Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Sod them then. I know what anxiety is like. I would hate it too but you can't control where your cat goes and they rarely go in their own gardens

Positive opk! Positive opk! i.e. There is actually a second line i can see

Let the shag-a-thon commence!

La, surely she can't be upset with Famous Cat?! He's a celebrity! ... But i totally get what you're feeling. Its a shame Mr La won't help at the moment. Hopefully he changes his mind.

Jelly I'd love for you to be a kick ass cop. I can imagine you Hot Fuzz-ing it up in Gaggia's back and beyond home town.

Please someone say they have a model village?! Pleeeeeeease?!

Ha! Updated Ovia and my fertility score went from 2 to 9.5. Lol! Guess we've been starting too late before now. When i go mum bfp we were.
. very active... during the early cycle.

I'm on cd10 of 27.

congrats honey on the pos opk. no doubting it when its positive compared to the lighter ones leading up. its like someone turned up the vibrance isn't it.

bat sorry we I've made you feel like that. please don't worry so soon. its good not to be naive about it but chances are if I went out and had a drunken one night stand at the wrong right time of the month I'd be upduffed immediately. its a combination of factors that cause the issues some people have and some of it is just down to luck. best thing you can do is take it easy and enjoy the shagging. as for AF my first couple off pill were really light too. your body has had its hormones switched off for however long you've been on it and it needs time to remember what its supposed to do. it was my progesterone levels not dropping that caused my epically long AF at the beginning. and now all my test are fine and I'm uber fertile with no problems apparently. what I'm trying to say is the worrying stuff will seem fine a few months down the road. different isn't always bad.

gaggia definitely leave him at his mams. total cunthawk himself if you ask me.

jcandy good luck hoping your game. we were a once in a blue moon couple before ttc! think we'll be a never couple by next week lol

loved the tower poppies pics. wish I'd gone to see it.

hi zing hope your well. no cape mending needed here, I'm retiring it in favour of needles next week! needles start 28/12

la I think you've done all you need to re cats. its up to your neighbours to deter them with sprays etc not for you to buy. we always hiss at cats we see in our garden to scare them off and discourage them but I'd never dream of making their owners feel guilty about them being there. you are probably a bit over three and feeling a bit more tender about it as a result so don't worry

honey sounds like you need to get busy dtd. :-)

gaggia I would be mad too. side note, my auto correct tried to correct your name to haggis... :O

i went to the discover dogs show at Earls Court today. A good day, but am exhausted now. The bad thing about doing something like that at the weekend it means that I really don't feel like I've even had a weekend. need day to self! Monday again already though.. :-( who got to decide the weekend was going to be two days long? why didn't they think you make it three days?

this is probably a dumb question.. but how do I know if I'm on the mobile site? I'm using my phone tonight, just put mumsnet.com into the address bar.

Yes, it may not be the whole surge butility there is more LH there than there was yesterday so willing to give it a shot. Felt stabby pains too. Will see if the line darkens tomorrow.

Bat would echo Lil. You only really see us lot hanging around, rather than the loads that are only with us for a cycle. Its worth asking in the grads thread how many people got upduffed straight away... But again, the regular posters are those who've been around a long time, because they built relationships whilst they waited. Those who come and get preg quickly don't always seem to hang around. So don't panic! Read, learn about your cycle, and be assured you probably won't need to know it!

Ainat, if it has five blue buttons on the bottom and only ads within the posts, your on mobile. It is a default when you log on... Browser detects mobile and switches.

Oh, we dtd alright.

*you're

Yes honey!! Get those bad boys up there!

They can join their buddies from the previous two days.

ainat if you types it in a web browser then hats the website. If you went to App Store (or equivalent) and downloaded the app and you click that rather than a web browser then it's the app.

Agree with the others bat, don't panic! Sorry if that is what this place has made you do. We are a really mixed group here - some just starting, some with yrs of trying - but that's what both the real world will be like. Average is meant to be 6-12mnths or something. Just go with it - you have pill recovery to get through first!

honey - get your cape on!!

la you can't control a cat. I know it's horrible to think others think badly of you, I hate that too, but you have been entirely reasonable.

woop woop honey. get in there. gx its your month.

And thanks. I must be on the mobile site then from i have those blue buttons at the bottom. :-)

Cunthawk sounds like an early 1980s police drama...

ainat if you did want the desktop site on your mobile if you scroll right the the bottom there's a blue link to it. I actually quite like the mobile site over the app and the desktop

so who's next to poas? did we have someone on Tuesday? I've lost track a little :-/

Thanks all. I think I will probabilistic with the mobile site when on my phone. :-D

i think there is someone poas on Tuesday but I don't remember who.. sorry.. :-S

cunthawk. kato, I'm picturing an American style cop show where they have a hawk in a sideways eye shape as the badge. maybe I'll draw it tomorrow.

It's me - I am supposed to poas tomorrow. Trying to keep myself in bed so that I don't do it today.

Although I am having cramps which usually suggest AF is on her wicked way .....

Successful deedage completed last night so that's 4 this month. I'm thinking 8 might be pushing it but gonna hold out for 6! We enjoy it when we get going just a bit of an effort to get started

Have you made it out of bed yet fleur?

Morning jcandy

Yes, up and ready. No poas and no AF yet. In limbo! I guess in will just need to be patient

Morning viroids! Well done those who got capes on last night!

Vivid dreams (mostly that I've either forgotten to get dressed or my outfit is see through!) and insomnia. POAS this morning and got a lovely strong line

ness had a son this morning, in case anyone wanted to pop over and wish her well on grads.

fleur by gum you have admirable restraint! Gx it's a good sign that af not here

Ooh, good luck Fleur! Hope the witch stays away.

JCandy just concentrate the deeds in that magic window and let the swimmers do the rest :)

Go honey!

Did Mr Cunthawk return last night with his feathery tail between his legs? I'm with you, gaggia, if he can't afford the time and commitment AND a baby he needs to work out where his priorities are. Here, obviously

Bat, really sorry you're worrying. Don't go! I'll shut up. It took me three cycles to sort my hormones out after coming off the pill, so don't panic. And loads of women get upduffed and have no worries whatsoever. I'm one of the ones that doesn't - natty combination of a medical background, a touch of anxiety and a history of these things. Doesn't mean you will have any problems but we're here for you if you do

Crashing exhaustion and a touch of nausea again here! Phew. I hate the early weeks.

chat I seem to be ok until I'm required to do something (get off sofa, walk up stairs) then it feels physically impossible. I'm waiting for the mega boobs to arrive, that happened this week last time

morning viroids

glad to hear that line is getting darker la

and yay for symptoms chat

fx AF stays away fleur wasn't someone else poas with you on tuesday?

I thought it was you lil!

Ah, lovely news about Ness. Glad she got her water birth.

Not liking the sound of this exhaustion etc. I'm tired enough as it is!