TTC for 10 months, and all the rest. 10 plussers welcome.

[MuddyWellyNelly]

New thread full of the most amazing women.

x posts cos I think its time to be honest with them, you can do it in a way that isn't offensive or makes you appear bitter but you shouldn't have to pretend for others, you need to put yourself first,

foxy I would say to colleague that there are a lot of sad lonely people at Christmas for various reasons

I feel smothered suffocated by inlaws and their over the top behaviour with BB and feel I have waited too long to 'suck it up' this Christmas with them so have told Barry he can take BB round in the morning and then we shall have our own time together, even having a baby doesn't make me want to spend it with others

critter I am hoping against hope that all is well.

nelly you are doing really well. I so hope this is it for you.

ray C is doing marvellously. She is fat like a little Renaissance cherub now. I can't quite believe the little fatso will be 4 months old tomorrow. Time has really flown.

Cos, we have totally opted out of Christmas this year and I feel a little guilty about it. I would love to be with my family, but I find it painful so we've decided to be on our own and pretend it's not happening. We used the excuse of work/ not being able to get flights and days off etc. Christmas is a shit time for many. It's a reminder of what you don't have.

Christmas is going to be strange for me this year. On the one hand I'm really looking forward to our first Christmas with our baby niece, and 2 step nieces, but on the other hand we are the only couple without children which will inevitably lead to questions!
The only saving grace is that (unless I have another wtf cycle we will either be pg (please please please) or will be at the beginning of 2ww rather than being at the point of af/testing - I always cope better with everything mid cycle. X

Just popping on to add some support for Critter, Ray, Fox, Cos and everyone else struggling. Critter it made me so sad to hear that you feel this is getting too hard. I so want tomorrow to be better news and for the hurt to be over. You of all people deserve a straightforward pregnancy and it makes me so angry you continue to be put through the mill.

Ray, announcements suck :(. I'm so sorry it's made you sad. But honestly I believe that you are this close (tiny space) to your baby. It's just so frustrating for you though that you have so many delays.

Cos, ah families. If I hear one more time "Christmas is all about the children" I will actually punch someone. I think you sound like you are being remarkably polite.

Fox, the stress around work is best avoided if at all possible.

In cat news, I was at my Dads yesterday and his cat was crawling all over me. Which I thought was normal, until Dad said "oh gosh you are honoured, he never cuddles up to anyone". I thought you'd all like that . However my own cats are their normal selves and none of the hobbles have shown any interest in sitting on my lap either.

Back to work tomorrow which will hopefully keep me distracted. I've been mega busy today so really just not thinking about things too much. Still haven't found anywhere to do my blood test or looked that hard as I can't believe I'm going to need one

Promised myself a semi-early night so off to do bedtime hobble cuddles then actually go to bed. Honest....

Nelly my catometer has just crept up a bit more! Your wait feels long to me so god knows how it feels for you. Hope work is OK tomorrow.

Ray ouch to the announcement. We need some kind of antidote for that, like a dock leaf for announcement stings. Depressingly I now get twitchy when I haven't had one for a while as I know one will get me when I'm not expecting it. Do you know I think your Christmas plan sounds ace and I am jealous. I really believe it won't be like this for that much longer ray.

Euro I am LOVING seeing centime grow and grow! I was like that as a baby, all plumpcious.

Buzzy I did like your facebook five photo comment . Family things still sound tense but could that actually be a very nice christmas indeed? What have they said about that?

Sam did you start charting?

Joycep how are you? I saw a mahoosive twin buggy whilst in the city yesterday and thought of you!!

Critter I meant to say that I was sad to read about how you feel like throwing in the towel. I do think that that is a particular feeling we get on this journey and for me it is when I'm exhausted with the struggle of it and I want it all to just stop/end/be far far away from me. But, no matter what happens I think we do get our reserves of energy back to get back on the horse and try again. I don't know how we do it, but we do. Sar once said to me that we would know when our point came to not do this anymore and I do believe that. But there are always new chapters and chances and I think, for me, if that time came I would recognise it because I felt, or knew I could feel, at peace with it. And in the meantime we keep going but it has been very big rests inbetween things that have helped me.

Time for another read back..

Fluffy sniffing doesn't sounds very nice but I didn't like injecting every day so I'd take sniffs I think. I seemed to settle into the symptoms after about two weeks of feeling very very tired and foggy. After four weeks I started having hot flushes I think and I didn't like them but they were ok once I bought a big fan! I downregged for seven weeks. But that is very rare I think.

Sam I meant to say I waited from May until July to get my referral for an August appointment.

Sar thank you so much for your message and as always your thoughtful messages to us all. I think progesterone is part of my puzzle but I do wonder if that is due to poor eggs/follicles as they pump out the progesterone for the first bit don't they? So bad corpus luteums seems to make sense. I certainly had no spotting at all and just started my period straight away this month so it shows that the spotting is progesterone related I think. It could be immune stuff maybe though level ones didn't show anything. But, I've decided to try and embrace the de cycle now. We should have immunes back in early Jan and I'm hoping we might know about a donor by then, though who knows about that. So, I've decided not to take dhea or experiment with prog ahead of that and have gone all out on vitamin buying to get ready to receive! I'm running again and all the healthy foodie stuff but in a gentler, less punishing way. If it doesn't work I might do own egg tweaking dabbling again to pass the time!

Oh Joy isn't it your scan tomorrow or am I making that up? Good luck for it if it is :) It was me that was asking about significant dates by the way as I thought (whenever I posted) it was the stage you'd got to last pregnancy. Apologies for confusion anyway.

nelly it just needs to be a cat

foxy honestly wasn't there some other FB shit where you listed 3 things you were grateful for each day for a week, don't get me started on that bucket challenge crap.

MIL is going for a op soon so I said I would take BB briefly in to see her and maybe endure one trip to there place depending on how the weekends fall for Barry as he takes her round every fortnight, but that is it, I haven't seen them in the last month thank feck and I don't give a shiny shit what they think about Christmas.

I imagine they think I will calm down etc but to be honest Christmas with them is shite anyway, BIL and the aunt can't be bothered with any of it, FIL just talks about home, then he and the aunt literally talk over the top of each other, BIL is totally unsociable and only eats the main meal with us then sits up in his room, MIL pretends its this wonderful family experience they are all racist bigots and there is never enough booze for me to get shit faced and forget I am there.

Barry has never been big on Christmas but this year has already bought a small tree for the table, and some cat/baby proof decorations and has discussed Christmas dinner Christmas back home even with my dysfunctional family used to be fun

joy good luck with your scan tomorrow

Hello ladies

Am being a rubbish ten plusser and not supportive to all you ladies going through crap. Sorry. I am reading, just feeling so tired and sad and useless.

cos I was so humbled by what you said. Me and MrC are buggering off for Christmas and Thanksgiving though, escaping family and tiny ones. Maybe you guys could do a skiing hol?

I had more red bleeding tonight, and nasty period like cramps… started feeling sick and exhausted just like before my last mc which was at almost exactly the same point, 5 and a half weeks. I reckon I'm out. Going to take tomorrow off sick to deal with the inevitable. I'll still go in for my scan as it will probably show everything dropping down. Progesterone probably a red herring seeing as I am stuffed with the stuff and still bleeding. I may go off and lick wounds for a while. I can't bear seeing how sad MrC is.

Love to nelly hoping and praying so much that this is it for you.

Oh critter lovely , I am just so sorry.. There is just nothing I can say to help. I just find the injustice of this happening to you and MrC again so appalling. I am thinking of you both and wishing that you get better news today. Sending you lots of love.

Cos - families don't think do they. Christmas is so emotive and so kids led, I can imagine it must be so painful to be amongst a reallY picture perfect family Xmas. Can you and mrcos go off somewhere? It must be hard decision because if you had kids it sounds like a perfect Xmas and going off alone to avoid it is sad as well. I think your family needs to understand though as I don't think people understand the awfulness of it. Roy and I are spending xmas alone for the first time this year. There aren't any kids in my family which I find desperately sad but after terrible arguments last year at my parents Xmas , we are keeping well clear. I use to love Xmas but that has disappeared.

Nelly - I hope you are ok and surviving the 2 week wait. It's always horrible this bit. But thinking of you and have everything crossed.

Ray- so sorry about another pregnancy announcement. It's just awful and they have this great ability to make you feel like utter rubbish.

Oh god if I get a round robin Xmas letter, it will be used to start the fire. They are basically Facebook posts through the post. Yuk.

So much else I want to say but will be back later.

Oh no, critter :( I am so sorry you are having to go through this again. You're an advert for grace through all this. I so wish things were different.

Cos, choose yourself this Christmas, let that be the pressie! SB and I engineered hols over big things one year (1,5yrs of ttc) and simply refused to go anywhere the Christmas after my mc (2,5yrs in). No one (has dared to say they) minded. My family is big, wonderful and full of small people. But it took my parents a long time to have my elder brother, so they get it. ILs are different but SB kept them in check...

Goof luck for scannage, joy!

Toe hold for nelly!

Sorry about another day another announcement, ray! The double overtakers really got to me :(

Fox, gentle exercise and health kick sounds very sensible to me. It sounds like you're already putting this cp behind you. Impressed w that!

Well done on sniffing, fluff. I had gonal-f for my fresh round, a mere 150 units and didn't get any side effects from that - I think. DRing on the other hand... Not my favourite thing. But so worthit...

Round robins are a pet hate, btw. Especially those signed by the happy family plus bump... I hadn't really noticed the five pics thing. But I have loads of childfree or older academiccy types on mine. Neither are that into baby pics. And of course I have most instadiffers hidden. 10+ babies are a joy!

Critter - I am so so sorry this is happening to you, it is so unfair. I'm glad you are taking today off, the last thing you need is work on top of this. Its a sad time for both you and Mr C. Look after each other.

Fox - Yes i have started charting from day 6 of the cycle as this was when the bbt arrived. Temps have been gradually going down the last 3 days but then this morning i tested an hour earlier (when dhs alarm woke me up) and temp had gone from 36.16 yesterday to 35.78 - is this normal or because of the time difference in testing. I tested again at the usual time and it was 36.33 but I had only been dozing for an hour.
Also i think I've realised my mistake with opks - I didn't know you weren't meant to use FMU for them until i tested twice yesterday and got almost positive in the morning and 100% negative in the afternoon - after some frantic googling I learned that FMU can give false positives due to higher concentration of your ever present LH!

Nelly - Re 'Xmas is all about the children' Dhs family said that and it made us feel really excluded. They don't know we've been trying though, so they're not being deliberately insensitive, but it still hurts.

critter you are the sweetest, kindest and most generous person. You don't need to say anything supportive to any of us on here just now. We are here for you because you have always been so lovely to us even when you've been in the most immense pain. Can you take a few days off from work? I think you must be physically and emotionally exhausted and sometimes work is too much to cope with on top.

joy good luck for the scan. Have you told anyone yet or do you think you will keep it to yourselves for a while longer? I guess a twin bump will be hard to hide :)

Round robins are such funny things. I can't understand what makes someone think that it's a good idea. I do enjoy reading some of them though because they can be quite hilarious. I do wonder if everyone that is named in a round robin knows what is said about them. It's strange how the only people who send them are those with highly gifted and talented kids/granchildren

critter oh I am so sorry to hear that :(

joy Let us know how you get on today

nelly hope you are distracted at work

Quick post to echo everyone's message to Critter. Don't worry about supporting us, only think of you and MrC. The pain you must be experiencing is unimaginable and I wish I could take it away

Loves to everyone else.

Oh I have had a little cry reading through the thread today .

Critter, I agree so much with what everyone else says. You need to prioritise yourself and your needs. You have had so much to deal with this year and you are always so kind to everyone else. You are an amazing lady.

Ray, sorry for the announcement. They suck and it must be horrible to hear about people having baby number 2.

Sam, I always found my temps would go a bit haywire if I tested at different times. I've given up on temping for a bit but I might start again this month so I'll probably be puzzling over it again soon.

Buzz good on you for sticking to your guns and having the Christmas you want.

Nelly hope you're hanging in there. Interesting about your dad's cast .

Cos, I think you're very restrained not to tell your family exactly how it is and that Christmas is a struggle. Christmas creates so much pressure to have a perfect time with the perfect family and it can bo so hard for lots of people. I have chosen to have my endo removed just before Christmas just to create an excuse not to do the big family Christmas as I just find it completely overwhelming.

Critter - thinking of you a lot.

Fox - it sounds like you have an excellent plan in place. I still think your cps are significant. But this whole fertility thing is so complex it can make one's head spin. But I think it is important to be healthy emotionally and physically before a round.

Sam - I always used opk at 2pm everyday as I thought you coukdnt use fmu.

Thanks so much for all your support. Scan was all fine.

Hi everyone

Thank you all for your lovely messages today. I am still bleeding but saw the doctor again today and the sac was still there, with the start of a yolk. The doctor says it is 50:50 as to whether this pregnancy continues and that he wants to see me again on Friday. He said he didn't want to be rosy about it but that he wasn't going to throw in the towel just yet. Hard to believe this could have a happy ending but MrC looks hopeful again and I feel better after sleep and a breakfast sandwich (amazing American invention of cheese, bacon and egg) having not eaten anything since yesterday afternoon.

sam the temping is confusing at first. Have you downloaded an app so you can input everything into it and just let the computer do the work of charting your temps? I really think this will give you a clearer idea of what's going on and when to time DTD.

fluff I was on 75 units gonal f for my successful IVF round - the pens - I loved them (insofar as you can love giving yourself injections). They are really easy to do and they did the trick for me.

berry how long do you have to wait for your next round again, is it January?

cos I read your message to MrC and he said you should not do Christmas if it makes you feel awful. I really think it's ok to sign out, we are grown ups, there are other little people that can run around... you've had such a rotten time of it and a break might do you a lot of good.

fox gentle exercise sounds great, for you and your wellbeing, more than anything else. I hope you're doing ok post cp and that AF is tailing off at last. The counselling you're doing sounds amazing.

Well I am at work but my boss knows what the deal is so I can leave if I need to. Just sitting at a desk anyway, and it's foul outside and dry in here. The dog had to be carried down the steps this morning before he would go for his morning walk, he is very catlike sometimes and hates rain.

Joy!! Tell us more about the scan! Was it lovely to see the two little wrigglers? I want to savour this with you. You deserve it so so much.

Hurrah for the sac and developing yolk. I am going to hope so much for you! It's time for a good surprise, critter!

And hurrah for a good scan. We need to hear more, joy!

critter sorry you are left in limbo, maybe the sickness is more a symptom of the pregnancy than a miscarriage, did they do your hcg again, I was on a lot of progesterone, 2 cyclogest and 2 x 50ml jabs and I still bleed and sometimes it was bright red

joy glad all was ok with the scan, I hope that soon it all starts to feel real and you can enjoy the experience

sam I was quite lax with the timing of my temp, usually when I woke up but that could vary a bit

Critter, I am hoping that the bleeding is just a scare, like quite a few people on here seem to have had. It must be horrible to still be in limbo though and it must be so difficult to concentrate at work. My dog looks at me like I'm crazy when I try to walk her in the rain. She hates it! I've not had a round of IVF yet. Just waiting fot my lap in December and then will go from there.

Joy so pleased all was well at your scan!