The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Erica it's all so bloody difficult. I couldn't decide last year whether I was more upset about the baby stuff, the miscarriages, my dad (terminally ill) or stuff with DCW's family. As you said, doesn't rain but it pours
Eat all the shit. Apart from staying off the booze I did the least healthy eating of the last 4.5 years before this last ivf kicked in.
If you think time out would help then go for it, but equally, remember that there are lucky cows all all the over the place who just get diffed. They don't even have time to consider whether it's a good idea or not, so don't beat yourself up about that. As long as your relationship is strong enough to handle any potential stress during the ivf together, that's all you need to think about.

Blue how are you feeling?

I had my clinic scan. We saw a fucking heartbeat . Still bang in my danger zone as we've lost them all between 6-8 weeks, and got another scan next Friday, when I would/should be 8 weeks. So that will hopefully be a proper milestone, after which I might actually believe it could happen .

Yes!! Bloody fucking yes!! Get in Barking (and hopeful to be barking-let ...? Does that work? Treelet? Froglet?? ..)

Bloody brilliant news, long may it continue

I'm ok, scan Thursday evening. Still terrified of a missed miscarriage but all I can do now is wait ....

Best fucking news, Barking! Yeah, you are right ... and a bit of mind reader. Mr Erica and I had a chat last night about this, how there is so much going on but if we were to wait until it all settles down, we will never get on with.

We are seeing the consultant Tuesday next week. They will check if the tissue is still there and I guess we go from there... In theory we could start in May but I would be alone (Mr Erica traveling for work) for at least a few weeks of the cycle so not sure if that is ideal (any thoughts, Barking?), otherwise we would be looking at August/September which may be good timing. Take some time off/relaxing holidays before starting and all that.

I guess it partly depends how you feel about the break. If you can use it to 'just be you' and have a nice then wait, if you'll go insane waiting then don't? I'm not sure there is an easy answer but I hope you find it.

erica if you remember some of my melt downs last summer you'd probably think it was a ridiculous thing to do. However, the hardest thing for me was finding out the first frozen embryo had perished and the other looked shit. I wasn't expecting that, and it hit hard, and DCW wasn't there with me.
If I was faced with the same situation again I'd consider which bits I was doing on my own, what might happen and whether I felt I could handle it. I also have really good friends who would (and did) step up and not leave me on my own if I didn't want to be. So if you've got that support you'd probably be okay. And will you be able to speak to him? DCW was travelling where I couldn't call him as he had no reception, so that added a layer of difficulty as well.

blue thinking of you tomorrow

I'm scanned. One baby, one heartbeat

Hooray blue and barking! I know it's early days and you'll be feeling a million different things but for now you are diffed! Sending many many sticky vibes and having a celebratory gin in your honour.

Thanks Fizz enjoy the gin!

Amazing news blue how are you feeling?

Well I've just thrown up for the first time so whilst my mind still doesn't believe I'm actually pregnant, for today my body definitely does.

How you doing?

Blue Amazing news!! Sorry about the puking but it is considered a good sign ;)

I'm now bang in the middle of my danger zone, all three were lost within days of 7 weeks, so absolutely shitting myself and have to get through another week before the scan next Friday.

Hey Barking,

This is so hard but glad everything is going well so far. Hope the week does not go too slowly... thinking of you.

Thanks for your advice re: going through IVF alone. I thought along the same lines : that I could cope if everything goes according to plan, but would probably have a meltdown if we had a setback... the person that would be my main support ( I live far from my family and "old friends") is a lovely doctor with crazy shifts herself so it would be more emotional support than coming to the doctor and holding my hand at every appointment, if you see what I mean.

Going to see our consultant on Tuesday to check on the left over tissue and will ask for some advice/guidance. I know he cannot decide for us, but maybe give us a few pointers on "critical times" so we can try and work traveling dates around that? We will see.

On the other hand, I had a pg announcement at work today. Loveliest person, she has been trying for a while etc... but still feel sad for me. It has made me aware (again) of how "left behind" I feel but I decided to use this energy for making a plan and get on with IVF as soon as life logistics and mental health allow.

So onwards and upwards and some Friday later today. I will have yours too, hags

ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT?? Jesus H Christ, life, I get it, I get it.

erica I think you need to flip this on its head as it's getting out of hand. Assume everyone is pregnant, and then anyone who does something to prove they are not is a bonus! Celebrate the non diffed!

in the meantime I'll shovel rotten fish over anyone else who dares announce

If dh will be away for periods of the cycle, but not the full thing, I would personally be okay with that I think. DCW was gone for over 6 weeks and I spoke to him twice in all that time. So not only was I going through it without him, he wasn't going to be back next week or anything either.
Obviously there is one point at which you'll need his contribution.... (As we were doing the fer his bit of the process was already done, but it didn't stop him asking the consultant how they were going to do it without him..... Bless. You could see the cogs ticking as he worked it out).

Pregnancy announcement people are wankers. Sorry they keep bombing you with it. Hope all goes well next week. I wish I could advise regarding timings and Mr Erica being away but I don't know what I would do myself so feel I've no opinion to offer. I needed Mr B for my first injection (needle phobic) to manage my anxiety at the trigger shot and when I found out we only had 3 eggs. I'm probably not as hard as you though and probably need more looking after

Barking - I gave everything crossed for this and offer toe holds so firm that I may even be gripping them a little manically

Got my AMH results back from Czech , turns out I've got really low ovarian reserve .. Well done to the NHS for completely fucking missing that

Barking Ha ha ha! Brilliant strategy. I shall celebrate the non-diffed! And I actually laughed at DCW wondering how you were going to do IVF with him out of the country. I imagine something similar going on next Tuesday, watch this space!

I went to a combat class after work and I feel way better for it. I released a lot of anger there..

Blue I am not very hard at all. Mr Erica had to do nearly all my Heparin shots and I was a total drama queen about it, cannot imagine what is going to be like to have to do it several times. On the other hand, I have read that Fragmin (they one I got) is known for having the bluntest, crappest needles, so hopefully if they switch me to Clean it will not be as bad. But will cross that bridge when I get there.

What happens next? Have you spoken to your GP or will you wait a bit longer? And WTF re your AMH?

You know, I have been wondering... The first time I got diffed it happened bam, straight away. Then I mc-d, they told me there was no baybee, asked me if I wanted to go home or have a d&c, I chose to go home and that was that, I was never checked again. It took forever to get pg again and only after I had surgery to check for endo and they performed an hysteroscopy. Now I am wondering if maybe that it is what happened, that I had some tissue left behind after my first mc... not blaming the NHS or anything but you do wonder about things like that.

If they switch me to Clexane, not Clean - bloody autocorrect.

Oh Erica, I very much want an answer for you on all of this. Holding your toes for Tuesday and hoping things work out for the very best. Don't envy you and the potential rubbish needle, I don't understand why they do it! Barking was very right in her advice to me, I was lucky - Gonal F really is a piece of piss I would imagine they'll get meaner needles if the future now we know about the low AMH (consultant said she would likely change my treatment plan if we go again but said no point discussing now). I've told the GP surgery and the midwife is calling on Tuesday (I guessed it didn't matter, I'll go back to Czech anyway so if they take my NHS go off me it doesn't really matter)

Told my mum that I'm diffed yesterday (we have too many events coming up that she would have spotted a change in me) she's so excited and I feel absolutely awful about it! I'm still so worried this won't work out and she will be heartbroken.
and I know that statistically I shouldn't worry too much but I don't believe stats work in the Hags favour! How nice it must be to be an instadiffer but can just be happy about this.

Oh Blue! Really, really, try and enjoy it! I know it is nerve wrecking ( am still campaigning for a pregnancy friendly valium :) but a hb at 7 weeks is a great sign!

Thanks, you are very lovely erm, I mean Hag like for putting up with my whinging

Hope all goes well today Erica.

When is the 8 week scan Barking?

Hi Coop, hope you doing ok wherever you are ..

Hope all goes well today Erica.

When is the 8 week scan Barking?

Hi Coop, hope you doing ok wherever you are ..

Hags!

The tissue of doom is gone!! They are going to take a sample of my uterus lining on Thursday to check for infections but in principle it is all good and we are set to start IVF beginning of July! :)

So I am pretty happy and even excited!

I have a question though. We have a walking/trekking holiday planned for the week when (all going according to plan), I would have to POAS after IVF.

My doctor says, that within reason (i.e. I do not do any climbing that could result on a bad fall - no fucking way I would do that under normal circumstances), I am good to go even if I get a BFP.

What do you hags think? I am reluctant to cancel a holiday we have been planning for ages, just in case I get a BFP in four months time. I am thinking go ahead and if I do end up POAS-ing and getting a BFP, I can just skip the hardest hikes? It is a 6 days trip, two day-long hikes, otherwise walks, fishing and marshmallows by the bonfire kind of thing.

Also, imagine the RAGE if I do cancel, I stay home like a lemon and get a BFN :(

Incidentally, the couple we are going with are also struggling with rmc. What if she is pg then? Would it make it all worse?

Does my plan sound crazy?

Excellent news Erica!
I wouldn't be cancelling a walking holiday. The only exercise I'm getting right now is walking! As long as you're not going to potentially have issues if you get a bfp and feel really rough and can't do the full walk one day (ie, is it point to point, if you can't walk the distance would you not get to your accommodation?!) then I wouldn't see a problem. Presumably there would be something in place if someone was taken ill and couldn't walk one day anyway, as it could happen to anyone.
Don't think about the other couple, it's out of your control unless you start slipping contraceptive pills into her food, which could be interpreted as a little bit crazy so wouldn't be recommended

Blue it's not until 4pm on Friday. Time is standing still.