Bring along any luck you can find ..This BESHly fred is brought to you by the magic number 3 - come on Hags, we can Foo it!

[Blue2014]

You know the drill by now ...

Rules of Entry - must be over 30, TTC no. 1 for over a year, be suitably evil and Hag like, willing to shout Cunt at the moon on regular occasions, consume extra gin when our fellow hags are unable to, and to get the nipple tassles out for any successful Hag ...

and now we've been trained by the government in our new MI5 roles, we are likely to get a little Ninja on your ass if you babydust round here ...

No admittance without a complete BESHtionnaire - see below.

Hi Coop,

I have been seeing a therapist once a week for around 9 months, I think I will be going twice a month for another month or so before I stop.

Mr Erica has also been considering 'seeing someone' but actually decided we would benefit from couple's therapy. We are waiting for me to be 'done' with the solo gig before we seek help together.

The thing is, my mum died two years ago so my therapy is also very much focused on helping me deal with that. If it was the infertility "only" (ha ha ha!), we may have gone for couple's straight away.

Does this help a bit?

Sending you the sole of strength, hag!

I would definitely recommend therapy, and getting fertility specialised counselling - normal counsellors have the potential for given you the same trite bollocks as everyone else whereas fertility counsellors will really understand what you're on about. I would also recommend couples counselling anyway - there are always going to be time when as a couple you struggle to communicate and society thinks we are supposed to muscle on through, not talking about the important shiz regardless of how it can affect a couple and I think this is why so many end up in divorce. TWH had couple counselling just after we got married (we got together in a whirlwind!) and it was brilliant. Having done it, despite TWH fighting it at first, we both wouldn't hesitate to go again if we were struggling or recommend it to others.

Good luck Coop, sometimes just making the decision to seek help can make a big difference to how you feel. Your grief, upset and anger are very real and if you can find a way to handle it all with help then this can only be a good thing.

Hey hags, sorry for the temporary silence. The last week has been pretty full on, birthday, trip away, yadda yadda.

Great to hear from our PESH, so glad things are going well for you guys. Leave the lights on for us eh?

All this talk of therapy is really thought provoking. I'm not really a talker unless it's the anonymous internet kind. On the one hand, the opportunity to unload, learn how to deal with stuff better etc. is really appealing but on the other, I have this ridiculous notion that all this stuff reflects as a weakness or failure on my part. I know that's bollocks, but my puny brain can't get around it. I will try to make myself use the sessions our clinic offers even though the counsellor lady seems a bit loopy
coop I think you're taking some very brave and important steps in seeking counselling yourself, I hope it goes well.

Sorry to hear so many are having tough times at the moment. I fear there's not enough gin in the world for us all sometimes, can I supplement my offering with some rum?

cave any news on the results? Hope all is well.

Had a letter from the clinic today (cc'ed, actually sent to our GP). Bit confusing as its saying we need a variety of blood tests that I know I've already done, plus requesting chlamydia/rubella/smear but they're all up to date and the clinic should have them already too. I need to phone them to see what's up but I have not had a second spare during work this week. Fuck knows how I'm going to wangle the time for actual treatment, it's insane at the moment.
I think I am going to tell the big boss what's going on, but not my line manager (she's young, unmarried, non-sympathetic). She can just have the 'medical procedure' line.

Is it new fred time yet?

erica I'm sorry you've lost your mum, can't imagine how much harder that makes this infertility shit. Hug disguised as an arm punch hag.
Thanks for your insight re therapy though, I'm gonna give it a go on my own to start with to see how it goes, then think about couples..

Thanks fab and rain too, I might've had a tear in my eye reading those, I'm going to try and stop the pity party for a while now..

Good luck talking to work rain, I dread the day I have to do that, I work with the most nosy people on the planet
Hope you had a good birthday

Sorry for the silence, busy times chez Cave!

No results yet Phoned my Dr's surgery yesterday who said no results had come in so I've left a message with the clinic to see where they are. From previous experience I can guarantee the cock-up is at Dr's, not the clinic.

Sorry for all the announcements, it's so painful to have to put a brave face on.

Update - results have been with my GP since Monday I've got to wait until Saturday for the GP to phone me back with the details as the receptionist can't give them out

Ffs Cavey,you have a shit GP surgery . Hope you get good results though.

I fell off the Fred again!

Stupid Gp cave.

Back properly soon as

Results are in. All fine with HWHNN's spaff, so now my turn for blood tests.

Good to hear Cave!

Two pregnancy announcements today. I can't cope, I need time out from life. I don't mean to be dramatic but there is other stuff going on too (Mr Erica changing jobs and being away all the time, among others) and I feel completely overwhelmed.

Oh Erica, I'm so sorry to hear it. Life has been a bit like that for me recently, it's passing now and having more space elsewhere is making everything a little easier to deal with. Is there some space for you? A way finding some kind of time out?

erica I'm not even disguising this, it's a HUG when I feel shit at least I have MrC around, he doesn't travel with work very often. I can't imagine how much harder that must make it. Do any of your friends/family know what's going on? ?

Thanks Blue & Coop. What would I do without the BESH?

My family knows but no one talks about it. I think they find the whole thing pretty embarrassing (everyone else in my family is an instadiffer and there is a strong feeling that I need to 'relax). I talk to friends and they are lovely but sometimes you just want your partner...

In terms of taking space... I keep on practicing meditation and yoga and that helps a bit. Well, it helps a lot but some days are just hopeless.

Work is a great distraction and my boss is sort of aware and very understanding. It all just seems so doomed. I do try to stay positive and concentrate on other things but sometimes the thought 'no mum, no baby, no mum, no baby...' just goes around my head like a broken record...

another proper hug for you Erica
The doom feelings will pass in time, like a rising and falling tide. You've been dealt, and have dealt with, some really truly awful and difficult things but you're still standing and you will get through these days too.
I know it's fairly quiet in here at the moment but I think of you lot pretty much every day. The BESH are always here when you need us Erica.

Rain, your post made me cry in the best possible way.

Hags, you are amazing.

Erica I've only just seen your posts and also want to give you a big hug. What all the ESH are going/have been through is some of the toughest shite that life can throw at you.

Like Rain says, it is very much like a tide - sometimes you feel like you're drowning and at other times you can paddle through.

I don't really know what else to say and certainly don't want to be patronising, as I'm aware my words could be given my fortunate situation.

Suffice to say the ESH are always here for shoulder slaps, manly fist bumps and even the occasional hug, whenever you need them

Have a squeeze from me as well Erica. I've not been around as there's nowt 'appnin here, just waiting for nk cells results. But I popped my head in and noticed that you were needing a little affectionate slap with a wet fish. A seabream of solidarity perhaps? I see you've already been given plenty of wise words, so I'll just supply the fish .

DCW did his ironman yesterday and raised £1400 for Tommy's in the process . Very proud. And he finished 3rd in his age category! Amazing!

Thanks hags! Hugs and fish slaps were both badly needed! I feel like I can paddle through again.

Cave the ESH very rarely feel the need to churn out patronising clichés like 'everything happens for a reason' etc. Thank fuck.

Barking Mmmhh...seabream! Well done DCW, amazing stuff!!

Going to take a couple of days off to travel to the seaside, swim, get some sunshine, eat lots of fish and allow myself to get back up. But I shall be back, hags!

Fingers crossed for everyone expecting results in the next few days!

I fucking hate fucking everything and there hasn't been enough fucking swearing on this fucking thread recently.

By far the easiest part of my day was having to explain to my mum and sister that no, I didn't look after her kids for a week because I "needed to practice to see if I could manage the school run" for when I have kids! Of course I can fucking manage to get a child into school, it's growing the thing in my womb that I'm having the fucking problem with! and that wasn't the worst bit of the pissing cunting day

Everything is really really shit and I want to come join you on that little break Erica, I could really do with a BESH and a pint of gin right now (and so despite the healthy living problems I'm about to have one after having consumed 3 donuts in about 15 seconds)

Gonna slap myself with fish then through them back your way ErIca

Gonna find a therapist in the morning

Barking, why am I not at all surprised he did so well on the ironman? If you two met me and Mr B it would hilarious, we are so different in that way!

blue! Do your mum and sister know what's going on?

Kind of, they know we want kids, they know we planned to start after we got married, they know we have been married 3 years, it doesn't take a genius to work it out (everyone else in my life has, so that even though very few people actually know lots of people take me aside for the "relax and it will happen" conversation)

Blue how awful. I would seriously recommend telling people actively rather than letting them guess as that makes you passive then angry and frustrated when they give you well meaning 'advice'. If they ask, say something along the lines of yes we've been trying (or if you're feeling really pissy with them just say fucking!) for the past 3 years now, doing all the right things at the right time and it hasn't worked yet. We are getting help from the professionals and are hoping that it will work at some point but I don't know when or if that will be. Thank you for your interest in our sex life but at the moment I find it hard to talk about so I would appreciate your understanding with this (subtext FTFO you rude nosy insensitive bastards). I was very open and honest about it with family and friends and do you know what? Almost everyone was brilliant about it - supportive, understanding and just nice. Obviously some fucked up but generally they were mostly great. My sil was fairly terrible but it wasn't from a bad place she's just totally lacking in tact (she refers to this baby I'm growing in MY tummy as hers!)! She just can't help herself! Anyway my point is you don't have to keep shtum and bury the pain into anger, you can share it. I'm a bit preachy about this I know but the more people understand about fertility the better. I see it as paying it forward - hopefully it will help people be more sensitive with others.

Here endeth the lesson.

Fab I would love to be open but him indoors wouldn't so I have to keep quiet

First fertility clinic appointment done, time til IVF starts? One year.

Because they are testing me for everything Ive already been tested for and then some. When jzz count is less than 2 million. Really? Can someone see that we might have already identified the core difficulty?

One year?!
Having said that, it was over two years between our first appointment and our Ivf, but we'd been fobbed off with clomid and iui first.