Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Jogging waddling in to day good luck viroids!
We'll see some of you soon....lil! X

Thanks for the excellent new Fred Dulcet!

Ooh, Lil how hard for you. I do think it's ridiculous there's such disparity between trusts, it's one of the strangest features of our 'national' health service. While it's great if it leads to innovation and improvement, it's sadly rare that it does...

My 'home' GPs are lovely. Online appt booking, on-the-days pretty easy to come by. Only problem is the rickety old house they live in, beautiful but not really fit for purpose - most of the rooms upstairs, no lift, no baby change area...by the time I get home they are hoping to be in a shiny new place with on-site blood tests and physio etc. It'll mean driving instead of walking but it'll be worth it I reckon.

Tink if wine helps, indulge yourself. Don't beat yourself up.

Welcome, Spuffy! Nothing much has changed since I conceived DD...they like you to take vit D as well as folic acid but that's about it.

The cat has been very affectionate for the last 24 hours...wish I had a photo of her draped over my boobs with drool pouring out of her mouth. Attractive moggy :)

Found you! Dulcet good work on the Fred title! Made me chuckle this morning.

Welcome Spuffy :)

So the witch is still pouring out of me, I have no idea why it's so heavy! It better end soon!

DP got all soppy on me last night (after the baby shower) saying he wants a baby more than marriage and that we need to really start doing it properly, more sex, more fertility friendly lube, temping etc.
Then he ruined the moment by saying "oh and your period wouldn't be so bad if you just got pregnant"....

Anyone got a gun?

Jeez, it was bed time ladies! How did you get to over 50 poss overnight!

Welcome spuffy! Not sure there is much new we can teach you but we can help you through the stressful boys and all the waiting!

lil I have found CM later in my cycle to be a good indicator every time. I'm still getting it now. That combined with your other possibly early pregnancy ailments makes it sound good to me. But obviously not necessarily going to turn out that way. Understand completely your fear or losing the appointment and have MC - I haven't canceled my clinic follow up in December yet for same reason. Hopefully neither of those things will happen.

Online appointment booking chat?! That's amazing! I don't think I've ever heard of a doctor that can do that! Ours have just started online checking in on the little box on the wall when you arrive but that's about it...

One of the girls in my 'infertility support group' from the clinic had her one round of IVF she can have here, moved to a different bit of our area which happens to have a different NHS trust and got another one for free. She didn't know when she moved so was a positive when she found out but so arbitrary! She was minutes away from her old house and it made all that difference.

It would be fairer if all trusts got the same thing but I guess expensive. These sorts of services are offered based on numbers that need it. Where there are more people needing IVF the population is likely to be younger, they get offered three rounds but there are less OAPs so they lose out and don't get offered something. That's how I imagine it to work anyway - swings and roundabouts - but not fair when you are the party missing out.

Morning viroids!

yawns, realises cat is sleeping on head, thus restricting movement

Happy new Fred, ness may be in labour over on grads Fred, woo hoo!

Welcome jcandy and spuffy!

I'm truly honoured to have both my windy boobs AND my worms in the title. They were lucky worms it seems, although gone now.

lil creamy cm was good sign for me both times. Gentle hooyah (but secretly making a 'squeeeeeee!' excitement face)

I am panicking and it's stupid and silly. My boobs were majorly tingly/sore earlier in week and I felt upduffed. Now not really. I'm only 4+1 I'm being silly aren't i? I went for lunch with friends yesterday and my friend i drove home guessed. This is what happens if you normally drink lots then suddenly don't! I now have two people who've guessed.

POAS this morning and it's slightly stronger but not much. I'm getting worried :(. It's still v early though yes?

I told some people we were ttc just in conversation - I'm quite an open person though. I like to share because then others open up and you get support and often useful advice. Annoying when you do get pg though as they all guess!

I like to keep this in my active list,

La I really want to tell you to stop POASing but I know you won't so wasted breath . You know 4+1 is too early to worry about lack of symptoms, although I do totally get how you're feeling. You will probably feel a little better once you've made it further than the last time if that makes sense. Try not to stress .

Hi spuffy, good luck, hope you do a kitten.

Ooooh Ness is in labour? Yay!

La there's bugger all you can do about it so stop worrying. [hypocrite]

It's just coz disappearing symptoms were my first sign of it going wrong :(

Looks like she's definitely in labour. Very exciting!

I know what you mean La, mine too. Although I just knew from the start that something wasn't right. Even though I was nervous this time, I didn't have the same 'impending sense of doom' as my friend would call it. Like Honey, says though, it's out of your control so have to try to force yourself to relax (if that's not completely contradictory).

They're not disappearing Lala- they just haven't properly appeared yet! They're all on and off for first couple of weeks I found. Hugs and hooyahs. A line is a line

Name: gaggia
Age: 32
TTC: July 2014 MC in October
DC: 3yo cross ginger DD

Keep the faith la! I keep thinking symptoms have gone and then an hour later the boobs kick in. All the while they aren't there it's easy to think they've gone. Plus, it is early. Lots of stuff wouldn't even be expected until 6 weeks!

15 kids and counting on 'really'. More trashy telly! I need to get a life!

I go out for one night and there is a new Fred!
Hello viroids! Went to the pictures again last night. Saw Ouija it was pretty rubbish.
We haven't DTD since arsegate dp is too tired.

dulcet that's interesting. I was wondering about moving house to get another go. we are lucky as we can afford to pay for another go, and could do a third if we had to but have agreed only to do 1 after funded if necessary. it is all just so unfair though.

la hugs to you. I know nothing I say can make you feel better so just know I have everything crossed for you.

hooyas gratefully received. no.more cm so back to a more grounded way of feeling now. god ttc is hard!

La sorry hun didn't see your post, all things crossed for you.

Lil I second that. TTC is a massive mind fuck. I half thought yesterday that I wanted to stop until my cycles were sorted because it's too stressful when I don't know what my body is doing. But I feel like stopping would be a massive step backwards.

Still, temping starts tomorrow :)

try not to get too disheartened jelly. I think this AF is probably a more "real" one than last which is why its heavier. hope she fucks off faster than mine did when my wonky cycles decided to fuck with me. I wasn't on here at that time and I think if I had been I'd have been calmer having others to speak to, so you are doing all the right things. and really, you think you'll be able to stop now you've started? you're a stronger person than me. you may as well keep going but consider these practice runs while your cycle is sorting itself out
oh and please don't play with guns

lil our trust only offers one round too. If icsi doesn't work, would you qualify for a funded round of another type of ivf (like the one where they grow the baby for a couple of days before implant)? I'm guessing not but they should! If it fails you should get to change treatment plan til it works!

la it must be so hard not to obsess. Thinking of you. Remember your mantra. Today......

jelly lots of rest and iron.

gaggia cape and disco pants methinks.

spuffy welcome, are you an old timer? I get the sense you've been around these parts before?

Off to see what Ness is up to x

tink they decide whether to do day 3 or day 5 trf based on the growth of the embryos anyway. its not a different type of ivf. just a decision on when to transfer. so nope we really do only get one funded cycle.

today is our 2nd anniversary of starting ttc. shit.

lil your bfp is within grasp now, these last two years are all part of the (very frustrating) journey x

Little embryo is burrowing into my uterus, I can feel it :) quite uncomfortable but I remember this from last time - I was in Barcelona.

It's reassuring

Yay La that's positive. God I hope it's a sticky bean!!!

Thanks for the support ladies. I don't know who I'd turn to if I couldn't talk to you folks. DP isn't the most talkative person when it comes to this sort of stuff.

Excellent news la glad you're feeling more positive!

You're so close now lil we never know what is going to happen in life but you are so strong on here which I think is amazing. Can't pretend that I have any idea how you feel though but thinking of you just the same