Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

[duchesse]

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

ok, i have been lurking on the 'other' threads for a while but i am soo COMPLETELY F**KED off. my af was 5 days late which it never is and then it came and i have been trying for 1.5 years and i am sooo sad and really want another baby aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Hi folks,
good to see all are keeping to doom and gloom, a safe haven at last!
AF came today for me - I was convinced I had a BFP all last week (thats why I sort of kept out of the hut - cos had a slight bit of hope) but no - just wishful thinking cos Ive got an IVF appointment next week and I kept thinking if I get a BFP this time, I can spend the money on baby rather than trying to make it and then I keep reading about clinics just doing it to grab as much money as poss and I feel really crap. Crap programmes on TV too of people buying expensive houses and then gosh women of the house just happens to get pregnant - I tried not to be sick I am soooooo fed up and need a very strong drink - any neat gin going girls??? Greedy - pass the the splif,I promise not to inhale .....
So what's this about long cycles then? Im a bit thick when it comes to human biology (but having to learn quick with the GP's in our area ) a mate of mine used to ovulate but not have AF's - is this possible or do you think she just blinked and missed them? I ov practically every 20 days and have been trying since year dot so can well and truely join the FTC club and have horrible AF's (tmi??) - Where's my drink gone (stares into the bottom of the glass) god Ive drank it already - any one for top ups???

hi all af arrived this am, early too, so no wasted tests, but no hope either. have had enough, had to serve three big pg ladies (each with a toddler in tow too) at work today within about 10 mins of each other. feel like a failure. why can't i do the one thing my body is designed for?

here you are Ura (hands Ura the bottle of gin) take a swig of this and chill out with us - plenty of armchairs here with knackered cushions for you to curl up on - welcome to the hut of doommmmmmmyou can sleep the night here if you want I think all the others have gone!

LatenightOwl, I was watching the same thing. Right there with you. And Greedy, hang on to that spliff if she's not even going to inhale. Pass it the other way. Happy to pass what's left of the gin though. Bubble of tonic as a token nod to sobriety??
Impatience, are you perve officially or has greedy just taken against you? If you are Perve, how come? I'm so jealous if you truly earned that title.
Definitely here as a voyeur this month as abstaining from ftc'ing, unless biology has changed since I studied it.
ura21, sorry you had a rubbish day. Keep starting positive and optimistic messages but then delete them for fear of losing my place on the bench of melancholy. But lurking in my subconscious I'm trying to send you positive vibes, just don't tell anyone.
duchesse, hope all goes well in court ofr your sister. Come back soon and keep us all in line.

there's no fear of me losing my place on the bench of melancholy, not sure even gin will help today, i just feel so low. i know there are many who've been ttc for longer than me, but it doesn't make it any easier. thanks duchesse for this thread, it's so hard to be positive all the time, nice to have somewhere to come and be miserable.

DH wanted to stop by our friends house tonight to say hey but I said I was tired and wanted to come home and just watch tv. The real reason is because they have a 9 month old baby and I can't handle it anymore, it's too damn depressing. We were on a lovely Christmas vacation in which I spoiled because AF came and came early as well, 4 days early which was day 21 of cycle, sounds like something is wrong in my area that is keeping us from conceiving That just threw me in the worse mood. Now I go to the doctor tomorrow to find out what he will do for me and af is due in 7 days, I don't want it to come! I was so looking forward to having a little one by summer or at least being pg by summer, I wont even be able to enjoy summer if it doesn't happen Pass the gin!!!

Good morning all you lovely gloomy ladies. Sorry to have offloaded and then buggered off! I just gave up and went downstairs, and ds went to sleep all by himself... If this is a new trend I shall be very happy. It would be so nice not to have to spend an hour every evening sitting outside his door humming various soothing things. Blimey, might even get a bit of life back! (Acknowledgments to those who would dearly love to lose their evenings to a baby.)

Eclipse, Greedy started calling me perve after I asked someone on a thread whether they were feeling horny. They asked for ovulation signs! I wasn't being a perve, but greedy's and my affections for eachother run to nameslinging, so it's just stuck! Sorry, no time for perving of any kind in my life

Greedy, I reckon I ov'd late because I was having cm until about day 24, but I last insem'd on day 12. So I reckon it's a no-go. Yes, I want af to come so I can get on with next month, and hopefully discover that my pattern's back to normal.

Hope you all manage to get through today without throwing forks at or pushing off buses women with their large bumps

i have got bloody stupid ewcm today! AAARRRGGGHHH! normally i would be pleased, but to FINALLY ovulate now on cd34 when sfdh is in New York just takes the piss abit does't it!? i was hoping to hold off till he got back! dont know if i have ov'd or not yet though so can't get too mad, YET!

hope you are chirpier today perve and got a bit more sleep than the night before! i am glad you can remember why i started calling you perve, cos i had forgotten! i remember now of course.......you and your corny chat up lines trying to pull old MrsMcSpink!

latenightowl - do you really ov every 20 days? how come? do you have super short cycles?

i dont want anyone to think i am not gloomy over the next few days when you dont see me on here...i will still be as gloomy as ever, just at my parents house with not much access to a pc!
keep gloomy everyone!

helloooooooooo....
((( i dont think i should be in here today, i am feeling quite hopeful as af still not arrived after the slight bleed on monday))))
just saying hi and bye and sometimes, maybe, just maybe, the glass might be half full not half empty
Right, i have to go now, am being far too bloody chipper.
Dont worry, my regular misery shall return when af duly arrives.
xxx

Howdy partners in misery... How is everyone.. seems to be quite a bit of gloom on here and husbands certainly don't seem to be helping. Mine was too tired for BD last night, he reckoned it hurt as we had had too much!! WTF...How ridiculous....

Anyway I went for a scan the other day on CD19, he said I was due to ovulate in the next 24hrs. He said I have a collection of fluid in my cervix, would that be the CM? I think I have ovulated as had lots of pain, but still today I feel really emotional and stomach pains like period pains...Do you think I've ovulated or still due to do so>>??

Hi Folks,
today has been the pits - but more of that in a minute.......

Greedy - yes, I once managed 31 days but think that was stress and diet and god knows what! so yes, I ov on around day 11 to 13 and then start my new cycle around days 23 to 26. But still in the FTC club - must be quality not quantity ehhh?

Anyway (huge slug of gin taken) today was unbelieveable - after feeling crap about the relocation relocation programme with smug couple, even colleagues at work brought out the sick bucket - thought I had better get smartened up for very important consultation next week with latest IVF clinic. Even though early fourties wanted to look smart, pretty, girly like 35 would be nice so consultant would possibly miss the fact that Im carrying a little weight. (take another slug of gin at this stage). Went to usual hairdressers, but my person was not there so had to have a stand in. Suffice to say I think my hair is now shorter than DH when I said I wanted it long enough to curl. I have never ever had to stop a hairdresser from chopping but I did and then had a tantrum when I realised that I would look crap for meeting on Wed and face resembled a hamsters. I didnt pay was so cross. Best was DH when I called in floods of tears to say too embarrased to go back to work (was a lunch time cut ) - get a wig from hairdressers - as if!!! Cut would look great on a 25yr old elvin faced size 00 but not size 16 mature lady.... So now on detox diet to get rid of hamster cheeks before IVF appointment on Wed.....Does the hut of gloom and doom do liposuction ?

Then folks just as you think it couldnt get worse, left work early so that I could try to rework hair at home and tripped and fell flat on my face on the pavement in front of heaps of commuters.....(think virtual gin slug actually took effect) - was sooooo embarrased as commuters picked me up - and now have scabby knee and elbows to boot. So now thinking meeting on Wed with IVF Consultant - if it includes body search will think I am battered wife... so much for looking fab! better stay off the virtual drink and spliff folks its clearly having an effect - if not actual then mentally.......tea and biscuits for me tomorrow ta

Oh LateNiteOwl what a terrible day! My commiserations on your haircut. Can you find anything positive, like it's so short you can just get up and go? It'll look a mess anyway so no point wasting time infront of the mirror? Could be quite liberating!

Completely understand why you're so upset to be ugly and scraped for your consultation next week. But you do know, really, don't you, that it won't make any difference?

Poor you nonetheless. Here's a nice cuppa and a very healthy organic oat-based biscuit with fruit in it. Home made. With no pot in it.

Thanks LL and Impatience for your tea and sympathy. Indeed to day DH reckons he has spotted a 3mm growth in hair and true, went to dry hair after shower and no need - more disturbing its so short couldn't even use a brush on it - so a ruffle through and go..will try and keep murderous thoughts at bay when passing wicked hair establishment. At least episode with hair has made me forget about appointment on Wednesday with IVF consultant.

Rahrah - you said youve been for a scan on cervix - was this recommended by GP? or was it private? I am amazed at how many varied treatments and tests are conducted by different health authorities - there appears to be no structure for diagnostics or procedures to follow to help explain infertility me thinks they need sorting out! One dear colleague is just 40 and her GP has told her to rule out IVF and just relax! worse thing is she has given up! When I told my consultant recently that I was charting now, thinking he might be impressed - nope - it was "creating babies is an art not a science" ....still trying to figure out if he meant I should purchase artist shirt and wear in sexy fashion to encourage DH more? Would this be better than a chelsea football shirt will ponder over another cuppa - anyone for tea??

Hi guys

LatenightOwl - My consultant booked me in for a scan after my last pregnancy, to investigate PCO and the shape of the uterus (Due to the issues in my pregnacy). This was on the NHS, but I heard about a private consultant that was really good, so I booked in with him. They allow for more time and can do it much quicker than the NHS.

I think that is bollocks, what you consultant said... It does not happen at the drop of a hat for quite a few people and it is good that people get a good understanding of their bodies and their fertile time. If everyone did that they would not have so many people going through the infertility clinics..I reckon if i knew what I did last time, that I do now, it would not of taken us so long. I just can't believe sometime their ignorance..

Hiya
I'm rejoining as I got all optimistic when I convinced myself that this was my month, but af has arrived so I'm fed up again. (Only first month of TTC this time, have 2 x DS, but had 2 m/c last year, one particularly nasty one). Felt like we deserved to have everything to go to plan -but fate or af had its own thoughts.
The only good thing is that I can drink again and have OD on coffee as well as the wine!!
Feeling mightily p*ed off atm.

Impatience - hello. I've been looking for you and wondering how you are. Pretty p'd off by the sound of things. Hope you are ok. Can't bring myself to join the hut, just wouldn't help me. Had a totally crap birthday, Af appeared 2 days early with the worst pains ever just for impact, had to put on a brave face for all the family but ungrateful as I am, there was only one thing I wanted for my birthday. I've now made a GP's appointment for 5/1 (AF due 26/1) no doubt I'll be sent packing for not trying for long enough ... in the scheme of things I know 8 months is not but it seems like an eternity to me.

Sorry - should have previewed, AF turned up on the my birthday, first thing and my Gps appointment is 5/2!

MrsMcJnr- no-one is turned away from the Hut. If you feel glum enough to be here, then you're glum enough for us.

Hi all. Bloody trial was bloody adjourned until bloody June. The bstard apparently looked sheepish, as well he might. He has also filed for access; that case falls next week. My sister has to wing it without legal protection as she earns 300 pounds too much a month to qualify for legal aid. He claims legal aid because he is on benefits, works, and puts all his houses in other people's names. Bstard.

My sister and I have an action plan though, involving getting him into heaps of trouble with the CSA, the legal aid board and the DSS. Serve him right. The B*stard.

Thanks Duchesse it's great that we can voice how we feel without being told to relax and let nature take it's course - that was my mother at Christmas!! grrrr!

Sorry to hear abour your sister, it must all be very worrying and stressful. I'm a lawyer and did matrimonial and child stuff for a while, you really see the worst of people.

Welcome home duchesse .... sorry to hear that your sister has to have this ordeal pro-longed... But you sounds like you have a good plan in place

Morning everyone - hope all is well.