Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

[missalexandra]

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

MissA I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this and at such a stressful time. I hope things are going smoothly for you and this is definitely not a bad omen for you.
It may be worth letting your midwife know what happened perhaps they can fit in some extra reassurance visits! Lots of love

Thank you ladies for your kind messages. Thankfully my sister is taking care of the practical side of things. I'm trying to be positive, not having much success though. Love to all x

Oh Missa I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You will get through this I promise.

Oh MissA... How terribly sad and heartbreaking. I'm so, so terribly sorry for your loss. I really am. I don't really know what to say or how to offer support but please know that my heart broke for you when I read this and I'm in tears at how sad you must be right now. So, so sorry. Look after yourself xxx

Missalex am thinking of you still. Glad your sister is helping and I so hope that you are getting some real life support. Can you tell us a bit about your lovely dad? He sounds wonderful and I'm so glad that he 'got' what happened to you. That love and understanding is so precious.

AFM I tested yesterday, v early at 10dpo, just couldn't take the worry and stress of waiting and not knowing. Test was positive. Still v v nervous about another mc but v grateful to at least have a chance at a twibling for J.

Oh critter - how bloody marvellous!!!! I'm literally jumping up and down in joy for you, I so needed to hear good news like these today!
How are you feeling? I want to hug you (gently) I'm so excited for you!!

MissA thinking of you. My mum has been a nuisance lately but then I suddenly remembered that we should never take anything for granted and always be grateful for the people around us. At least I have her... I hope you're doing ok and that the funeral planning is going to plan. I'm so sorry that you have to experience such pain and that your dad won't be here to meet your rainbow. He will no doubt be casting loving glances at your baby and protecting it with all his love. Thinking of you and your family xx

Critter oh I am so so so pleased for you, that is just fantastic news just take things day by day or hour by hour dont even think too far head. For the time being your little bean is snuggling in nicely and growing by the moment. Huge congrats to you and Mr Critter!

My Dad was normally a very reserved man, I only saw the more sensitive side of him really after losing A. I think he was able to understand my pain and grief because he himself had such a hard time coping after we lost Mum 12 years ago. He was always willing to listen to me talk about A and in fact was the only person who constantly asked how I was feeling without telling me to "pull myself together" or "just try and forget". I will miss him so badly but will make sure our little man knows all about his lovely Granddad.

Thank you all for being so kind xx

Madem our posts crossed over. Yes its sometimes easy to forget that nothing and nobody is around forever, and to let people know how much they mean to us. There are so many things I wish I'd said to Dad the last time we spoke, but that can never be now. So tell your Mum you love her even if she is a nuisance! x

Absoloutely excellent news critter . So happy for you! .

Hope you are doing ok missa. Not long now

Waves to everyone x

I just cried reading that last post missA. She's right next to me and so irritating (only because we've spent every minute together in the last 4 days/nights as we went away and only had one hotel room to share. Totally not an actual problem, I know that!) right now but I love her so dearly nonetheless and would be so lost without her!

Critter how are you doing? I'm just recovering from your awesome news.

AFM: 3 dpo I think. Please please please please please please please let me be pregnant...

I just cried reading that last post missA. She's right next to me and so irritating (only because we've spent every minute together in the last 4 days/nights as we went away and only had one hotel room to share. Totally not an actual problem, I know that!) right now but I love her so dearly nonetheless and would be so lost without her!

Critter how are you doing? I'm just recovering from your awesome news. What's the next step? Do you get early scans etc?

AFM: 3 dpo I think. Please please please please please please please let me be pregnant...

madem my official pregnancy blood test isn't until Friday - it's really, really early (still only 11dpo). If it sticks, I will have an early scan at the fertility clinic at 6 weeks to check for a heartbeat. Can't see beyond that - just trying to take missalex's advice and just take it hour by hour as it is still so early, and I'm horribly worried that it may not stick again.

missalex your dad sounds incredibly special - loving and gentle and kind. I know your poor heart must be broken right now. I wish you had your parents' support and weren't having to deal with this without their physical presence. I also know he would be really proud of how you are coping with the huge amount of stress you're under. And I am sure that you will pass on his beautiful qualities to his little grandson.

Thanks for the kind congrats ladies. May there be sticky BFPs and healthy rainbow arrivals for us all.

Of course - sorry for the hysterical overexcitement, I'm totally projecting but I'd be exactly the same. I'm still in two minds about whether to test early or not. Someone on another thread just had a chemical pregnancy and id be so gutted, I am trying very hard to fool my brain into forgetting when to test do o will only test when I know for sure AF is late.
But today, you are pregnant. May this be the start of an incredibly happy and positive journey x

Critter, quiet and gentle congratulations for you. I'm praying for a sticky one and a heartbeat in a couple of weeks time. Come on Twibling!

Mad, I hope this is your month, fingers crossed.

MissA, your dad sounds so lovely, I can't believe that you have to deal with this sadness on top of all your worry. Not too long to go for little one now (although I'm sure it feels like ages). I had absolutely zero plans past my due date with M, I couldn't dare to think what life might be like, my entire focus was getting to that date. It was exhausting. Thinking of you so much.

critter i'm wishing you a quiet congratulations

MissA i've been thinking of you and your family lots, and i hope you're taking care of yourself . Your Dad sounds like a lovely man.

madem i really hope this is your month, i'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

AFM not really sure where my head's at right now. I've found out that DH has been confiding in a woman he works with about how he's been feeling about Ben. In a way i feel cheated, because surely i should have been the person he spoke to (or am i being unreasonable here?). I'm unsure whether we should put TTC on hold for a while now . He's got a couple of days off work now so i think we'll be having a full and frank talk about where things stand.

Love to all xx

Kayleigh-I'm sorry you're feeling a bit confused and hurt. For what it's worth I would feel the same as you, but I'm not sure why. From a rational point of view it is good that he is talking about his feelings and perhaps he doesn't want to burden you/make you worry when you already have your own feelings to digest and then worry about Brian and school and things with your mum as well? But none of that rational stuff really comes into play when it has hurt your feelings anyway does it? I hope you manage to have a heart to heart over the next couple of days. Sorry for the ramblings, I'm not very articulate at 2am! Thinking of you x

Kayleigh I am sorry and I agree with earth- I would be a bit upset about this too, although I can see why it might happen if he is trying not to burden you with things. I talk about my feelings a lot and my DH isn't a talker so sometimes I assume he's ok when he isn't. In a way I wish he had more people to confide in who were outside the situation and who he didn't have to worry about upsetting. But I would be a bit uncomfortable too if it were all just one woman at work and would definitely want to talk about it with him. Has he had any counseling? I hope your conversation today goes well - you're doing the right thing which is to keep talking. Hugs to you.

Kayleigh so sorry to hear about your worries over your DH. I agree with Earth and Critter, it may just be that he doesnt want to burden you any more than you already are and finds it easier to talk to someone "neutral". But I too would be upset and want him to explain himself fully. This nightmare takes such a heavy toll on both parents seperately, but also on their relationship. The only thing to do is keep talking, so well done for trying to keep communications between you and DH open. Big hugs x

Madem so hope this is your time x

Critter nurturing sticky vibes for you x

Earth thanks for thinking of us x

Hugs to everyone x

Thanks earth critter and missa. I can understand what you're saying about him not wanting to burden me with it. I can't seem to think straight about anything at the moment, so i'm just attempting to put one foot in front of the other for now.

Love to all xx

Sorry your feeling like that Kay I agree with the others, he probably doesn't want to add to your worries. My h is very much like that, he doesn't discuss his feelings at all with me.

Well I have a date.... 08/12/14 terrified

X

Gosh Ducky - how do you feel about that date then? It seems so very soon, although I am sure still too far away for you, in some ways...

Kayleigh I am sorry you're in a dark, confused place at the moment. All I can offer is hugs and the 'reassurance' that I too would feel quite unsettled and uncomfortable about this, but not sure if it's that rational. All I can say is that I am glad DH has sports / hobbies that keep him busy and sane. I know he finds it hard but at least having those ways to get rid of his frustration enables him to be there for me - quite a lot of the time. Right now though, as I am very, very emotional, he is just quite relieved I am seeing the grief counsellor Thursday.

Thoughts needed please: So I am seeing grief counsellor for the first time Thursday during my lunch break. Am supposed to have a fairly full on work afternoon afterwards. Is that unrealistic? Should I cancel and just go home after the session? What was your experience?

Missa, thinking of you lots xx

Sorry m I have no experience of the counciller so wouldn't know what to expect I suppose it can go either way, maybe you will feel some relief to discuss things with someone and able to go and do things after or you might feel like going home and relaxing.

Oh my god that was so useless! Sorry!

It so strange having a date, I had to just pick one aswell! Will only be 37+4 but am hoping everything works quickly.

Missa is next though so hopefully she can fill me in on what to expect!

Well done for getting your date Ducky, I found it helped to have a date to work towards.

Mad-personally, I wouldn't have been able to work after seeing the counsellor. As time went on and I saw her more often I probably could have, but at the beginning I felt drained and exhausted and sad after my sessions and could just go home and lie on the sofa. I am the sort of person who needs to work through my feelings of grief though, I'm not the type who finds it easier to cope by being busy.

Wow, so much news…

Critter, I saw your news earlier in the week - I have been thinking of you and wishing sticky vibes across the Atlantic. this is very good news, and all you need to do is tale things one day at a time. As others have said, today you are pregnant

Kayleigh - that situation with your DP would piss me off too. Hope your talk with him goes well.

Ducky - hurrah for a date! I hope the last month goes quickly for you.

Mademoiselle - no way could I have gone back to work after a bereavement session, I just wouldn't have had the concentration, sorry. Might be do-able if all you have to do is sit at a desk and ping back emails for the afternoon, but I certainly wouldn't schedule any important meetings.

AFM, I'm finding that not taking time off to mourn is really catching up now. I've had to email my line manager and ask for my workload to be reduced - not ideal, as I was hoping to impress them enough for them to extend my contract / make it permanent. Also waiting for an appointment with my GP, as my grief seems to be forcing itself out in a very physical way - constantly nauseous and shaking, can't concentrate, unable to spend time with other people etc. Hair also starting to fall out, which I remember happing after DD1, but it's just another physical reminder that I have a baby who is not here.

Betty, I'm sorry you are finding things so tough. The physical things you mention happened to me to, so whilst it is of course of zero comfort, I think it is all a normal course to steer.
I really hope that your manager is understanding about your workload and that the GP can help. Are you seeing the counsellor again? And are you managing to sleep?

AFM, my SIL had her baby on Sunday. It is a relief that it got here safely, but I've been feeling quite sad about it. She gets to keep her first born, and I didn't. On top of that I got live labour updates via text-literally cm by cm and then she has given her baby the same middle name as F. Needless to say, I'm finding it all a bit difficult. I'm trying to just shut it off but not really succeeding.