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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:44

Get your

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:45

Get your

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:45

Get your

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:45

Get your

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:45

Get your cape on

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:46

Quieeeeeeeeet!

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:49

to the tube of 'my favourite things'

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:49

Cunthawks and bum holes

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:50

And avatar pandas

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:50

Capes on til day breaks

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:51

And wees on farages

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:52

Pineapple cups and pissing on sticks

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:52

These are a few of the JSers tricks

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:53

When the sporn bursts

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:53

When the banjo breaks

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:53

When we're feeling shite

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:54

We simply hop onto the awesome penis

Leela5 · 17/11/2014 06:54

And everything's, all.....riiiiiiight!

DulcetMoans · 17/11/2014 07:31

Hahahaha. Thanks la, now we have a Fred anthem!

There's still 30 posts to go! I can't go over to the new one until we are done - it's too messy!!

I don't want to go to work. Please don't make me!!

OP posts:
Leela5 · 17/11/2014 07:32

I'm trying to think of a new song...

honeysucklejasmine · 17/11/2014 08:03

That was amazing La!

wilmabedrock · 17/11/2014 08:05

That's funny La!

Work sucks Dulce. Thankfully I don't have that pleasure today.

TinkerBlue · 17/11/2014 08:07

Nice song la. Well done on the new Fred mountain!

jellypi3 · 17/11/2014 08:12

la that was bloody amazing! I'm going to be singing that all day now hahaha

mountaingirl01 · 17/11/2014 08:17

HA had a dream last night that you were all telling me the new fred title was bad taste and shocking and that I was banned from mn! (and all this after the bumsex conversation)