Any 40+ ladies out there TTC #1?

[JessieMcJessie]

Have looked at the buses and things but I feel a bit geriatric on them, with all the ages there for all to see, and the "old birds" type threads are lovely and supportive but a lot of the posters are dealing with issues like how to juggle older kids and a later pregnancy, or comparing ttc experiences now with the first time round.

Just wondered if anyone else was like me, basically didn't meet the right person till pretty late in life and now playing catchup and feeling slightly terrified of having left it all too late. I'm 41 (and 3 months) and DH and I got married in June and are now starting TTC. Most of my contemporaries had 2 or 3 kids before they were 40. I'm not afraid of the tiredness/no energy older Mum thing, or even really how old I'd look or feel at the school gates- I have actually been told many times I look younger than I am. No fertility probs that I know of and cycles seem regular and 28 days, but I have this awful dread that if the average time to conceive when young and healthy is 6 months, I just don't have enough time left. Silly to worry I know since we've only just started our 2nd cycle TTC, but would love to hear from anyone else in a similar position.

Thank you both of you! I feel a bit calmer now and more philosophical about it. My advice is stay away from clear blue they are an expensive habit!

Oh crispie I really feel for you it's horrible not knowing what's happening. It's very hard. Good that you're philosophical about it, that really is the best way to be. I admire those who just don't test at all and wait until they're two weeks late. But I totally understand the need to know and have that prior warning of mc. It is what it is and there's nothing we can do. I hope so much it turns out well for you xxx

Thanks Annie. I think the previous experience has me worried as well as the fact the mc rate at 42 is pretty high. Just keep saying 'well today I am pregnant we will see what tomorrow brings'. high
I'll stay away from tests for the week anyway! Xx

Who is testing next?

Not me….took a month off (or 2 depending) ttc for various reasons. Im watching and waiting for everyone else's symptoms/results though!

Yes Crispie, today you are pregnant. One day at a time. X

Annie, I am one of those who doesn't test! I would rather keep my hope for as long as poss.

Hope you are OK, Crispie. We're here if you need us, as best as we can be :-)

I wish I could be like that! I've been terrrrrrible. Wasted £££ on tests, can't bear to think how much I've spent on internet cheapies and FRERs. This time I'm going to try to find the strength to leave it.

Crispie, everything crossed for you and step away from the tests. It must be awful just waiting it out till the 12 week scan, particularly when a previous pregnancy has not progressed. If I ever get that far I must say that I am not looking forward to the waiting, particularly given that we 40+ladies have higher risk of abnormalities.

On the subject of waiting, it's into the 2ww I go. Won't realistically have any news until about 17th/18th February. That's just before Chinese New Year, which is a very big deal here, so let's hope that all the good luck/new begining vibes around me have an effect. If I get a BFP the baby would be born in the year of the Goat.

Went to see the doc on Monday, came away with a cup for DH to "deposit" in - he has to abstain for 48 hours and then make sure that he drops the sample off at the lab within 1.5 hours of "producing" it. I think I will have to leave for work early one day and let him get on with it, will be a bit odd knowing exactly what he is doing!

As for me, she took blood for an AMH (ovarian reserve) test but warned me that it would inevitably come out as "low" due to my age. We decided to do it anyway in case it is "very low" because that would probably springboard us straight to IVF. Also doing FSH to check am not perimenopausal.

She was neither super encouraging about older mothers nor discouraging. Told me her own sister got pregnant naturally at age 43. I'll have the results by the end of the week.

Keep us updated, Jessie.

We're on a trip right now but will probably do the same tests soon. I'm in the 2ww, too. Nothing really to report right now.

Good luck with the tests!

What a lovely, supportive group! Good luck everyone and fingers crossed for you, crispie that all works out well. I already posted my worries over here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2299824-Please-help-wise-ladies-of-mumsnet but nice to see there's a thread for other ladies the same age as me and in a similar position! Jessie are you in the UK and did it take long to get set up to take tests etc? I'm wondering whether to start that process off before leaving it too much longer.

Hi skitterscatter will take a look at your thread. Welcome! I am not in the UK I am in Hong Kong and we're having the tests done privately so can't offer any advice on that front unfortunately. This was just through my GP, we'll get a referral to a specialist if the tests reveal any issues.

Welcome Skitterscatter!
I responded to your thread. Definitely go to that GP though and get things moving - and stick around this thread!

Forgot to say, it helps to see the timeline so you can see how important it is to move fast, here's how mine went:

July 2012 (age 39) started TTC with love I met late in life.
September 2012 - BFP!
November 2012 MMC
March 2013 went to GP, broke down, she gave me day 21 test. It came back 'ok' and she told to 'keep trying for a year'.
October 2013 (age 40) went another GP who was aghast that I hadn't been transferred earlier for fertility treatment after day 21 tests came back low
December 2013 first appointment with fertility clinic, prescribed clomid for 6 months
March 2014 - BFP!
May 2014 MMC
June 2014 - All tests done for chromosomal abnormalities, lupus etc.
July 2014 Referred to IVF clinic. NHS rejected us due to combination of my age (41) /weight (BMI is 32)
July 2014 Private Clinic Initial Consultation, AMH test
August 2014 - Start long protocol treatment
October 2014 - Egg collection, 2 embryos transferred, one frozen
November 2014 - follow up consultation at IVF clinic
December 2014 - start treatment preparing for frozen embryo transfer
Tomorrow - our one little frozen embryo will be transferred!!!

Welcome, skitterscatter - will go and read your thread, and truly hope you find a figurative 'home' here and feel supported. I am finding it a great help.

AnnieHoo, you really have been through a lot already, so I really wish you all the very best for tomorrow - I know it must be a bit scary, but how exciting, too! Do let us know how things go ... :-)

Hi there, I'm TTC #1, and I'm 44. Sadly, had a mc in December, but am trying again now. I haven't had IVF - just tracking ovulation dates.

My best friend had her first baby at 40, and is now expecting her second in June, when she'll be 43 - again, no IVF. Another close friend was booked in to have IVF because she was 41, then found out she was pregnant days before the first appointment. She had a healthy, beautiful little girl when she was 42.

So fingers crossed :)

I'm turning 40 in May, ttc no.1, have been trying for 13 months. I was due AF on the 1st Feb... POAS two days ago. BFN, but still no AF. Will POAS again at the weekend if AF hasn't arrived by then. Getting occasional cramps but nowhere near the strength of when AF is usually coming. Feeling very bloated and gassy but not sick. I currently live in KSA and am completely mistrusting of the health care system and it's professionals, even though we have private healthcare. It's nice to see others like me. Feel desperately lonely and depressed sometimes!

Hi, ginghambingham - welcome!

Those are really encouraging stories. It definitely happens, and quite often.

Really sorry about your mc. It's very encouraging though that you can get pregnant - fingers crossed for you for next time!

Thanks HS26 - yes, mc was poo. And since I had mine, have found out that a number of my friends have had them too (they're in their early to mid 30s).

But am feeling a lot more positive now and looking forward to seeing another +ve test result. Good luck to you too :)

Hello Stinkersmum - welcome!

Wow, that would be awful to be mistrustful of the health care system. Here in the UK, I don't have a doctor yet as I've recently moved. Although there are some good docs here, I don't know who is good or not, so it will be pot luck when I get one!
Hope it helps you being part of this thread - let us know what happens with your next test ... everything crossed for you!

Hi gingham and stinkersmum. I'm a bit dim - where's KSA?

Sorry you feel lonely and depressed and hope that this thread helps.

So, got my AMH levels back and they are indeed in the "low" category which is entirely normal for my age says the doc. That's fine by me, as long as they are not through the floor then I can live with that. I saw the figures - 1.36 ng/ml or 9.8 pmol (same result, two different units) and I am nicely in the middle of the low range, not almost in the low one. FSH result not back yet and DH han't put his sample in yet.

I'm not really massively clear on whether the AMH thing really tells me anything at all, in that it seems to be all about how many eggs I have left but is no indicator of quality. I don't know if being "low" means that I may have months here and there when I don't ovulate, but if it doesn't then who cares - really all anyone even at peak fertility can expect is one egg a month so as long as I get that it shouldn't really matter how many are in there! I suppose we can banish all throughs of ever having more than 1 child though.

Sounds like there is really nothing to worry about then, Jessie, as far as the AMH goes. We are probably all the same on that count. And, like you say, quality is more important than quantity! (as with many things in life!)

About a year ago I was still holding onto the idea of ideally having 2 children, but I have totally dropped all aspirations of that, too!

I will be over the moon with just one!!

It's bizarre here - even pregnancy tests are kept 'under the counter'! Doctors tell women that if they have cats they either won't ever get pregnant, or they'll miscarry. And just today in the news, a nurse gave a newborn a bath so hot it gave the baby second degree burns :( but I digress.

I'm unsure what to do if I'm not pregnant this time. Fertility treatment here is hit and miss (if you find a clinic that can do it) and as I'm not officially resident in the UK, I can't come back for treatment. Never mind the last 20 years that I've paid my stamp..... Hey ho. Fingers crossed for the BFP. And thanks for the welcome. Don't feel so lonely now. :)

Jessie - Saudi

wow, stinkers, that sounds like a whole world of extra complication to deal with. Possible at all to hop over to Dubai or Oman or somewhere for more enlightened care? In you rposition i might consider moving back to the UK, since you'll never get this time back. From what I understand, as long as it's a permanent move you can access NHS as soon as you get back. Are you there for your job or your partner's or both?

Stinkersmum - there are clinics in Greece and Spain that actively market to women living in other countries. Might be worth a trip?