctor and allow them to do some tests. If you are not pregnant they may be able to help you for the future???

Why are things so bloody complicated??? I am on my second cycle since I lost Bertie and I know it is going to be a long one as did not ovulate until around CD20... (normally have AF 28-31 days)... so sometimes hormonal imbalances/stress etc.. can push things out of sink...

XX

Hi all,

Impatience - what a nightmare, any sign of AF overnight?

MrsMcJr - Hi again!! Do you have any signs of PCOS? Could you start with this first? I went in November and mentioned I'd been trying since April and was having heavy painful periods etc and was worried incase I might have PCOS as my sister suffers with it too and that I'm not getting any younger etc etc. My GP was lovely and we had a long chat, I pretended I was super cool about the whole TTC thing and she promptly stopped lecturing me about anxiety etc. She did ask me "please tell me that your not using OTK's etc" so I wouldn't readily volunteer this info at the beginning as it seems to get their backs up. I lied of course and said I had used them a couple of times in the beginning and her advise was to "throw them in the bin". She started the ball rolling and arranged an ultra sound scan to check for any cysts etc, told me to come back in Jan(10mths of TTC) and gave me the advise of BD'ed 2-3 each week - which amazingly worked for us in December!!! I can only give you my experience.... all depends on how nice your GP is I guess

Hello all. I have finally got my period. Hurrah!

I say hurrah because the whole saga is now over, but of course it would have been nicer to have been able to come on here and say I finally tested positive. Funny that I'm not that bothered. Perhaps the relief of getting back on with things is taking over.

So that makes last month a 44 day-er. Assuming that my luteal phase was the same as normal, that means I must have ov'd on day 28 when I was actually expecting af!

So the next time I start getting cm on day 6, and it just keeps on coming, and then after ages my breasts don't get their usual heftiness despite temp being high I shall just roll my eyes and take a break from sobriety! Guess I should pass this spliff on if I'm trying to prepare for the next round: Who'd like it?

Thanks for all the support. No nonFTC person would have understood xx

Sorry to hear about your AF Impatience. I want to say good luck next cycle, but not sure if that is appropriate in the hut?? But on my way out I will cross my fingers for you!! x

thanks R

Oh Impatience what a bloody nightmare!!! Wonder what the hell was going on with your cycle this last month - its not what you need when you have to arrange your "visits" accordingly. Lets hope it all settles down for you next month.

perve! at last! at least you can start again this time round now. it just gets tricky knowing when the right time is doesn't it? if you could ov any day from 14 to 28 then thats a long time to BD (or insem) in your case. i FINALLY ov'd on day 34! how fucking crap is that!!! no chance for me this month at all cos the last bd we had was on day 29 (then dh went away), so unless dh has supersperm theres no chance. it is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrating when we had sex practically everyday from day 18 to day 29 and it was all a wasted effort. it is also sooooooooooooo depressing to know that i now cant have a baby till nov at the earliest cos of my long cycles. I REALLY REALLY HATE MY BODY! AND MY DH AT THE MOMENT FOR NOT BEING HERE WHEN IT MATTERED!

Impatience - glad to hear that you got your AF at last... was getting worried you might explode... lol

Least you can start again this month, rather than hanging on any longer....

What is going on with everyones cycles on this thread?? They all seem to be all over the place and ovulating late..

Must be all the drink and drugs we're getting through in the hut...

Mrs MJ - ask to be referred. You should get them to send DH to clinic check his sperm. This is the least intrusive of all the tests and the one the fertility clinic wants done first.
Then bloods to check your cycle is normal and you're ovulating (or confirm in your case - your temps probably tell you that, but clinic will want to check).
Normally there are then 2 or 3 scans which they do as standard.

Just get the ball rolling. There will probably be absolutely nothing wrong with you, but at least then you'll know and if you're anything like me will fall pg before your appt to start treatment (happened both times).

Sending you all lots of sticky baby dust and positive vibes. xxxx

Impatience ? I know what you mean about white lies! Still feeling for you, how weird is your cycle just now, poor you, you must be needing quite a bit of beer .

Rahrah ? I?m 33. Thank you for your advice, much appreciated. I have to say, I don?t really suffer the side effects my sisters do of PCOS so always thought I didn?t have it but I was on the pill so long that I have only got to know my body in the last 8 months really. I have been pregnant before so I have always thought that that boded well but it was 10 years ago. So sorry to hear how you lost Bertie . Awful.

Thanks Pinkelephant ? I take on board all you?ve said.

Have to go now but will check in tomorrow again. Thanks to you all for your advice.

Thanks MrsMcJnr...most appreciated.

Just a quickie to say hello. Unexpectedly I feel better now af is here because now I can just get on with this month. I guess I never really thought I might have been pg: those early and ongoing ov signs were a bit weird. Oh well, fingers crossed that everything'll be back to normal this month.

Hope you're all ok.

its getting far too happy and nicey nicey in here!
AND i am sure i saw the word BABYDUST in someones post!
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

What, Greedy, written out in full, bold as brass? dons cap and protective overall and grabs clipboard and rubber mallet before heading into the hut to investigate

I'm back. I have investigated, and am pretty certain it was ironic bt. Crisis over.

What is wrong with me....

I know it is highly unlikely that I am pregnant this month, mainly as I don't think we BD at the right time and secondly the consultant said that it would take me a while, and would need a bit of help.

I know earliest that I would of ovulated would of been on the CD20, which would of been the 9/01. We have not BD after that date, as husband withdraw his services. (since we have been at it since CD8)

I am already getting strangely draw to doing HPT's...WTF...Is my brain that overcome with pregnancy delusions?

Please help....Even if I was pregnant they would not work, as we would of only conceived about 7 days ago...

Someone , slap me with a wee stick... bring me back to my senses....

rahrah! you are as bad as me!
i ov'd on day 34 and the last day we BD'd was day29 and yet still i am thinking.......i could possibly be pg! how stupid am i?! that would mean super sperm with supid lasting powers, but i am still thinking i could be!
YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP AND SO DO I!!!! Always best to assume you aren't and then if you are ....HURRAH!

thanks for the investigation duchese.....although i am still not sure it was meant ironically! its so hard to tell on here sometimes!

I hate to admit it but I could not help myself... I did a test... And guess what it said.....suspense....drum roll.....

BFN.... I'm so surprised...

I really need to stop obsessing... I even thought that I'm feeling particularly hungry at the moment and thought it might be twins...

Anyway off to watch doctors... for some really bad acting...

sorry. I'm responsible for the using the bd word. Didn't mean to pi** you off.

JL scurries away hurridly.