Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

Aww congratulations Ruby glad the cs was peaceful and you have a beautiful baby girl.
Good luck for today Critter.

AFM had an awful moment bumping in to someone who hadn't heard yesterday. His first words were wow leaving the baby with other people already she must only be a couple of weeks old! Part of me wants to just run away it's an awful conversation as I'm not sure there is a nice way to put it and everyone feels awkward. Ended up feeling like I was consoling him as he was so upset and embarrassed for asking.

lake those conversations are so awful aren't they. I never did work out how best to deal with them. It's one of the few things that does get better with time though as it happens less frequently x

spaniel the approaching due date or pm appt on its own is bad enough, no wonder your emotions are all over the place with both to deal with. ((Hugs))

spaniel it's no surprise your emotions are all over the place, be kind to yourself, i'm sending hugs and strength

lake i know what you mean about the awful conversations. When it was approaching Ben's due date another mum at school who has a daughter in my DD's class had said something like "not long left" and i just looked at her horrified, then had to explain. She was so apologetic for asking that like you i felt i was consoling her by the end of it all.

AFM i'm all mixed emotions right now. I've just picked Brian up from school after a meeting with his physio, teacher and classroom assistants regarding his ankle splints. Something about seeing the physio putting his splints on and all the classroom staff watching intently in preparation for them having to put them on just made me feel odd in a way. Apologies for not making much sense, just don't know how else to put it :(

Waves to all xx

Lake I hate those conversations, it's the hardest thing. I'm a vet, so see lots of clients every day, and a lot of my regulars knew I was pregnant with Alex. Most of them now know, but every so often I get someone who asks, and I have to explain again. It's always awkward, especially as I'm at work and can't let myself get upset, I need to stay professional, and they are almost always mortified. (Except one nosy cow who started asking questions about what had happened, and why! I don't understand why you would do that!)

Lake, it's horrible isn't it, you have my sympathies. I also hate the fact that you end up feeling bad for upsetting them, I mean what is that about?!

Spaniel-that lady sounds as though she has no social skills whatsoever.

Critter-I hope that twibling 2 is onboard now and settling in securely for the next 9mths.

Quick question for you ladies if you don't mind-since losing F I find myself always thinking the worst and getting a bit panicky about it, for example, if my DH doesn't text to say he has arrived somewhere safely or is home a bit late and hasn't told me (and I'm talking just 15mins here) I start to panic and think something really bad has happened. I'm still like this 2 years later and don't know if I'm strange or if it will go or if it's normal and this is just what life is like as a bereaved mum. Just to add, I'm a natural worrier anyway. Does anyone else have this?

earth i've had times like that. I think it's pretty a common reaction, although like you i'm a worrier too.

Lake those conversations are awful. The only thing is that they do happen less and less. Don't feel you have to console the person though! It helps to have a 'script' so you don't feel as flustered.

Spaniel I can't believe the woman asked you those personal questions while at work, what a cow. I hate it when people imply that there must have been a 'reason'. Grrrr.

Twibling number two is on board, transfer was fine, test is on Monday 29th. Feel actually less stressed than I did last time, which is good. I guess because I don't have mega hopes for it. Although we'll see how long that lasts!

ruby hope you're recovering with sweet little E.

earth I am more anxious since all this too.

Gotta go more later!

critter glad the transfer was fine :)

Glad it went ok critter

Glad the transfer went well critter.
Earth I've been more anxious I was even when I was pregnant. I hate it if DH doesn't get home exactly when he should or if he forgets to send me a message when he arrives at work. I'm definitely more anxious about something bad happening to hi since losing E. I won't let him bike to work now so I drive him!
Yeah definitely think a script would help. The worst was talking to the GP receptionist to book the 6 week check up.
She said is the appointment for you and the baby
no it's just me.
Oh no you have to bring the baby to the appointment it's important they get checked
I don't have a baby
Then you don't need a postnatal check up
Yes I do
Well where's your baby?!
She was stillborn
Oooooh silence ok here's your appointment
On a positive note I went out for coffee with a friend from work last night, first time I've been out with anyone other than family. Actually it went really well and I managed to talk about everything without crying, hopefully making some progress!!

lake sorry you had to have that conversation with your doctors receptionist. I was spared that as i'd already rung up to get an appointment with the gp for some temporary birth control.
And also i'm glad you got through the coffee with your friend, it's certainly progress as you say xx

Lake that conversation sounds awful. I can't believe she didn't even say she was sorry for your loss. I remember when I left the hospital the receptionist waving my discharge form which had a line through it where it should have had info about my son and shouting where's the baby? And I just said really flatly 'it died' and then she couldn't understand my accent and our doula had to explain. Ugh it was awful. I am so sorry sweetheart. This is a shit road to travel. Take it slowly, it's so painful and just getting through each day is a huge achievement at this stage. You're doing really well.

Kayleigh I am so sorry you're having a stressful time with the school. You are under immense pressure with your older son, your mum and TTC stress on top of your grief for Ben. Hang in there sweetheart.

Hi all just wanted to post to say Hello and that we r home now. Haven't had time to read back yet but will do ASAP. Thank you for all your words and thoughts of love and support. I'm all about nipples at the moment! Hope all r well and will post more sociably soon. Ruby x

Thanks critter i'm doubtful i'll get the bfp this time as we only DTD once during the "window" so i'm feeling a bit disheartened right now as i know i'll be in agony soon when AF arrives

ruby glad you're back home, and hope you're getting plenty of rest

Waves to all xx

When are you testing Kayleigh?

Aww ruby so glad your home with your rainbow hope you are recovering well x

ducky AF isn't due for a over a week, but after my conversation with the nurse at my doctors the other week i was able to work out when i was most fertile

Aaah Ruby, glad to hear you have been discharged and all is well. What a week this has been for you! Is Elise feeding ok? How are you recovering?

Critter, I don't know why but your story about checking out from hospital with your doula just really made a chill run down my spine. Is it because it was so easy to picture? Is it because I thought of my own post-natal doula and how lovely she would have been during birth and how devastated you, your dh and her would have been at that point? I don't know. But it just rang so true and so damn sad. I am so, so sorry for you and your dh that you have had this terrible loss in your life. (((hugs))) ANd I hope that little twibling is burrowing itself really comfortable inside your womb. How are you feeling?

Lake what a terrible and upsetting conversation to have had. I can't believe these people aren't trained for such eventualities. They should at least use a kind tone of voice when enquiring: it seems pretty logical that you would bring your baby (if there was one) and that if you are not, it's for a damn good reason and not a joyous one. I am so sorry. How are you getting on at the moment?

Kayleigh you have so much on your plate at the moment...I am so sorry. I hope there are some gentler, easier days ahead for you.

Earth I can totally relate to your heightened anxiety. Dh refuses to follow me into my madness though and continues to cycle to work - we live in London so I am permanently terrified! I am also terrified when the nanny doesn't let me know how dd is getting on or if I know they are getting on trains etc. So I think it's normal, if mentally exhausting... How are you feeling now?

AFM - trying to do lots of positive visualisation, positive thinking and just generally sending good ovulating vibes to my two best friends the ovaries, in the hope that a supersonic, super healthy egg will pop out in a few days! I had quite a few anovulatory cycles before conceiving G so I am telling my body this will not be one. I'm pretty resigned to just letting life take its course now. What will be, will be; I clearly have absolutely zero influence on anything, contrarily to what I used to think. I don't really believe in karma and all of that anymore - at least not right now. Trying to focus on myself and my family and totally obliterate the two pregnancy-bombs that struck me at work on Friday. Repeat after me: I wish them well. It will be me soon. And again. Now breathe.

How is everyone else?
(woo, sorry, this turned into a little novel!)

Kayleigh you only need one time to get pregnant, I hope this is your month! Great that the nurse helped you identify your fertile window.

Ducky how are you and bump?

Ruby I did at 'all about nipples at the moment'. Hope E is settling in and sending you love.

Madem you are so kind. Positive visualisation is great. And it will be you again soon! Pregnancy announcements do sting but you will get there too soon, I just know it.

Feeling ill (achey and sore throat) but otherwise all good with me, looking after our best friends' ancient jack Russell terrier this weekend who is quite the comedy character and has been making me laugh.

Laugh = endorphins = comfy twibling

Ahh critter hope you feel better soon!!!

I'm not doing so well this movement anxiety is getting worse, I spend my whole day obsessing about movements, I've had midwifes out at all hours and been to the hospital but I still constantly panic.
I'm 26 weeks now and he has quiet days and it absoloutely terrifies me some days I feel positive then others i convince myself it's happening again , and I know it's ridiculous but I'm scared to say that too incase I 'curse' it I'm so superstitious! People keep telling me to think 'positive' but I suppose it's easy for someone to say that without being through what we have all been through

Waves to everyone x

Ruby, glad to hear that you are home - I hope that you have a speedy recovery from the section.

Critter, keeping my fingers crossed for you and hoping this twibling sticks.

Earth - the anxiety thing; oddly, I was super-anxious all through my pregnancy with DD2 - was worried about DP cycling to work, etc. I had this really strong feeling that something bad was going to happen, but I never thought for a moment that it would be to the baby. I'm not usually at all 'woo', but sometimes wonder if I was having premonitions? The anxiety has gone now - I think that I feel a bit fatalistic about things so don't want to waste time wording about them, iyswim. But I think that anxiety is pretty normal after something like this - perhaps if it is affecting your day to day life you could think about some form of counselling or CBT?

Kayleigh, hope that one time worked for you!

AFM, am also waiting on AF now, not really sure when she is due as have fairly irregular and longish cycles. Currently on day 36 of cycle, did a test yesterday and was negative, so pretty sure that's it for this cycle.

ducky given what you've been through I think just getting through this pregnancy is more than enough... whether you think positive or not!

betty that is odd about the anxiety. My dad and his cousin who both have witchy feelings about things were both terribly anxious during my pregnancy, especially the final month (his cousin didn't say anything to me until afterwards, but my dad did - I put it down to trauma from his experience with my mum's stillbirth). How are you doing? Any sign of AF yet? Periods are probably likely to be a bit all over the place as you are still post-partum... hang in there. I know just how awfully frustrating no ovulation and no periods are. You could always go back and ask for Clomid if nothing has settled in a month or so? But your loss is still very fresh (although having said that I know also how strong the craving for another baby is too!).

How's everyone else doing?

Hi Critter, how are you doing? No, no sign of AF yet. I was wondering about Clomid - is it quite easy to get prescribed, or might the doctor make me wait it out for a few more cycles to see if things settle naturally? Would usually try the 'natural' route first, but feel like time is ticking away (am 37), so want to get on with it.

Betty I live in the US(been here for 4 years) so no experience with getting clomid prescribed in the UK - but a friend of mine here was prescribed it very quickly after her stillbirth to try to get things moving more quickly. She's now pregnant with her second daughter.

I took it for about 5 or 6 cycles, back in the beginning of my TTC 'journey' (it didn't work for me) and it's not the world's most delightful medicine, but it works for loads of people and it's cheap, so I think given what you've been through, it would definitely be worth a conversation with your GP. The one thing I would say is that it's worth asking to be monitored on it. I took it for 3 months without monitoring, and found it quite stressful not knowing whether it was working or not.

Hi everyone, how are you?

Ruby- hope you and E are settling in well at home.

Critter-thinking of you, more than halfway through the wait now, I hope you're managing to take your mind off it a little bit.

Blue-how are you? Not long now.

Waves to everyone else x