Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

Hi ladies, i hope you're all ok. Sorry for going awol- had a manic few days recently. Had some amazing news this afternoon though. Brian's teacher applied for the educational psychologist to come to see Brian- and they've agreed! We have to go into school next Wednesday to speak with the EP. I'm over the moon that things are finally moving in the right direction (especially after finding out that Brian's old nursery have told lies about how much support he needs) xx

Hi all,
We had our doctors appointment yesterday to talk about Alex. The PM showed that he was completely normal, as were the placenta and cord, so no explanation as to why it happened. It's "one of those things", apparently. He only measured 16 weeks so it's officially a "late miscarriage", even though I didn't find out he'd died until 21 weeks. The doctor was lovely and answered all of my questions, even the ones that were probably a bit crazy & neurotic. He said it would be highly unlikely to happen again, but I'll get some extra scans for reassurance next time.

So we are officially now TTC. Or, not really trying, just stopping using condoms. DS was unplanned and conceived when I had a coil. Alex was conceived on the 1st cycle we tried. So I'm hoping it won't take too long, but preparing myself for the fact that it's not as straightforward as that, and conceiving one baby quickly is no guarantee that the same will happen next time.

Hope everyone else is ok. x

Spaniel, hope your feeling ok after the apt, I think we really build these things up, with me it was also 'just one of them things' or as one of the nurses told me 'just really bad luck'

Fingers crossed for you, hope it happens quickly

Waves to everyone x

spaniel, i hope you're doing ok after the appointment, and glad you had a lovely doctor to answer your questions. I was told my placenta rupturing was "just one of those things" which personally i didn't find helpful at first. I wanted a reason, but gradually accepted that there wasn't one. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you TTC

Waves to all xx

Hi all
Spaniel well done for getting through your hospital meeting, although they didn't really have any 'answers' for you I am glad you have a plan as to how a future pregnancy will be managed. Good luck on the TTC, or 'not trying not to!'

Kayleigh really pleased for you that they are getting the EP in to assess Brian, fingers crossed they are able to put some real plans in place for him. X

Sorry haven't had time to read back, I know I have been missing for a while. E is 10 days old today and it's been a bit of a blur to be honest. Last few days have been quite stressful as she has not gained any weight since birth and in fact has lost it. Difficulty being she wasn't latching on when we left hospital and I was needing to express and top up with formula. But obviously this just wasn't enough. CM very kindly arranged for me to be read admitted to local MLU ,for 24 hrs of intensive breast feeding support which was great and really helped with positioning but she still lost weight. Went last night to be assessed by specialist MW for tongue tie who said she definitely had it and snipped it for us. OMG th difference last night! Think she is feeding better and having to work less hard for it an consequently went 4 hrs between feeds overnight and seemed very settled. Am hopeful she will have gained weight at the weekend! Sorry for the essay, too tired to write in short sentences!

Critter hope everything with this cycle is going ok and you are ok

Blue how r u doing?

Love and waves to everyone else, wil try and keep up from now on, apologies! Xxx

Oh ruby how scary for you! Glad things are improving now. Hope e starts gaining weight x

Hello everyone
kayleigh that's great news, sounds like a big step forward in getting the help Brian needs :)

spaniel I'm sorry the pm didn't really give you any answers - we had the same. Just seems so wrong that a perfectly healthily baby can just die for no real reason, and so suddenly. My cons keeps saying its like being struck by lightning - really unlikely, but does happen sometimes. Doesn't really help when you're the one who's been struck.

ruby I'm sorry the first few days with your rainbow haven't been easy, but it sounds like things are heading in the right direction now. Hope you're well supported by those around you & that things settle down now x

missalex how's things, not seen you post for a bit?
critter hope you're managing to take your mind off the wait a bit & feeling ok.
ducky how's the anxiety?
earth yes, I found it v hard to control my worries about other, unlikely but possible things going wrong. Dh being out late is def one of them, also our eldest is just at the stage of wanting independence more - I'm rubbish at dealing with it and have no advice! But I imagine its a normal reaction.

I've just come through the time I was most dreading - 36 wks which is when we lost E. Found it v hard, even been getting up in the night & using the Doppler to check. Been avoiding people & keeping my head down. But yesterday felt like a breakthrough, I went in for monitoring (booked in, not due to reduced movements or anything) in the afternoon, and for the first time this whole pg I actually felt relaxed in the morning. It was so nice to feel like a normal person for a while! Even managed to pack the basics for the baby into the boot of the car. So I can ignore all that now... 11 days to go. I asked for another booked in monitoring for tues next week, for some reason I don't understand my cons is a bit against it - anyone else had that? Anyway, I booked it with th mws directly so it's happening whether he likes it or not . Then a last scan next fri.... There is a part of me daring to start hoping now, and it's scary. I know it won't actually make any difference but I can't help feeling like its bad luck to actually get my hopes up again of a living baby. Did others feel like that?
Btw I also saw the psychologist again... I have to say I really haven't found it useful. I'd have been better off with regular ctgs for the anxiety I think. Maybe it was just mine, or me...

I also googled baby hiccups the other day as she was having a lot... And scared myself as they're apparently linked with cord probs. but my mw has never heard of a prob, just wondering if anyone else has heard anything?

Waves to all x

Sorry I can't post much but Blue I read that about hiccups too and it freaked me out. I asked my mw and she laughed (kindly), it's rubbish apparently. I know you can't "un read" it but try to take comfort from the fact that the professionals think it's a load of old tosh.

11 days!!!! You can do it x

Not long now blue!

I also read that about hiccups and asked various midwifes & two consultants who said they hadn't heard about that before

Anxiety is still very much there, it wasn't helped by the fact that I found out my consultant should have had a load more appointments with me than they had so I was switched consultants. My new one is lovely and said I could have weekly scans if it would help but she said as they need to monitor growth this could cause undue worry so she booked them every 3 weeks with monitoring every week. She was very very sympathetic and understanding which made me feel loads better.

Ducky I was scanned every 3 weeks for growth too, any more than that and it's difficult to see the growth because some weeks they grow more than others-and send you into a tailspin.
If I had extra scans for reassurance they never took measurements. Just let me watch and listen to the heartbeat.
So glad you are happy with your new consultant.

Kayleigh-fantastic news for you and Brian.

Spaniel, I'm so sorry that you didn't get any answers-although I think it is quite common. Wishing you lots of luck with ttc.

ruby so sorry you've had to deal with the tongue-tie business. DH's cousins baby had a tongue-tie which went undiagnosed for a few weeks, so i'm glad the team where you are have dealt with it so quickly. I'll keep my fingers crossed that E starts putting some weight on for you.

blue well done for making it through the time you were dreading. I have read the same as you about hiccups, although IIRC the site i was on said hiccups are only an issue if they are for prolonged periods and happen quite frequently (so possibly meaning a few times a day and each time lasting quite a while).

ducky how understanding of your new doctor.

Thanks all you ladies for your kind words about Brian. I've been fighting for the psychologist to see him for 18 months and now it's finally happening

Glad your finally getting the help you deserve with Brian Kayleigh

Ruby, hope you're ok. My little man had a tongue tie and he lost weight and I got mastitis before it was diagnosed and snipped. Fingers crossed its all on the up for you both now.

Thanks ducky as i said i just feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulders- i'm possibly the most relaxed i've been since Brian first showed signs of being "different". I've even treated myself to a couple of drinks this evening haha. I'm also hoping this new found calmness is a sign of good things coming our way x

Just poppìng in to send Critter tons of BFP vibes for tomorrow. Best of luck, I so hope you get your positive x

Love to everyone else, will post when I can x

Thinking of you Critter.

Blue, how are you? Is it just 1 week to go now?

MissA, hope you are ok. Thinking of you and your friend x

Not caught up I'm afraid, just wanted to say there's a panorama on still birth tonight at 830pm on BBC 1. I'm taping it as not in right frame of mind for it tonight. Thought some of you might want to watch.

Hi ladies. BFN for me. I feel ok, a bit flat, will probably have a little hibernate. We have three more frosties so I guess we will just cycle again when AF comes (which it should soon as I can stop taking the drugs now).

Sorry not to post hellos to everyone, just going off to lick my wounds for a bit.

Oh Critter I'm so sorry. We'll still be here when you are ready to come back. Lots of love to you x

Owl-I'm recording it, my consultant is on, they filmed him in the months after F died. I feel quite emotional just knowing it is on.

I'm so sorry Critter.

Just wanted to say sorry critter- i'm sending love xx

owli missed the programme- do you think it'll be on bbc iplayer? x

Oh Critter...I'm so sorry. Look after yourself, hibernation and wound licking sounds about right. I wish I could give you an actual hug rather than a virtual one. We really are all here if needed.

Kayleigh-it is on iplayer. I've just watched a little bit, it's very difficult to watch.

Just checking up on Critter. Sorry my last post wasn't very extensive. I suppose it's now onwards and upwards to the next cycle? Do what you need to do to get through these next few days/weeks and grieve for your twibling.

Couldn't watch the BBC programme. Think it'd be far too upsetting.

Waves to all. Just waiting for my ivf referral to come through. Looks like I'm in for a bit of a wait. Could muster up the cash to go private but want to save hat in case my two NHS free cycles don't work.