TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

Hi Grace and Lucky. Sorry you are here. Good to meet you though.

Fingers crossed your wait is over soon Elderberries. My nieces dragged on for a month. I hope yours is over before then.

My BBT dropped by half a degree C this morning and AF is here. Wine for me over christmas then. And plenty of sex in January I guess. So not all bad.

Oh brenna, a fresh start in the new year then. You come across as a lovely friend to all those friends and family you have IRL. Really got everything crossed for you, I'm not going anywhere until I see you get a bfp!

Hi grace and lucky. Hope you can enjoy some festivities and start the new year afresh. You too vap, still thinking of you, hope your ok ish x

Scan on the 6th so should be distracted over xmas (hopefully), still an agonising wait. Merry Xmas to all, and look after your selves. Off to the parents later

Thanks Sunday. I am pretty sure I don't do anything all you others wouldn't do too, it is just that life seems to be happening big style right now. I have really appreciated the chance to offload to people in here though. It has made it a lot easier to be strong IRL. Best of luck for the 6th. I have everything crossed for you (although my fertile window starts on the 4th so some bits will have to be uncrossed by then ).

I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow. We finally got our tree up today and I got some presents wrapped. I am looking forward to watching my dog rip into his in the morning.

Clare I missed that bit about your scan earlier. That is wonderful. I am so happy for you. Keep us up to date with your bean's progress.

Merry christmas to everyone for tomorrow.

Merry Christmas tomorrow ladies - Brenna my next fertile window starts on the 4th too so planning to make the most of festive food and drink until then

Merry Christmas all! Managed strategic tipping of Bucks Fizz down sink and refilling with orange juice! Wish me luck in alcohol-dodging for rest of day..

Thanks for all the welcomes,

Clare amazing news about the scan, it must be such a super feeling.

Sophia hope you managed to dodge.

I definatly has ewcm yesterday and today so im hoping for a christmas conception! im only 12 days since I started spotting with the MC which would normally be very early for me. Did anybody else have that on the first cycle after?

Merry Christmas All
Hope you've had as good a time as you can (considering the lack of pregnancies and babies)

mascara wonderful news about your scan. Hope it has put your mind at rest.

april really pleased our booking appointment went well. I know what you mean about it being emotional as you've never made it to that point before. I think I'll be the same if I ever make it that far. What date in Jan is your scan?

sophia how are you getting on? Have you manahed to get a sooner appointment? Did you manage to get your scan sorted? Best of luck.

frankie how did it go telling your mum? How did they respond?

brenna where are you up to at the min? Bet you're relieved to have finished your paint job. Does it all still smell of paint? I'm a bit weird and love the smell of new paint. So sorry to hear about the bfn.

sunday did you buy the heart rate monitor in the end? Not wanting to worry you but I've heard they can be harmful to baby if you use it too often. And it may cause more panic than calm because if you don't use it right you may not be able to hear the heart beat but it could just be that you're holding it wrong or baby is in the wrong position. Although, this is only what I've read online and would like to hear a real opinion from someone I know is a real person. frankie did you scare yourself with it if you couldn't hear anything? Is it true about possible problems for baby? Can't wait to hear about your scan on 6th

northern have you managed I hold out and not test? Fingers crossed for you.

claire fantastic news about your scan, so pleased everything is going well for you.

And for me, well, the frers did eventually go negative. I think I may have ovulated last weekend even though I forgot to take all of my tests and thermometer with me so don't know for sure, we dtd every day so thought that if I do ovulate then we may be lucky. So, I've been testing every morning with an FRER to make sure it's ok to have a drink. Xmas day bfn, Boxing Day very very faint line, put the dates into due date calculator and if says 3w0d yesterday. The line is still very faint but still there on yesterday's test. I've tested again today and the line is fainter? Not really sure what to think. Today I used my last FRER. I have ordered 4 more on Amazon today but don't have a delivery date until 2nd. Think I'll be driving myself mad not being able to test. May have to go to boots and splurge on an expensive shop bought pack. So other symptoms, mad mad dreams which has been a sign from both other pregnancies. Tiredness but that could just be down to too much food and long days. AF is due (according to ff) on 30th dec but if I go back to a 28 day cycle as I would expect (it happened like that before) then I think it should be due on 31 dec. So currently in a non drinking limbo which is probably good news either way as it will mean calories are being limited to food only which will help with the January diet. Hate to think what the scales will say when I finally get on them. And need to lose a fair few lbs before my infertility appointment in January. So either way it's quite good news. I'm not excited about the prospect of being pregnant again, I hope I am, but all I can think is "here we go again, I wonder how long this one will last". It's so crap that once you've even through this twice all your experience tells you that it will fail so why would this one work out? Of course we can always hope for "3rd time lucky" but it's difficult to think positively.

Welcome to newbies elderberries & bonx & grace & lucky sorry you have found yourselves here. elderberries After my 1st mc it took me 3 cycles for next bfp and this time I think I've been caught the month after mc but can't confirm just yet. P.s. It took us 24 months to get the 1st bfp so I was terrified it would take another 2 years again. grace I also didn't think twice about trying again immediately. If you feel you are ready emotionally then your body will be too. My dr said not to try and we must be very careful and use condoms. well she can stuff off! You can't tell someone trying for 28 months not to try! Also, my dr 1st time said it was fine to try so I think it depends on who you talk to. If it was bad to try again then they would all be singing from the song sheet. Make sure whatever the test you will be using to check for a new pregnancy is the same type as the one you test for a negative otherwise you may drive yourself a bit nuts. Speaking from experience.

Wow, what an epic post!

No vap I didn't buy one, was just having one of those irrational moments! I hate the way so many things are marketed to women pregnant or TTC in the name of 'reassurance'. Just increases anxiety most of the time.

Don't know what to think about your faint positives. How long ago did you get a negative after the mc? Would you be about 7dpo ish? It's a possible new pregnancy but 3w is v early to get bfp. Really confusing for you . When's the clinic appointment?

Feeling v fortunate here this evening. There's been a lot of flooding locally, not in our house but friends have been affected. Hard knowing they're in the middle of it all. Hope rain holds off tomorrow.

Thanks for all the welcomes, and fingers crossed for everyone too.

I'm having a wobble at the moment after getting back home - we were at my mum's for a couple of weeks. Just tidying in the bathroom cupboard and found the tests I'd saved from first being pregnant. (Not sure why I kept them!) I was about to put them in the bin when I thought - this is all I have left of them, sobbed, and put them back in the cupboard.

I thought, I'll do it another day - it doesn't need to be now.

On the plus side the newer tests are now almost imperceptible. The irony - I don't mind throwing them away at all.

So, I've just done another frer with fmu

Vap is that a very faint line? Very difficult to see anything from the photo.

Yep, it's there. Not getting too excited until it gets darker. In fact, not getting too excited until I hear a heart beat. 3w 2d today. I knew I saw something on Boxing Day.

Vap I can see a very faint second line there, I guess given you'd be 3+2 it would be faint at this stage, good luck and hope it gets clearer soon which way it's going to go.

Bonxie it took me a while to throw out my positive tests too - I found they faded and I was then less attached - I also still have the app I recorded the pregnancy on and will keep that as a record and use a different app next time.

I've found it helped this cycle having Christmas at the end of it with wine and cheese as a comfort I wouldn't have had pregnant so now thinking that each cycle I try I'll have pregnancy as plan A and a pregnancy-unfriendly consolation prize plan B for each time I'm not - so next cycle, it's plan a trip to Australia in summer if not pregnant. Anyone else got any strategies for managing disappointment on the cycles AF came rather than a BFP?

Vap. Off to the Drs for you now? Hopefully now they will start tests.

I think the paint smell has gone. I aven't done much this christmas apart from moping around a lot. Between the BFN, somebody asking me at midnight mass when I was due and 2 church services on the wonders of family I have mainly moped around with some crying and a lot of grumping at DH when he tells me he thinks I should see the positive side of things. Hopefully after the new year I will feel more like seeing positives.

Vap I'm good thanks :-) Spoke to lovely community midwife and ahea said I can come to her antenatal clinic on the 31st- not sure if for a full booking appointment or just so we can get scan scheduled. I'm 8w1d today and getting past when my period would have been due (which is when I bled last time) so am feeling a bit more confident but still terrified! I know what you mean about not thinking it'll go anywhere, and I've only had the one MC.

Bonxie I put everything from my first pregnancy in a box (inc bus tickets from EPAU appointment and Cow and Gate cuddly cow) so I can choose to look at it but don't come across stuff by accident.

Vap Im hoping for you that the lines get darker.

Lucky last cycle I found a lovely lipstick around cd 10 and I promised myself I would get it if I got a BFN. I know it sounds shallow but I dont get makeup and clothes that much so it would have been a nice treat.

Im in a bit of a quandry today, I have seen a job that would be perfect, that is near my parents where we want to move back to in the next year. It is for the same company but a different location. I really want to go for it but on one hand if I got the job and then got pregnant strait away I would feel terribile and it might be bad for my carrer but on the other hand I feel I cant live my life by TTC and it might be over a year before I concieve again and carry it. Ugh I dont know what to do.

Sorry for the moan.

Grace, for what its worth I'm living my life as normally as possible while TTC, especially after the miscarriage as that way it feels more win-win. I went for a job interview a few days into TTC and was successful, if I hadn't had my miscarriage I'd have had to announce my pregnancy soon after my starting date. Like you it's not a change of company/employer, and contract-wise for me that would have meant I'd have been fine. Job-wise though, it's helpful that I won't need to ask for mat leave immediately after starting in terms of how others might see it, so in that way it feels like I have a silver lining/ have set myself up for positives to happen in other areas of my life while still TTC. It may be worth looking at your company mat leave policy to see if it covers you for still getting full mat pay if you've worked within the same company, but in another role, for the required time - places vary, I'm lucky mine's a family friendly employer. If yours does cover that, why not go for it? You can always go for it now and make up your mind when you get offered it too.

Lucky Thank you, I think that is a really good way of looking at it. I think I will go for it.

Yay! Good luck Grace

Lucky, you can't predict what happens next so must do what is right for you. I'm looking forward to trying again, but can't help thinking DH is being a bit emotionally null. I was at home with my mum for the miscarriage as DH had long hours to work, and I didn't want to be alone.

It's now as though I'm jumping up and down saying me, me! I wonder if I'd been at home, he might realise the shock and how bad I feel?

Morning!

grace you're in such a quandary, I have also been in that situation of needing to get myself a less stressful new job for the last 28+ months but have stayed put thinking that I can't move and then ask for mat leave and new (not so new but applied to my thinking when I was looking into it) employment law states you have to have worked for a company for 2 years to be secure in your job. I think you can get mat leave from a year though or smp no matter how long you've been in a new job. Although I am a little out of date with it all. It's such a hard decision to make. If I had gone and found myself another job I would have worked for them for over 2 years now before getting pregnant. But you just don't know. I decided to stay put which turns out to have been the right decision for me (I think) and stress levels have reduced slightly (or maybe I'm just managing it a little better) and the pay is good. If I had my time again and knew how long it would take and how the job would pan out I think I would have stayed put, but that's me. Best of luck with your decision to stay or go, I'm sure whatever you decide will be a good decision for you.

New pic attached of my test. It's certainly getting darker . I'm not feeling any excitement towards it this time. Or perhaps I'm just not allowing myself to feel any excitement towards it. I can't believe I saw that whisper of a line at 3+0, that must be some kind of record.

How is everyone else getting on? Anyone due to test soon?

That's definitely a line Vap!

I'm feeling less sorry for myself this morning - I'm not sure what I was expecting the poor man to do. Now - a January detox!

bonx some men just don't get the emotional turmoil we go through when mc. Last time my dp was useless. Some are hit pretty hard. I wouldn't worry about it all being about you! It should be, after what you've been through. Sorry he hasn't been as supportive as he could have been. Are you charting or using opk's for Jan? Best of luck

Thanks Vap. I haven't come up with a plan yet - still waiting for the negative test first. I tried a CB monitor thing before but just wanted to throw it at the wall and gave up on it. So I may just order some cheaper ones. I don't think it's good for me to be tied to the dratted machine!

He's been great really - I don't know what else I wanted. Actually I do realise, writing this, it's for the miscarriage never to have happened. Since that's impossible, his practical approach is the next best thing.

Sorry been quiet, been away for a few days so just catching up!

vap .... Looks and sounds promising :)

I kept some of my stuff from last time, I got a bump to baby book which id started to complete, and I haven't been able to bring myself to write the last update yet (although I'm not certain on this as I thought about doing it so many times and in the blur I may have done!) I will do it one day when I feel strong enough. I got rid of my tests, but I've still got the pics on my phone.

Well it's test day for me on Friday! Tested earlier this week (cd8) and it was negative so just waiting now. Highly unlikely this time as husband was away around peak.