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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

999 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2014 13:00

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

OP posts:
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bernad105 · 17/01/2015 14:06

With you all re: meltdowns!! Sad

JessieMcJessie · 18/01/2015 11:46

Gosh Bernad sounds like you've had a pretty tough time and how frustrating to find out that someone interpreted your results incorrectly. At least they are now identifying what seem to be fixable problems.

AF has arrived for me today as predicted. I did a test yesterday on the off chance but I knew it was going to be negative because I had had AF cramps.
That's 4 cycles and a big fat nothing to show for a lot of OPk-ing and carefully-timed DTD, though I think that the first one I was just off the pill and didn't ovulate. This month will try to do more exercise, which is good as it controls my stress levels as well as just being healthy. And I am afraid that it may be time for DH to visit the doc with a sample!

OP posts:
toastedcheesesandwich · 18/01/2015 13:02

Sorry to hear you're out Jessie. My DH has (after initially avoiding it) now offered to give a sperm sample too. Bernad that's so so tough that you went through a miscarriage because someone misinterpreted results. Especially when you work for the same organisation. Keeping everything crossed for you this month.
DH and I have agreed to take a month or two out of TTC (I'll still be here following all your progress!) as we've got a stressful month coming up, then hopefully get to go on holiday afterwards, somewhere longhaul and hot! I'm going to do a bit of healthy eating, weight loss and exercise in the meantime. Smile

HS26 · 18/01/2015 15:17

Hi everyone,

I'm out this month, too - I knew it was coming from a few days ago (does anyone else get pains a few days before as well? I never used to)

I'm really really disappointed ... why is it so hard??

Sorry we're all back to square one this month - I was actually hoping for someone to get a bfp just to give us all some hope.

Toasted, please do stay around and keep us in touch with what's going on. Would be funny if it happened for you while you weren't trying!

OK, so we all march onwards ... enjoy the rest of your weekends! -)

HS26 · 18/01/2015 15:18

P.S. "Jessie", looks like we're both on exactly the same schedule!! Nice!

JessieMcJessie · 27/01/2015 06:20

Edging towards that fertile window again, it's Game On on Friday (though have just ordered a fancy schmancy clearblue dual hormone digital OPK for max accuracy.)

Thanks goodness it wasn't last weekend, when I managed to get nasty food poisoning from a street food stall in Singapore so was utterly incapable of anything - poor old DH mopping my brow and holding the bucket in our lovely boutique hotel, the deck of sexual position cards gathering dust on the bedside table...

He ate exactly the same as me, the git and didn't feel a twinge. I suppose it may be good practice for morning sickness though Smile.

Hope all are well and that you are relaxing a bit on your time out toasted.

OP posts:
HS26 · 28/01/2015 06:46

Hi, Jessie! In the fertile window already here! We're travelling this week which is really tiring, so let's see how well we do!! ;-) It's easy to forget that 'life' can get in the way a bit sometimes, isn't it?

Glad your lurgy has passed, though - phew! That would have been so frustrating!

Have fun with those Xmas pressie cards ;-)

I hope you're getting on OK too, toasted. :-)

HS26 · 30/01/2015 07:17

How are you doing, girls? In the 2ww here already from today. Ov. day either yesterday or today but after ddt 3 days on the trot, we're done!!! (well, you know, we're not 22 years old ...)

Fingers crossed this time ... please, please, please ...

Good luck to the rest of you!

toastedcheesesandwich · 30/01/2015 12:04

Hi everyone!

Having a rather stressful January here but still a bit sad to see my fertile window sail by Hmm
Definitely nothing doing here but glad you are all in the 2ww now with some real possibilities! Please entertain me with your smallest symptoms as I love to speculate!Grin

Pengyquin · 30/01/2015 12:10

Not quite the same situation, but just to say, I was 4 days short of turning 40 when I had my second child (dd born the year before) and not one doctor ever said I was too old. In fact, most just scoffed if I brought up the issue of being an 'older' mother.

In their eyes, 'older' was 50 + .

I didn't meet my DH til I was 36.

In my experience, just having lots of sex and trying to not actually plan anything was what worked for us. We did use a clearblue ovulation machine thing too which was brilliant.

Also I've found a bloke can always be made to be in the mood!

Lots of wine, lots of fun, just try and enjoy it rather than making it into something else to stress/worry about. You'll have enough of that to do once you are pregnant and when the baby arrives! Grin

Lilymog · 30/01/2015 13:51

Hi all I am rapidly approaching my 43rd birthday and hubby and I whilst having been married for nearly 17 years have only started ttc very recently. We got pregnant last October but that ended up in a MMC on Christmas eve, but as everyone kept telling me, at least you know you can get pregnant!

Little consolation.

My own fears are:
Quality of my eggs - are they halfway to Hades!
Time it's going to take to get preggars again
Will I miscarry again
Downs or other genetic problems
Never getting pregnant or having my own child.

At the moment, we are on our first cycle since the mc, and are relying on the clear blue digital ovulation test sticks, I really don't think that hubby and I could possibly manage the doing it every day or even every other day. In normal circumstances we are generally once a week or even once every two weeks! Lol! But that's probably because we've been married so long. Although he is just as tetchy as all the other hubby's above. God knows we wouldn't want to put any pressure on them! Lol

Since the mc a glass or 3 of wine has certainly helped me get through the day and I know my weight is going to have a major impact but I can't get motivated to get my arse in gear, although this is the one thing I want more than anything.

Still only a few more days until the fertile window, and giving hubby steak for tea tonight to help keep his strength up. Have a good weekend all xx

HS26 · 30/01/2015 17:49

Hi girls! So nice to hear from you all ... you are all such a lovely bunch! I know we don't know each other but I really feel like this thread is such a support - obviously as we are all in the same or similar situations ... so thanks!

Toasted - so sorry you're having a stressful month. I can imagine the 'having a month off' feels a bit frustrating but it will soon be over and you can try again.

Pengyquin, thanks so much for the encouragement! It totally makes sense to make the whole experience relaxed and fun. I wouldn't say we've managed to do that yet, but the whole process is definitely beginning to feel easier and less stressful - well, sort of! ;-)

Lilymog, welcome, and I totally hear you ... I have all of those fears you listed too, but mostly that it will just never happen. I also get what you mean about every day ddt being too much!! Our natural rhythm is not all that often, either (hubs is 51! A young-looking 51, luckily, but still ...) So far we've been trying different things each month - sometimes every other day for a few days before and around ov., sometimes the 2 days before and the day of ov., but to be honest most often we struggle to keep to 'the plan' and end up missing key days. I figure though that if you know when you ovulate then it's much easier ... obviously!

I'm really sorry for your recent loss, too. That must have been just horrible, especially around Christmas. I really respect you for your positive/keep going attitude, though. It is indeed encouraging that you got pregnant - it is obviously still possible for you! I think we all just need to stay positive and keep trying. I feel like I will be able to cope better if it never happens if I know I gave it a really good go. :-)

JessieMcJessie · 31/01/2015 11:56

Hi everyone and welcome to lilymog and thanks Pengyquin for the encouragement! Are you thinking about having another or is that you done now?

Sorry to hear the year has started stressfully toasted.

Clearblue digital flashing smiley for me today, so will be doing some serious shagging over the next few days. TBH I wasn't much in the mood for it this morning and was glad when the box was ticked and I could think about breakfast. Poor DH was gagging for it though having missed out last weekend when I was sick (yes, we are sad enough only to do it at weekends when not TTC Blush). Just cos we both work long hours.

Lilymog I have those same fears but I suppose "we are where we are" pretty much sums it up. I just keep thinking "Cherie Blair, Cherie Blair" and telling myself that lots of women have kids well over 40 with no problems at all. I've made a doc's appointment for Monday just for a preliminary chat about doing some basic tests to see if there are any obvious problems. Presumably she'll suggest that DH give a sample asap.

FX for you HS26.

OP posts:
toastedcheesesandwich · 31/01/2015 13:35

Yes, I'm loving the support of this thread, very glad to have found you all??
Welcome Lilymog & Pengyquin!

I hear you about the advice to relax and have fun as the last 2 mths of TTC were all about the timed sex and poor DH was ill both times so would never have bothered to DTD if it wasn't a fertile time. He's a trooper, what can I say!
My good nutrition plan going well, hair glossier & sleeping well. Grin

Pengyquin · 31/01/2015 15:37

I'm thinking about no 3!!! Grin

Honestly, conceiving no 2 was a 'breeze' (ie accident haha) so I'm not bothered either way. Just having fun with my lovely husband and we will see what happens Grin

Wishing you all lots of encouragement and fun! I also recommend lots of wine haha. Wine

crispiecrunchie · 01/02/2015 18:37

Hello everyone

Popping back on this thread. I had a month of no ovulation sticks, trying not to think about it and dtd four times too early and too late for estimated ovulation. But got a bfp last Monday and five weeks today. Very nervous as mc at 7 weeks last time but at least I am getting pregnant at 42. Hope this one sticks! Good luck all x

toastedcheesesandwich · 01/02/2015 18:57

Aaaaaarghh, Crispie that's amazing news! Huge Congratulations! I know what you mean about being nervous but this is a new pregnancy so also try and enjoy! So happy for you!

crispiecrunchie · 01/02/2015 19:17

Thank you! There's hope for us mature mums yet!!

AnnieHoo · 02/02/2015 01:06

Hello

Congratulations crispie Smile! I love hearing good news.

I'm so glad someone's started a thread for over 40 ttc #1. It can be a lonely place sometimes so I'd love to join this thread.

I'm 41, been ttc since getting married in July 2012. I've been pregnant twice since then but had mmc at 8.5 wks both times and after being referred for fertility treatment we're now doing IVF.

I think my egg quality is poor so plan is to just keep going until I find a good one.

I have a couple of friends with beautiful healthy babies they've had after miscarriages at age 43 and 45.

I still believe there is a glimmer of hope Smile and want to keep ttc until after the summer when I turn 42. xxx

HarryConnickSenior · 02/02/2015 01:27

Hi Annie and welcome, nice to have you here.

Crispie what fantastic news, we'll be rooting for you all the way to that 12 week scan. First BFP for the thread!

DH actually initiated DTD this morning before work (I would have been OK to wait till this eve) "So, you feeling fertile this morning, shall we have some sex?". He was a bit tired and had to really concentrate, but he pushed on through, bless him.

Positive OPK today so we are bang on schedule. I actually have a doc appointment today just to find out what next steps are if we do need help, fingers crossed sod's law is invoked and I am already on the way to a BFP...

HarryConnickSenior · 02/02/2015 07:21

I'm Jessie by the way. Namechanged but will be changing back shortly.

HS26 · 02/02/2015 10:07

Wow, crispie, huuuuge congrats!! Please pop back and let us know how things are going ... and of course, cross everything for us!!

Very encouraged that our thread has its first bfp.

Hopefully the first of many!

crispiecrunchie · 03/02/2015 10:09

I hope I didn't speak too soon. Clear blue indicator has gone back to showing me at 1-2 weeks which predicted the last miscarriage. Last time I read tons about it and there were very few positive stories so staying away from Google. Feeling a bit down as I just dint know if I can keep dong this. Send me some increased hgc vibes please. What ride! The elation of a bfp lasts about two days then the worry sets in....

HS26 · 03/02/2015 10:30

Oh, Crispie, I know I would be feeling exactly the same as you.

My advice is to stay away from the preg. tests, try to relax and expect the best until you have evidence otherwise.

Definitely sending good vibes your way - I've read stories of a second preg. test showing a weaker line etc. and it doesn't mean anything - could be just from weak urine.

Hold on in there. :-)

toastedcheesesandwich · 03/02/2015 11:06

Sending you lots of positive thoughts too Crispie. Pregnancy test results are really variable depending on dilution of urine/how much you've drunk beforehand! Plus the date predictors are notoriously unreliable. I would ignore those results and not do any more tests if you can bear it? Relax as much as possible xx