Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

Greeady must be on CD 32 I reckon, along with Impatience. Some cycle...

Actually I think that Impatience is on day 39 or 40...

Sorry- Impatience, I thought you were Rahrah. It's the booze- I can't see straight. How are you getting on with being jinxed? Any signs of either period or pregnancy?

cd32! you are good duchese!

hi all.....
i hate my body too!!
stupid thing, why cant it just do what it is designed to do without all this hoo-haa?!
well, yesterday i posted that af had come early, day 23....
i need you all to bring me back to earth and give me a bit of a reality check please.
Yesterdays "splodge" was unexpected and unwelcome, but also has not continued into full on af. I had swollen tum and bit of pain but nothing major. A little later last night i got a bit of pinkish discharge, but not proper blood. This morning, and sorry if this is tmi, but there was nothing when i went for a wee, normally, when i first come on, morning is like unleashing the floodgates . nothing! All day, nothing, apart from very very slight pink when i wipe after a wee.
All you FTC'ers know by now what my poor addeled brain is thinking...........implantation implantation implantation!!!! Please put me straight, and tell me to pull myself together. Im sure i havent even ovulated, never mind managed the immaculate conception part 2.
xxxx

Probably" just breakthrough bleeding, Pussycat- maybe you're having an anovulatory cycle. They often end in a period anyway, despite the lack of ovulation. Only way to find out is wait a week, and in the meantime, stick to virtual drinking... ;)

thanks duchesse. ... although i think all my cycles are anovultory, i dont think i am ovulating at all. Havent heard of breakthrough bleeding before. Can you give me an idea? I was diagnosed with pcos last may and apart from ovarian surgery (drilling) i havent had any treatment/am not on any meds to help me ovulate. Got to wait till april till next gyny appt and it is killing me.

Oh Pussycat, I know just how you feel! Even with far less persuasive symptoms than yours, like feeling completely normal!

Say you ov'd on the text book day 14 you'd be 10 days PO which isn't too early for implantation... So it could be. But I aint sending you balloons and flowers yet 'cause we all know how this is likely to turn out... Keep us posted though, and if we have to push you out of the hut with a congratulatory soft drink all the better!

Duchesse, I thought the jinz was working: felt crampy and thought period was coming, but all signs have b*ggered off again now. Did another test this morning which didn't even have an evaporation line. It shall be the magic 4 0 tomorrow - never had a cycle that long before!

I feel cheated that this was the one month in nearly 3 years that i didn't temp chart. I have had high temps since last weekend, but if only I knew when they'd hiked I could know when af due. Bloody typical! Grrrrrrr

Pussycat- the sites I just visited seem to suggest that mid-cycle (not "breakthrough"- that was me not thinking straight- it's what you get while you're on the Pill sometimes) bleeding can happen where hormones are out of balance. Having said that, other sites seemed to suggest that it should never be considered normal, and maybe you should go to your GP with it- if nothing else, you can act really worried, and they should be able to get you in to the hospital sooner than April for a scan. Maybe you haven't passed everything yet... It could equally be lochia from the ectopic site.

Sorry Pussycat= confusing you with PinkElephant re ectopic- having one of those days... Still, the going to the quack thing and talking about the blood could be a good move. Either that, or you might have ovulated- if you have polycystic ovaries, it might cause some bleeding if you were to ovulate completely, I;d imagine. Go quack quack and see if they can do a scan would be my advice.

duchesse....thankyou sweetie, but i think you are mixing me up with someone else? I (fortunately) have never had an ectopic pregnancy. Pregnancy of any kind for that matter. In april i am just going back to gyny for appt, no scan that i know of, just for a "how are you doing, what are we doing next" appt.

sorry cross posted.
I went to my gp before about irregular cycle length, i once went 68 days (beat that impatience!! ) at other times i can go as little as 22. Gyny has put it all down to pcos. I dont really want to go to hosp any sooner because i feel as if im not giving it a good enough "go" after the drilling, but tbh, i am getting so impatient and hacked off, things just dont seem to be improving.

Ok.. so this is why I shouldn't really come into the hut of gloom... Yesterday utter despair, plenty of feeling sorry for myself, mood swings, strops and tears. Today, optimistic, upbeat and raring to go!!! It makes no sense!!

PUSSYCAT! you beat me! my longest cycle ever is 65 days! i thought i was the world record holder, in fact i nearly phoned Noris Mcwhatever hes called to tell him to put me in the guinness book of records. Then i realised he would probably need to verify my cycle length for the world record attempt and i couldn't face showing my bloody knickers on live TV saying "yep, this is it, finally on day 65 my period has arrived!!!!"
anyway...if you are that irregular and your body is as crap as mine then the blood could be anything!!! i frequently get spotting throughout my cycle at random times!

BUT! on a more positive note (sorry, look away gloomy people!) i have always had a weird body and cycle and still managed to concieve 2 beautiful children!

Hi, All. Don't get to the computer too regularly so just popping in to see what's what and to check any whiff of optimism is being monitored closely. Ready, are you still skulking happily behind that door?

Impatience, I'm sure you're right that a few months off bd'ing won't make any difference in the grand scheme of things. I can save the wasted hpt money to spend on holiday cocktails, or at least I could if I could just stop compulsive testing to confirm the immaculate conception. Next time I'm about to do it, I'll 'fess up in the hut and you can all mock and jeer and see if you can bash some sense into me.

Hi all, I'm away for a few days looking after my second sister's kids while she testifies at her psychotic ex's trial for harassment. Wish her luck that he gets an anger management order at the very least. Oh, and her stuff back.

Back on Friday, probably.

Prof Lesley Regan and some other fertiity specialists are on Woman's Hour at the moment- nearly at the end, but you can listen again through the computer.

Does anyone else here read the weekly magazines with true life stories in to make them feel better? How sad am I...

rahrah - what sort of real life stories do you read? the really tragic ones do you mean? i would if i got the chance/ didnt waste all my spare time on here!

just to keep you all posted on my world record attempt, i am now cd33 and not an egg in site! how crap is my body? i am now hoping i dont ov for another week until dh returns from his travels! but you just know that know i dont want to ov i probably will!

how are you perve? did you make it to day 40? i hope you celebrated in style...the big 4 0 is worth celebrating!

Yes, the tragic ones...

I hope your ovulation lasts for your DH to get back, how about in future you get him to leave some for you, you can turkey base it when needed...

God I hope my DH is not away during my ovulation, I would be well pee'd with him. But it's always sod's law.. (I think I will take charge of his diary!)

Actually greedy I'm really p'ed off and just screamed at ds to go to sleep. Slept really badly last night, worked really hard all day, have spend the last couple of hours doing bill shite and being stumped by incompetence and ds is just refusing to go to sleep. Poor love, he's mainly just singing to himself, but I can't go downstairs till he's asleep and I just want to salvage something from the day that hasn't been slogging my arse off. I'll be in bed within the hour. F'ing marvellous fun this had been today.

Thanks for asking!

So yes, made it through day 40 with no bleeding, but perhaps my extreme unreasonable snappiness indicates something's on the way...

Sorry you're stuck in no-sperm-land. How tedious and annoying. Someone pour me a very large drink and I'll roll us a huge spliff.

oooohhh! a spliff would feel a bit naughty, cos i haven't for so long......but i am sure i could cope! you really sound like you are in the right place tonight on this thread perve! not a good day hey? if it makes you feel any better i have had a lovely day! (what a bitch hey!). i am sure tomorrow will be lovely for you and hell for me! reckon af must be around the corner for you....thats good though isn't it? then you can start from cd1 again. you didnt get any inseminations in recently did you? you must have ov'd late mustn't you? when was your last insem? is there a real chance that you could be pg or not? i know you have done 7000 tests already! ...........not sure if saying af is on her way is a good thing or not.....think i will just stick to being nasty to you....its easier!!!
WOW listen to that ramble! ok perve, lets just hope you have a better day tomorrow and get a good nights sleep tonight. x x

sorry...i know 'x x' is a bit out of order in the hut of gloom i will never do it again....i just love old perve and don't like to hear her sad!