Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

[DulcetMoans]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Do = DH predictive text!

Morning. Mr middle shagged me good and proper last night. Having had his folks with us last week we haven't done it as much as I would like but hey ho, I'll find out in a couple of weeks.

Mother's coming round for Sunday lunch and because there's hardly any sport on today have convinced DP not to go to the pub this afternoon so will be having a lazy one in front of the telly. Just catching up on walking dead now before doing some cleaning.

Sorry, meant to add... morning rumpy pumpy is a great way to start the day! Especially of the unexpected variety!

Yes, I have stopped, about 3 weeks ago. The first 2 days were horrific, but after that, it's honestly been a breeze. I think 'cigarettes or baby, cigarettes or baby', and keep it as simple as that. Don't try and reason with yourself.

Does DH smoke too?

kez I'm smoking. I go through about 2-3 packs a week. I have 200 duty frees to go through then I'm planning on giving up (obviously if I get pregnant before that then ill give up straight away). My mum smoked all throughout when she was pregnant with me and she always jokes that it didn't stunt mu growth (I'm 6ft).

Luckily DP is giving up too (well he has a vape thingy).

PMA was me and yes its positive mental attitude. trying to keep it up!

I've never been more than a social smoker so I really don't get the addiction thing. I could go through phases where I was having quite a few (also smoked when stressed occasionally) but when I said enough's enough I just stopped. I think mind over matter definitely is key. could you try a meditation CD or something.

I need to destress. I seem.to be clenching my teeth constantly, especially at night. no idea why I'm stressed. must book acupuncture on Monday and start my relaxation CD. and get on top of my work, that would help too.

jealous of the morning shag wake up!

forgot you were a doc mountain , feel a little more like you just like needles now

Morning all, slightly jealous of all of your cape action! Mr. Tink is not keen given the state of me!! Last time we tried I coughed him out! Lol!

Thanks dulcet our fc is amazing! One of the better ones in this part of the world with really good stats! Will find out about open days!

Apparently adoption agencies like you to have explored the treatment route, if unsuccessful, grieved, then take some time out before you apply. Therefore if we want an adopted child we still need to get on this treatment treadmill regardless. So I guess our choices are becoming more limited. (Obviously they don't force you into trying ivf if you don't want to - they just want to know you've explored your options). So here goes!!!

Morning viroids!

Well done on all the shagging! Good viroids!

I don't smoke but Mr La has had a hell of a time trying to give up for ttc. He doesn't smoke lots just 2-3 a day but he works in bar so it's part of the culture and it's really hard. He's done really well and is on e-cigarette 95% of the time. He'll have given up by baby arrival hopefully. They did say at fertility clinic that he'd need to be off everything for us to be considered for any fertility treatment.

my clinic want you both to have stopped for 6 months before treatment too la. forgot that as it didn't apply to us.

Ha! It makes so much more sense once you know mountain is a doctor

lil I grind my teeth at night because of anxiety and have to wear a guard because my teeth wear down. Might be an idea?

Smoking is something I've struggled with on and off! Dh and I still have the odd roll up when we're drunk! I shouldn't though - he doesn't think about until next time but it makes me really want one the next day!
Like you lil stress doesn't help!

oh, did my super bean shop last night. spent £130 on a weeks food!! and couldn't get s couple of things!

today I'm cooking roast for the family so going to prep some stuff for the week whilst I'm in the kitchen. so you probably won't hear too much from me today for a change

Snap lil I'm doing a brisket and Dm is bringing the pud! Might do a pasta salad for lunches for a few days and a big dirty chocolate cake!

I'm having to do pud too. doing roast lamb. going to have to tell.DM to bring mint sauce though. I refuse yo buy s jar to use it once a throw away! (we usually have a roast at hers).
I'm also making soup andbreakfast muffins for dh.

No DH doesn't smoke and hasn't for years (before we met). I've been trying to stop for years. Succeeded for a few months at a time and something just triggers me to start again.

Going to throw the rest of this pack before DH gets home and take my bank card out of my purse to avoid buying any.

Need to shift some weight too. Oh boy I am going to be a lovely person over the coming weeks. May end up getting sack before a bfp!

is it me that fills these threads up so quick?

rhubarb stewed
soup made and blended
breakfast muffins cooling
most of veg for dinner sorted.

just the apple pie to do!

oh and I've drunk 700ml of water this morning.

what's everyone else up to??

Wow Lil! That is some serious productivity!

I, sadly, am doing my expenses for work. I have been putting them off ever since March, so there's quite a bit to do The very minute it's over I am jumping up to make pecan pie for dessert for tonight, tidy up the living room and possibly sort out my office or my dressing room...can't decide which will be less of a ball-ache. DH is a teacher and is busy sticking things in workbooks, so I can't even pester him to help me. Poo.

In reality I shall probably MN until sundown, and then be nagged and nagged to get out of my pjs and have a bath

Kezza I was the same as you, secretly having about 6 a day at work (3 days a week) and DH had no idea!

It was hard when I got my BFP because I used to go for fag breaks with my boss, and it's where I'd find out all the comings and goings of the business! But I could easily go four weeks without thinking about smoking when I wasn't there!

So I have

Got up (mammoth task as got in at 3:30am), stripped beds, redone beds, put wash on, swept and cleaned kitchen, washed up, cleaned up cat sick, put bins out, made breakfast, put shopping delivery awake and we are now watching Elementary (great show!)

Inspired by you guys I bought rhubarb and plums to make crumble tomorrow.

Still got to do my filing, more washing, save Audrey the plant (she needs a new cane), polishing, read book club book and book restaurant for tonight. Rock n roll!

You lot are tres productive!

I have:
Made Boily Eggs and soldiers
Helped the kitties with their den in the tea towel drawer (its looking great - they have stolen 2 dog chews and hidden them at the back)
Caught up with an hour of work
Put the brisket in a low oven.

Off to Tesco now but its pissing down so i'm putting it off, hence catching up with you lot.

aren't we all domestic goddesses today!! got distracted by dh wanting lunch so cooked omelettes then sat and snuggled on the sofa for a bit. about to tackle the apple pie. I have less than 2 hrs until DM arrives!

I've cooked a chilli. This is a big thing for me because I don't cook!

Does anybody find pairing socks quite therapeutic?

Lol yup I can see why that one confused you lil! Sorry I should have explained ;)

I have set up band for church, played in band and then packed it all away too whilst dh did the same to the sound system.

Then went to tesco and had lunch. Tidied a bit. Having friends over for movie and nachos.

Ah! Pma makes sense! Thank you!