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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 18:33

I'm a dick not a duck.

gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 18:35

Thanks honey he hasn't got time in his life to look after it really plus it's the financial commitment. CuntHawk will be more time and money consuming that a baby. He's a total nobber he can stay at his mams.

Indigoblue2 · 09/11/2014 18:42

Sounds fair enough to me Ga, he needs to prioritise! It's not called CuntHawk for nothing Blush

jellypi3 · 09/11/2014 18:44

Aww gaggia :( Hugs. Sorry, I can't remember if you're out this month?

I thought I'd link this photo for you ladies who are interested, it's my office balcony, and the view this week of the Tower of London :)

And a photo of my puddy-tat that had his ball chopped off this weekend ;)

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
wilmabedrock · 09/11/2014 18:45

An actual hawk?

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 18:47

:( gaggia that's frustrating. Yes they're lots of work and long term commitment, plus expensive. I take it he's a trained falconer?

A little bit of me thinks perhaps it's a distraction for him from dealing with the mc? It's obviously very hard for the woman but the man can find it difficult to connect with the whole thing. My dh has breezed through it but occasionally I see that it has affected him. He can be quite insensitive sometimes but when I say so he looks very hurt so I think it's a coping mechanism. I wonder if this hawk is the same?

Can you sit him down for a chat about it and explain rationally why you don't think it's a good idea at the moment?

ZingOfSeven · 09/11/2014 18:48

just seen this in Active and thought I'd offer cape mending and positive vibes

gaggia
I'm so sorrySad Thanks

gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 18:49

jelly I'm more than likely out yeah. Not enough shagging and no obvious signs of ovulation.
Your office view is beautiful. Do you live in the big smoke? If you join the po-lice would it be the met? That's so fricking cool!. My colleagues son is a met policeman we are all in awe of him.
#iwanttobejelly

jellypi3 · 09/11/2014 18:52

I don't like in London, I just work there :) We are literally the building next to the tower so it's beautiful the view at times :)

Yeh it would be Met police. Still not decided if I would take the job though!

Sorry to hear you're out :( Wasn't AF due Tuesday for you?

Indigoblue2 · 09/11/2014 19:00

jelly that is soooo cool!!

RPopz · 09/11/2014 19:03

You're not a duck or a dick gaggia. I'd have screamed too!! Mr P is just the same over his fucking gaming and wrestling and football and..... Eurgh. They're just children aren't they.

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 19:25

I went mental at mine this morning for not being fussed that our neighbour is furious at us because the cats keep pooing in her garden. I want to put in shrubs and flower beds and a bench to encourage them to stay in ours (it's bare at the moment). He just shrugged and went 'whatever, it's not important '. But it is important. I don't want our neighbour furious at us and I don't want them taking it out on our cats :(

He's so casual and laid back. Asaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgh!!!!

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 19:26

Oh and you're not a duck or a dick Wink

gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 19:37

wil yeah an actual hawk!

zing great to see you! How is your littlest zingling?

la he is trained yeah, he might fancy training lions next week though. Ballsack.

gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 19:40

la good on you it bloody is important, you want to do the right thing for your cat's and neighbours. He jolly well needs to care!.

rPopz wrestling? Do share......

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 19:42

:) gaggia fair enough - I feel like that at mine on a regular basis! Mine thinks he can sail through life being the most laid back man, but actually I'm trailing behind doing everything for him and picking up after him!

He. drives. me. nuts! Lovely, but frigging annoying sometimes!

Can I prescribe for you the following:

Wine
Chocolate
Some kind of animal hugs - the dogs would be fab, cunthawk not so much
Downton? Failing that Dr Who from last night (Cybermen - woo!), Strictly or some kind of girlie flick.
A duvet

If he comes near you say the following 'oi, you. Fuck, right, off!'

Tomorrow will be a better day lovely, sending a hug x

wilmabedrock · 09/11/2014 19:48

would be pretty cool to have a hawk though Totally agree with you Gaggia.

Our neighbour's cat shits in our garden all the time. I don't think they care less. Don't actually knows who owns the offending cat. Luckily it's the front garden so MiniWil doesn't play amongst it.

gaggiagirl · 09/11/2014 19:53

la I've got chocolate, hot water bottle, x factor results soon then downton! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa last in the series I can't wait .

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 19:55

I suffer from anxiety so it really upsets me and plays on my mind when I think someone's pissed off at me. The fact that we are inconveniencing my neighbour bothers me. I took her some of those crystals to discourage them and said to her to use water pistol on him. She wasn't very nice about the whole thing and said he was chasing away the birds. He has never caught a bird in his whole 5 years but obviously I know it must be annoying for her. I desperately want to fix it and make our garden more attractive but Mr La just isn't bothered about it :(

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 20:00

Ooh jelly you have a ginger too! He's gorgeous!

gaggia I know - I can't wait either! Going to have to watch on Tues as dh doesn't like it :( don't tell me what happens

wilmabedrock · 09/11/2014 20:04

I get like that about people being pissed off with me. You've been nice about it though. She sounds like a bit of a cow, not really sure what she expects you to do. Cats will be cats.

Purplecircle · 09/11/2014 20:09

Evening viroids

Jelly we were there yesterday, went to see the poppies...they are amazing!

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!
RPopz · 09/11/2014 20:11

Yeah La you've gone above and beyond already I think. Most people wouldn't bother. I thought it was just an accepted fact that cats don't shit on their own territory? Our cats have never pooped in our garden. Not sure where they do do it mind! Shock I get the anxiety thing though. And the horizontal husband thing too!!

Haha gaggia - watching wrestling, not actually wrestling Wink WWE, Raw, TNA, all that shite.

Purplecircle · 09/11/2014 20:21

La, we got some green gel stuff from pets at home that cats don't like. You squirt it over your garden. Maybe you could buy him some if you're feeling bad

Leela5 · 09/11/2014 20:45

purple I did - I gave some to both neighbours and apologised. One was nice, other wasn't