TTC #1 after miscarriage - looking for some buddies

[Clareinthemiddle]

I have been ttc for 10 months. I'm 34.
Took it very easy the first few months and then went for it with OPKs, no caffeine, reduced alcohol and got my BFP in May, but sadly mmc at 12 weeks (a few days before my scan). The little thing had not made it past 5.5 weeks :(
Took July off to recover and then back on it again in August. Heard/read a lot about increased fertility the few months after a miscarriage so was really convinced August would be my month, but af arrived yesterday. Absolutely devastated.
Can feel a very lonely place, especially as I either have friends who conceived within 1-3 months, or those who always knew they would have issues so started with IVF a few years back and have thankfully all been successful. I guess I just thought I would have an easy ride, as my sisters did, but no such luck.
Thought it would be nice to share the journey with others dealing with similar situations or with success stories after a miscarriage. Please say hello :)

elderberries having just gone through very similar, I know I couldn't have gone back to any sort of work for a couple of weeks afterwards. I've been physically exhausted and emotional.

You need to do whatever is right for you, and listen to medical advice. Your employer will deal with their work - they will cope. It's all part of being an employer, and how they will cope is for them to worry about, not you.

Hi all, hope it's ok to join. It's my first post on here! So sorry for all of your losses and congrats to those with bfps! Happy healthy 9 months to u!
I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 10 weeks pregnant. Ended up spending my husbands 30th birthday in hospital and cancelling a trip I'd spent months planning for him as a surprise :(!
I thought I was just starting to pull myself together a bit and then on New Years Eve our best friends told us they were 4 weeks pregnant which pretty much means they conceived around the day we lost ours (obviously I know this wasn't intentional :)). It's totally knocked me back and brought the pain of the loss back again. My husband doesn't understand why it's affected me so I now feel really selfish for being upset. I'm so happy for them don't get me wrong!

Welcome MrsD, and sorry for your loss It's just over two weeks since mine too, also at 10/11 weeks. I'm up and down like a yoyo, but it really is all very recent. Things will get better. I'm just trying to focus on small things.

Hi everyone, ok if I join sadly join in?

Had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks that didn't make it past 7 weeks. The worst part being we had 2 scans at 6 weeks then 8 weeks (which showed 5w then 6w4d). The slow growth on the scans should have been a warning signal but we just though a heartbeat meant everything was fine and was oblivious to the rest. Sonographer seemed fine with everything too.

Discovered after a started bleeding a couple of weeks ago and it all over after a few days and the most painful few hours I've ever had :(

Just started using OPK's as desperately wanting to get pregnant again quickly.
I'm showing very faintly on a pregnancy test with FMU now but have had positive OPK's for last 3 days. Are these more sensitive to the pregnancy hormone and just picking up that? My bleeding only fully stopped yesterday.

Hugs to all that need them, I never expected a loss before 12 weeks to be so devestating.

Vap and a hug, whatever the reasons for bleeding it's such a scary and hard experience. Hope GP can do a hcg blood test for you to give you more clarity, that's just because it helped me.

Lindsey I'm using OPKs and temping for the first time this cycle and finding my feet with both. The instructions on my OPKs say they are misleading if used with hcg in your system so could be that - I find the sticks and temping help give me a sense of purpose and focus if not control though which helps me and can empathise with wanting to get back onto it straight away.

My miscarriage was natural so can't help on the surgery question, I also probably would just take time off though if that's what you need elderberries, esp if you're handing notice in anyway as you'll last a lifetime and the job is temporary flowers]

Welcome newbies, sorry we meet under the circumstances.Elderberries, on reflection, you must take at least a week off, although I went back to work the day after, I was irrational and irritable, I snapped at a junior employee which was not Proffessional. You don't want to be losing your temper with young ones. Let your boss know why so it does not affect your future references.

Lucky, it's nearly 4 weeks and I had a negative a FRER yesterday but today it looks like there is a faint line. I have also had positive superdrug/clear blue pink digital OPK today. Clearblue opk was negative yesterday.

Not sure what my body is doing. At least we all know we can conceive.

Hi Elderberries. I worked right through mine. No option as my boss was away and we had a new student and cells to look after and we are a 2 person team. I am on my feet most of the day at work. I can avoid heavy lifting if I need to. I didn't find work a problem and it helped to keep my mind off it to keep busy. It might be a bit different working with children though. Mentally hard for you right now. Physically, is there any way you can avoid taking them out for a few days? Just do crafts at home or something. And do less lifting.

Hi MrsD. Sorry you are joining us. I am still up and down after 2 months. Christmas hit me very hard. The start of this year will be hard as my SIL is due in February. It is better than it was but it will take longer yet. My niece told me she was pregnant 2 weeks after my loss and it hit me really hard. Then a week later she joined our merry gang. I felt so bad for her and in a strange way I was glad I had some experience for it as I was able to understand how she felt.

Hi to Lindsey too. OPKs can pick up HCG as well so they aren't much good until you have no HCG left in your system. I use those and temping and I find it quite fun tracking my body.

Hi Lindsey my hcg tests went negative (possibly a very very faint line) then I still had strong positives on opks for 4 days after that so I was assuming it was the hcg.

Thanks everyone it's lovely to have support but awful to know we've all shared the same terrible experience. Sorry to hear about your niece too brenna but I'm sure it was a massive help for her to have your support. I don't know anyone who's experienced a miscarriage so I'm stuck in the limbo of "oh well just enjoy drinking again" and "at least you know you can fall pregnant" comments! They mean well I know but there should be a cheat sheet for family and friends of phrases not to use post miscarriage eh?

Hi everyone - to everyone here that has had to go through a mc. I had a mc 5 months ago (mmc discovered at 10 week scan).

I've had 3 regular cycles since the mc and we've only now felt ready to TTC again so dipping my toes into the whole thing lightly and trying to be relaxed about it.

Hope we all get some good news soon.

That's the way to go Lilian, I admire your patience to wait 3 cycles. I wished they could have given me ovulation medication after d&c so I could get pregnant immediately.

This is a horrible experiecience, it's making me all spiritual or of a sudden. I am thinking God gives and takes life. I cannot control this. Then the pile of opk, hpt tests etc suggest I may be trying to control this...

Looks like it's CD1 for me today or tomorrow. Diet starts again tomorrow? Back on the healthy eating, no drinking and exercise. Here's hoping 2016 is the year!

Didn't mean the question mark haha - it's definitely happening!

I'm definitely with you on that one Northern!

I'm sat here eating biscuits now - last day of naughtiness haha

I'm with you on the diet! Feeling decidedly paunch after a month off work and barely leaving the flat so it's salad for dinner tonight- okay, salad with sausages. Baby steps After dreading going back to work I'm actually looking forward to getting back to things tomorrow and getting back into a routine!

Yes step class and no wine from tomorrow

Almost coming up to the 2 year ttc marker. Had miscarriage at around 5 weeks in July and another at around 6 weeks in November.

Got another appointment at fertility clinic on the 11th and so desperate for some answers or a plan. Have done a cycle with ultrasounds to track folicle, various blood tests and had Hsg last week. Everything so far has looked normal. Finding it all so frustrating and don't feel like I can talk to real life people about it as it's been such a long time trying that everything has been said before.

I'm looking forward to some normality too - I've enjoyed my break but I've had too much time with my thoughts these last few days and I'm starting to feel miserable!

I'm just counting down now to the holiday we booked for what would have been our due date - such a bittersweet countdown though! Keeps my mind busy though

Thanks Flourishing - I wish it was just patience on my part.

For me and DH it was definitely to give us time to emotionally heal. It was a much wanted first pregnancy and we both felt like we were hit by a bus and felt really down. I didn't think I had the strength for the TTC rollercoaster so soon after. I know time is so precious (I'm 36 now so definitely no spring chicken) so it was a big decision for us to wait 3 months. But everyone is different and some are strong enough to TTC right away - what ever is right for you is right. I agree everything feels out of control at this time - we can only do our best, look after yourself, stay healthy, etc.

elderberries I took a whole week off. I was going back after 2 days but my sister said the words I needed to hear which was that I'd be crazy to and luckily I had a very understanding boss who also said for me to stay home for as long as needed. Worst thing is to be at work and have to worry about the physical side of a mc (pain, heavy bleeding, etc)

Snowberry so sorry you have to go through all of that on top of everything else. Have you been sent to a recurrent miscarriage specialist as well as an RE?

Northern that holiday sound like a great idea. Where are you off to?

Thanks Lillian, the general consensus seems to be a week so I'm going to go with that too and say it's Dr/midwife orders. I have depression and anxiety at the best of times so really not looking forward to the inevitable hormone crash also don't really want go back while I'm still bleeding. I realise I might have to just deal with it but hopefully the worst of it should be over within the week.

Handed in my notice this morning and feel so relieved! My boss has said if they find someone sooner then if I don't want to see you my full notice period that will be fine by them so fingers crossed they find someone quickly.

Hi girls hope I can join. Ive been following this thread since I spotted at week 5-6. I had a scan at week 6 and a heartbeat was picked up. It was such a relief!

To give you a bit of background, I had pancreatic surgery in 2011 for a tumour. I was 21 at the time and they removed 80% pancreas and my spleen. It's been such a tough journey since then, health has been all over the place, recurrent infections and severe restless leg syndrome etc. It has literally taken me to now (4 years later) to finally begin to feel 'normal' again where I can work full time and lead more of a normal lifestyle. My husband and I had been thinking about starting a family for a while but I was very apprehensive. Finally felt brave enough and it felt like a miracle when I got my BFP on my first cycle. (I was also told I might have PCOS).

Back to the present - I would've been 12 weeks tomorrow. Was diagnosed with a multi drug resistant UTI on 8 Dec and started oral antibiotics on 27 Dec. 5 days later I didn't feel any better and came into Hosp for IV antibiotics. Treatment was tricky given the pregnancy but I started a regime and was told I would need to be on IV antibiotics for about a week. There would be a risk to the baby's hearing but we weighed this up against leaving the infection untreated and body going into early labour. This morning, out of the blue, at 8.57am I was told I needed to go down for a scan at 9am and was quickly ushered to the ultrasound dept. My 12 week scan was booked for Friday coming but turns out this was to check the kidneys. The lady that took me down made me think it was for the baby though and I felt chuffed that they were fitting me in earlier given the infection. The sonographer was nice and said she would check the baby too and it could cover the dating scan if I liked but I said I would like to keep Friday's appt so my husband could be present. She said she would check the baby anyway to give me some reassurance. unfortunately she couldn't see a heartbeat. The baby had stopped growing at 8+4. Totally gutted. Can't describe how i am feeling.

Need to decide next steps but been told that we need to get on top of the infection first. I don't think I'll be able to go down the natural route so it's either the tablet or EPRC. Not sure if this is the right forum and I don't want to stress anyone. I would prefer EPRC but because of the risks involved, albeit, small I feel that the pill route might be safer. Is anyone up for sharing experiences?

Hi Melvali, how utterly shit I have different circumstances to you but am going to have an ERPC on Friday. I am meant to be 10+2 today but at scan last Tuesday was measuring more like 5+6/6w with no heartbeat. I had a scan at 5+2 where I was measuring 4+6/5w so growth has been v v v slow. I have decided to go for ERPC as I've read others experiences with medical management and it sounds terrible. I wouldn't mind the pain if it was a guarantee, but a few women seem to need an ERPC afterwards anyway as not everything comes away, and from what I can gather bleeding after an ERPC seems to be light for 1 week, whereas you seem to bleed a lot more and for longer after the pills. That's just my personal decision and I want to have as little bleeding as possible afterwards so I can have sex again ASAP so I can get on with things, and don't want to have to deal with much blood loss at work. My personal preference would be to wait it out for a natural, but blood loss issue still stands and I can't have time off until it does happen, so have decided to go for surgery.

I have been trawling through every forum imaginable reading other womens' stories, and, anecdotally, complications seem to be less common for the surgery. I'm a massive control freak with anxiety problems and always need to feel in control, and for me, handing control over to an expert is the best way to manage.

Whatever you decide, it's a shitty, shitty decision to have to make. There are no good options. I'm so sorry you're joining us

Oh Mel I'm so sorry to hear your news. I was on the July thread too, and have been crossing my fingers for everyone else. I had a (missed) miscarriage a couple of weeks ago, and was booked in for ERPC but things happened naturally before I went in, so I don't have any real insights into which would be best. I can't imagine being ill in hospital on top of everything - thinking of you