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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
DulcetMoans · 16/11/2014 15:04

Well my day has been less productive but I haven't been here. I've been up in the midlands seeing family and then the long drive home. Just got in, packing stuff away and DHis making a tea pot. Plan now is to veg out with tea and telly.

And not do the cleaning that is desperately needed.

OP posts:
Leela5 · 16/11/2014 15:17

Phew! Went for walk round country park.

I. Am. Pooped.

Time to veg on couch with crisps, cats and telly

jellypi3 · 16/11/2014 15:20

I've just built a cabinet for my grandparents (ikea) and got fed a roast. Woop!

Leela5 · 16/11/2014 15:20

Nearly new Fred time again! We talk too much. Who's up for Fred title - mountain?

DulcetMoans · 16/11/2014 15:37

Got cats a balloon to play with from the party - little chance of relaxing for them now!

OP posts:
lildottie · 16/11/2014 15:54

apple pie in the oven. had left over pastry so also did some jam tarts. will be sending leftovers home with DM as healthiness starts here tomorrow! the lamb is coming thee toasties are in. no room in the oven for the parsnips. hmmm

lildottie · 16/11/2014 15:54

the roasties not thee toasties

gaggiagirl · 16/11/2014 16:05

Today I have.......been to Saddleworth moor to see cunthawk! CuntHawk is actually a bonny boy.
Stopped of at MacArthur glen for a Lindt pick and mix.
Off home for telly and shagging now.

jellypi3 · 16/11/2014 16:25

Your shagging now and MN'ing? Good work!

gaggiagirl · 16/11/2014 16:31

Ha ha no. Not home yet at the petrol station now
AF is in full flow so we will have to shag on a tarp Grin

Leela5 · 16/11/2014 16:41

Glad it finally came properly gaggia, enjoy your shagging!

Indigoblue2 · 16/11/2014 17:09

Afternoon viroids, I'm sitting waiting to fly home from my weekend with pals. gaggia why aren't you taking the trusty old dirt track instead? Smile

Jcandy · 16/11/2014 17:14

Well you all seem to have been very productive for a Sunday. Mines been a mix. Didn't get out of bed till midday due to a lot of stressing and a few tears (no idea why just feel really tense right now). Have managed to order some new furniture for our lounge (sideboard and TV stand) and buy life insurance (always handy Confused) Me and Dp went out for Sunday lunch due to stressiness and laziness but it was very tasty. Now vegging on the sofa. 5dpo today still lots of waiting to do.

ChatEnOeuf · 16/11/2014 17:20

Less than productive today, public vomiting score still zero though which is a massive achievement. Cleaned the kitchen, mopped up cat sick, changed the fish water, booked a hotel for a quick trip to Cologne for the Christmas markets and went to the 'sintaklaaus' party at DH's work. It's a very traditional celebration in Nov-Dec in Holland and Belgium. Wikiliknk But oh dear me, how awful it was...they actually had black facepaint on! - I genuinely didn't know which way to look. Very uncomfortable, so I came home and had a nap.

Glad you can get shagging now gaggia :)

Never smoked so can't help those who do, but good luck stopping - it'll be totally worth it.

Purplecircle · 16/11/2014 18:02

Evening viroids, I've had a lovely weekend of shopping with mum, cocktails with girlies, then lunch out with himself today.

However, I've done a couple of hours work since and just put some Lakeland stuff on the mould round the bath....bit less exciting but hopefully it will work!

lildottie · 16/11/2014 18:08

I'm done in. now I just need these people to leave my house so I can get comfy in front of the TV! currently there are 2boys playing Xbox on it Hmm

Leela5 · 16/11/2014 18:23

You ok jcandy? Anything we can help with? Life insurance - very sensible!

lil I'm not surprised! Entertaining is really tiring! Did it go ok?

chat I saw sinterklaas when I was in Amsterdam, it was a bit creepy!

purple that sounds like a nice day Smile how are you doing?

Friends arrival imminent, going to pub for tea. Very tired, really want to crawl into bed...

Ainat266 · 16/11/2014 18:31

A busy weekend on the Fred (not that I expected anything less!) I've had family staying which is why I haven't been online.

Time to make a cup of tea, and then catch up on what you have all been talking about. Grin

Purplecircle · 16/11/2014 18:45

Plodding on La, not much happening. Awesome penis is still out of action to heal....I refuse to use condoms, they give me BV!
I keep upping the insulin and I'm nearly normal now. Don't know if it will be low enough for next cycle. Witch due this week

Mould all gone :-) hurray!

Jcandy · 16/11/2014 19:12

I'm up and down la don't even know what's wrong just always on the verge of tears. My poor DP doesn't know what to do best bless him. I think it's work stress (recently started a new job, so now I'm doing 2 but feel like I'm doing neither very well). Obviously ttc is on my brain too and I got a bit stressed when I thought I wasn't ovulating but FF has confirmed that now so guess that's better. Oh I don't know! Wish I could just relax!! Confused

Sorry about my me me me post.

Gaggia are you coming round to the idea of cunthawk now then?

Chat sintaclaaus sounds really weird!!

Have you managed to reclaim the TV yet lil?

La hopefully the atmosphere of the pub will wake you up Smile

lildottie · 16/11/2014 19:20

at last they have gone. it annoys me that the 2kids sit on Xbox, mother sits on her tablet and step dad just watches the Xbox game or sits on his phone. like have a conversation with each other ffs!

Ainat266 · 16/11/2014 19:20

Wooo... All caught up. I think. Though I'm pretty tired, so apoligies if I missed anything!

kez welcome to the Fred!

lemon I'm jealous of your morning shag!

gaggia are you coming round to the idea of cunkhawk? Enjoy your shagging when you get home. Wink

JCandy hope you're okay.

Chat I'm going to the Cologne Christmas markets too this year - 19th Dec. Which reminds me I need to book some travel insurance. Can any of you lovely viroids recommend a company? My main concern is we're flying and being the time of year that it is flights sometimes get delayed/cancelled and I want to be covered if that happens.

lil I hope you get your t.v. back soon. We've had my sil and her husband here all weekend. Lovely to see them as it's been a few months, but I'm exhausted after a busy week so am glad for the relaxing evening tonight.

I should get my blood test results back on Wednesday. In the meantime still waiting for AF. CD77. Sigh.

wilmabedrock · 16/11/2014 20:15

I've used 'Go Travel' before for insurance. Usually I just use one of those comparion sites and pick the cheapest one which covers all the things that I want.

gaggiagirl · 16/11/2014 20:19

CuntHawk might even have a proper name. I think troy or Gary any suggestions?
I might be his friend...maybe.

Ainat266 · 16/11/2014 20:30

just realised I cross posted with a couple of you before. It takes me too long to type out messages on my phone. Haha

glad you've got your house back lil

:-)

bum in air time. Wink