The BESH are cheating on Luck with Irony, all Hags aboard for the ironiclusterdiff of the decade (for the B's and the none B's!)

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Barking such great news about the hcg levels!!

Hags. I woke up today feeling total despair. I just want to have a baby. I want it so badly. Why is it so difficult? Everyone around me is getting pregnant AND having babies left, right and centre and four years and four mcs later I am not closer to having one of my own. I am so fed up and sad. There are many times when I try to concentrate on the here and now and the next step towards becoming a mum but some days the "hugeness" of it all hits me like a punch in the stomach.

Ok, pity party over. Onwards and upwards.

Barking that's great, I was thinking of you when I woke at 3am this morning.

Erica this really is shitty shitty wank unfair, I just seriously can't believe that some people just get pregnant and get a baby?! (I realise everyone I know got diffed this way but still how is that real?! Is there a conspiracy or something that we've missed out on??)

I'm so sorry things are so hard Hag, lots of love arm punches to you

I've just posted on two other threads and been completed ignored it's given me the absolute rage - that'll teach me to wander outside of the BESH ...

Ooh I fell off the Fred

I've nothing to say - just wanted the Fred back

Hi hags

Blue how are you, hag?

Just back from a lovely week end away in the sun, was feeling all zen until I saw a birth announcement on FB... Second baby for someone that had her first when my first was also due. Not crazy, since it has been a few years by now but feeling low...

Ah well. Feels like I should see this as part of life...

Facebook is the devil (I now go on just to torture myself, not sure why I just don't delete it!) sorry to hear it took away your zen lovely Hag.

Nothing from me, just waiting for an early scan booked for the end of next week. It doesn't feel real to be honest so I'm just feeling little aside from anxiety

Blue crossing everything so you have a totally boring pregnancy!

Barking how are you doing? Thinking of you lots...

I feel less doomy today. I don't know why I still get upset when I see pg/birth announcements, been so long now.

I will be back in Europe next week, we will check what happened with that stupid tissue and take it from there. It can happen, right? Also, Mr Erica and I have been talking about adopting/fostering so the exit plans seems a bit more "settled" somehow...

It's understandable to still be upset by the announcements. To be honest I think we might always feel that way - my brother was speaking to my mum last night about how they're going to try for a girl now (after instadiffing a boy) because it's that easy isn't it? Oh I quite liked my first flavour but let's try another one now. Made me so mad but at least I managed to express that with an eye roll rather than a punch

Hit the bloody post button by accident!

I hope all goes well when back in Europe and there is at least some clarity as to the next step. Toe holds hag

Hags, another FB announcement... This woman had not even met her partner when I had my 2nd mc nearly two years ago.

I cannot even...

That's fucking shit!! Not fair, very very not fair

Erica that really takes the piss!

Plusnet have failed to connect us a month after we moved in and it didn't look hopeful they would manage it any time soon so we've ditched them and started the process again with talktalk.... Hence me being awol as I've been chugging through all my data allowance at an alarming rate!

Hey barking, hope they get it sorted soon

Hey Barking

Thinking of you loads today, hag!

I was wrong, she had not met the guy when I had my THIRD mc nearly two years ago. Anyway, I sound like a broken record, I am in my mid thirties, people are going to have babies and post soppy crap on their FB. Whatever (sounding very mature myself).

When is dildo time for you, Blue?

Dildo cam, even! Though dildo times is also fine and dandy!

Wow, is it dildo cam day today barking. Bloody hell. Thinking of you Lots and lots hag.

I'm booked in one weeks time, I can't take uncertainty so it's a weeks more torture but at least at 7w2 I should have a straight answer.

It might have to be dildo times for me anyway if all goes well, Mr B is off the sechs in case we 'hurt the baby' (the doctor said nothing for 2 weeks post transfer, I think he's been a tad over enthusiastic on the doctors orders thing!)

Erica - no need to do the rational thing here, fuck it. It's unfair, be mad here - that's what we are for.

Ha ha! I am sorry Blue, don't mean to laugh but Mr Erica has been the same when I have been pg.... sooooo cautious!

At least our sechs life seems to have gone back to normal now. I guess we know there is not way we will have a baybee by sechsing (even if we can achieve a pregnancy every year or so) so at least that pressure is off.

Don't let it be said that us hags cannot find our silver linings!!!

It's ok I think it's funny too, men and their giant dangerous penises, hey

Scan at epu today was inconclusive. One pregnancy sac seen so one embryo definitely didn't make it and we've definitely not got twins on the way but too early to say whether the remaining one is viable. More waiting.
Scan at fertility clinic on Monday, so will repeat the pounding heart, tears of fear and violent shakes again then. Oh joy.
Blue you are so right to wait for one when you know it will give you an answer, but with my history I just can't handle it.

Erica enough of the maturity, shout and swear about it and throw some buckets of fish around!

Sorry to hear there was no straight answer Barking, and that one of the little embies didn't make it- will have everything crossed for the next scan for you.

And the reason I wait is only because denial serves me much better than any other emotion you are a braver Hag than I

Hope all goes well at the clinic today Barking.

Hope all is going ok with everyone else

Barking I am also thinking of you.

I have started spotting so I am out this month (sort of knew that it would be too much to expect for the tissue to be gone AND to get pg but still).

Ah fucking well. We are also out in May because Mr Erica is traveling for work at crucial time and then we have a bunch of weddings and what-not in June-July so August it is!

Is it very bad if I take this time to drink wine and eat lots of cashewnut butter on toast (it is the new milk chocolate baguette, my friends)... as long as I go healthy couple of months before IVF???

I am just so tired and my anxiety is all over the place... My therapist says I need to take it easy and focus on myself but I find it very difficult to separate myself and my needs from trying to become a mother... What did I use to want four years ago? Fuck knows!

I think it's obligatory to eat nutty butter on toast and drink wine. I honestly don't believe that healthy shit makes any difference to be honest but that's just bitter old me.

Finding you is really hard when all of who you/we are has been baby focused for so long. Can therapy help you rediscover that? So actually use the sessions to focus on it?

Therapy is really helping and I am sure that if there was not other stuff going on (mainly family, big "where to live" decisions, couple stuff etc) I would be able to "reshift¨my focus way faster... but you know what they say, when it rains it fucking pours.

Actually considering taking time off over (unpaid leave) over the summer and just give myself one fat chunk of time to decompress and see how I feel afterwards. I do want to do IVF, I want to become a mother so badly but a bit unsure that doing it while being this unsettled is the best idea... But I go up and down, one day I just want to start and the next I wonder how would I cope...