Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

Sorry not yo name check or respond and post very selfishly, I just wanted to let you know that although we had a lovely, promising dating scan with an overexcited consultant team on Wednesday, I started spitting last night and this morning I'm bleeding heavily, with clots, cramps etc. I'm off to EPU but I don't have much hope, despite everyone telling me their own similar experiences that ended well. I'm only 5 weeks today so I'd rather it happened this early if it was going to happen at all but...bloody hell!!

I'm sending massive hugs and love and kind thoughts to everyone. With Christmas almost upon us, it's a very odd place to be, that shit place we are in...

Oh madem, so so so sorry when will you be re scanned? Really keeping my fingers crossed for you x

Sorry not to be name-checking everyone else, but poor Mademoiselle, that's rubbish. Have also read about lots of similar experiences that end well, so keeping my fingers crossed for you too. Big hug x

Sorry not yo name check or respond and post very selfishly, I just wanted to let you know that although we had a lovely, promising dating scan with an overexcited consultant team on Wednesday, I started spitting last night and this morning I'm bleeding heavily, with clots, cramps etc. I'm off to EPU but I don't have much hope, despite everyone telling me their own similar experiences that ended well. I'm only 5 weeks today so I'd rather it happened this early if it was going to happen at all but...bloody hell!!

I'm sending massive hugs and love and kind thoughts to everyone. With Christmas almost upon us, it's a very odd place to be, that shit place we are in...

Sorry, no idea why it posted twice!!

madem sending you massive hugs, I really really hope your scan gives some positive news xxxx

No positive news sadly, they confirmed that there was no viable pregnancy to be seen on screen, I had bloods done to rule out ectopic and that was that...
Ah well. This barely scrapes the sides of the pain I felt/feel for baby G. I'm hugely disappointed. It'll happen at some stage though, won't it?...

Sending massive hugs your way madem so sorry it wasn't good news for you. It's really not fair after wht you have been through . It will happen for you and I hope it's very soon x

Madem I am so so sorry, it's so bloody unfair after all you have been through. I hope you're not too uncomfortable and have lots of love and support around you xxx

I'm sorry not to name check you all.

But just wanted to give a big hugs to Madem. Go easy on yourself, do whatever you need to get through. I'm sorry this has happened and I know that you will get there

Ellie - like town sender says there seems to be a trend on here! They did not find a cause the loss of 'A' either. I think it started off as a big relief but then yes it comes to the why and how. It is still early days for you so let yourself be.

Anna hope your Christmas party goes well, you are incredibly brave for going!

Town hope NYE isn't too hard on you, I too found seeing newborn pics and meeting them an anguish. I still do all this time later!

Hugs to all

Hi Ladies,

Its so sad to see so many new faces on the thread, welcome to you all. I really wish you didnt have to find yourselves here and I am so very sorry for your losses, each and every story is a tragedy. For those who dont know our story, we lost our long awaited little girl "A" at 35 weeks on Christmas Eve two years ago after TTC for 8 years. We have been blessed with a rainbow son "J" who was born 6 weeks ago. He has turned our life upside down (hence the lack of posting) and he is so precious. Having a rainbow doesnt heal the pain and he will never take the place of his big sister but it makes the present a much happier place to be.

I have totally gotten behind on the thread, just havent had time to read back but hope you are all doing ok, or as ok as can be expected.

Madem although I didnt manage to post I was excited about your BFP and am really sorry to hear your news. Life is just so crap sometimes

Kayleigh Happy birthday, hope youre having a lovely day and getting at least a bit spoilt! Its my birthday today too

Critter I have everything firmly crossed for you. I know youre probably sick of hearing stories about how heavy bleeding can lead to a happy ending but in my case it did, I had it running down my legs and pools of it round my feet on the floor and the end result is right now asleep next to me.

Ducky hope youre recovered from your awful birth experience and can now enjoy your LO. I think all of us angel mums tend to be a bit over-protective about our babies. DH's family had bets on about whether anyone would be allowed to touch J (they were right to do so cos theyre only allowed to touch when I say so). Re: the "is it your first "question I have found a new answer when I say no and they ask how old the first one is: I say "we lost her when she was very small" ...never had anyone ask how. It allows me to mention her yet not go into details.

I hope the run up to Christmas for you all is as gentle as such a time can be, I am dreading Christmas Eve and just know that everyone this year will expect me to be "ok". I am absolutely over the moon to have J but that doesnt mean that I will not be terribly sad and thinking of A on the 24th. My in-laws had just assumed that this year we would be going to the big family Xmas Eve "do" until I told them that no, its a date that we need to keep to ourselves. Im sure they dont understand but thats their problem.

Sorry not to name check, big waves to Blue, Owl, Ruby, ATM, Lake, Betty, Tulip, Earth and all the new ladies x

Not had chance to check all the post but will do later Madem I am so so sorry about your news. I hope you're doing ok and have plenty of support around you.

Thank you all. Yes I do, my parents have just arrived from back home with copious amounts of food, booze and love.
Just had blood results, high HCG but low progesterone so confirmed mc. Ah well. Onwards and upwards I guess?
Big hugs to all you wonderful women x

madem so very sorry to hear your news i'm sending you love. I'm glad you have your parents with you to support you

missa thank you and a very Happy Birthday to you too! I'll be thinking of you on Christmas Eve x

AFM bit miffed because i wanted to go and see Ben today, but we ran out of time due to Brian needing an urgent trip to the barbers. This birthday has been bittersweet not only because of missing Ben but finding out Brian could be facing surgery when he's 7 . We're going to go and see Ben tomorrow instead and then we'll be having drinks with friends tomorrow night.

Love to all xx

Madem I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love.

I'm on my way to the Christmas Party. Feel like I need to puke or have a whiskey.

Love to everyone.

Good luck Anna, you're so brave!

Kayleigh what is wrong with Brian? Happy birthday I hear? I hope you're ok.

My previous message sounded really flippant and detached. Words just seem to fail me. It sucks. I always knew I'd have a mc before my rainbow. So let's hope 2015 brings hope.

annaelisabeth have a whiskey and enjoy your evening.

mademoiselle sometimes life just sucks. Hope you are ok physically and being supported emotionally x

Afm - I'm looking forward to christmas now my DS has broken up from school. This first term for him has flown by and definitely helped us through in the last 15 weeks. I can honestly say I'm ok with life, and I positive for a positive future. Saw one of my best friends for the first time since having Edie the other day, she is due in Sunday, it was the one person who I had put off seeing but do you know what, it was actually really easy for me to do. I think I'd just made it into something bigger in my head than it ended to be, I also saw my other friend who had here baby 3 weeks before we had Edie. Her little girl is an absolute smasher and I really enjoyed having my cuddles with her. It doesn't make me feel sad to be around her at all, in fact I still get that ahhh cute baby thing that we all know the feeling off before we had our own nightmares happen. I guess what I'm trying to say whilst rambling on is that personally for me, putting myself in the situations that I have thought will be hard to deal with are actually fine, haven't upset me in the slightest and it's nice to be and feel normal. Grief is different for all of us I'm aware of that, but just wanted to give heart for some of you who may not have faced those kind of situations yet that actually it might be all ok and nothing to worry about. HTH someone

X

Just wanted to pop on and say sorry Madem such a crappy thing to happen

Happy birthday Kayleigh and MissA. Sorry Brian might need surgery hopefully it's something straightforward.

Christmas shopping to do tomorrow as I'm working most of next week. Trying to get in the holiday spirit but I'm not really feeling it this year. Plenty more Christmases ahead though

Madem, so sorry to hear you've MCd, sending you big hugs. If you had a feeling ... then that's it, MC out of the way now, that means next time it will stick. Time to have a few Christmas drinks and look forward to seeing the back of 2014.
Anna I hope last night went well and you went for the whisky option rather than puking!
missA thinking of you on 24th. Bittersweet cuddles with 'J' on that day.

AF finally arrived today (only a 38 day cycle, grrr), so I'll be on the TTC bus in Jan, along with some of you other lovely ladies.

Time to get on with a bit of present wrapping!
x

Sorry not to namecheck, bit of a quick post. Brian was diagnosed with Joint Hypermobility Syndrome in 2012. In June 2013 we found out his ankles, knees, wrists and fingers were affected (we were first told it was just his ankles affected). We had a physiotherapy review appointment yesterday and the physiotherapist has told us Brian now has hypermobility in most of his joints. His hips are very badly affected (i felt sick when the physio showed us just how far she could manipulate his hip joints), so the upshot is that if he's still as unstable or if it's causing him pain by the time he's 7 they'll be operating on him

Love to all xx

MademG, sorry to hear about your MC, I hope you are doing ok. I miscarried the month before this pregnancy. Hope this gives you a little bit of hope. X

Sorry to hear about mc madam. I was certain this was your month. If it helps, I read somewhere that you are more fertile in the first few months after a mc, so fingers crossed for 2015.

Cake, did they give any indication of when your consultation would be? They told me at the hospital on the day I gave birth that I would see consultant in around 6 weeks, as they would have to wait for blood results and placenta results to come back. By the time I got a letter off them and a date, it had been 12 weeks. I refused pm. There was a true knot in the cord, so they said this was likely to be the cause. I got the whole just bad luck spiel with how rare it happens. But 3 months after, a friend lost her baby at 35weeks too. Week 35 seems to be the unluckiest week. I am 1 of 3 people ithis happened to that I know of so far.

Afterwards, I felt hounded by the mw team to have councilling. Even the mw when I became pregnant again started on it. Every other week she would casually drop it in. They couldnt understand why I didnt wNt to attend these sessions when they were on at the baby clinic of all places. Does anyone else think its a stupid place to have them?

This christmas im having mixed feelings about. Im happy its babys first and older dd gets to share it with a sister for the first time. The other part of me is sad that our angel is missing it for a second time.

as strange as it sounds, I like to think she visits us, because the baby will stare over my shoulder sometimes and start laughing at nothing.

Hoping everyone has a better next year. Wishing everyone ttc a bfp for 2015

Hi ladies, sorry for not name checking in advance but just saw mademoiselle's news. Honey I am so sorry. I agree a mc is nothing like our later losses but for me it really plunged me into despair and darkness after the initial self protective robotic shock mode wore off and I just wanted to say we are here for you. It compounds your grief for G and is just awful. Sending you love. So sorry this has happened.

Kayleigh how worrying about Brian, hope he is getting good care. Poor you.

Love to everyone else, will post more later, have gotten very behind. Missalex I will be thinking of precious A and sending up a prayer for her on Christmas Eve.

kayleigh I'm sorry to hear about Brian, that must be incredibly stressful for you and do hope you're getting good care. I had a similar experience with my dd who was born with a severe case of hip dyspraxia, not quite the same as Brian but it was something that dominated her early months, she was in a rigid hip harness and had a lot of physio. She was also headed for surgery if things didn't improve. I just wanted to say that she's just officially been discharged from orthopaedic reviews as her hips are now just fine, so things can go really well, little people are amazingly responsive to physio etc so I am keeping everything crossed for a positive outcome for Brian xx

tahunny thank you, I'm still waiting an obstetric consultant appointment but my GP chased it and they promised I would get a date early in the new year. My lovely gp is making it her personal mission to hound them about it! We have a neonatal consultant review on 9th jan so I'm pleased to have that date. Strange how the nhs isn't joined up though as it would make a lot more sense to see neonatal and obstetrics together. We had another session with psychologist last week which my dh and I are finding really helpful - we are lucky to have access to the senior clinical psychologist at our hospital who specialises in neonatal / parents of sick children. She is really fantastic and for me a little more useful that a standard counsellor - I know there are some good ones out there but there is something very reassuring about seeing a qualified medical professional who can tell us if we are turning into total basket cases or not! Each to their own, it's not for everyone but I'm glad we gave it a go as it is helping and we can keep seeing her as long as we like.

Waves and hugs to everyone else xx