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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

999 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2014 13:00

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

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toastedcheesesandwich · 19/12/2014 18:45

I love your story shooting star!

HS26, thank you. Yes, i do love comfort food!

I think I'm out this month, period has started but not in a normal way, incredibly light. If it doesn't start properly soon, I will test just in case as I've read about this sort of thing. But think I may be clutching at straws! How is everyone?

crispiecrunchie · 19/12/2014 21:19

hello all. Popped back to see if we had any bfp's for Christmas. Sorry a few of you think its not your month. Guess more than one of us was imagining ways to tell dp in Xmas day! I reckon I'm out this month too. Cramping a bit and tests showed I ovulated last weekend on at least day 20 which seems late. Expecting af by Monday. I'll be 42 next cycle. Almost talking myself out of continuing ttc .

JessieMcJessie · 20/12/2014 03:35

Oh crisipie I know it's hard, but try not to focus too much on the number (says the person who actually got a bit grumpy with people who suggested that my 41st was something I might want to celebrate).

AF here with a vengeance for me, so am trying to dust myself off and get ready for next month. We're still early days really, so am hoping that our failures so far are no different from those that affect younger couples. Could tell DH was a bit more disappointed this month than last though.

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HS26 · 20/12/2014 08:23

Hello, girls! Hope your weekends have all kicked off well! I've got to do some Christmas baking and other food prep this weekend ... hoping there's a Christmas film on to put on in the background ... I'm a sucker for all that ...

Really sorry crispiecrunchie and Jessie about being out this month. I like your attitude though Jessie that it's still early days. It certainly is - I keep reading that a year is 'normal' for many couple of any age, although that sounds like an age to wait!

toastedcheesesandwich (mmm ... brekky time here and you're making me hungry!) that actually sounds a bit promising ... any updates??

I'm still not out but expecting af Monday or Tuesday. Dreading it a bit because the last couple of months it's affected me quite badly for a day or two afterwards ... then I pick myself up again and hope rises for the next month. What do you all do to help yourselves get over the disappointment? (last month I was literally just about to meet my mum for coffee when af arrived and I ended up blubbing all over her ... hadn't even told her we were ttc!)

Hope you've all got loads of lovely Christmasy things coming up to keep your minds off thngs! :-)

toastedcheesesandwich · 20/12/2014 10:26

Morning everyone
I didn't even bother to test this morning as think AF has started normally now. Oh well, I knew I was clutching at straws somewhat this month as only DTD after the surprise ovulation. Will make a better effort in lead up to New Year with some sperm to actually meet the New Year egg!

Sorry to hear you've had AF too Jessie & Crispie. Hmm
I suppose being able to drink at Xmas is a tiny consolation.

toastedcheesesandwich · 20/12/2014 10:29

HC26 good luck for Mon/Tues! Crispie, I just read back, you're not actually out yet, only cramping?
Really hope one of you has some good news early next week!

crispiecrunchie · 20/12/2014 14:29

Yeah not quite out!! I'm going to test Monday before work might out if no af by then!!

crispiecrunchie · 22/12/2014 12:24

Bfn today so I'll be trying again in January

Anyone else tested?

toastedcheesesandwich · 22/12/2014 21:17

Sorry to hear that Crispie. Glad to hear you're trying again in jan though. Think were just waiting for HS26's result now. Im exhausted - just spent all day cleaning, decorating, shopping for food. Bought my tree too late, its a weird shape (but smells lovely).

HS26 · 24/12/2014 07:28

I'm out, too :-(
Disappointing, of course, but let's all look forward to the new year now with hopeful hearts!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
(dashing around like a mad woman today too, getting all the Christmas stuff prepared!

crispiecrunchie · 24/12/2014 07:37

Awh that's a shame. See you in a fortnightor or so for the next 2ww!!! Xxx

toastedcheesesandwich · 01/01/2015 09:57

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all had a good Xmas with lots of treats? I'm officially in the 2ww wait now. Ovulation was 4 days late again (maybe the new normal?) so had to keep dtd as was determined to have some sperm to meet egg this time! Fx for New Years bfp's for us all!

HS26 · 03/01/2015 10:08

Happy New Year to all from me, too!
Happy 2ww, toastedcheesesandwich! (lol!)
I've got a few days or so to go before I'm in it, so busy getting busy ;-)
'Speak' to you all soon!

joey38 · 03/01/2015 12:41

Hello everyone - newbie here. I've been googling through frustration and came across this thread, where I see many people in a similar situation to me, and I felt that I wanted to join in! My situation is that I am 44. I had my son when I was 41 and he is now 2.5. We started ttc #2 when he turned 1, and since then, absolutely nothing has happened. Not even a sniff of a bfp. So it's been about 18 months. I've had various tests and there don't seem to be any problems - apart from my age!! I appear to ovulate regularly each month. I'm getting very frustrated now and starting to panic as I will be 45 this year. I really want just one more baby!! It would be nice to share experiences on here. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

toastedcheesesandwich · 03/01/2015 20:24

Welcome Joey! Glad you found us. That's so frustrating that everything is working normally but no bfp yet. Really hope you're Jan bfp is just around the corner.

Thanks HS26 - I'm already symptom spotting (eternally optimistic).

I even had a dream last night that I was pregnant with twins ?! My subconscious seems to be exceedingly optimistic. Only 3 DPO in real life.

HS26 · 03/01/2015 23:40

Dang! How frustrating! I just typed a whole message and lost it ... grrrr ... OK, starting again :-)

I was just saying 'welcome joey38'. I really can imagine your frustration and hope that you feel you've found some support and a place where you can come to vent here.

Also, just by way of encouragement, I heard two more encouraging stories over Christmas. I heard that an old friend got pregnant at 43 after trying for quite a while and her cute and healthy daughter is now 3. I also read a blog post written by an acquaintance about their struggles at not being able to conceive for 2 years and a few months. But ... they are now 3 months pregnant! Totally naturally, but it just took that long (they are younger, but still ...)

Just reminded me really that there are no guarantees, but there is definitely hope and lots of it!

Toastedcheesesandwich, can't wait to see if your dream was a premonition!! Haha ... think it's great that you are so optimistic. That is definitely the best way to approach this ... with a big smiiile!

Hope you're all having a great weekend! :-)

JessieMcJessie · 04/01/2015 05:00

Hi everyone, Happy New Year. Here's to babies in 2015 for us all and hi to Joey. Joey, can I ask how long you were ttc your first?

We're slap bang in my fertile window now, was very excited to get a positive OPK yesterday on cd 15 after last month's weird day 18 ovulation and longer cycle. We opted out of Christmas this year (saw all family at our wedding 6 months ago) and went cycling in Vietnam instead so hopefully the exercise has helped.

I also bought a joke Xmas present for DH of the "Cosmo Sutra"? a deck of sexual position cards, so we've been having a bit of fun trying out some new stuff, only problem is that some are so ridiculous that we laugh too much and he, er, loses his focus, if you know what I mean. So we usually end up back in the old tried and tested after a bit of mucking about. If we come across (pun intended!) any particularly effective ones I'll let you know Smile

Tww this month should end around about the 19th. I am feeling stupidly optimistic right now, just the New Year mindset I think. Have decided to cut back on drinking this 2ww- don't drink excessively but often have a beer or two on a weeknight and a few cocktails and a bottle of wine at the weekends. Everyone is doing it for Jan anyway. Glad we're all keeping in touch.

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joey38 · 04/01/2015 12:55

Hi. Thank you all for making me feel welcome. It's nice to share with people in the same situation - even though we'd all rather not be in this situation!!

Jessie - I got pregnant the first time after 6 months of ttc, but unfortunately lost that one at 11 weeks. I then conceived my son 3 months after that, so it was all relatively quick the first time around, even with with the mc. I just assumed the second one would happen in a similar timeframe, but that has not proved to be the case. 18 months and counting now. How long have you been trying?

We're in the fertility window now this month too. I've not done any opks or temp taking this month as it's been far too busy, but hubby and I have been doing the necessary for the last few days!! I'm also just starting Dry January as from today. I don't know if that will make any difference - I only really drink at the weekend anyway, but I do feel like I've had quite a bit over Christmas!! Here's to a successful new year!!

toastedcheesesandwich · 06/01/2015 13:06

Afternoon everyone! Sounds like quite a few of us are in the 2ww already? I've been feeling ravenous and craving toasted cheese sandwiches again, which was an early sign from last (unsuccessful) preg…or is it just wishful greedy thinking instead? Also have headaches (unusual for me) and slight nausea. I can't test until Mon 12th though.
Jessie that sounds like a v energetic xmas - very impressed! I'm having a dry January too, v easy as hardly every drink, but did have a few glasses over xmas.
HS26 I've had another dream about twins - but they were twin xmas trees. Not sure what to make of that.

HS26 · 06/01/2015 13:36

Oh how exciting, toastedcheesesandwich - you will be the first to be able to test this month! Let's hope your symptoms mean something good. I've decided symptoms don't mean anything with me, but everyone is different and I guess it can be fun to do some symptom-spotting while whiling away the 2ww!

I'm just into the 2ww now. I made the mistake of telling hubs about that theory that you can sway the sex of your child by limiting intercourse to a few days before ov for a girl and he actually suggested trying that! I said I hoped he was joking and we weren't limiting anything at my age!! Good gracious ... men ....

Anyway, let us know if you get any more 'signs' (teehee) and what happens when you test on 12th, toastedcheese. I'm trying to stay upbeat and hopeful (it's a challenge at times, that's for sure).

'Speak' again soon!

JessieMcJessie · 06/01/2015 13:42

Ha Ha toasted I see where your nickname comes from now! I pretty much always crave toasted cheese sandwiches, I must say. I am starting to find it almost inconveivable (pardon the pun) that I could become prgnant-just feels a bit like it's something that only happens to other people. Perhaps because I spent most of my fertile years in no relationship or the wrong one so never allowed myself to plan for it. If no luck this month I think we'll get on with having tests, we're fortunate enough to be able to afford private and I'd just like to know that all is in relative working order, if a bit past its sell by date. Joey I am interested to read that you see 9 months to conceive your first as being "relatively quick"- that seems like quite a long time to me.

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JessieMcJessie · 10/01/2015 06:55

Hi everyone, it's been quiet round these parts for a while....I am just two week waiting, suppose I am getting to the point where implantation could be happening. feel totally normal but from what I understand v unlikely for any symptoms to materialise until it's implanted and producing hcg. I really wish tv was like a computer game where you know immediately that you've failed/ or got to the next level- what I mean is that I could be hoping for a BFP when the sperm never made it to the egg and I am already out, so if I knew that then, even though we'd still have a month to the next fertile window, at least I'd be spared the hopeful anticipation. alternatively, if I could tell that the egg had been fertilised then! Even though that was no guarantee of implantation it would be encouraging to know stage 1 had gone right.

Bah. Party tonight, am considering drinking at normal levels- had 2 beers last night as well.

How are you all getting on?

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JessieMcJessie · 10/01/2015 06:56

"TTC" not "TV"!

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HS26 · 10/01/2015 18:00

Hi Jessie, I'm 2ww-ing, too, and trying not to obsess ... not very successfully, as usual!

I loved reading your comment - I thought I was the only one who got all philosophical about it all like that!! I have had that exact same thought about the fact that on an unsuccessful cycle it's all over already after ov., but we are left here still living in a ridiculous amount of hope! Grrrrr ... suppose that's just how it is. But definitely that's the worst part of ttc ... putting in so much effort each month with no hope that it's going to pay off. When af comes you just have to start all over again with no cumulative pay-off, if that makes sense.

I went shopping with my parents today and enjoyed their company, but ttc was at the back (or front) of my mind the whole time. I wish I could find a way to put it out of my mind altogether and then just be surprised one month when it happens.

So glad of the support around here. We've just moved and so I don't have my best friends around me to lean on. I don't feel like hubby understands how hard it is for me, so I don't think he has any idea how much it's on my mind.

Glad you're getting on with life, getting out and having fun. I'm sitting here with a lovely glass of New Zealand white as I type ... ;-)

How's everyone else getting on?? :-)

HS26 · 10/01/2015 18:07

Sorry didn't mean 'no hope' - meant no guarantee!! No hope would make the whole thing pointless!