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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

995 replies

missalexandra · 09/09/2014 18:16

New thread ladies, hope it brings us all good luck.

OP posts:
missalexandra · 28/10/2014 09:21

Critter thinking of you today, got everything crossed for you! Sending sticky vibes Smile

Earth ok no probs. Was thinking of downloading the app but it seems everyone says its really rubbish!

Kayleigh hope youre ok now. Its really awful that feeling when you think youre going to faint isnt it. And even worse when you do and you come round with a circle of faces gawping down at you

How are the new rainbows and mums?

AFM had the latest scan/checkup yesterday and the amniotic fluid is still increasing, plus baby is still growing really fast - he now weighs 7.5lbs at 35 weeks Shock but at least we have an approximate date now - 11th or 12th of November. Feels like its still years away though.

Waves to all x

OP posts:
kayleighferrie1985 · 28/10/2014 09:28

Critter i'm keeping everything crossed for you today.

MissA i'm fine now thanks, as you said it's horrible feeling, i'm just glad i left the bar when i did. Glad you have an approximate date now, how many weeks will you be then?

Waves to all xx

EarthWindAnd9 · 28/10/2014 09:39

Thinking of you Critter.

MissA, I'm glad you've got a date to work towards. It must feel like an eternity but you are on the final countdown now.

Glad you're feeling ok Kayleigh

Ducky23 · 28/10/2014 10:33

Thanks so much blue the Doppler came today Grin just waiting for the gel! X

Critter thinking of you x

Missa not long now!!!! Am hoping I can get my date next week. Smile X

Have officially passed the time things went wrong with dd, it feels like a milestone. I keep thinking 'I've never been this pregnant before Shock'

Waves to everyone

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 28/10/2014 12:55

Hi all,

Critter - I never knew that grapes were poisonous to dogs! - glad you got them out in time. Wishing you luck for today as well x

Ducky - I hope that the Doppler helps with the anxiety a bit.

MissA - 11th or 12th is no-time! Your wriggly little (or big, from what you've said upthread!) baby will be here before you know it.

AFM am a bit down today - tested this morning and got a BFN. This was the second month of trying, and whilst I know the average time taken to conceive is something like six months to a year, both DDs were conceived on the first attempt, so this is really making me worry that something went wrong with me when DD2 was born, or even that I'm just too old now. My lecture yesterday went well, but it really took it out of me - I had to pull an almost all-nighter to get it together, and I just feel rubbish now. Have to do the same thing again in three weeks. Really don't know why I took this on when I've already been through so much this year. Its really weird meeting new colleagues and trying to make polite conversation when all I want to do is scream out 'my baby died six months ago'. Just before my lecturer was about to begin my boss was talking about her children and asked me if I had any, and I only mentioned DD1. (Usually I mention both daughters and say that DD2 died, but I really didn't want to start thinking about her seconds before speaking in front of a room full of people). Saw the uni councillor last week and she was surprisingly helpful - it was really useful just to dump all my emotions and worries on someone else and then be able to walk out of the room. Sorry this has turned into a bit of an essay - I'm using the thread for a bit of a dumping ground for things that I can't talk about in real life. Thanks for reading this far!

Ducky23 · 28/10/2014 14:28

Betty, sorry your having a down day Sad you have done very very well to do the seminar x

MademoiselleG · 28/10/2014 16:29

Oh betty - sorry you are feeling rubbish today. Rubbish doesn't even touch the sides of how you're feeling, I am sure, but you know what I mean. We done for doing the lecture. Well done for your stamina. Well done for your resilience. You have been incredibly strong to be able to pull it together and now you are mentally and physically exhausted; totally normal. I have such empathy for what you said about wanting to scream to new colleagues about your baby dying 6 months ago. That is exactly how I felt going back to work in September, 6 weeks after losing G (in very different circumstances, of course). It's hard. I can't be bothered with small talk, polite smiles and 'how are yous'. I am so pleased for you that the counsellor was helpful. Will you be seeing him/her again?

Sorry I have gone a little awol - again. Sometimes coming on here just makes me feel so much more sad all over again and I need to distance myself. 3 months down the line and I also begin to realise the ramifications of our grief - and how totally different it is to any of what you wonderful women have been through. Thank you for having all welcome me with open arms despite the very different circumstances in which we lost our baby. I think it began to hit me a few weeks ago just how much worse it would have been to lose him at the same-ish stage as you all. I can't even face thinking about it.

Not much happening here. I had my first, full on period a couple of weeks ago and should have ovulated at the week-end. Got the positive opks etc but my temperature only rose for 2 days, then plummeted again, so I don't think I ovulated. Part of me doesn't care, because I almost feel numb, but part of me is hurt all over again. I guess I don't really care when I get pregnant again, I just can't cope with this being in limbo anymore. I feel like my body is letting me down completely and I feel that my grief is preventing me from enjoying what I already have, i.e. my dd who will be 3 very soon. I wish I could just 'unplug' myself from the pain and the constant worrying and just be in the 'now' and enjoy what I have, rather than wishing the next two weeks away til I can test, or the next two weeks til we can ttc, then start all over again and suddenly 3 months have passed and my dd is not getting any younger.

I am also rambling. I find that grief has anaesthetised my brains and I am unable to be concise, to analyse, to think things through, to think full stop. I've become a slower, thicker and sadder version of my old self. Oh and more cynical and totally bitter too.

Wow. I guess I really did do the right thing when I called the bereavement midwife and asked for a counsellor appointment (next week) after all! Sorry thread - my dh just doesn't know what to say to me anymore and my friends seem to think I should have moved on.

kayleighferrie1985 · 28/10/2014 17:28

Ducky i imagine it's perfectly normal for you to feel like you've passed a milestone, i really hope the doppler helps with the anxiety.

Betty sorry you're feeling down at the moment. I can understand how you feel, as this month was 6 months and still no BFP. I was on the depo injection before Ben and it took 7-8 months of trying before i fell pregnant- i stupidly thought that with not being on any contraception i'd have concieved by now. You should feel proud of yourself for getting through your seminar.

Madem so sorry you're also having a rubbish time. We're all here to listen as and when you need to offload- i've really appreciated the ladies on here since i found you all. My DH sounds like yours, every month when AF comes he doesn't know what to do/say. He keeps saying i climb in myself, but that's what i do. I hope your appointment next week helps.

Love to all xx

CritterPants · 28/10/2014 17:52

Aw ladies I am so touched that you are all thinking of me. Thank you. You are such sweet and kind people to be so generous even in the depths of your own grief. The thaw and transfer went fine and I have an embryo from the same batch that created James safely on board. We'll see if it 'takes' this time - my witchy cousin predicted back in January that I would conceive a girl in October (at the time I thought 'But that's not for a whole nine months! And I would prefer a boy so I can have a carbon copy of the baby son I just had, please!') but now of course I hope with all my heart she's right.

I'm sorry to hear of movement panic and fear, sadness, work stress, and insensitive people expecting things to have moved on. I don't think any of us should worry about being 'bitter' or 'cynical'. We've been through a horrible, horrible trauma and it's natural for us to be keenly aware of what we've been robbed of. A very wise MNetter who lost her child in similar circs told me that the time in between losing her first and having her second was immensely painful and awful but in retrospect, that space was her first child's space. Even though the little girl wasn't there, it was her time to grieve her and think about her, before another sibling arrived. It's a nice way to look at it (although I confess that sometimes I don't want to think about James because it's too painful... then I feel guilty).

Anyway just wanted to send you all love. We are all doing everything we can to get through this. And it's more than the universe asks of most people, to survive losing their child. So it's enough to just get through each day. Flowers

MademoiselleG · 28/10/2014 20:09

Aw Critter your wise words just made me cry. And I realised I knew nothing of your transfer today and didn't wish you well. I wish you well with every single cell in my body xx

kayleighferrie1985 · 28/10/2014 21:20

critter the MNetter whose words you quoted was very wise as you say. Even though every time AF arrives i feel a little more defeated, but i live in the hope that when my time comes i'll be that little bit stronger. I'm glad the transfer went well, and i'll continue to keep everything crossed for you xx

EarthWindAnd9 · 30/10/2014 14:07

Hi everyone, how are you all?

I'm a bit rubbish with keeping up with the thread at the moment, so apologies for not replying to everyone and everything.

Betty, I'm glad the counsellor was helpful but sorry you are finding things tough. I can totally resonate with wanting to tell people your daughter died, I've often felt like I want a slogan on my t-shirt saying my son died. I've found the grief really isolating and I have changed, I'm not the person I was before.

Mad, you are 100% welcome here. We may have lost our babies in different circumstances, but we have still lost them and can find comfort in each other. You had an impossibly hard decision to make and if I were in your shoes I'm not sure I would have been able to be so selfless. You are an amazing and strong mother.

How are our pregnant ladies?

LakeOfDreams · 30/10/2014 17:23

Hi ladies hope everyone is doing well.
I had some training days at work last week. I learnt a lot mainly that saying you are coming back from mat leave is not a good idea when meeting new people!! Have decided I'm going to say compassionate leave from now on as then I won't get how old is the baby kind of questions. It was wonderful to be busy although it did feel very final turning up, I suppose I just felt it really is all over. We also got E's clay hand and foot prints and a photo that medical photograph took of her for us, it a lovely picture. Today we got the PM results which were inconclusive, the consultant wasn't able to say if E was little because she was supposed to be or because there had been a problem. All her organ were in proportion which apparently if there is a problem with blood flow the blood goes to the baby's vital organs which means they tend to be larger. She was around 1-5th on her centile chart which surprised me I knew she was little but she was 6lb 9oz which I didn't think was that little!! I asked why measuring my fundal height didn't show that she was little as I had hardly any bump throughout my pregnancy and she said it's a bit of a rubbish method but all we have right now.
She told me we are free to conceive and they'll scan me at 22-24 weeks and then at least every 4 weeks from then with a plan to induce me at 38 weeks. The whole appointment lasted about 10 minutes, I was expecting it to be inconclusive but wasn't expecting to feel guilty at letting them do a post mortem on her when it didn't show anything almost like I felt like I put her through that for no reason, stupid really.
Hope everyone's bumps are growing nicely and you are all coping well.

Ducky23 · 30/10/2014 18:35

Oh lake I hate them questions Hmm I remember my first day back at work and I was in a room full of people when someone shouted across the room quite loudly ohhhh how's the baby?! Everyone in there turned and looked and I ran out crying Sad good idea about saying compassionate. I hope your return has gone well apart from them questions. Your pm results sound very similar to ours, I don't know if it's better there was no cause (apparently it means tht it is less likely to happen again) or if they found something at least it was something for them to monitor. Confused

Where will you put the clay handprints?

Hope your feeling as ok as possible x

kayleighferrie1985 · 30/10/2014 20:32

Lake i think your decision to say you've been on compassionate leave is wise, although you may still get nosey so and so's asking questions. E's hand/foot prints sound lovely. DH's work paid for a lady to cast Ben's feet when he got to the funeral directors and we have them in the hallway in a frame. Where are you going to put E's? I can't remember how may weeks E was, but my oldest was 6lb 8oz when she was born and she arrived on her due date, and nobody mentioned anything to me about he being small Hmm. You've been told similar to me regarding another pregnancy it seems- have they mentioned extra midwife appointments to you also?

I hope all you lovely ladies are doing ok, love to all xx

LakeOfDreams · 30/10/2014 21:02

We put E's clay imprints on the book shelf, I was also given a kit that you bake in the oven from the midwife who looked after us over night. He did ink less prints and a clay one which opens like a book and has a picture on the other side and that's on my side of the bed and DH has the medical photograph pic up on his side!!
E was 9 days over due, the PM made me feel a bit better as I had a sweep on the Friday and the MW checked her heartbeat after and said "wow that seems to have stressed her out a bit" then when I went in on the Monday in labour they couldn't find her heart beat so I felt quite guilty for consenting to the sweep but she said it wasn't that!
Weirdly she didn't mention being seen by the midwife guess I'll talk to her if/when it happens for us, DH is convinced since we conceived E our first month of trying that it'll be that easy this time!!

CritterPants · 30/10/2014 23:09

Lake I didn't do a post mortem on James because I was thought we knew how he died - oxygen deprivation. Also at the time, I said 'we don't need to because we know what happened' and a young doctor said 'well we are a teaching hospital' which upset me as I felt like it implied she basically wanted to use my child as a teaching aide for students to show them what a dead newborn looked like. BUT now I actually regret not doing a PM. I feel like it might have provided some more crumbs of information. If you hadn't done it, you might be asking yourself why you didn't do it and whether there was something that was missed that you could have prevented. I guess I just say this to let you know - you did everything you could do, and it's in the nature of the mind to second guess oneself with these decisions. Please please don't feel guilty about your little girl who you love so much. All she knew was love, and as earth says, we make the best decisions we can based on the information available to us at the time. Flowers

earth have you read 'An Exact Fragment of a figment of my imagination'? The author is a writer who had a stillbirth and she talks about wanting to give new people a little printed card when she meets them that says 'my baby died'. This changes us. I am so sorry you have suffered so much with isolation - I really think you're such a beautiful person and I hate that losing F has made you feel isolated. Love to you.

missalex how are you doing?

CritterPants · 30/10/2014 23:10

Gah, reading over that my grammar is shocking! Blush Sorry all.

kayleighferrie1985 · 30/10/2014 23:12

Oh the keepsakes sound lovely lake, i'm glad the PM results were able to confirm the sweep wasn't what caused things. We chose not to have a PM, but i had to have blood tests done due to having a massive blood clot; and when the results from the bloods came back normal i also had a feeling of "well what happened." I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and your DH

missalexandra · 31/10/2014 10:07

Apologies for going AWOL and not responding to anyone. My Dad died two days ago and I'm feeling totally overwhelmed. He was one of the few people who I felt really "got" me after losing A...he was understanding and supportive, never pushing me to "move on" like everyone else. He was so excited about meeting his new grandson. Apart from the huge shock and grief it just feels like a really bad omen for us Sad

Will try and catch up soon, love to you all x

OP posts:
Ducky23 · 31/10/2014 10:19

Oh my gosh missa, so sorry to hear that Sad x

BettyFriedansLoveChild · 31/10/2014 13:17

Oh MissA, I am so sorry to hear that. It is absolutely NOT a bad omen, and your baby is going to be just fine. Life really seems to throw bad things at us just when we feel least well equipped to handle them. I hope that you are getting a lot of real life support and that other people are helping you to deal with the emotional and practical side of losing your father. Thinking of you and willing you strength x

CritterPants · 31/10/2014 13:38

Oh Missalex I am so terribly sorry. How awful. Why does the universe clobber people again and again, I will never understand it. I'm just devastated for you. Your precious son will have his granddaddy watching over him, this is not a bad omen for your baby, just another horrible tragedy that I wish you didn't have to suffer. I am so sorry sweetheart.

kayleighferrie1985 · 01/11/2014 00:59

MissA i just wanted to send my sincere condolences on your Dad's death Sad I hope you're getting lots of support in real life. You and your family will be in my thoughts, lots of love xx

EarthWindAnd9 · 01/11/2014 07:23

MissA, I am so so so so sorry that life has dealt you another shitty blow. What a terrible shock and of course so very very sad. It is absolutely NOT a bad omen for you and your little boy. I wish I could come round, give you a massive hug, cook you dinner and take some of your sadness, stress and anxiety away and hand over a lorry load of strength. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this, but I know that you can, take it a day at a time (or an hour if that's easier) and the days will pass slowly but surely. Lots of love xxx

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