TTC after miscarriage - new thread

[InsufficientlyCaffeinated]

I just spotted that the old thread was now closed to new messages so thought I'd start another. The old thread for reference: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2457787-TTC-1-after-miscarriage-looking-for-some-buddies

Yes, for a year. I've also got high prolactin, so they treat me for both things. Endocrinologist upped dose and tested me, then referred me to med obs clinic where I was reviewed at 8 weeks. Since my levels were really good, they were happy to leave it a bit longer for the next test. Definitely see a specialist.

Thanks for the support everyone, feeling so much better about things now and while I still regret having the ERPC, there is every likelihood I would have regretted either of the other two options too, so just have to make peace with the decision we made. DH and I are definitely back on the same page now too so I think life is heading back towards normal.

My body is slowly getting back to normal- I'm having muscle contractions (not painful) down below, spoke to my sister and they sound like very minor version of what she had after giving birth so I assume it's my uterus shrinking again.

Bonxie and IC, out of curiosity, what are you TSH levels? My levels (TSH, T4, prolactin) are all (just) within NHS normal parameters, but my GP in Australia says she would be doing further testing if I was seeing her with the test results I have. GPs here won't listen to symptoms (cold hands/feet, poor digestion, poor circulation, terrible memory), also won't listen when I point them to NICE guidelines, just parrot that my results are normal and send me away. Am now thinking a private consult might be beneficial as GP won't refer me but have said if a private endo recommended treatment then they would comply. But where to find a private end who will treat me based on symptoms and borderline results? Happy if they don't think medication is appropriate for my situation but considering the repercussions of even being subclinical hypothyroid during pregnancy, would like to have an in-depth discussion with someone who will listen to my symptoms and won't just say I need to up my anti-depressants and get more exercise

Elderberries I had a bit of a struggle initially, so understand your frustration. I went to my GP with results of tests I'd had done privately as part of a fertility MOT that were just within range for thyroid, (tsh of 3.98). I was having so many symptoms - exhaustion, always cold, foggy thinking, hair loss...

I was referred to the endocrinologist who was sceptical of any real problems but nevertheless ordered the tests to be re-done on the NHS. This time my tsh was 4.4. As a result they were happy to start me on 50 of thyroxine, and raise the dose until I my ft4 was in the upper range, and as a result my tsh was around 0.2. I feel so much better.

Out of interest, what time of day did you have your blood test? And how long ago was it? TSH levels are highest first thing in the morning. I had my second test at about 7.30 am having consumed nothing since the night before.

I had my latest tests done at about 11am and my TSH was 4.8, test before that in August was about 9am and TSH was 4.5, so it did get slightly worse during pregnancy. The GP I spoke to today said to go back when I get pregnant again and they'll rerun the tests but still wouldn't treat if they were the same and I was like 'it'll be too late then! That's why the NICE guidelines say to treat in preconception' and she was saying that was for people who were already diagnosed. So frustrating. Obviously I don't want to be on unnecessary medication but also don't want to risk another miscarriage, low birth-weight, pre-eclampsia, labour complications, low IQ or autism because of a GP just saying 'computer says no' at me when I ask questions.

How did you find a private specialist? I don't want to spend the money if it's going to be more of the same treatment I have at the GPs. Did you find private specialist more receptive?

Thanks so much for the information btw- super helpful!

What is the range for tsh where you are? Because the normal range here is 0.2-4.2.

My GP said she wouldn't be happy with anything over 2.0 for preconception or pregnancy. Can't remember my last results though but I might call for them in the morning before epau appointment

Sorry, just to clarify I meant the range for a diagnosis of hypothyroid in the non-pregnant/ttc population there.

Ah OK. I've had hypothyroid all my life and I'm so used to it that I'm actually pretty ignorant to it. Discharged from specialist care at 16 & just had useless GPs since. Been studying NICE & other info lately though

When I get my results from the GP it says TSH normal reference range is 0.5-5.0. So I'm a hair under the upper limit. It's very clear no GPs at my surgery will entertain any talk of my being even sub-clinical though so will just have to go private. I finish work in 6 weeks so am going to try and find a consultant during that time and book an appointment when I've finished work.

DH and I are supposed to be at our 12 week scan right now and tomorrow we're seeing friends and had planned on starting to tell everyone the happy news. The friends we're seeing tomorrow know about the miscarriage though- my DH and the husband are work friends and DH confided when he was having some time off to be at home with me. The friends's wife has had miscarriages too, years ago. I don't know if it will be bought up tomorrow but I'm pleased they know, it feels like by telling a few people we're acknowledging that the baby existed, even if it was only for a short time.

Well today wasn't the all-clear I thought it would be. Scan showed retained tissue but I've stopped bleeding. Have to tell them my choice of how to proceed by tomorrow. Don't fancy medical, the pain and blood from last week was traumatic enough without doing it again but there's a risk it won't pass naturally as bleeding has stopped.

Oh I'm so sorry IC, that really sucks. I had surgical management and while it was very upsetting on the day and the few days after, I'm feeling good about things now. If you have any questions about things then ask away. The actual surgery was the easiest bit of the whole day, it was my own issues that made things difficult!

Hi all, can I join? I had a mc 10 days ago at 6 weeks. I've stopped bleeding and had a BFN today when I tested. So I am keen to start ttc again.

Welcome shopaholic, glad you've found us!

I'm really sorry to hear that insufficiently

elderberries it's a really hard day isn't it? And re the thyroid, it just so unfair that you are having to struggle to be treated. Seeing a specialist asap seems a good plan if you have hit a dead end with your surgery. I was lucky enough to have been referred on the nhs so don't know much about finding someone. But definitely get your next test as early in the morning as you can!

Thanks elderberries. I'm starting to lean towards surgical although last week the doctor really wasn't keen on that option until we'd seen what happens naturally but I suppose we have the answer to that question now. I was feeling so positive at stopping bleeding too, like it was over and I could move on.

elderberries I found it helped to tell a few close people too, for the same reason - the more time that passes and the stronger I get, the more I feel that there seems to be a "rule" that one shouldn't tell people about a pregnancy until 12 weeks, "in case something bad happens". The more I think about it, the more I think that "rule" actually keeps the pain of miscarriage going, as I feel almost like it's breaking an unwritten social rule to talk about it openly with people. I've therefore decided that I'll now be open about it with whoever talks about pregnancy, babies etc with me and asks if/ how we're getting on with trying. And if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I'll be open about it if I feel I want to and explain I'm aware that something could go wrong since it has before, but personally it's easier for me to be open rather than feel I'm carrying a painful secret. Just my thoughts on this one, others may well find the 12 week rule/ keeping it private a helpful thing. I found the mumsnet campaign statistic that only 23% of women tell their friends shocking. Maybe that's because I'm lucky mine have been supportive.

"shopaholic* sorry you've found yourself joining us, but welcome to TTC after a miscarriage. Speaking of TTC, I had some achy right hip/ right side pain yesterday which I'm hoping in combination with some other possible symptoms (slight temp dip 5dpo followed by a raise again yesterday and today, creamy CM, the early pregnancy hormonal feeling I had before when I was pregnant) could mean implantation .. but only 7dpo so another week worth of 2WW to go yet!

That's an interesting view Lucky, we hadn't told anyone I was pregnant and I hadn't intended telling anyone about the miscarriage but as we were due at a friends huge birthday bash the day I was taken off to hospital my DH felt he had to explain. We had loads of support and people have been lovely, if a little awkward.

I do think if I get pregnant again (fingers crossed) that I'd like to keep it quiet until the 20 week scan, just so we can be as sure as possible that it will work out. Almost don't want to disappoint anyone again?

I do talk about it when the subject comes up but I almost wish nobody knew.

I'm on cd6 now, so another 10 or so until ovulation. Time is really dragging!

Hi Shopaholic sorry you are with us but welcome.

So sorry IC, that is rubbing salt in the wound having to revisit the whole thing when you thought it was over. For what it is worth everyone I know who has had ERPC have said that they are glad they did it that way and I think it is a lot easier (unless you have twats of staff to deal with like poor Elderberries).

11pdpo, cd24. I had dinner at one friend's house last night and another one tonight. I am not drinking this weekend just in case. Tonight I will be 'driving' and DH will be told to man up and drink some wine with dinner. Last night I turned down wine as I was 'driving' and the DH didn't bloody drink all night!!! I think he was trying to show solidarity to me. Tonight he is going to be told that 1) it makes it obvious, and 2) that it is a waste of drinking nice wine opportunities and if I can't enjoy it I expect him to do it on my behalf. Luckily I saw the wife from last night's dinner during the day, she knows about our last m/c and I had prewarned her I wasn't drinking as we didn't know whether or not we are pregnant yet this moneth, so she said nothing and had plenty of nice alternatives in.

I feel the same as Lucky. My DH is Italian and they don't have the 12 week rule so we told people we were pregnant earlier - immediately for close family and friends and my boss and after the second scan at 8 weeks for work colleagues and other friends. I was so relieved not to have to try and hide how bad I was feeling and not having to worry about whether or not telling people we had miscarried when they didn't know we were pregnant. Rowan got a name, a cremation service and a place in our family and I am very glad of that. I would have to have to not acknowledge him or her as a person and one of my children. I have really appreciated the support we had and have recovered a lot faster as a result of it. I would do the same next time.

Lucky that's exactly how I look at it. I don't know how anyone goes through this with no one to lean on. My family alone have been incredible, though my Mum and I are ridiculously close and she knew about the baby before my DH did! It seems like now we've told a few people, so many others have told me about their own stories. It's difficult though, I don't mind being open about it but I understand it's a difficult topic of conversation so don't want to make other people uncomfortable either.

Just thought I'd mention too, I ended up talking to the matron of the day surgery unit about what the nurse said to me (just before going in she said 'if this baby was yours then it would still be here, because it's not that means it wasn't your baby. This was never your baby' and hugged me even after I asked not to be touched) and the matron was so apologetic. When she talked to the nurse in question she also apologised profusely, so while it was shitty, I feel okay now having had an apology. And also when I told my Mum what was said she started crying and said 'it WAS our baby. It was so so loved by all of us'. Ahh Mum's, aren't they the best?

IC how are you doing today? Thinking of you

elderberries that was daft. My friend put is far better. She said the way she saw hers it was that her baby wasn't ready for the world yet and had gone back to the waiting room.

Red spotting. I suspect AF may be on her way ridiculously early for me. My normal cycle is 28-33 days with a LP of 15 to 17 days. I am 11 dpo and on cd 24.

I'm doing OK today thanks Elderberries. I've decided to give it another week to give my body a chance to complete naturally then go for surgical management if not. Although the nurse said she'd call me back first thing this morning and still haven't heard from her! Can't get through to epau either. The staff there are so hit and miss! Not as bad as the nurse you had by the sounds of it. Glad you got an apology

I am feeling so fed up 12 DPO and very light AF just a panty liner, but also got a faint positive on super drug pregnancy test this morning. Was clearly negative yesterday.

I don't know what to do. Is this another miscarriage?

Not necessarily. You can bleed a fair bit as the embryo implants and moves around a bit. Light bleeding all the way through the first trimester is not uncommon. Wait a few days and do another test (or do one tomorrow morning and every day for a week ). 12 dpo, pink spotting about every second time I wipe here. BFN on a 10mIU IC this morning for me. It could either be implantation or the start of a period here. No idea.

DH and I had a massive row last night and are still not speaking today. I was being a tiny bit unreasonable last night but since we have constant problems with him not listening to me at all when I have a reasoned argument and listening to others without question I got a mare on last night and just went and did my own thing regardless. He is furious and I am refusing to back down until he will actually have a discussion that involves listening to me and compromising. We are taking a friend of his out to lunch for her birthday today. I am hoping it won't be obvious. It is really stupid, every time someone says something may be bad for a pregnancy he is determined I should just stop doing that too for the whole week I may ovulate and the two weeks after that. I am now no longer doing yoga, climbing, running, cycling, driving. One of my friends died this week and in a way that is a good thing as he was totally against me going to see her in her hospice as it was an hour and 15 minutes away and I was struggling with just abandoning her for 3 weeks of the month. He is not getting the option about the funeral, I am fecking going. We were out to other friends (two sets) for dinner friday and saturday night. The friends on friday night know of the friend who died. I bumped into the wife during the day on the friday and she said she had told her husband to buy loads of wine for that night so we could let off some steam. I thanked her but said we were in our tww so I wouldn't be able to drink very much. We had a lovely night and I didn't actually drink at all. Same as last time we went there for dinner as were were also in a tww then. She knows about he m/c and it is not a problem having that conversation. The friends we went to last night know nothing about pregnancy, miscarriage, loss of friend or any of the other shit going on right now. It was a kind of tough night as they were asking all sorts of questions about how my climbing is going, where we are going on holiday this year etc. All the things you might talk about if you haven't seen anyone for a while. The husband is a major foodie and wine buff and always had different wines matched to each course etc. So I was 'driving' (all of about 10 minutes). I don't normally touch anything if I am driving but last night I made an exception of having less than a quarter glass of the three wines over the course of the evening and meal (5 hours in total) and making sure my tummy was well filled before I touched any of it. There would have been so little alcohol in my system that I was in no danger of being unable to drive home, even under the new laws. DH is utterly furious with me. We are scientists. He understands the concept of concentrations and how low the amount in my blood would have been. I am either having an implantation bleed or the start of a period this weekend. There is no placenta there. The baby is in no way going to be affected. He wanted to know why I didn't just tell them I was probably pregnant and then tell them I wasn't later. I cannot face the drama of going through that every month. So we can now rule out meeting up with anyone who may suggest a glass of wine during ovulation and tww. And if I get pregnant are we going to have a drama every time I eat a bowl of chips or a burger or anything less than macobiotic health food in case that too is bad for the baby? Right now I really do not want to be pregnant. He will not listen to me telling him how I feel my body handles things at all. But he will happily listen to anybody at work/home/on the street who says something might be bad and then announces I should stop doing that and is totally furious if I don't comply as 'it is better safe than sorry after all'. It is totally daft that I chose to make the issue over the wine. I like the taste but can happily go weeks without it. I just got to that point where I could not take another day of putting everything on hold just in case I may be pregnant by next week. I am far more upset about the restriction on movement/hobbies.

To make things worse I took the dog out for his morning walk this morning and was going to then get my car from the car park in our street to go and get some bread for breakfast. My ex had an affair with the mother of my godson and they bought a flat a bit further down our street. They now have a baby. She was only fecking in the carpark putting her baby in the car and I couldn't face barging past her to go and get my car, so I couldn't even get out for bread this morning. We are going to sell and move this year as soon as we have it confirmed that we both have contracts for the next 5 years as we can finally afford it. After 5 years of living in the same street as them. I am so fed up of worrying about leaving my house. The day I was miscarrying I left the house and bumped into the pair of them pushing their pram. Nobody got punched. I was most proud of myself that day.

Sorry for the wall of text. I am in a terrible mood today and need to rant somewhere.

Sorry to hear that brenna, it sounds a very difficult thing to live with. Where are these extreme ideas coming from? Does he not realise that the stress it's putting you under is far more likely to cause problems than doing any of those things?

Brenna I don't know how you can live like that. The stress of having to walk on eggshells for 3 weeks of the month is complete madness and going to do more harm than good. I did everything right last time- no drinking, no coffee, healthy food and I still lost the baby, so this time I'm still going to be sensible, but not worry about restricting myself so much. If you are going to loose a baby, majority of the time it is determined from the moment that sperm meets that egg. The percentage of miscarriages that happen due to 'lifestyle choices' is absolutely tiny.

That's not even beginning with the strain having to do everything you're 'told' to do will put on your relationship. You poor thing.