TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

Sorry to see you here, we're a good bunch :)

Well I didn't need to worry about my husband thinking I was going crazy with all the OPK'S. This weekend he sat and studied them all and asked loads if questions about how it all works and came home yesterday with his and hers concieving vitamins that he had researched online. Very happy as we sort of jumped into getting pregnant before with me doing all the pushing towards it. I was really worried that maybe he was just going along with me for an easy life but thankfully he's proved me wrong.

Is anyone else taking vitamins?

Lucky - yes I am trying (as much as possible!) OPK'S have gone negative which I assume is the last of the pregnancy hormone leaving. This morning I got a slightly darker line so I hope that ovulation is on its way!
Good luck for you this month, the 2ww is awful and I'm preparing for it to be even worse this time!

Maude sorry to hear you didn't get your positive. Our bodies really do like to play tricks on us sometimes.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated sorry you find yourself here. Hopefully your scan is ok and you can move forward.

Hello all, and welcome newbies

My dry January went a bit soggy after a bit of a meltdown Vap, but on reflection it was good to let things out. Restarted it now though... So good to hear that things are going well for you!

We've decided to wait until the next cycle to try again. I got a bit panicky about dating and potential panicking about dating so I felt I'd rather wait. So just being kind to myself, taking my vitamins, eating well, dodging caffeine, and gearing up again.

I realise now after doing lots of tests that the very faint line I had in the summer just before a slightly late AF was likely not an evaporation line as I thought, but a chemical pregnancy. I wasn't testing habitually, and after that I stopped testing till the pregnancy, but I now wonder if the other few slightly late AFs were failed implantations too. I feel a bit more hopeful for thinking my body has been trying, at least.

Bonxie - what is a chemical pregnancy exactly? Excuse my ignorance..

Bonxie Have you been tested for low progesterone levels? This can be linked to early miscarriages and chemical pregnancies. Its not too expensive to get tested privately if the NHS wont fund it.

Hi Insufficiently. Sorry you have joined our little club. It sucks to be here ut the company is excellent.

Llindsay A chemical pregnancy is basically somewhere between a failed implantation and a very early miscarriage.

bronxie I think getting it all out your system is a good plan. I had a big upset over christmas which I htink I had been storing up since October when I was just trying to get through the last few weeks at work until I had the holiday, combined with the let down on christmas eve.

I am now halfway through my tww. Boooorrrreeeeddddd.

Brenna it's good to have someone at a similar cycle stage in 2WW. I'm curious to see how this one goes as my last cycle (post-mc) and the one before (when I got pregnant) both involved a really intense/ severe/ sharp pain at day 24/25 respectively which from my reading on google would tie in with implantation time, and possibly also with an embryo trying to implant in a fallopian tube due to the pain level (ectopic). My fear is that's why I miscarried but since I started miscarrying naturally before getting a scan I don't know. If I get the pain again this cycle I'm planning to see my GP about it as I don't think an hour of borderline-intolerable pain in the middle of the night on the same cycle day (ish) every month can be normal? Or do other ladies here remember severe pain at the time of implantation?

Lindsey - I'm taking seven seas trying to conceive vitamins, they seem to suit me well and I think they boost my well-being as well as giving fertility benefits. DH takes vitamins too, but not a specific fertility one.

Insufficiently Sorry you've found yourself here, welcome though. It sounds like you're at the worst stage right now and that it will get better. It definitely has helped me cope to focus on getting myself into the best position to conceive again, so hope it helps you too.

I had some cramping and a 1 hour bleed on day 24. No sharp pains though.

5 weeks since D&C , 8 days since positive opk but BFN no AF... Feeling frustrated.

How long is your luteal phase normally Flourishing? I didn't get a chance to measure mine before I got pregnant last time but I had guessed it would be about 14 days. Since m/c mine have been 15 days then 17 days, so at 8dpo I would be nowhere near AF time.

Thanks for all the warm welcome messages .

Llindsey my DP is very much more on board for TTC this time around, although it's still early days. It was a planned pg for us and when I did get pg he was happy but I think until the mc and all that we had to go through, it seemed even more of just an abstract concept to him. He said the loss has made him realise just how much he wants a child. Before his contribution was DTD at the right times but he started taking vitamins yesterday and is asking about cycles more. I wish it didn't take this to get him more involved but I am happy he is now.

I've just continued taking my pregnancy multi-vitamin. Is there much difference between the pre-conception and the pg ones? Do you think it's worth getting a pre-conception specific vitamin? I compared the two in Boots yesterday but couldn't really see any significant difference in contents

Hello everyone. I started a new thread yesterday as I already have a one DD, but some lovely people from this thread replied and suggested you wouldn't mind if I joined you here? I had a termination last July as DD2 had Edwards Syndrome. I understand if you'd prefer it that I didn't join, but I'd love to share the frustration with you all! I'm feeling very bleak at the moment and (whilst I wouldn't wish it on anyone!) it's very reassuring to see I am not alone in the sadness and stress that comes with TTC after a miscarriage or termination. You seem like a lovely bunch! xx

Hi GaryWilmotsWedding and welcome, although I'm sorry you find yourself here like all of us and I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm new to the thread myself but so far everybody has indeed seemed like a lovely bunch.
Good luck with TTC

Hi everyone - hope it's ok I join in too. Started to mc on Sunday afternoon at 5 wks and am absolutely devastated. I'm almost 35 and it was a really really long journey to by first BFP just over a week ago - I was so happy yet trying to not get too excited as it was early. I'm still quite shocked at how deeply this early mc has hit me (was at a service station on the M1 when it happened and I broke down in a kind of mania - everything has been feeling surreal since then). I'm also fed up with how unpleasant the bleeding and pain is. Saw my GP yesterday who has made an appointment at the EPU on 20th for a scan (first appointment they had). Presumably it will be just to check all has passed ok. Dreading going though as it will bring any emotions I have managed to work through right back to the top.

No one except my DH and GP know about the BFP and mc. Only one of my friends doesn't have any DC, some up to 3. The others keep saying things like 'do you want a family' or 'look how many of us now have them' - which is so hurtful. It's such a painful issue for me I can't talk to them, so am going through it all alone.

Failed to keep it together yesterday at work (first email I read was someone saying they were going out for a midwife appt that afternoon and it got worse from there), so am off sick today and searching on the web for some support. Came across this thread and it's been so encouraging. I even smiled when I read Frankie's post of finding the stash of hidden tests!

It's great to see some of you achieving BFPs again. I know I want to try again as soon as possible but emotionally don't know when that will be. I do seem to be rather a mess at the moment and can't seem to go more than a couple of hours without crying.

InsufficientlyCaffeinated I was looking at the different pregnacare vitamins just before I mc. As far as I could tell, the ones for during have different levels of some of the vitamins vs conception, and you can also get ones with omega-3 added in as well. The vitabiotics website has the different formulae on it, though it just says you can use up any leftover conception before going to the during ones after a BFP.

Welcome to our new member, although I'm sorry to see you hear. Rockhopper it's totally normal to feel the way you are at the moment, I myself was suprised too at how hard this hit me. To cut a long story short I had major health issues a few years ago when I was 21 when I was diagnosed with a pancreatic tumour. It's been a really tough journey but DH and I were so looking forward to some good news now and we're delighted when I got my BFP on first cycle. Unfortunately developed urinary sepsis and went into Hosp to get IV antibiotics treatment. At 11+6 went for a scan of the kidneys (my 12 week was booked for when I was 12+3 a few days later) and they said they could check the baby too but unfortunately it had stopped growing at around 8-9 weeks. Absolutely gutted. Took the tablets to begin the miscarriage process which was absolutely horrific and traumatic. Was discharged last Thursday from Hosp and just taking it easy at my mums. Sometimes I feel ok and other times just really emotional. I think the hormones are also everywhere so it's really difficult to sort of carry on with normal life. Thinking of going back to work next week but not sure. I feel absolutely exhausted too. Got a scan tomorrow morn to check everything has passed. MN is amazing and just really helps to speak to people in the same boat. Hoping the bleeding will stop soon and I can get some strength back and then after first period can maybe look to try again.

*here not hear. My brain isn't even working properly

It must be so difficult without RL support but you mustn't let people say what they like to you. Maybe politely say that it's personal and you don't want to discuss it. People should really think twice about making comments

Thanks Melvali. Sounds like you have had a really though time. Hope the scan goes as well as it can do tomorrow. Next week is a while away, so you have time to see how things go and whether work will ok and in the meantime rest and allow yourself to feel how you feel.

I have ME/CFS and about the time DH and I decided to start TTC, I came off medication I was on and then caught flu and had a relapse. Took me 2 years to get back to some kind of strength then discovered I had severe vulval pain so have been treating that with a lot of physio and therapy for a year. Finally managed to get though that so a BFP and am now back at square one, which is so hard to accept.

The worse thing about the friend was that they had a late miscarriage a few years ago and now have DD1, so you think they would be sensitivity to the fact that you have no idea whether others have been trying, how long, and what issues they might have faced/be facing. But it seems as soon as DD1 came along, they became part of the group of smug parents who constantly ask if you want kids. Grrrr. I vow never EVER to do that to anyone else.

Still no sign on Ovulation here :( throwing myself into work just now which is so unlike me as I work from home and usually spend the majority of time procrastinating!

rockhopper What you're feeling is exactly how I felt. I couldn't go an hour without crying for about a week. I have been surprised at how quickly I have jumped back though. I'm still sad and still have a few teary moments but in general I'm just focused on getting pregnant again as quick as possible. I think focusing on this is helping me get through it to be honest!
People don't realise they are being hurtful when asking about future family plans, they just want you to have the same enjoyment that they have. Perhaps you should confide in a few close friends? I've told a few and its been so helpful. You will be surprised by the amount of people you know who have had miscarriages but never told you. You might even find hope in these stories as they have gone on to have children.

GaryWilmotsWedding Sorry you find yourself here. Did you have any problems conceiving or during pregnancy with your first child?

Insufficiently I think they are different quantities, I'm really not sure. I got new ones for conception and I'm saving my pregnancy ones for when I get the BFP! It will be like my reward or something...

Thanks Llindsay, good to know I'm not the only one and that you seem ot have bounced back. Good luck with the TTC! Because of the journey I've been on over the past 3 years, I've found it painful to be around my friends so have drifted away a bit. I've not been on facebook for a couple of years as it was too hard to see all the happy baby pics. DH and I moved a couple of years ago and I had thrown myself into work and trying to get strong, so haven't really made any friends nearby. Was hoping that my BFP would be a good way to meet people in the area. It's all been my own fault really, but I don't really feel able to talk to my older friends about it after all their comments and patronising conversations about not understanding as I didn't have a DC.

Right, in an attempt to cheer myself up, I've decided to start making two lists. One are the genuine positives I can try and take from the mc experience, and the other a more light-hearted list of downsides. So far I have:

The good:

• I now know I can get pg
• DH's low morphology therefore isn't the end of the world
• I would hope to be able to get more support earlier next time (though I know dependant on where you are) to help with anxiety
• Better to have a MC now and start again earlier rather than have very late and more traumatic complication

The downsides:

• the bad adult acne that was starting to clear up is now back with a vengeance so I still feel like a teenager, with the crazy hormones to boot
• I will have to stock back up on sanitary products and sticks to pee on again
• I won't be filling the size up bras I had just bought (though upside I can take them back and have more money to spend on other things to cheer me up)
• I now have no excuse not to use the chemical cleaners to clear the mould from various places around the house, so DH won't be volunteering again
• DH is a bit miffed that I now get to help him eat the large Christmas cake I made in Oct with lots of booze in it, which I couldn't touch until now (definite upside is I get to eat it mind you!)

Rockhopper, your journey also sounds tough and can appreciate how it feels like it's back at square 1. My sis in law has ME/CFS and was married for 19 years and didn't have kids. She didn't get along with her inlaws and not her DH that greatly either and said she didn't want a baby in case it looked and took after the DH and his family in terms of personality. However when she turned 40, she got pregnant and didn't tell anyone (so she claims - but i think she told her mum and sisters) and my DH (she is his sister) and I only found out at the birth. I was really hurt actually because I only wish her the best and would've supported her had she shared her good news. Anyways it now makes me Wonder whether she had difficulty conceiving/ perhaps miscarriages and didn't want to share. Everyone has a right to be private.

Have you ever consulted a private nutritionist? I have been seeing one for 3 years now and honestly believe she has had a massive part to play in my progress. She has addressed my adrenal glands etc as after the major surgery I had in 2011 my body was all over the place. No energy, lots of recurrent infections and generally exhausted to the point I couldn't work. I'm now back to work at full time and feeling much better.

Llindsey - how long since your miscarriage? Xx

Welcome new people

Sorry slow reply, we had a power cut and I couldn't charge up my phone!

Melvali as far as I understand it, a chemical pregnancy is a very early miscarriage that happens before 5 weeks, so if not testing you could be unaware of being pregnant at all.

Llindsey good suggestion and worth checking. Since my miscarriage was a missed one at 11 weeks I suspect my progesterone is probably okay, if what I've read is correct?

I'm back on the Viridian pre conception vitamins, as I'd taken them for 8 weeks before the last bfp, so I'm being superstitious about them I'm also taking DHA and spatone to give me a bit of a boost.

This thread is moving fast! Back to procrastinating from work I guess (that didn't last long!)

Melvali I had a Missed miscarriage at 11 weeks just a few days before xmas

Bonxie perhaps not then, I was reading about it as a friend told me she had success but it was early miscarriage and chemical pregnancies. I think it helps the embryo implant

Do we need a new thread? I thought 1000 was the maximum posts...

I had a missed miscarriage at 11+6 but they think it stopped growing between 8-9 weeks. Did they tell you when it stopped growing?

I'm just getting a charity gift - fruit tree for our Babba. Can't decide what to put on the certificate.